The Midnight Sun (Burning World)
by UniquexMinds
Summary: Teagan McMillan and Dean Winchester have known each other for a long time. Will their lust turn into a brightly burning flame or will it die out before it grows to strong?


299

**Midnight Sun **

**Written By: Mara**

Chapter 1

I had cried for a split second when John and Bobby came over. "I'm sorry Teagan." John said. I nodded, my dad was gone. All that remained was the empty house, and his ashes. My whole senior year of high school lay in front of me. What was I going to do? I had no one and if the state found out I would be put into foster care. I couldn't do that.

Dean was standing back quietly. We had had numerous flings, but we weren't a "couple." We were just having fun, although he watched out for me like no one else ever had. We had decided it would be better if our feelings didn't get involved. If my dad or his dad would have known one of us would be dead.

"Why don't you come live with me?" Bobby asked. I shook my head, "No Bobby I can't do that. I have to finish school here." I looked at him as I wiped the last few tears away. "And what are you going to do if someone finds out?" John asked I shrugged, "I'll figure it out. Only difference now is my dad is dead." I said swallowing the knot in my chest. "Well you know if you ever need anything you can call." Bobby said. I nodded, "Thanks." I replied.

I grabbed my backpack and walked over to Dean. He gave me a hug, and as badly as I wanted to hold on to something familiar, I let go and began walking. "Hey let me take you home." He said catching up to me. I kept walking as I replied, "I don't know. Are you sure?" Dean looked at me like I had lost my mind, "Uh yeah, I'm pretty sure." He said smiling. "I don't know Dean, I don't want your dad getting suspicious." I said as I continued walking. "I'm pretty sure he'll understand."

Dean pulled up at my house and as he did I turned to him and said, "Hey thanks for the ride." "No problem, hey you mind if I come inside? I don't want to leave you by yourself." He said. "Uh, sure." I stammered. As we walked into the house, I hung my backpack on the hook by the door. "Hey I'm going to go change. You want to watch a movie?" I asked. "Yeah sounds good. Mind if I pick?" Dean asked. "Go ahead." I replied, walking up stairs.

I walked downstairs a few minutes later in baggy sweats and an oversized t-shirt. We were comfortable enough around each other that the way I was dressed didn't faze Dean. I sat down on one side of the couch, Dean on the other as the movie began playing. It was some stupid horror movie. I couldn't concentrate, I just kept thinking about the fact that my dad was gone. Forever. No waking up in the morning to find it was all just a dream. Just as I felt the tears begin, Dean grabbed me and wrapped his arms around me. "I may not always be here but you've always got me." He said. It was almost as if he had read my thoughts. I slightly smiled and replied, "Thanks."

That morning I woke up in Dean's arms. There was a pounding at the front door. I groaned and slowly got up. I went to the door and opened it slowly. There stood John. _Shit_. I thought. He looked pissed. "Where is Dean?" He asked. Just then Dean walked up behind me. "We need to talk. Now!" John said, fury lacing his voice. John stepped closer to Dean, "This is what you're doing since she lost her dad? You know better." "Nothing hap-." Dean began to say, but before he could finish John said, "Save it. I know how you are with girls." "Look, with all due respect, Dean is telling the truth. Nothing happened, he just kept me company. I didn't really want to be alone." I said, John looked at me in shock. "Are you sure?" he asked. I nodded, "Uh, yeah, I'm pretty sure." I replied. "Well we still need to leave. Come on Dean." John said motioning for Dean.

I ordered pizza for dinner and sat down at the table. I stared at the pizza for what seemed like forever when the phone rang. I quickly got up and answered it. It was Bobby checking in on me. The conversation didn't last long though. As I hung up I noticed a bottle of whiskey on the counter. I poured some in a glass and took a drink. The warmth of the whiskey spread in my chest. I smiled and took another drink.

My Senior year of high school came and went. Before I knew it I was 18. Today was graduation day. I had sent invitations to Bobby's address for him, John and Dean. I hadn't heard anything from any of them. I shrugged as I put on my clothes. I grabbed my cap and gown along with my messenger bag. When I got to the school there were parent's everywhere. I quickly went to the bathroom and put my gown on. When I looked in the mirror there were a group of girls pointing and laughing at me. "What the hell are you reject barbies laughing at?" I asked. They all shut up, looking shocked. "What the hell did you just say?" One of the girls asked. I laughed, "Well you are as stupid as you look." I replied and walked out.

The list seemed like it went on forever. The principal finally got to my name. "Teagan Lorelei McMillan." He announced. As I got to the stage all the students began booing. Out of their boos, I heard cheering. I threw my hands up and flipped the students off. Angry and shocked gasps came from everywhere. I smiled. I grabbed my diploma and hopped off the stage. As I went down the aisle to sit back down, I noticed Bobby, John and Dean sitting there. I had to take a double take as Dean gave me a thumbs up. I noticed John glare at him, and I smiled and returned his thumbs up.

After the ceremony was over, I was standing talking to Dean when the girls from the bathroom came up. "Aw look, it's the loser." She said laughing. I began laughing, "Really funny, maybe I am a loser, but at least I don't look like the factory fucked up when they were making me." I said. Dean looked as though he was trying not to laugh. She stood there speechless. "Oh I'm sorry, what was that? Hmm, yeah I figured you'd eventually shut up. What happened did your pull string break?" I asked, as I said that her parents walked up behind her. "What's going on here?" Her dad asked. "Sir, your daughter is a bully, and I was putting her in her place." I said. "Missy, is this true?" He asked. "No daddy, she started it. She called me a reject barbie." She said. I laughed, "Yeah I did, but maybe you should teach your mightier than thou daughter not to talk shit to people that aren't in her league. We can't all be spoiled and privileged pieces of shit." I said and walked away. As I turned to leave Dean followed me as I heard Missy's dad telling her right from wrong.

I got home and looked at the SOLD sign in the yard. I was finally starting my life. Away from all the loss, heartbreak and bullshit. Just then John pulled into the driveway. Dean sitting in the passenger seat, Bobby in the back. As Bobby got out I could tell he didn't look to happy. "What the hell was all that at the school?" Bobby asked. He didn't get a chance to talk to me after the ceremony. Which now, I was glad he didn't. "And what the hell is this?" John asked looking at the SOLD sign. "Well first of all that was me saying to all those assholes, 'good riddance' and that looks like a SOLD sign." I said looking straight at John. "Lose the smart ass attitude. You wouldn't have talked to your dad like that." John said. I laughed, "If he asked me a stupid question I would have." I said. "Have you been drinking?" Bobby asked. I nodded, "Everyday actually." I replied. Bobby groaned. "I knew I should have checked on you more." He said. "Bobby it's no ones fault." I said. "Look, yes, I sold the house. I need the money for college. I'm going to Kansas University for nursing." I said quickly. No one said anything. "I knew I shouldn't have said anything." I said as I walked inside.

Tempers faded out by the time everyone came inside. "So where are you going to live?" John asked. "Campus." I replied. He nodded "So you aren't going to hunt?" He asked. I laughed, "I've been hunting." I replied. "What?" Bobby asked angrily. "By yourself?" John asked. I nodded. "You could have gotten yourself killed." Bobby said. "I know, but I didn't." I replied. John and Bobby shook their heads. "Look this has been fun and all but I've got packing to do." I said, as I stood. "Mind if I help?" Dean asked. "That would be great actually." I replied. As John and Bobby left John looked at Dean and said, "Don't do anything stupid."

Dean and I had been packing for what seemed like forever, when he stopped me. "Were you serious earlier when you said you'd hunted by yourself?" He asked. I nodded. "Well be careful." he said. "By the way I loved what you did on the stage earlier." He said smiling. I laughed "Thanks." I said. Just then Master of Disaster by Seether came on. I quickly got up and turned it up. "Hey you want a beer?" I asked. "Sure." Dean replied.

I brought a couple of beers back and sat down on the floor. "So, why did you do that?" He asked. "Because people are assholes." I replied. "Well I get that, but you didn't have friends? What about a boyfriend?" He asked, taking a drink of his beer. I laughed, "No, neither." I said. He looked shocked, "As beautiful as you are you didn't have a boyfriend?" "No. I didn't want all the drama that goes with having a relationship in high school." I said. Before I knew what was happening he kissed me. I met his kiss. The next thing I knew, we were undressing each other hurriedly.

We had moved to my bedroom after our initial escapade in the living room. We were laying in my bed when I finally sat up and began to get dressed. "Is something wrong?" Dean asked. I looked at him fairly confused, "Remember this is how it works." I replied. "Maybe it shouldn't." He said. "What are you talking about?" I asked. "Come on Teag, don't you think we've been doing this long enough to see where a relationship would go?" He asked in reply. I was somewhat caught off guard. "Uh. Well, I, I don't know." I stammered. "Well one day I'm going to marry you. I don't know when, but I will." He said. "Wait, what? You're just saying that, right?" I asked. He laughed, "No. I mean it." He replied. "Why all of a sudden do you want to be in a relationship with me? You could have anyone but your choosing me?" I asked. I wasn't to sure he wasn't just messing with me, but I had to know. "Because I can be myself with you. I don't have to hide what I do." Dean said. I sat down on the bed. "Makes sense." "So what do you think?" He asked sounding nervous. I looked over to where he was propped up in bed. I slowly crawled across the bed and straddled him. "I say okay." I said smiling. For a second I thought he was holding his breath.

Dean was helping me load the U-Haul with everything from the house when John and Bobby showed up. I went inside and grabbed four beers and came back outside. I sat down on the porch with my beer when John came over and sat down beside me, "I see how he looks at you." He said, his words pulling me from my thoughts. "What?" I asked. "Dean, he looks at you the way I looked at his mother." He said. "Oh, well look, I'm sure you've figured it out, but we're close. This morning though he asked me to be in a relationship with him and I said yes." I said quickly. John laughed, "Well it's about time." He said. I looked at him in shock as he got up and walked over and began helping Dean load more stuff into the truck.

The truck was finally packed. I walked over to John and looked at him, "So what made you change your mind?" I asked. "About what?" "Remember after my dad died, you showed up here, about ready to kill Dean, thinking he had done something wrong. Why is now different?" I asked. "Because he told me how he really felt about you after we left, He may not have the greatest track record with relationships, but I know you'll straighten him out." He said smiling and walking away. "I'll call you as soon as I get settled." I said looking up at Dean. He nodded as he kissed me. When he pulled away he whispered, "I love you." Before I got the chance to reply he was walking away.

Chapter 2

Dean and I had dated for a couple of years, but we began drifting apart. Dean got Sam back into hunting and I was focusing on college. The year Dean and I broke up I was a sophomore in College, in the summer before my Junior year. I had suffered a miscarriage that I never told Dean about. I hadn't really seen him since we broke up. And I was never really sure how to tell him the bad news so I had decided to keep it to myself.

I had been hunting every chance I got, which wasn't often, but college came first. I had moved out of the apartment that year, and I was now living in a two bedroom apartment away from campus. After Dean and I broke up I never really had another boyfriend. Just flings.

Today however marked a new day on the journey of my life. Today I was no longer a college student. I was a graduate of nursing. There were no more long nights of studying, no drunken nights. I threw on a pair of skin tight, ripped blue jeans. A very low cut white t-shirt, my cleavage popping out of the top. I threw a plaid shirt on and buttoned it half way and ran my fingers through my curled hair.

I walked into the bar and sat down. I was ready to celebrate. I hadn't really had the chance since I graduated to celebrate. I was to busy putting in applications at hospitals all over the state. I ordered a rum on ice. I was sitting enjoying my drink when a guy walked up and sat down. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that he was turning towards me. Here we go, I thought to myself with a smile. "Mind if I buy you a drink?" He asked. "Not at all." I replied turning to face him. As I did my eyes widened in shock, "Dean?" I asked. "Teagan?" He asked in return. "Wow small world. I take it your here for the same reason I'm here?" I asked "Well actually I'm here with Sammy, I just noticed a pretty hot girl sitting here alone. Why are you here?" He asked. "I'm sure I'm here doing the same thing as you. Just not for girls." I said smiling. He looked at me rather shocked, "You mean to tell me you don't have a boyfriend?" He asked in reply. I laughed, "Uh, no. To much drama." I answered. He nodded, "So how's school going?" "Graduated a couple of weeks ago. Waiting for a hospital to call me for an interview." I said taking a sip of my rum. "You graduated? And you didn't let anyone know?" He asked sounding kind of disappointed. "I thought it would be better that way. Dean I haven't really talked to anyone from my past in two years. I wasn't really expecting to start now." I said. It was the truth. After Dean and I broke up, I wanted a fresh start. It may have hurt a lot of feelings, but I never felt guilty. "Well. That's kind of harsh don't you think?" He asked pulling me back to the here and now. "No. Not really. I've accomplished a lot. I've graduated, 4.0 GPA, plenty of choices on where to work. I'm normal for once." I said looking down at the bar. "Normal is boring." Dean said in response. "Is it? Have you tried it?" I asked. I instantly felt guilty. "Yeah I tried it once, and it was fun while it lasted." As he finished Sam walked up.

"Uh, sorry," He said and turned to Dean, "I need to talk to you for a second." "Hi Sam." I said. "Uh, hey, do I know you?" Sam asked. I laughed, "You used to." and with that I paid for my drink and walked away.

As I got to my car I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around and there stood Dean and Sam. "Sorry I didn't recognize you inside. You look so much different from when we were kids, but when Dean said your name I remembered you." Sam said. I smiled, "It's all good. I guess I do look a little different." I said. "A little?" I heard Dean mumble under his breath. I quickly looked at him, "Is there something you would like to say to me Dean? Or are you just going to keep it all to yourself like always?" I asked. "I take it you two were close?" Sam asked. "Were, being the key word. Things change though, people change." I said as I opened my car door. "It's mainly people who change right Teagan?" Dean said stepping up to my car and shutting the door before I could get in. "Yeah Dean it's normally the people. Sometimes people just realize that what they want is different from what they have." I said. "Is that what happened?" He asked. "Yes and no. That's what I made myself believe after you left, and then I realized I no longer needed to convince myself." Were we really rehashing old feelings? This was getting crazy. "Look this has been fun and all, but I've got to go." I said sarcastically. "Fine." Dean said and walked away. "Sam it was good seeing you again." I said and smiled. "Yeah you too." Sam replied.

As I walked into my apartment all I could think about was how stupid that conversation in the parking lot had been. I had loved Dean, but when we broke up I had to force myself to be okay. I never really felt the heartbreak or the loss. I just threw myself into school. It was a good distraction, but maybe I should have let myself go through the motions. Just as I was about to settle in to watch some late night television, there was a knock on my door. I opened it slowly and there stood Dean. For a split second I thought about just shutting the door and ignoring him but I didn't. "How did you find me?" I asked motioning him inside. "It wasn't hard. I followed you." He said. "Ah, okay that's a little stalkersih, but why did you find me?" I asked. "I think we both know we need to talk." He said. "About what? I don't think there's really anything to talk about anymore. Especially after tonight." I replied. "Maybe, but, I don't know. You seem like your still hurt." He said. I laughed. "Hurt? No. Dean yeah we broke up but that was two years ago. I'm all but hurt now. You broke up with me. Why? I don't know, but I poured my attention into school and I'm fine. Maybe two years ago I was hurting but to tell you the truth I'm not sure I really ever felt anything." I said it harsher than I had meant to. "So that's how you really feel?" He asked. "Dean you may have other girls heart broken over you, but I'm not them. Yes I loved you, but I don't hang on to feelings. I knew why you did it, and I understood. I have no hard feelings or anything. Sure a part of me tonight realized that I had missed you like crazy, but my life wouldn't be where it's at now if we would have stayed together. I know you know that it's true, because if I'm not mistaken you told me that you were just holding me back when you broke up with me." I finished and sat down. I felt defeated. I wasn't sure why, but I did. "Yeah I said that, and I was. You wanted college and a career, and this, this is my life and career. I knew if I stayed around, eventually you would feel like you had to choose. This crazy life or the life you wanted so badly." He said sitting down next to me. "Dean, yeah I have this life, but I hunted even after you left. Not often, but enough. I thought I was fine without you, but tonight is making me second guess myself. I just don't know. I didn't think I would be rehashing all these feelings anytime soon." I said and looked away from him. "Yeah well that makes two of us. You were the last person I expected to find at the bar." I could feel his eyes on me. "Look maybe things worked out the way they were supposed to you know? Maybe I need to live this life, by myself." I said. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. "Okay, well nice talk." He said as he headed for the door. I watched as he walked to his car, he looked back at me as he got in his car and drove away.

I woke up the next morning the conversation from the night before weighing on my mind. I took a quick shower and got dressed. I headed to the diner for a cup of coffee. As I walked in I noticed Dean and Sam sitting in a booth. Sam noticed me and half smiled. I smiled back and went and sat down in a booth far away from them. As I was sitting there drinking my coffee, Sam came walking over. I groaned quietly to myself. "Hey, mind if I join you?" He asked. "Sure." I replied. "So Dean told me about your history." He said. "Great, so what else do you need to know, after all that is what you came over here for right? Or did Dean send you?" I asked. Sam laughed, "Neither. I just don't understand I guess, but I'm not going to ask you anything. I just kind of wanted to talk to my best friend." He replied. "Thanks. Sorry, you know me. I hate talking about the past." I said smiling. At that moment a weight lifted off my chest.

Sam and I had been talking for a while when Dean walked over. He smiled at me, "You two having a good conversation?" He asked. Before Sam could answer him I said, "Yeah actually we were." Just then my phone rang and I answered it. It was a short conversation but when I hung up, I was happier than before I answered. "Sorry I've got to go." I replied as I stood, threw some money on the table and walked out.

The interview had gone great. I accepted the job at Saint Lukes Hospital in Kansas City. I would be working in the trauma center. Exactly where I wanted to be. I pulled into my driveway and went inside. There were so many things racing through my head. I didn't want to have to make the almost 45 minute drive every day so I needed to find a place in less than a week.

As I sat down with my laptop I heard a knock at the door. I looked at the clock in the kitchen. It was still fairly early, I thought as I closed my laptop and made my way to the door. I looked outside and groaned. I slowly answered the door. "What now?" I asked looking at Dean. As I finished, he put his hand gently on the back of my neck and kissed me. I gently pulled away and looked at him, and asked, "What the hell was that?" I asked. "I'm sorry. I wanted to do that last night but I didn't." He said looking at me. I motioned him inside. As soon as he shut the door I kissed him. He grabbed my hips and picked me up. "You know we shouldn't do this right?" I asked. "Yeah, but I don't give a damn anymore." He replied.

We lay in my bed, his arm around me, my head on his chest. We were tangled in the sheet. I had missed this. "I don't know what to do anymore." Dean said. "What do you mean?" I asked looking up at him. "For the last two years, you are the only person I see when I shouldn't. You're all I think about. I know I messed up and I know you've moved on, but when I saw you in the bar I knew I had to make things right. I just don't know how." He said. "Dean I loved you. I'll always love you, I just don't know anymore either. Especially now." I said quietly. "What does that mean?" He asked. "Well I had an interview today. That call I got at the diner that's why I left in a hurry. I'm moving to Kansas City in a little under a week and starting in the trauma center." I said. "Congratulations. Same old Teagan, helping people, but being surrounded by everything horrible." He said laughing. I laughed. He did have a point. "Yeah I guess I'm a little fucked up." "No, your perfect." he said kissing me.

What the hell am I doing? I asked myself as I took a shower. Dean was still asleep. I quickly finished my shower, threw on a pair of blue jeans and a dark gray t-shirt. As I walked out of the bathroom I noticed he was sitting up tying his shoes. "Hey sorry, I'm leaving." He said. "Dean?" I asked. He looked at me in response. "What are we doing?" I asked. "Teagan, I don't know. It's all in your hands. I told you how I feel, hell I showed you how I feel. So it's up to you now to let me now what we're doing." He answered. "I'm not sure. Dean I haven't seen you in two years. Now all of a sudden in the span of what, two days, we're back to the way we were before we decided to give a relationship a try. I'm not sure I'm ready yet." I said. "I get it." He said as he stood up, kissed me, and walked away.

Dean had left, and I was sitting on my bed trying to collect my thoughts. I felt like I wanted to cry, but I knew I was stronger than that. I went downstairs and grabbed my laptop and made my way back to my bedroom. I flopped down on my bed, and opened my computer. I began searching for houses once again. There were several. I made a few quick phone calls and set up appointments to look at them all tomorrow. I was feeling nervous and a little excited. I went down to a local grocery store and asked the manager for cardboard boxes. He gave me several, I took them home and began packing. I had the entire second bedroom which I used as an office packed, when my cell phone began to ring. I quickly answered and it was the hospital calling. They wanted to know if I needed any help finding a place to live, which I declined. I think I pretty much had things under control, but I would let them know if I didn't find an apartment in a few days. I stopped packing long enough to get a quick bite to eat and went back at it. By the time I finished I had the second bedroom, the non-important living room furniture, and the non-important kitchen items packed. I was proud of myself for getting so much accomplished by myself.

The entire time I was packing though, I couldn't get Dean out of my head. _What do I do?_ I asked myself. _Do I say yes and hope this next relationship is forever? Or do I just give myself time?_ I had to push my thoughts to the back burner of my brain for a while. It was all so overwhelming and so exhausting. I looked at the clock on the living room wall. _Geez, where did all the time go?_ I thought. It was already approaching midnight. I turned the stereo off and made sure all the doors and windows were locked and went to bed.

The next morning I woke up early, took a shower, threw on some clothes and headed for the door. I stopped at the diner and grabbed a cup of hot tea to go and noticed Dean and Sam were sitting in the booth they had been sitting in the day before. I quickly took my tea, paid and left. I really didn't want to deal with either of them right now. Sam hadn't done anything, Dean either, but I just didn't want today to go to shit. I got in my car and began the 45 minute drive to Kansas City.

The first apartment I looked at was beautiful and well within my price range, but I wanted to keep an open mind and looked at the other two. The second was a town home, right on the water. I definitely fell in love, I knew I needed a house, something I could be in, potentially, forever. Now the third apartment I looked at was hideous. I hated it. I asked the real estate agent if I could give her a call that night to let her know what I had decided and she agreed. I drove back to Lawrence and went home. As I pulled into the driveway I noticed Deans car parked in front. I groaned and went inside. I threw my keys on the counter and went into the living room. There on the coffee table were flowers and he was sitting on the couch. "I kind of figured you would make yourself at home." I said smiling. "So you remember?" He asked. "How could I forget how many times you broke into my dad's house and waited for me after school?" I asked. He laughed, "Well after our conversations I was expecting you to have forgotten all about me." He said looking at me seriously. "Dean, just because I didn't hurt like I should have, doesn't mean I forgot about you. Honestly, all I've thought about today has been you. I'm just still not sure what I want. I'm not going to lie, I want a normal life, but I do miss hunting sometimes. I just want to have my career, hunt locally when and if I can, maybe someday get married and have kids. Dean I don't want to be gone all the time. And sometimes I wonder if I want someone whose going to be gone all the time." I said sitting down next to him. I could feel the tears. I knew now why I was scared to go back to being us. I didn't want to have someone that reminded me so much of my dad and be gone all the time. "Fair enough. I know I'm gone, all the time, but remember when we first decided to give ourselves a chance and I told you I would marry you one day. I'm not giving up on that. Teagan I may do this forever, but if I do, I want you to be the one right there sharing in my forever with me." He said looking at me. He looked like the Dean who asked me that night, years ago, if I would be his girlfriend.

We sat there in silence for what seemed like eternity. "By the way, those are beautiful flowers." I said. He smiled, "First time for everything right Teag?" He asked. I laughed, "Yeah I guess so." I said. What was I going to do? "Oh, hey! Want to go look at a house with me tomorrow?" I asked. "Sure, where?" He asked. "Kansas City. Let me go make a phone call really fast." I said as I stood and walked into the kitchen. "Hey Karen, I want that town home, but can I show a friend tomorrow first? We'll probably be sharing it, but can I just have my name on the lease for now?" I asked. "Sure, can you be here at nine in the morning?" Karen asked. "Yes, that'll be great, thanks!" I exclaimed and hung up. I walked back into the living room and Dean was sitting there, waiting patiently. I laughed as I sat down, "You look lost." I said. "I feel lost. Here I am trying my hardest to get you back and I'm just stuck in the in between." He said. "I know, I'm sorry. Look, I'll make you a deal, let me sleep on it and I'll let you know tomorrow. Just know that if I decide to go with this, I know what you do, and you can not use that as an excuse, _ever_ to break up with me." I said and smiled. "Got it." he said smiling back.

I got up super early the next morning. Dean had stayed with me. For once we didn't have sex, we just slept. Dean had let Sam know where he would be. I was up, showered, dressed, and making breakfast when Dean came downstairs. "Something smells good." He said. I smiled, "Breakfast." I said as I put our food on plates. We ate and talked a little, when I noticed it was time to go. "It's only a 45 minute drive, and you have to be there at 9? Why are we leaving so early?" He asked. I laughed, "Because I like to be early, and it's not exactly in Kansas city, it's in Lenexa." I replied. "Okay." He said. As I locked up the house and went to walk out to my car, Dean looked at me and shook his head, "Nope, I'm driving." He said smiling. "Fine, this time." I said.

We pulled up in front of the town house. "This is it?" Dean asked, looking at me. I nodded, "Yes, this is it." I said. "Kind of cookie cutter don't you think?" He asked. "A little, yeah, but it's beautiful inside." I said. "If you say so." He replied as we got out of the car. Just then Karen drove up and parked. As she got out of the car, she smiled at me, "So this is your friend?" She asked. Dean looked hurt, but I had to ignore him. "Yes." I replied. "Okay, let me show you two the house." She said as we all walked up to the front door and we went inside.

After we had looked at the house I had asked Karen to give us a few minutes. "So what do you think?" I asked Dean. "Isn't it a little big for just you?" He asked. "No, I'm looking at this as a long term thing. I'll be working a lot, and it would be nice to come to a home, not an apartment." I said looking at him. I was full of nerves right now. "Well if you like it, by the way why did you want to show me this place?" He asked. "Well, uh, because. Look fine, I want to give us another shot, seriously, and this is the place I want you and Sam to come to on your down time. No more hotels and crap. You both need a house, and a clean place to go. No shady places. If we're going to be together, I have _one_ stipulation." I said quickly. Dean looked at me in shock, "What?" He asked. "We're in this for a while. I love you Dean, I always have, and when we talked last, I realized why I didn't want to be with you for so long, because my dad did what you do and look where it got him. I'm not asking you to stop. Don't think that, it just scares me." I said. He stood there and looked out at the water. "Okay, well did you change your mind about being with me?" I asked. He laughed, "No, I'm just speechless and trying to figure out a way to tell Sam." He said. I laughed. "Oh, okay." I replied.

We met up with Karen inside, "Okay, so obviously I want this place." I said. She smiled, "That's why I brought these," She said pulling out papers and keys. I laughed. "So I have one question, if I wanted to maybe update the appliances eventually, or paint can I?" I asked. "I don't see why not. It should be fine. Just as you know, keep the noise down." She said looking at me. "Trust me, I don't party. I'll be working nights mostly anyways, so no one has to worry about any noise." I said. "Great." She said smiling. I quickly signed the papers and handed her a check for the first months rent and deposit.

When we got back to Lawrence I knew I needed to finish packing. Dean seemed happier since I told him what I finally decided. I was happier. I was ready for this adventure. He went and picked Sam up and they came over for lunch. I made spaghetti, and after we had finished eating Dean decided to help me pack some more stuff. Dean and Sam were packing the rest of the stuff in the living room and I was in my bedroom packing. As I was putting decorations in a box, Dean walked in. "Hey we're done downstairs, I let Sam take a break while I came up here to help you." He said. "Thank you." I said and kissed him. He smiled and returned my kiss. As we were packing things into boxes out of my closet, a scrapbook fell off the shelf and landed on the floor. I continued to pack as Dean bent down and grabbed it. "Uh, Teagan, what is this?" He asked. I looked down and I froze. "Uh, well, I guess now is a good time to talk again huh?" I asked. For a second I thought all the blood left his face. I took the book from him and sat down on the bed. He followed me. "Are those, what I think they are?" He asked. I nodded. "I thought you said you didn't have a boyfriend." He said, anger lacing his voice. "Dean, look at the date." I said quietly. "Okay, what about the date?" He asked. "It was yours." I said. I felt sick. I didn't want to do this now. "Wait, you were pregnant and you never told me?" He asked. He sounded furious. "I was five months when I lost the baby. I had just found out I was pregnant when we broke up. I didn't tell you because, well why should I? We weren't together, and the way we broke up, I didn't want to bother you. And honestly I haven't told you until now, because I haven't thought about it." I said. "You didn't want to bother me? Teagan, you were pregnant, with my baby, it wouldn't have bothered me. I would have helped you. Shit I probably would have married you -" I cut him off, "No, don't say that. I will never get married just because I get pregnant. If you would have done something like that, I wouldn't have agreed to it." I felt the tears. This part of my past I hadn't ever let go of. I didn't know how. I wasn't angry at Dean, I was angry at the fact that I had lost the baby. "Woah, it was going to be a girl?" He asked. I nodded as the tears began to flow. "I'm sorry." I said as I went downstairs and outside.

I was at my car when Dean came out behind me, the book still in his hand. "Hey, hey, come here." He said pulling me into his arms. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I never told you. I'm sorry, that, that I lost her. I'm just sorry." I said. I couldn't breath. The world was spinning. "Hey, it's okay. Things happen. At least you kept this, so when, and if, we have kids, we'll, or you will always have this reminder." He said. "Dean, you have to understand, I wanted more than anything, to have the baby. I didn't tell you, because I was afraid. We had just broken up when I found out. I was literally just a couple of weeks pregnant, I was already in my Junior year of college when I lost her. I didn't know, even then, if I should tell you. So I didn't. I didn't want to call you out of the blue, five months after we broke up, to tell you, 'Hey I'm sorry, but I just had a miscarriage and by the way it was a girl and you would have been the dad.' Tell me, how would you have really taken it? You would have been pissed off, you would have been scared, and we both would have made poor decisions and you know it. I realized that then, and I still realize it. I'm sorry I haven't told you since we've been talking, but I never really had the best time, what in the middle of a conversation just kind of randomly throw in, 'Oh hey, remember when you broke up with me? Yeah well I was pregnant and it was a girl, but obviously she didn't make it.' I'm so so sorry." I said. I felt jumbled on the inside, I was speaking to quickly. "Hey, calm down. It's okay Teag. I get it." He said running his fingers through my hair, kissing my head. The world began to stop spinning as I took slow breaths. "You said, I'll have this, no Dean, _we'll_ have this. Just because I kept it, doesn't mean it's just mine. It's yours too." I said.

When we got inside, I avoided Sam. I didn't want to talk about it anymore, so I went upstairs and continued packing. Dean had asked me outside if it would be okay to tell Sam. I told him it was fine, just that I wasn't really ready to answer any questions other than if he himself had any for me. Just as I was packing up the rest of my stuff other than my necessities Dean walked in. "Hey you want a beer?" He asked. I shook my head, "No thanks." I said quietly. It was getting late and I really didn't feel like having a beer. "Come here." Dean said as he sat down on the bed. I sat down beside him. "When you're ready to talk about it, I'll listen, but until then just know that I'm here for you. Okay?" He said. I nodded, "Okay." I replied.

I woke up early the next morning and finished packing up the rest of my things. I cooked a quick breakfast of bacon, eggs, potatoes and toast. There was a pot of coffee made when Sam and Dean came downstairs. "I could get used to this." Sam said. "Well Sammy, actually, yeah, get used to it." Dean said. I was sitting at the table looking at the paper as I looked up to watch this conversation. "What are you talking about Dean?" Sam asked. "Well Teagan is moving to a house and she wants to share it with us when we're in town. There's plenty of space." He said. I laughed before I meant to and Dean and Sam both looked at me. "What? For real?" Sam asked, looking at me. I nodded, "Yeah, I mean it's going to pretty much be your guys house because I'll be working nights for who knows how long. Just one thing, don't make it all masculine. As you can see, I don't have a whole lot of girly decorations, but I don't want it masculine either." I said smiling. Dean laughed. "What?" I asked. "You, God you are so different from other women." He said. I smiled, "Get used to it. By the way, the third bedroom will be an office, obviously you guys can do your research and stuff in there." I said smiling. "And, one last thing. I cook. I love to cook, so be prepared to eat when you guys are around." I said smiling and took a sip of my coffee. They had finished their breakfast, and we were all just sitting around at the table. "Okay, well I need to get some of this loaded up. I have something coming to the new house today and I have to be there for it." I said. Dean and Sam both looked at me like I was crazy, "Hey, Teagan, can I ask you something?" Dean asked. "Sure." I replied. "How do you have all this money?" He asked. "I've worked my ass off to save money, plus when my dad died and I moved here I sold some stuff and just saved it. Plus, Dean, you're not the only one who can commit fraud." I said smiling as I walked away to begin loading things up.

We had finally gotten everything pretty well unpacked out of the truck at the new house. Just as I was beginning to put things away in mine and Deans room the doorbell rang. I opened the door and there stood two delivery guys. "Are you Teagan?" One asked. "Yeah." I replied. "Okay where do you want this stuff?" He asked. "Third bedroom upstairs." I said smiling and moving out of the way. Dean and Sam were watching me as I walked towards them. "What the hell is it?" Dean asked. "Well it's for Sam. He needed stuff for his new room didn't he? I can't have anyone sleeping on the floor." I said laughing. "Seriously Teagan?" Sam asked. "Seriously Sam. There's a bed, dresser, and a night stand. The rest is on you. I didn't know what kind of stuff you're into so you can have pictures or whatever. I don't know." I said. "Teagan, you didn't have to do that." Sam said quietly. "I know Sam, but I did. Not because I had to, but because I wanted to." I said as Dean put his arm around my shoulder. "Get used to it Sam. It's just how she is." He said kissing me on the cheek.

The delivery guys had set everything up and left. Sam went upstairs and laid down on his bed. Dean and Sam both looked happier. Dean had followed Sam upstairs and they were talking. I slowly walked up to Sam's door and knocked, "Hey, there's blankets and stuff in your closet. I didn't know what you wanted, so I just kind of grabbed stuff." I said "Thanks again." He said. "No problem." I replied as I walked down to the office. I had already finished my room. The desk was already in the office as I began unpacking books onto the book shelves. I quickly finished one box and moved on to another. In the box I opened there were pictures of me and my dad. Some of them were of us together and some of them were of us separately. I took one out of my dad and sat down and just stared at it. _Why did you have to leave dad? You would be so proud of me._ I thought to myself. As I put it back in the box and began taping it up I heard Dean ask, "Why are you re-taping the box?" I jumped a little, "Because, these are memories I don't want to relive every day." I said. "Why Teagan. Those look like good memories." He said. "Not to me. All of these pictures were of me and him on hunts together. I don't want to relive those moments." I said as I shoved the box into a corner. I stood up, "Hey, I think I'm going to go to the store, you need anything?" I asked. "No, I'm good." He said watching me. I nodded, "Okay. I'll be back in a while." I replied and headed downstairs.

I got home and noticed Dean's car was gone. I took all the bags inside and began putting everything away. As I finished up, Dean and Sam came walking in. "Hey, you're home." I said. "Yeah, we went and got beer. I noticed you were out, and you left your phone here." Dean said. I smiled and held up two six packs. "Damn." He said. I laughed. "Oh, hey, I picked up dinner. I hope you guys are fine with barbecue." I said. "I'm always fine with anything barbecue." Dean said. "Oh, and this, is for you." I said and held up a pie. He grabbed the pie and I took it back, "Nope. Dinner first." I said winking. "You drive a tough bargain, but I guess I can live with that." He said.

Dinner was finally cleaned up and the dishes were in the dishwasher. I went up to my room and laid down on the bed. I grabbed the album I had kept for mine and Dean's baby and opened it. I had left Dean in Sam to do their research so I knew I was okay for now. I slowly turned each page, and as I got to the last one Dean walked in. He came over and sat down on the bed and rubbed my back, "You okay?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah, just thinking." I replied. "About?" He asked. "What if everything would have turned out okay? Would we be here, like this, right now?" I asked in reply. "I don't know Teagan, probably. Only difference would be there would be a little girl here." He said. I nodded, "You know, she would be about a year old right now?" I asked. "Really?" He asked in reply. I nodded again. I slowly shut the album and stuck it in the drawer of my bedside table. "When your ready to try again we can." He said. I smiled, and kissed him. "Yeah but for now I just like the practice." I said as I kissed him again.

We were laying there, me in Dean's t-shirt, him in his boxers. My head was on his chest, his arm under and around me. "So, you're serious about eventually trying again?" He asked. I nodded and smiled, "I mean I just started my dream job and I don't want to get into it and be pregnant you know?" I asked. He nodded. "I'm still sorry I never told you." I said quietly. "Teagan, it's fine. I get it. I mean yeah, I wish you would have told me, but I kind of understand. Just let it go, stop apologizing okay?" He said. I nodded. "I just want to ask you something, if it's okay." He said. "Sure, anything." I replied. "Did you know what you wanted to name her?" He asked, looking down at me. I shook my head, "No, not really. I mean, obviously I don't have a mom, so naming her after my mom or something would have been difficult. I had thought about Sarah, but ew." I said. He laughed, "Yeah, I'm sorry, but good choice. Sarah is just so plain. Jessie would have been cute." He said. I smiled and looked up at him, "Really? I never thought of you ever having to pick out baby names. Please don't take that the wrong way." I said. "I get it, no I never really pictured myself being a dad either, but you have me thinking about things that I've never thought about before." He said, kissing my forehead. I smiled. "So, here's a question for you, what if she would have been a he?" I asked, kissing his chest gently. "I don't know, Michael? After your dad?" He asked. "Oh my god! Perfect idea, tell you what and you can say no, but if we were to ever have a little boy, Johnathan Michael. Both of our dads." I said propping myself up to look at him. "That's perfect." He said and kissed me.

I woke up the next morning to the smell of pancakes. I quickly set up and got dressed, throwing my hair into a messy bun. I had put on some tight black pants, brown leather riding boots, and a very low cut white t-shirt. I went downstairs quickly and found Sam and Dean were already up. "What the hell?" I asked. I felt so confused. "Hey, rise and shine." Dean said smiling. I felt hung over. I noticed there was coffee in the pot and grabbed a mug. "What time is it?" I asked. "8 am." Sam said. "And what are you two doing up?" I asked. They both laughed, "Well you've done so much for us. We did something for you. It's not much, but everything's unpacked and put away." Sam said. "Did you two even sleep last night?" I asked. "A little." Dean replied, I could see the twinkle in his eyes. I shook my head, "You guys realize you didn't have to do that right?" I asked. Dean nodded, "Yeah, but you're starting your job Monday, and we wanted to help." He said, almost sounding like a little kid. I laughed, "Well thank you. Seriously." I said as Dean brought over the plates.

Breakfast had been amazing. Sam had left to go out for a while. I told him to take my car. Dean and I were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said, "Teagan we're leaving tomorrow." I nodded, "Okay, I know why, obviously, but where are you going?" I asked. "Oregon." I nodded. "Okay, just please, please be careful." I said. "I don't know how long we'll be gone." He said. "I know." I replied. "God, it's still hard to realize that you're okay with this." He said. I laughed. "Well, get used to it. I mean it's going to be like I'm never home either. I'll be working Monday to Friday. I'll have Saturday and Sunday off. I won't come home at all during those times. Maybe for a few minutes to sleep, or I'll sleep at the hospital." I said. "Seriously? Isn't that going to be hard?" Dean asked. I shrugged, "Maybe, but I have to do this." I said. "No, I know. That just kind of threw me. So I'll get to see you what six days a month? I guess I can't complain, it'll be about as much as you would get to see me even if you didn't have this job." He said. I nodded. Just then there was a knock at the door. I looked at Dean curiously, as I grabbed my gun from the side table. I could tell he was smiling. I looked outside cautiously and noticed it was John. I put the safety on the gun and opened the door. "Teagan, I need to talk to Dean." He said hurriedly. "Okay, come in." I said, but before I had finished John was already inside and him and Dean were headed upstairs. I shrugged, shut the door and sat back down on the couch.

It seemed like Dean and John where upstairs forever. I went out back and sat down with a beer by the water. Just as I opened my book I heard a door open and shut. I turned around and John, Dean and Sam all came walking out. I closed my book as Dean got closer. "Everything okay?" I asked. "Yeah." Dean said. "Okay." I replied. "Nice place, Teagan." John said. "Thanks." I replied. "So, Dean, I'm not stupid, I know your lying. Either tell me, or I find out on my own." I said, standing up. "Teagan, it's not really your deal." John said. "All due respect, it is my deal. Dean is my boyfriend, and as dysfunctional as the three of you are, your all the family I have, so yes, I think that does make this my deal. Like I said, either one of you tell me, or I find out on my own." I said crossing my arms. "Well, fine, let's go inside and I'll tell you." John said. I grabbed my beer and book and headed inside.

"So, the demon that killed your mom, is back?" I asked just to make sure I was hearing this all right. "Yeah." Dean said. "Okay, well get the son of a bitch. If I could go, you know I would." I said. "No!" Dean exclaimed. I understood. I was the only other person he had ever really loved, female wise anyways. "Okay, okay. Well you know I will be here when you get back. Well maybe not here," I said pointing at the floor, "but here." He nodded, "Look we need to leave tonight." John said. Dean looked at me, a slight sadness in his eyes. "Okay, give me a few minutes." He said looking at his dad. John nodded as he and Sam walked outside. "I love you Teagan." Dean said as soon as the front door shut. I smiled weakly, "I love you too." I replied. "I don't know how long we're going to be gone, but when I come back, I want to be with you for a while. Just you and me." He said. I nodded, "I will be with you as much as I can." I replied. He nodded, grabbed his bag and walked out the door.

Chapter 3

A Few Months Later

Dean had been gone for months. I hadn't heard much from him and I was beginning to worry. I shook my head, to clear those thoughts away as another patient came threw the trauma doors. It was a wreck. I hurried over and got all the information and helped the other nurses. Tonight was no different than any other night. Except tonight was Friday. All the drunk drivers were out. Tonight was almost always the deadliest night for trauma. Just then the nurse supervisor called me over. "Teagan, you've worked way past your shift, go home, get some rest." She said. "Are you sure? Let me at least finish up this patient and I'll leave." I replied. She smiled, "Okay."

I had just pulled into the driveway and walked inside when I heard the front door open. I walked quickly into the living room to find Dean walking in. I dropped my bag on the floor in shock. He smiled as he walked up to me and wrapped me in his arms. He finally let go and I looked at him and asked, "Why haven't you called?" I asked. "I'll explain, but right now, I just want to be with you." He said. "Wait, where's Sam?" I asked. "Giving us time." He said. I laughed, "Oh, okay. As long as both of you are okay." I said. As I said that he picked me up and gently pushed me against the closest wall. As soon as he did my hands were on his shoulders and we were kissing each other, passionately. He pulled my top off and threw it on the floor as he began walking upstairs. I smiled and whispered, "I missed you." He groaned and said, "I missed you too." As he got to our room he laid me down gently on the bed and positioned himself between my legs. I pulled his shirt off and began kissing his neck and chest.

We laid there, holding each other. My eyelids were so heavy, but I didn't want to go to sleep, I wanted to spend time with Dean. "So how's work been?" He asked. "Crazy, to say the least." I said smiling, "How's your work been going?" I asked. "Okay I guess." He replied. "What do you mean 'you guess?'" "Well, the job we were on, dad died." He said. I gasped, "What?" I asked, shocked. "Why didn't you call me?" I asked. "Because I didn't want to bother you." He said. "Seriously, you wouldn't have been bothering me. Dean I'm sorry." I said. "It's fine, it was his own damn fault." He replied. "Why do you say that?" I asked. "Because, I almost died so he pretty much took my place." He said. I sat straight up in bed, "What?" I asked. Terror gripping me. I glared at him, "And you didn't call me? What's the matter with you?" I asked. "There was a lot of shit Teagan. From me almost dying, to having to burn dad. Opening the gates to hell." He trailed off, "Wait what the hell did you just say?" I asked. "Yeah, we opened the gates of hell." He responded. I closed my eyes slowly, "You have got to be kidding me!" I exclaimed. "I know Teagan, I know." He said sitting up next to me. I sat there, not sure what to say next. "So I'm assuming you're going to have to do something completely fucking stupid to stop all of this right?" I asked. "Probably." He replied. I groaned, and shook my head. "Damnit Dean, I love you, but what the _hell_ am I going to do if I lose you?" I asked. "Move on?" He asked in reply. I quickly turned to face him, "Move on? Seriously, that's the answer your going to give me. Move on? Yeah, okay because it's so easy." I replied. "It seemed like you did a pretty good job the first time." He replied. I glared at him and stood up, throwing on a t-shirt. "Fuck you, I didn't move on, I suppressed. So not the same thing." I said as I threw on some sweats and went downstairs.

I was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a beer. I had cried, what Dean had said hurt. I never moved on, I just hid how I felt about the situation. For him to say that to me, what did that even mean? I shook my head as I heard him walking downstairs. He sat down at the table, "I'm sorry Teagan, I don't know what you want me to say. If you lose me, you'll have to move on with your life. We both know that. Maybe, maybe now's a good time to start, before one of us does get hurt." He said. "So what, you come here, fuck me and break up with me? Thanks Dean. That's awesome. I haven't heard from you in months, is this why?" I asked angrily. "Yeah a little bit. I don't want you getting hurt." He replied. "Oh, okay, you don't want me getting hurt by the fucking monsters we both have hunted, but you're just fine with hurting me yourself? You know what Dean, maybe I should start to move on. I think you should just leave." I said. "Teagan, wait, I don't know." He said. "I do, and I think you need to go." I replied and went back upstairs and locked the bedroom door.

I had sat in my room all night crying. I hadn't slept at all. When I noticed the light coming in the window I decided to get dressed. I quickly washed my face and slowly opened the bedroom door. I got downstairs and as I did the front door opened. In walked Sam, no Dean thank God. "Teagan, you look like shit, are you okay?" He asked. I slightly smiled, "Yeah." I replied quietly. "I know your lying." He replied. "Why, did Dean tell you what happened?" I asked. "No, I haven't seen Dean since he came over here yesterday after we got into town. Why, what happened?" He asked. "Well I guess Dean and I aren't together anymore. Honestly, I'm not sure what happened. He told me what happened and I asked him what I would do if I lost him and he told me to move on like I did before, and then it turned into a, 'maybe I should start moving on now.' So I told him fine and asked him to leave." I replied. "Oh." He said. I nodded, "So he didn't go back to where you were last night?" I asked. Sam shook his head, "No, I thought he was here." He replied. "Nope, I haven't seen him since I locked myself in my room last night. Want me to help you look for him?" I asked. "No, I think I know where he's at." He said. I nodded and headed for the kitchen. "Want me to bring him back here when I find him?" He asked. I shrugged, "I don't care anymore." I replied and grabbed a beer.

Sam had been gone for hours when my cell phone began to ring. I looked at it and Dean's name was on the screen. I sighed and answered, "Hello?" my voice shook. "Teagan, can we talk?" Dean asked. "About what Dean, I don't think there's much left to talk about." I replied. "I figured you would say that, can I at least come over?" He asked. "Do what you want." I replied and hung up. As soon as I sat the phone down the tears began to fall again. I went upstairs and grabbed a book off the shelf and headed to the living room. I sat down on the couch and opened the book. I tried so hard to concentrate but I could only think about the conversation with Dean. _Where we really done?_ I shook my head as tears welled up in my eyes once more. Just then there was a knock at the door. I slowly stood up and walked over. I looked outside cautiously and noticed Dean standing there. I opened the door and went back to the couch. I sat down and looked at my lap. "You've been crying." He said. "Oh I'm sorry, am I not supposed to do that either?" I asked. "Dammit Teagan, that's not what I meant." He said angrily. "Then Dean, please enlighten me to what you mean. Did I miss understand you last night to, when you told me that I needed to start moving on?" I asked. "I don't know Teagan, I feel like maybe that's the best thing to do. I don't want you to hurt because of me." He answered. "Oh, so us breaking up, isn't hurting me?" I asked. "Not just you, no." He replied, as I looked up I noticed he was looking straight at me. "Dean, I told you, that if we got back together I was in this for the long haul and now, after you being gone for who even knows how long you come back and tell me that I need to move on? I should have known. I should have known that everything that happened before would happen again. I mean come on, who am I fooling. Your Dean Winchester, a bad ass heart breaker. And I'm just Teagan, a girl that has loved you since forever but can't have you for whatever reason." I replied. He sat down beside me, "Is that how you feel?" He asked. "Yeah, that's how I feel. I know how you are, I mean really? It took you forever to ask me out the first time, and I catch myself wondering if it's because you were nervous or because you weren't sure if that's what you wanted." I said. "Teagan, I was nervous as hell. You are the only girl in the world that I have ever felt this way for." He replied. "Then why can't you let me be there for you? Why can't you trust in the fact that no matter what happens, I can take care of myself." I said. "That's exactly why we don't need to be together right now, is because I don't want you to have to take care of yourself. If something comes to get you, it's going to be my fault." He said. "So really I'm just a liability?" I asked. He groaned, "Dammit that's not what I'm saying." He said. "Then what are you saying?" I asked angrily, standing up. "I'm saying that I love you so much, that if something were to hurt you because of me I don't know what I would do." He said. I was so angry. I understood, but I was still hurt. "Fine. We'll do things your way." I said.

"Teagan, I don't want to have to do this, I don't." He said. "I think you do, but you know what, fine, take this at least." I said and shoved the album with the babies pictures in it at him. "No." He said. "Yes, I'm done playing games Dean. We're either together or we're not. There is no in between and there's no going back. If we stay together, we're together, if we break up, we stay broken up. I can't keep doing this." I said. "Seriously Teagan? Not even until I get this all under control?" He asked. "For what? So you can go out and find comfort with someone else that isn't me? No thanks. It's your call, either do or don't." I said crossing my arms in front of my chest and starring at him. "Why can't you understand?" He asked. Just then Sam walked in the front door. "I do understand, I understand that you are making the same stupid decision you made when you broke up with me when I was in college. You'll break up with me, realize that what you had was amazing and is gone and you'll come back and try to win me over. I'm done playing games though. If you want to be with me you'll be with me, if you want to clean up this whole fucking mess without me in your life, you'll do that." I said. I could tell Sam was watching from the kitchen. "I'm done Dean, you figure it out." I said as I headed up stairs. I was so angry. As I got to the bedroom I punched the door. I slammed the door shut and locked it. I grabbed the pictures from the small memory box I had put them in and dumped them out. I went into the study and found some of the papers Dean had saved and crumpled them up and threw them on the floor. I was hurt. _How could he do this again? _I asked myself. I could feel myself wanting to cry again. As I turned around I accidentally knocked the vase off the desk, that was holding the flowers Dean had give me, onto the floor. I heard footsteps on the stairs. Dean was the first one into the office, "Are you okay?" He asked. "I'm fucking fantastic." I said, fury lacing my voice as I turned and glared at him. I shoved past him and Sam and downstairs. "Teagan, wait!" Dean called out behind me.

I had jumped into my car and was speeding down the road, away from the house, away from Dean, away from this shitty new life that I thought I wanted. I didn't know where I was going to go, but I needed to go. My phone began ringing. I flipped it over so that I couldn't see the screen and continued driving. I was so done with all of this. How could he do this to me again? Had he even really wanted to be with me at all? My phone began ringing again. _Should I just toss it out the window? _I asked myself. I decided against it, but reached over and turned it off. I didn't need this right now, maybe ever. I had no friends I could go to, no family I could go to. I had no idea what I was going to do. I finally pulled into Kansas city and stopped at a local shop. I purchased a few things and began walking down the street.

I finally got back to the house and Dean and Sam were still there. I walked inside and on the radio was playing _The Memory _by _Mayday Parade. _Dean and Sam were both sitting on the couch, I walked past them, not making eye contact. I walked upstairs and into my bedroom. The pictures were still scattered on the floor. I walked on them to my closet. I began pulling clothes off the hangers and throwing them into a suitcase. Dean walked in, "What are you doing?" he asked. I couldn't answer him. I had no words left. As I went to put more clothes in the suitcase he grabbed my hand. I pulled away and looked at him. "Please Teagan, say something." He said. "I have nothing to say." I replied quietly. "At least tell me you got my missed calls." He said. I nodded, "Yeah, I actually thought about throwing my phone out of the car, but I didn't." I said. "I have never seen you this mad before." He said. I shrugged, "I'm not mad. I'm pissed. I'm hurt. I'm confused." I said. "I'm sorry. I know that I was wrong for telling you the things I told you." He said, sitting on the bed next to my suitcase. "Dean, don't. You aren't sorry. You meant those things, I know you did. I meant what I said to." I replied. "So we're done?" He asked. I shrugged, "You tell me. Either way, I need time." I said. "Look, I do want to be with you. Believe me, I just don't want you to get hurt because of me." He said. "I get it Dean, but I'm hurting either way. My heart is broken right now, as we speak. I'm not sure what I want right now. I don't know if I want you to stay or if I want you to go. I love you and I want to be with you, forever, but if this is all we're going to do, I don't want any of it." I said as I closed my suitcase. He pulled me to him, "You're not going anywhere, just stay, so we can talk." He said. I stood there in silence for a few minutes, "No, I run into you at a bar, you thought I was just some other nameless face that would be a good lay, and now we're back at square one. I don't think you want to be with me, I think you _thought _you wanted to be with me and then realized that, no, you really didn't." I said as I sat the suitcase down on the ground and looked at him. "No, that's not it at all. Yeah, okay, I really didn't think I would see my ex-girlfriend sitting there looking as good as you did, but you were there, and I really do want to be with you." He said. "Dean, I'm sorry, I just don't believe you." I said. "Fine, believe what you want." He said looking at me.

I had stayed in a hotel for that one night and came home. The work week began again, Dean and Sam left, again. I made them promise to call me, regardless. It seemed like the week had flown by at work. By the time I got home I was exhausted. Dean and Sam had gotten back into town Wednesday night. So while I was at work they were doing research. Sam had been acting strange and Dean wouldn't tell me anything, but I knew they were hiding something. I woke up Saturday morning, feeling rested. I went downstairs and found Dean sitting at the table, books opened in front of him. "Where's Sam?" I asked. "In the study." He replied, not taking his eyes off the book he had in front of him. "Okay." I replied as I grabbed a cup of coffee. "So you want to tell me what's going on with him, or should I figure it out on my own?" I asked. Things weren't yet the same as they were before our fight. "Teagan, I don't really want to talk about it." Dean said. I nodded and headed for the living room. I felt like in a way Dean was pushing me away.

Luckily I was off for a few days, and I had decided not to sit around in a house with people who wouldn't really talk to me. I had sat around long enough, trying to figure out what was going on with Sam and Dean when I finally just decided to give up. I went upstairs, took a quick shower and got dressed. I had put on skin tight gray jeans, black mid-calf boots, a dark red, very low cut shirt and grabbed my black leather jacket. I left my hair down, did my makeup and walked downstairs. When I walked into the kitchen and neither Sam nor Dean noticed me, I knew my suspicions were right. Dean especially was pushing me away. I cleared my throat, "Have you guys ate?" I asked. "Actually, no, we haven't." Sam answered. Dean never looked up. "Okay, well order pizza or something, there's money on the counter." I said as Sam looked up. His jaw dropped as he hit Dean on the arm. "What?" Dean asked angrily as he looked up. "Where are you going?" Dean asked. "Out." I said almost glaring at him.

As I got to my car I felt Dean's hand on my shoulder, "Wait Teagan." He said. "For what Dean?" I asked. "Look, I know I've been preoccupied lately, and I'm sorry. I just have to figure out a way to stop all of this. I'm sorry I haven't really talked to you." He said. I shrugged, "I can't say it's okay, because it hurts. I understand, believe me, I understand. I just wish sometimes you would understand that I'm here. That you aren't alone." I said. "I know, Teagan. Look, where are you going and I'll go with you?" He asked. "No Dean, I need to get out of this house and clear my head. Without you." I said as I got in my car and backed out of the driveway.

When I came home Dean was sitting on the couch. Sam was no where to be seen. "Hey where's Sam?" I asked. "Asleep." Dean said. "Okay, well I'm going to bed." I replied. "Hold on Teagan, can we talk?" Dean asked. "What is there to talk about?" I asked. "Well for one, I'm sorry. For two, you smell like booze. Why didn't you try to talk to me sooner?" Dean asked. I laughed, "I have tried talking to you, but I got one word answers or nothing at all. I just kind of feel like your pushing me away." I replied. "I'm not pushing you away." He said. "Well it feels like it, now I'm going to bed." I said and headed upstairs. Dean was right behind me. "So what, are you getting back at me now?" He asked. I shrugged, "No, Dean. I'm just tired. I'm tired of feeling useless, tired of feeling really. I'm just tired." I replied as I slipped my clothes off and put on a t-shirt and slipped into bed. "You have to understand, I'm not used to any of this. I'm trying my hardest to be who you want me to be and continue doing what I love." Dean said as he laid down beside me. "I don't want you to be anyone but yourself, but when what you love to do, becomes just that, the only thing you love. It scares me." I replied, tears filling my eyes. I was hoping he couldn't see how upset I was. "It's not the only thing I love. It may seem like that to you sometimes, and I'm sorry, but please. Don't cry." He said. I groaned. "What?" He asked. "You weren't supposed to see the tears." I said as I rolled over, facing away from him. He leaned over and whispered in my ear, "I will always see how hurt and upset you are, whether I acknowledge it or not Teagan. I love you to much to just push you away." He kissed me on the cheek and pulled me into his arms.

The next day I woke up to Dean still in bed with me. I smiled and slowly got up so that he wouldn't wake up. It didn't work out to well for me though, because as soon as I sat up, his eyes were open. "Jesus Christ, I can't sneak away if I need to." I said and smiled. "No, you can't." He said smiling back. I got up and went into the bathroom. I was looking in the mirror when Dean walked in, "We both know you're hot, no need to check yourself out." He said smiling, walking up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist. "Ha ha very funny." I said smiling. "Hey I'm going to take a shower and I'll be downstairs in a little while." He said. I nodded and walked out of the bathroom.

I was downstairs, sitting at the table in the kitchen, drinking hot tea when Dean and Sam both came downstairs. As they sat down, Sam opened his lap top and Dean opened John's journal. I sat my tea down and closed the journal and Sam's computer. "Not today. I know you guys want to stop this, but you know what I kind of made plans for us." I said. Dean gave me a questioning look. "Yes, I made plans. Neither of you are getting out of them, so don't even try. We, are going out tonight and Sam, I have someone I want you to meet." I said smiling. "Uh, what?" He asked. I laughed, "Not like a date, calm down. There's this chick that I work with, kind of reminds me of the female version of you. I told her to meet me at Yard House. Me and Kat have been there several times when you guys are gone. Amazing food. I picked it because there's something for all of us. You two can enjoy salads, while Dean and I enjoy something that actual humans eat." I said smiling. Dean and Sam laughed. "They have drinks too, so that way if I get bored I can drink myself to death. So, I have some stuff to do, you two do your thing, and then tonight we're going out." I said, standing. "I love you." Dean said smiling. I laughed, "You better, I'm the only one other than Sam who will put up with you." I said as I walked upstairs.

I came down a few minutes later wearing black jeans, a white t-shirt, and gray boots. Dean watched me as I walked around the house, grabbing my stuff. "What are you doing exactly?" He finally asked. "You have your secrets, I have mine." I replied and walked outside. Just as I was about to check the mail Sam came up to me. "Hey, Teagan, can I talk to you for a minute?" He asked. "Uh, sure. What's up?" I asked. "Look, I know you've been asking Dean what's wrong with me. He didn't tell me, I just know. Look, this isn't easy, but I've been having visions." He said. I just stood there looking at him, "Okay." I said. "Wait, what? You say that like you know I've been having visions." He said. "No, Sam, I didn't know. It's just nothing surprises me anymore. To let you in on a little secret though, you aren't the only one who has visions. I used to. I haven't had them in a while. Not sure why. Just know though, that if anytime you need to talk. I'm here." I said. "Wait, Teagan, seriously? Does Dean know?" He asked. I shook my head, "No, I've never told him. Please don't tell him. There's some other stuff that I used to be able to do to, but I haven't been able to in a long time." I replied. "Like what?" He asked. "Well for a couple of months, back my junior year of high school, right after my dad died I could see what other people saw. I couldn't read their thoughts or anything, but I could almost put myself inside them and see through their eyes. I don't know." I said. "Oh. That's weird." He said. I laughed, "Tell me about it. I'm glad it stopped." I replied as I began to walk back inside.

I had ran around doing a few things today when I finally called Kat. "So hey you're still meeting me at Yard House tonight right?" I asked. "Yeah, I wouldn't miss it." She said. "Good, because I have a surprise for you." I replied. "Uh oh." She said. "No, no, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. But hey I'll see you tonight." I said as we both hung up. I went inside, and looked at the clock. I still had plenty of time to try and find things to keep myself busy until we left. I went upstairs and was rummaging through my closet when Dean came in, "So you want to let me in on your secrets?" He asked. "Not really." I said as I grabbed a box. "What is that?" He asked. I laughed, "Pictures. I figured since you guys were busy I would keep myself busy looking through pictures." I replied. "Mind if I join you?" He asked. "Anytime." I said as I opened the box. There were pictures of me and friends from college. Pictures of my dad. When Dean saw a picture of me and a guy in college, he held it up. "And who is this?" He asked. "That's Nicholas/. He was just a friend." I said. "Oh yeah? You look really happy." He said. I smiled, "I was happy." I replied. "Are you this happy now?" He asked sounding concerned. "No." I replied. He put the picture down, "Oh." He replied. "Dean, I'm happier." I said looking at him. He looked at me. "Yes, it's true. I was in college, I was free. Of course I was happy, but I'm happier now. I have a career, a boyfriend." I said. "Teagan, I love you. I just want you to know that." He said quietly. "I know Dean. I love you too." I answered as I kissed him.

Before I knew it, it was time to go. Dean had already gone back downstairs. I came down, "You guys ready?" I asked. "No." They both said. I laughed, "Aww, well to bad." I replied. "Do you guys want to ride with me?" I asked. Dean laughed, "What do you think?" He asked. "No." I said and rolled my eyes. He nodded. As I went to get in the back of the impala, Sam looked at me, "What are you doing?" He asked. "Uh, getting in the car." I said slowly, looking at him. He laughed, "No, get in the front." he said. "No." I said. Dean raised an eyebrow at me. "You heard me, I said no." I said as I got in the backseat. I could see Sam shrug as I laughed to myself.

We got to the Yard House a little while later and got out. "Okay, why don't you two go in, and I'll hang out here and wait for Kat." I said. Dean nodded as they walked inside. A few minutes later Kat finally showed up. "It's about time." I said smiling. "Fashionably late as always." She said hugging me. As we walked in I spotted Dean and Sam at a booth in the corner, "Hey over here." I said to her. As we got to the table I looked at Kat, "Kat, this is Dean my boyfriend and this is Sam." I said smiling. "I hate that evil little glimmer you get in your eyes when you do something like this." She said. I laughed. "Ah, Kat, you know me all to well." I said. I noticed Dean looked at Sam and then to me. "So just to be clear, this isn't a date. I just know how you two like salads and thought maybe you could talk over some lettuce or something." I said. Kat laughed, "Gee thanks. You act like vegetables are horrible." She said. "No, no, I will eat a salad. You know this. It's just you two, you two have so much in common and don't even know it." I said. "What's that supposed to mean, are you trying to set me up?" Kat asked. I laughed, "Only if you want to be set up, but no. I wanted Sam to meet new people. So, here we are." I said. She rolled her eyes. "Why am I friends with you?" She asked. "Because you have no choice, my charm draws you in." I said smiling. "Whatever, I don't think you have any charm." She replied. "Oh, but I do." I said. "Does she have charm?" Kat asked looking at Dean. "Oh, that's not fair. That's a low blow Kat. I have charm, it's just well hidden." I said. "That's what I thought." Kat said and laughed.

We were getting ready to leave, when Sam motioned to Dean to give him a minute. I smiled and walked out. "She's right you know." Dean said once we were in the parking lot. "What?" I asked. "You do get this evil little twinkle in your eyes, when something goes according to your plan." He said smiling. My smile got bigger, "I know. It's taken me years to perfect to." I said and laughed. He pulled me to him and kissed me just as Sam and Kat walked out. "Get a room you two." Kat said. "Shut up Kat." I said. "Hey Dean can I talk to you for a sec?" Sam asked. "Yeah." Dean and Sam walked a little ways away from Kat and I, when she turned to me. "He is hot." She said. I laughed, "I knew you would like him." I said. "Your boyfriend is good looking too." She said. "Well you just stay away from him." I said smiling. She smiled, "I am." She replied.

Dean and I were headed back to the house. "I knew they would like each other." I said finally. He chuckled, "You, what am I going to do with you?" He asked. I shrugged, "Keep me." I said. "Well yeah." He replied. I laughed. "You were different tonight." He said. "Different how?" I asked. "You seemed happier, more care free. I don't think I've ever seen you like that." He said. I shrugged, "I don't know. Kat's like the sister I never had. She makes me come out of the shell I've built around myself." I said. "I wish you could be like that all the time." He said, looking at me. "I try Dean. I just don't know how." I said. "I just don't know why it's so easy for you to be like that around her, and not around me." He said. "Do we have to do this?" I asked. "Do what? I'm just asking." He replied. "Dean, I've had zero female influence in my life, think about it. You obviously had a lot of male influence in your life. Which for you, is fine, you are a male. I am a female, when you're raised with that much masculinity it's hard to be some prissy girly girl. I don't know how. It has nothing to do with you." I said. "I get it." he said. "Do you? I mean, I had my dad, Bobby, your dad. You and Sam were pretty much my only friends, ever. Everyone I know is a man. So when I finally found a girl who was like me, but more girly, we became instant friends. That's why I'm more girly and playful around Kat, and when I'm around you I just kind of draw back into myself. It's hard to be a daughter when your dad so badly wanted a boy." I said quietly. "I'm sorry Teagan." He replied. "It's not your fault so I don't know why your sorry."

When we got to the house I went into the kitchen and grabbed beers for us. Dean was sitting on the couch. I walked into the living room and sat down with him and handed him his beer. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "How bad was it being the only female around all of us guys?" He asked. I laughed, "Not that bad, I wouldn't trade it for anything, but when it was just me and my dad it sucked." I said. "Why?" He asked. "Because, I wasn't aloud to cry. I was supposed to have the mentality of a guy." I said. "You couldn't cry?" He asked. I shook my head. "Nope. If I got hurt, or something genuinely upset me, if I cried my dad told me that crying didn't fix things. Yelled if I cried. Yelled if I messed up anything. Like if I fixed his dinner wrong. I got in trouble." I said. "I didn't know your dad was like that." Dean said. "Yeah, no one did. He acted like the loving father when there were other people around. One time he told me I was a mistake." I said and laughed. "Teagan, it's okay to cry now." He said. I could feel a tightness in my chest. I shook my head. "I'm fine." I replied as I took a sip of my beer. He sat his beer down on the coffee table and stood up. He took my beer, sat it down, and gently pulled me up. As he did I heard the trash can outside fall over. I looked at him, "Hold on, tell me you heard that?" I asked. He nodded, "Yeah, stay here." "No." I replied as I grabbed my knife from the side table between the couch and loveseat. I headed for the door. "Dammit Teagan." Dean whispered. "Shut up Dean." I said as I opened the door slowly. I walked outside quietly and down the steps from the porch. As I walked closer to the overturned garbage can a dog came into view. I motioned for Dean to stop as I made my way closer to the dog. "Hey buddy, are you hungry?" I asked stooping down close to the dog. The dog looked up at me, scared. "Teagan, you aren't keeping it are you?" Dean asked. I nodded, "Yes, I'm going to feed it at least. Come on Dean it's hungry." I said as I began to lead the dog inside. Dean groaned.

I had given the dog food and water, and put some old blankets on the floor in the kitchen for it. Dean had gone upstairs already. I smiled to myself as I began heading upstairs. When I got into the bedroom I noticed Dean was already asleep. I quickly stripped to my underwear and threw on a tight black spaghetti strap shirt and slid into bed next to him. "I know you aren't asleep." I said smiling, as I pushed him onto his back. His hands automatically went to my hips. "I could have been." He said as he kissed me. "I know you a little better than that." I said, returning his kiss. His hands slowly moved up my back. "We need more of this." He said closing his eyes. I nodded, "Agreed." I replied as I leaned down and kissed his bare chest. I had missed this, so much. I slowly kissed lower, as I did he gently pushed me onto my back. He slowly pulled my underwear off. He moved my hair away from my neck as he began kissing me. I closed my eyes as my back arched my body against his. He pushed my shirt up and over my head. I bit my bottom lip, as I pushed myself up against him. He smiled, "I'll get there." He said kissing behind my ear. I dug my fingers in to his back gently. I pushed his flannel pajama bottoms down as he kicked them off. He entered me slowly and gently. I gasped, we hadn't ever really made love before.

I woke up the next morning to Dean still curled next to me. I smiled and kissed him, as I did his arms tightened around me. His eyes opened slowly and he looked at me. "Teagan, will you marry me?" He asked. "What?" I asked in reply. "Will you marry me?" He asked again. All of a sudden my chest felt heavy, I couldn't breath. I nodded, "Yes." I replied. He smiled and kissed me. I slowly got up and went and took a shower. I quickly got dressed as Dean got in the shower. Just as I had finished putting my boots on I heard the doorbell ring. As I walked downstairs I noticed Sam sitting at the kitchen table. "Hey did you have fun last night?" I asked. He gave me a somewhat embarrassed smile and nodded. "Yeah, thanks for introducing me to Kat." He said. I nodded, "No problem." I said as I opened the door. There stood a woman and little boy. "Hi, can I help you?" I asked. She nodded, "Yeah, is Dean here?" She asked. My heart sank. "Uh why?" I asked. She looked down at the little boy and then back at me. "Yeah, hold on. Come in." I said and showed them to the couch. I took the stairs two at a time and went into the bedroom where Dean was getting dressed, "Hey who rang the doorbell?" He asked. "A friend of yours I'm assuming." I said sourly. He looked at me curiously, "What?" He asked. "Just go downstairs, you'll see." I said as I turned to walk out of the room. I went back downstairs, "He'll be down in a minute. What did you say your name was again?" I asked. "I didn't, but I'm Lisa, and this is Ben." She said. I nodded, "Nice to meet you, I'm Teagan." I said. "Nice to meet you too." She replied just as Dean got into the living room. I turned and when I saw his face, I knew. I knew that they had been more than friends. I slightly smiled at Lisa, "I'll leave you two alone." I said as I began to walk out of the living room, Dean stopped me, "You can stay." He said. I shook my head, "No." I replied and went into the kitchen with Sam.

As Sam and I were sitting at the table, I tried to keep myself occupied, but my thoughts kept running to the conversation going on in the living room. I felt like I was going to be sick. Just then I heard Dean say to Lisa, "So, he's my son? How do you know?" He asked. I slowly got up and left.

_Dean has a son? He just asked me to marry him this morning. What do I do? I can't avoid this forever._ My thoughts were swirling as I walked down the street. _What if he decides to go be this kids dad? Can I deal with that? Of course I can. I've dealt with a lot worse before._ I thought to myself as I sat down on the curb. I wasn't exactly sure where I was but I just sat. As I was about to get lost in my thoughts again my cell phone rang. I looked at the screen, it was Dean. _Do I answer it? _I finally answered it. "Teagan, where are you? Sam told me that you left without your car because your heard the conversation." Dean said quickly. "I don't know where I am, actually. Yes I did hear the conversation, Dean, I just kind of need to be on my own for now. I'll talk to you when I get home." I said. "Teagan, wait." I heard Dean say as I hung the phone up. I noticed a bar down the street, and walked over.

I sat down at the bar. "Hey hun, what can I get you?" The bartender asked. "Anything hard." I said. "That bad, huh?" she asked as she poured whiskey into a glass. I shrugged. "Well as you can see we're pretty empty. If you want to talk about it, I'm listening." She said. "Not really, but thanks." I replied. "Okay, just let me know if you change your mind." She said and walked away.

Before I knew it I was on my seventh whiskey. I put some cash on the table and left. I slowly walked home, it was almost dark. I had spent most of my day in a bar. I shook my head. I finally saw my house, I walked inside. Dean and Sam where sitting at the kitchen table. "Where have you been?" Dean asked. I shrugged, "Who cares?" I asked. "I do." He said. I laughed. "Are you drunk?" Dean asked. I shrugged again. "Not really, just past the buzzed stage, but not quite at the drunk stage, more or less the numbness in the middle." I said as I walked into the living room. "Can we talk?" Dean asked, following me. "Sure, you talk, I'll listen because frankly. I have nothing to say." I replied. "Teagan, all of this happened before me and you were together. I don't know what I should do. I want to be here, with you, this is where I want to be. But the other part of me says I need to be this kids dad." He said. "Then go." I whispered. "What?" He asked. "Then go!" I shouted. The tears began to stream down my face. "I can't do this anymore Dean. I thought, I thought I could. I thought I could be with you, but it's apparent that nothing is in our favor. So just go. Go be the dad you need to be. Just don't come back." I said. My heart felt like it broke into a million pieces. I sat there, on the couch, frozen. "Teagan, please." Dean whispered. "No, Dean. Here's your chance to be a dad. The one that you missed, maybe one day my time will come to be a mom. I don't know if I want that though. I just know, that I can't keep doing this. I worry when your gone, but I want you to do what you love. I want to be selfish for once and tell you that I don't want you to go, I don't want you to hunt, but I can't. As long as the people I love are happy, I don't care how I'm feeling inside. I put everyone ahead of my feelings. Always, and I'm just wondering when my time comes? When I'll be put first for a change. I'm tired, of all of this. I'm tired of pretending to have a normal life when I know my life is anything but." I said. I slowly got up and went upstairs. I threw on a t-shirt and shorts and climbed into bed. _What am I doing? Why am I trying to alter my life when I know my life has one direction. It's always had just one direction. Be a hunter. Be alone. _The tears were still falling when I heard Dean come in. "Please just go." I whispered.

I woke up a couple of hours later and went downstairs. Sam was sitting on the couch watching T.V. I sat down on the couch, "Where's Dean?" I asked. "Uh, he said something about he was going to go find Ben and Lisa." Sam said hesitantly. "Oh." I muttered. "Teagan, you know he loves you right? He's not just going to walk away from you to go be with someone who he hasn't seen in years. It's going to take a lot more than Dean finding out he has a son to make him leave." Sam said. I looked at him. "Sam, I'm not so sure anymore. I mean I'm not talking about Dean, I'm talking about me. Why am I trying to be someone I'm not? I wanted to have a career so badly, but I'm beginning to realize that my life is to different to have a career. To have stability. I was raised to be a hunter, I'm thinking maybe I should go back to doing what I know how to do." I said. "And what is it you know how to do?" Sam asked. "I know how to hunt, to be alone. I never had family, and I'm trying so hard to have that now. For what though? I know none of us are normal, so why am I trying to be?" I asked. "Because you know, deep down, that's what you want. You don't want to hunt, you don't want to be like your dad. You don't want to be alone, you've been alone enough. Teagan, Dean needs you just as much as you need him. We both need you. You've become just a much part of my family as I've become yours. You're like my little sister." He said smiling. "Sam I don't know. I find myself pushing people away, or they push me away. I guess I just need to find my balance again." I said. "What was your balance, when you were happy?" He asked. "Hunting." I replied.

Sam and I sat on the couch talking for a while when Dean walked through the front door. "Teagan, we need to talk." He said, looking at me. "Okay." I replied as I headed upstairs behind Dean. As I got into the bedroom, Dean shut the door. "Ben isn't mine." He said. "What?" I asked, confused. "I bought one of those home DNA tests, there was no match." He said. "Oh." I replied. "I thought you would be happy." He said looking at me, a sadness in his eyes I hadn't seen in a long time. "Dean, I don't know what I am anymore. I don't know if I'm happy, sad, pissed off. I don't know." I replied. The feeling of being sick crept over me again. "What's going on?" He asked. "Dean, I feel like I'm not the person I should be. I'm trying to hard to have things I don't deserve. I shouldn't have this nursing career, I should be hunting. I shouldn't be with you, I should be alone." I said, sitting down on the bed. "Are you breaking up with me?" Dean asked. I shrugged, "I don't know. I catch myself sometimes, not feeling anything. Like today. It's really hard for me to see your past come walking through the front door. Then I get jealous because, here she is, she has a child, who we thought was yours and I lost." I trailed off and looked at the ground. "It's still really hard for you, isn't it?" Dean asked. I nodded. "Teagan, we'll have that someday, just not right now. Neither of us are ready for that." He said quietly sitting down next to me. "That's the thing Dean, I don't know if I do want that. I don't know what I want anymore. I just want to be happy." I said, looking away from him. "What do you want from me?" He asked. I closed my eyes, "I don't know." I replied.

Dean and I hadn't come to a conclusion by the time we both fell asleep. Now I was up, and getting ready for my work day. Dean and Sam were getting ready to leave. "I'll see you when you get back." I said quietly. "I'm sorry Teagan, I know you just want to put us first, but I can't just give up what I've always known." He said. I nodded, "I know." I replied. He kissed me and they left. I watched as they pulled away from the house. I got ready quickly and went to work.

Weeks passed, I would talk to Dean as much as I could. Finally on a Saturday I was sitting at home and I heard the front door open. "Hey." I said, not taking my eyes off the book I was reading. "Hey." They said. "Sam, can you give Teagan and I a minute?" He asked Sam. "Sure, I'll be upstairs." he said. I looked up, "What's wrong?" I asked. "I need to tell you something." He said. "What?" I asked. "Teagan, I kind of messed up." He said. "How?" I asked. "I might have made a deal, with a demon." He said. "You _what_?!" I asked. "I'm sorry, Sam got stabbed and died and I had to save him." He said. "So how long do you have?" I asked. "A year." He said. I closed my eyes, shut my book and stood up. "Teagan, say something." Dean said. I laughed, "What do you want me to say Dean? You realize that I have to go out for a while." I said. "Teagan, please understand." Dean said. "I understand Dean. I understand all to well." I said. I saw Sam at the top of the stairs. "Well does Sam know at least?" I asked. Dean nodded. I nodded in reply and walked upstairs. I quickly packed a bag. I had received a text last night from an unknown person that there was company in town looking for me. I had been doing my own research and had found out that my mom was a witch. Not the light kind either. I walked downstairs with an overnight bag in my hand. I heard Sam ask Dean, "So what do you think will happen?" He asked. I walked into the living room and cleared my throat. "What is that?" Dean asked. "You do you, I'll do me. I'll be gone for a while. I quit my job last night. I found out some things about my mom that I need to fix. There are things looking for me. I've gotta do what I'm meant to do. You guys can have this place." I said as I looked around. "It's been a good run hasn't it?" I asked. "Teagan you sound crazy." Dean said. I laughed, "No crazier than you." I said and grabbed my bag and headed for the door. "You really think I'm going to let you go alone?" He asked. "You really think I'm gonna let you die?" I asked. "Dammit Teagan." He said. I smiled, "You've met your match." I said. "Kat was right." He said. "What?" I asked. "That evil little twinkle in your eyes. You have that now." He said smiling. I smiled back, "See ya around." I said and walked out the door.

Chapter 4

1 ½ Years Later

I hadn't been able to save Dean. I had failed. I hadn't found my mom either. I had killed the demons that were after me. Dean and I had stayed together up until the end. I was heart broken. He let me go on hunts on my own. I could tell it was hard for him, but it was something I had to do. I failed the love of my life, and failed myself in the hunt for my mom. After Dean died, Sam and I lost touch. He kind of just dropped off the grid. I went back to work. They understood, I had told them a lie about Dean. None of them knew why I had quit. I was sitting in the empty house Sam, Dean and I had shared for just that little time. I couldn't bring myself to leave this place. As I was sitting trying to will myself out of my thoughts I heard a knock at the front door. I got up and answered the door hesitantly. There Lisa was standing. "What do you want?" I asked. "Sorry, I heard about Dean and I just wanted to let Ben pay his respects to his dad." She said. I laughed. "Well first of all Dean isn't Ben's dad, and there was no body, so there really isn't anything to pay your respects too. Sorry." I replied. "What do you mean Dean isn't Ben's dad? We did a paternity test and he is." She said looking at me. "What?" I asked. "Yeah, Dean said he would tell you. I understand Dean didn't leave you for us. I'm fine with that, but to say he doesn't have a son? He wouldn't do that." She said. "Well he did. I'm sorry. Can you please leave?" I asked. I felt sick. My thoughts flitted to that night Dean told me that Ben wasn't his. He lied to me. As Lisa began to walk away, I stopped her. "Wait, look. I'm sorry. Here, here's a picture of Dean that you and Ben can have. I'm sorry he did this to you." I said. "Thanks." She said and walked away.

I had just come home from the bar and sat down when I heard a knock on the door. I opened it and gasped. "What the hell? Bobby?" I asked. He nodded, as he did Dean stepped around the corner. "I'm dead aren't I? Because I know your dead." I said looking at Dean. I went to close the door and Dean put his hand on the door to stop it. "Shit." I said. I pulled a knife from the table by the front door. I held it up towards Dean, "You're dead, but I'll kill you again." I said through gritted teeth. "No, Teagan, I'm alive." He said. "Bullshit." I said. "What the hell is this Bobby? You don't hang with demons, unless," I glared at him, "you're one too." I said. "Teagan, no, neither of us are demons. Look." He said as he stepped inside and grabbed the holy water from my table and splashed himself and Dean with it. I glared at Dean, "Fine, come in. This is fucking crazy though." I said.

"So you don't know how you got out?" I asked. "No, Teagan, I'm telling you the truth." Dean said. I laughed, "I'm sure you are, like the night you told me Ben wasn't yours." I said. "What?" Dean asked. "Yeah, Lisa paid me a nice little visit today, told me that the paternity test said that Ben _is_ yours. So tell me something, I'm supposed to believe you now?" I asked. "Look Teagan, I told you that because I had chosen you over them, and I knew you wouldn't let me do that. So yeah I lied." He said. Just then I socked him in the face. "What the _hell_?" He asked. "_No one_ lies to me." I said and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed three beers and walked back into the living room. I handed Dean and Bobby a beer and then opened mine. "So does Sam know?" I asked. "Not yet, I wanted to see you first." He said. "Thanks." I replied. He nodded, "I'm kind of regretting that though, if I knew you were going to hit me. I would have waited." I laughed, "Look I'm sorry. I just, today has been crazy. First Lisa and now you. Wouldn't you do the same thing?" I asked. "I wouldn't hit anybody Teagan." He said. I glared at him, "Yeah well I haven't lied to you." I said. "Okay, okay." He replied. "Alright children." Bobby said. "Sorry Bobby." I replied. "Don't be sorry Teagan, I don't blame you for hitting him. I want to hit him too, but I won't." He said. I laughed, "Well at least I'm not alone." I said. "By the way did you find your mom?" Bobby asked. I shook my head and looked at the floor, "No, she's as about as easy to find as the cure for stupidity, it's impossible." I said. Dean laughed, "That's a good one." he said. I smiled, "Thanks, I've had a lot of time on my hands. I sharpened my wit." I said, winking at him. "Teagan, can I talk to you in the kitchen for a minute?" Dean asked. I nodded. I followed him into the kitchen. As soon as I stepped into the kitchen, Dean gently pushed me against the fridge. "I've missed you." He said. "I've missed you too." I said. He kissed me gently, "Please tell me you've been okay." He said. "You want the truth?" I asked. He nodded. "I haven't been okay. I've been the farthest from okay Dean." I said looking him in the eyes. He rested his forehead against mine. "I'm sorry. I'm back now. Are we going to be the same?" He asked. "If you want to be the same." I replied. He nodded.

Just then my phone began to ring. It was a text. "Teagan, this is your mom. Meet me at the warehouse on the edge of town in ten minutes." I laughed and pushed Dean away slowly. "What?" He asked. "My mom. She really thinks I'm stupid." I said walking into the living room. I threw my phone on the coffee table, "Bobby read that message, sound like my mom?" I asked as I walked to the hall closet. I opened the door and began pulling hunting gear out and putting it into a bag. "Damn Teagan, things have changed since I've been gone." Dean said. I laughed, "Just a little." I said. "I won't let you go alone." He said. "Yes you will." I said standing up and closing the hall closet door. I sat the bag on the couch. "Teagan, I think we should go with you." Bobby said. "Fine, whatever, but I'm driving." I said. I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder, and grabbed my phone. I threw my bag into the trunk of my car and slid into the driver seat. _Let Her Go_ by _Passenger_ was on the radio. "Rules, you touch the dial, I will chop your fucking hands off. If you try to tell me how to drive I will duct tape your mouth shut." I said. "Damn, little miss badass." Dean said. "No, Teagan's back." I said, and smiled slightly. I backed out of the driveway and down the highway.

As I pulled into the entrance for the warehouse Dean looked at me, "Are you sure about this?" He asked. I nodded. I parked the car and grabbed my bag out of the trunk. "Here, she's not the only one here." I said as I handed Dean a couple of knives and Bobby a shotgun with bullets with salt in them. "How do you know?" Bobby asked. "I just know." I replied as I began walking. I got to the door for the warehouse and opened it quietly. "You finally made it, I said ten minutes Teagan, not 20." I heard a woman's voice from the shadows. "Does it matter if it was 10 minutes or 10 years? You haven't been around and I don't follow orders." I replied, stepping into the warehouse. "Just like your father." She said. "Better to be like him than like you." I replied. "Oh, but Teagan, you're more like me than you know." She said as she stepped into the dim light. "How so?" I asked looking at her. "Because for one you knew there was more than just me here. Kudos kid." She said. Just then four men came out of the shadows. "Nice to know you don't fight fair." I said. "Who said anything about fighting, I want to talk. However, if the two men you brought decide to pick a fight then I'll change my mind." She said. "Fine, what do you have to say to me?" I asked. "Oh, sweetie, lots of things." She replied. "Well get to talking, I'm not here to play games." I said. "My my what an impatient person you are." She said. "No I just have a very low tolerance to bullshit, and your pissing me off." I said. Just then Dean put his hand on my shoulder and whispered, "Calm down." He said. I nodded. "Don't you know it's rude not to introduce people?" She asked. "Well I guess I am like you, introduce your friends first and I might introduce mine." I said. "Okay, well no need for introductions then. I called you here, because as you know I'm a witch. Those demons you killed, were technically your brothers." She said. I laughed, "Bullshit." "No, no it's true. You've never heard of the queen of hell?" She asked. "Your lying through your shitty teeth. You're no queen of hell. You just wish you were." I said. "Sit down you ungrateful brat!" She yelled as she shoved me into a chair with the flick of her hand. I laughed, "Aww did someone get their feelings hurt? Now why am I really here?" I asked. She walked up to me slowly and whispered in my ear, "Because, you are my daughter and I need someone to carry on the family tradition." She said. "I'm carrying on my dad's family tradition. You really think I want to be part of your shitty little cult?" I asked. "Everyone wants to." She replied.

The next thing I knew I was waking up in a tiny room. It was bright outside and Bobby and Dean where no where to be found. My heart began to pound as I looked around. Just then the door opened and in stepped my mom. "Where are my friends?" I asked. "Oh they were let go. No worries. I didn't want them, I want you." She said smiling. I glared at her, "I don't believe a damn word you say." I said. "Well you should. Let's get to the point. I know you are a hunter just like your dad, but Teagan you have things you can do that I know you've experienced but won't admit it to yourself. You know things are going to happen before they do. You know when someones going to die. Now I want to help you, you can become stronger and more powerful. Just don't hunt me." She said. "I don't want your help." I said. "Why?" She asked. "Because, think about it. Where were you when I needed you growing up? You were gone, and now you want to help me? No thanks. I'm fine on my own." I said. "I don't think you understand, your stupid boyfriend and his brother opened hells gates, and to stop all of this you could help them if you were more powerful." She said. "First of all, he's not stupid. Second of all, why do you want me to be able to help them?" I asked. "Because contrary to popular belief I'm not so bad myself. Sure I hang around with demons, and do spells, but I don't hurt anyone, unless their asking for it." She said. "See that's where I have a problem, how do you know that they are asking for it? You just quietly assume and then kill people. So what if someone cheated on their husband or wife? What difference does it make to you?" I asked her. "It doesn't, people come to me. Do you want my help or not?" She asked. "At what cost?" I asked in reply. "No cost." She answered. "Bullshit. Let me go." I said. "Fine, but this is a one time offer. I'll give you a week to think about it, and Teagan, are you happy?" She said backing away from the door. "I don't want it. And yes I am. Why?" I asked. "You'll be happier in a few months." She said as I began to walk away.

I walked outside and had to squint. It was so bright. In the distance of the parking lot I saw my car. I walked slowly over to it and noticed Dean in the front seat. He quickly got out, "Are you okay?" He asked. I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Confused, but fine." I answered. "Come on, let me take you home." He said. "Where's Bobby?" I asked. "I took him back to your place last night after they made us leave." He said. "They didn't hurt you guys did they?" I asked. "Surprisingly no." He answered. I nodded. I felt so tired. As Dean started the car _Light In Your Eyes_ by _Blessid Union Of Souls _came on. "Well this is fitting isn't it?" I asked. He chuckled, "Yeah, it is." he said. "Dean, my mom said something to me that confused me." I said. He looked at me. "She asked if I was happy. I lied. I'm not happy, but she said I would be happier in a few months." I looked at him. He shrugged, "I don't know." I looked out the window. "Teagan, do you still love me?" he asked. "Dean, I'll always love you." I answered. "That's not what I asked." he said. "Dean, am I supposed to? I thought you were dead, and then this whole thing with Lisa and Ben. I don't know." I said. "That's all I needed to know." he said.

We got back to the house in silence. Before we went inside, I looked at him, "So, are you going to go to Sam?" I asked. He nodded, "Do you want me to come back?" He asked. "Do what you feel is right." I said as I walked inside. "Bobby?" I called. "In here kiddo. You okay?" He asked. "As okay as I can be. I'm so done with yesterday and today." I replied as I sat down on the couch. I felt beyond defeated. "Want to talk about it?" He asked. "What's there to talk about? My mom found me. Sam is gone. My dad's gone. My, uh, ex boyfriend? Boyfriend? Friend? Is back from the dead and has an ex and a son. I have to go to work after being prisoner for a night. That's my situation in a nutshell. Not much to talk about. I just need a shower, sleep, and a really really hard liquor." I said. He chuckled. I could feel Dean watching me. "Dean, if your going to stare at me, at least say something." I said. I noticed Bobby raise an eyebrow. "Well, uh, Bobby, I think we should be going." He said. "Dean, are you sure?" Bobby asked. "No." Dean replied. I stood, "Well you know where everything is more or less. I'm going to take a shower." I said as I headed upstairs.

Dean had been gone for a couple of weeks. I had heard nothing from him. I kept thinking about what my mom had said. That I had powers, that if I explored them I could be powerful enough to stop what was going on. I turned the radio up to drown out my thoughts. Just then Dean walked into the house. As he did I jumped. "Teagan, I need your help." He said. "With what?" I asked. "Finding Sam." He answered. "What do you want me to do?" I asked. "I don't know." He said sounding defeated. I opened my computer and looked up the GPS on Sam's phone. Nothing. I sat there chewing on my lip. "What's the matter?" Dean asked. "Well, I've been thinking, maybe I should explore those powers my mom said I have." I said "Teagan, seriously? You're going to listen to someone whose never been there for you?" He asked. "Why not? I listen to you and you haven't exactly been there for me." I said looking him square in the eye. "I've tried, haven't you noticed you've kind of pushed me away?" He asked. "Before or after you died?" I asked. "Both!" He almost shouted. I jumped. I stood up. I was frozen. Before I knew it I was kissing him, his hand tangled into my hair.

"How do we always end up like this?" I asked. "Because we know we love each other?" Dean asked in reply. I groaned, "Dean, I do love you. I'm just afraid." I said. "Of what?" he asked. "Of messing everything up. I feel like I'm supposed to be alone." I said. He ran his hand down my stomach and then down my thigh. I gasped. "If you're supposed to be alone, then so am I." He said as he kissed my neck. "Dean, I can't." I said. "Why?" He asked, as he began kissing my chest. I closed my eyes, "Fine." I replied. I could feel him smile.

Dean's phone began to ring. He groaned, as I arched my back up against him. "Ignore it." I whispered. He looked at the phone and then at me. I closed my eyes. I knew he was going to answer it. He pushed himself deeper inside of me. I moaned, as I slowly opened my eyes. I finally realized that he had ignored the call. I dug my fingertips into his back as I let go. He groaned against my neck as I felt him let go inside of me. I took a shaky breath. He slowly pulled himself out of me and got out of bed. He went and took a quick shower and got dressed. He looked at his phone, as I headed for the bathroom. I took a quick shower and threw some clothes on. When I came out, he was sitting on his bed, he looked in shock. "What's the matter?" I asked. "Bobby found Sam." He said. "Awesome!" I said. "Go with me?" He asked, ignoring what I had just said. I nodded, "Of course." I replied. "We've got to get Bobby first." He said. I nodded.

As we pulled up in front of the hotel I had a weird feeling. I couldn't really place it though, so I got out of the car. As we got to the hotel room Dean knocked. A girl came to the door, I didn't really listen to what she had to say. I was to busy with my own thoughts. I did notice that she tried to shut the door and Dean stopped her. Sam came to the door and looked pissed. I finally snapped out of it when I noticed the girl was leaving. As she walked past me, she starred. "Can I help you?" I asked. "You look familiar, have we met before?" She asked. "Nope." I replied. Sam, Dean and Bobby were all watching us. "My mistake." She said. I nodded. "What?" I asked turning towards the guys. "Nothing." Bobby replied, raising his eyebrows as he looked at Dean.

After we were all inside the room, Sam was eerily quiet until he finally turned to me, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He asked. "Uh, because I only found out maybe a couple weeks ago, and I couldn't get a hold of you. Don't blame this on me Sam." I said. Almost spitting his name out of my mouth. Dean looked from Sam to me, "What's going on?" He asked. "Nothing." We both said. He scoffed, "Yeah, it seems like nothing. Now one of you better tell me what's going on." He said. "She promised to find me or call me if something happened." Sam said. "Oh, okay, this is all my fault. If you would have never gone out on a one man hunting spree you would have known!" I almost yelled. "You could have come with me. You chose to stay." Sam said. "Yeah, I have obligations." I said. "Hold on! You two are fighting like something else happened." Dean looked at me, almost glaring. "Screw you. It's not like that." I said. "God, Dean, no." Sam said. I shook my head. "You know what, you three talk, I'll take a walk." I said as I went to leave. "Teagan, stay." Sam said. "No, I'm good. If Dean is going to think something happened between me and you, you two definitely need to talk without me here. At least now I know how much trust there is." I said and walked out.

I walked around for what seemed like forever, when I got back, I didn't go inside. I sat down on the curb next to the impala, and waited. I couldn't believe Dean for even a second had thought Sam and I had had a relationship. As I was sitting there thinking about it, they all walked out. "How long have you been sitting here?" Dean asked. I shrugged, as I stood. "What you're not going to talk to me?" He asked. "There's nothing to say." I said. He pulled me to the side, "We will talk later." he said looking me square in the eyes. "If you say so." I said, as I turned to walk away. Sam and Bobby were already in the impala. I got in the back seat, next to Bobby.

It was a quiet drive. It was a long drive. When we finally got home, I went straight upstairs, turned on my stereo and sat down on the bed. I was only in there for a few minutes when Dean came in. I looked up at him, from my notebook. "What are you doing?" He asked. "Tuning out, why?" I asked. "I'm sorry for earlier Teagan, but can you kind of see how I thought that?" He asked. "No, not really. I get it though, you've got to find something wrong with me." I said looking back down at my notebook. "You seriously think I'm trying to find flaws in you?" He asked. I shrugged. "Dammit look at me!" He said sternly. I threw the notebook down on the bed and looked at him, "Fine I'm looking at you." I said glaring at him. "What is your problem?" He asked. "Gee, I don't know. My boyfriend comes back from the dead, I find out he really does have a son. Uh, he also thinks I fucked his brother, which, god, no. I don't know Dean, I have a lot going on right now, so if you would like to pick _one_ of my current issues to start with, please go ahead." I said in frustration. "You know, maybe I should have gone and found Sam first." He said. I looked at him in shock. Just then my phone began beeping. I looked at it, and stood up. I grabbed my jacket and keys. "Where are you going?" Dean asked. "Out." I replied and headed downstairs. Dean right on my heels. As I got downstairs, I noticed Sam and Bobby watching. "Why are you running?" Dean asked. "I figured I wanted to be like you." I replied and walked out the door.

I showed up at the warehouse where I had met my mom a couple of weeks before. "What do you want?" I asked. "I want to know your true decision." She replied. I laughed, "I will never be like you." I replied. "You're more like me than you realize." She said. "No, I'm not a conniving bitch! I don't run from my family." I shouted. "Really, because you just ran from Dean. He is your boyfriend correct?" She asked. I punched her in the face. As she stumbled back I could see the anger in her face. She laughed, "Now it looks as though the tables have turned. Did I hurt your feelings?" She asked. "Fuck you." I turned to leave when she motioned for one of her body guards to catch me. Before I could get my knife out of my pocket he was on me. I had no power now. Of course he had to be much bigger than me. He turned me around to face my mom. "Do you know what Dean went through while he was gone?" She asked. I closed my eyes. "Answer me!" She shouted. "No." I said. I wanted to yell at her, but I couldn't. "Shall I show you?" She asked. I glared at her. "Oh come on Teagan, a little mother daughter bonding experience. I'm sure you'll love it." She said. "Fine." I snarled at her.

She had me chained up. I couldn't move. "Seriously, you have to take it this far. This is a little more kinky than I imagined for a mother daughter bonding experience." I said. She laughed as she cut into my stomach. I sucked in a sharp breath. "Does that not hurt enough?" She asked. "You could do better. I'm sure." I replied. I knew what I was getting myself into. I wasn't sure if I would walk out of this place, but part of me, a big part of me, was fine with that. She smiled and turned back towards her cart of torture devices. "Hmm, what shall I use next?" She asked to no one in particular. She turned back towards me with scalpel. I smiled sadistically, "Finally." I said. "Do you have a death wish?" She asked. "Maybe." I answered. She walked up to me and slowly pulled the scalpel across my rib cage. I looked down and noticed it was pretty deep. I looked back up at her. As I did, the room went black.

I woke up in the warehouse parking lot. I could barely move, I could barely see. I knew she finally got the point. I wasn't going to be on her side, but I'm pretty sure that wouldn't stop her. I slowly got up. My shirt was soaked in my blood. My whole body felt heavy. I felt as though I was walking through a fog. It seemed like I walked miles to my car. I finally found my keys in my jacket pocket. I got in and just sat there. My eyes would barely stay open. _How am I going to drive home? _I asked myself. I finally started the car and put it into drive. This was a harder task then I could have ever imagined it would be. I slowly pulled out of the parking lot and got on the highway.

I slowly stepped out of the car. I didn't really remember driving home, but here I was. I walked slowly inside. There sitting in the living room was Dean and Sam. The room began spinning, "Shit, Teagan. What happened?" I heard Dean ask. He seemed so far away. "Bobby!" I heard Dean yell, as the room went black just like it had at the warehouse.

I opened my eyes, everything was so bright. I squinted against the light, and saw someone standing beside me. "Teagan? Where have you been?" I heard a man ask. As my vision began to adjust to the light I noticed it was my dad. "Where am I?" I asked. "You're at home." He said. I looked around. "No, no, you're dead." I said. "Well, yeah, but you're home." He said. I sat up, quickly. "No, God no. I'm dead?" I asked. "I'm sorry, honey. Just so you know, that isn't your mother your dealing with." He said. "A demon." I whispered. He nodded, "Why did you let her win Teagan?" He asked. "Because I needed to know what Dean went through." I said. "Teagan Lorelei, what you experienced was nothing compared to what Dean went through. You'll never know what that felt like." He said. "How do you know?" I asked. "Because there is an angel looking for him. That's how he got out." He answered. "So, how did you end up here? I mean I'm assuming this is heaven." I said. He chuckled, "Well you know Teagan, not every hunter goes to hell." He answered. "God, I hope not." I said. Just then a little girl walked up next to my dad. "Grandpa, is this my mommy?" The little girl asked. I looked at her, tears filling my eyes. My dad looked at me and nodded, "Yes, this is your mommy." He said. She had green eyes, they looked more like Dean's than mine. They were bright like his. Her hair was a dark brown and slightly curly like mine. She reminded me so much of Dean that it was hard to breath. "Mommy?" She asked. "Uh, yeah?" I asked in reply. "What were you going to name me?" She asked. The tears began streaming down my face, "Jessie." I said. She smiled, "Why?" She asked. "Because I had thought about Sarah, but I didn't like that." I said. She giggled, "Ew." I laughed through my tears, "Yeah, that's why. Your daddy liked Jessie." I said. My heart felt like someone was squeezing it. "What's my daddy like?" She asked. "He's awesome. He never got to know you like I did, but he loves you anyways. So can you do a favor for me?" I asked Jessie. "Sure mommy." She said sitting down next to me. I began crying harder, "Please watch over your Uncle Sammy and your Daddy." I said, gasping for air. "Will you help me?" She asked me. I nodded.

"What did you do to her?" I heard Dean's voice. My eyes flew open and I sat up quickly. "Woah, woah." He said as he quickly got to my side. I looked around, "What the hell?" I asked, confusion in my voice. "I, I don't know." He said, looking back behind him. "Your the angel." I said looking up at the man in the trench coat. "Yes, I am." He said. Dean looked at me, confusion and worry all over his face. "Oh god." I said. A wave of nausea hit me. I almost ran to the bathroom. I quickly shut the door and became sick. I quickly brushed my teeth and as I was wiping my mouth, I noticed in the mirror that I was completely fine. I threw the bathroom door open, "You healed me?" I asked. The angel nodded. "What the hell." I said again. "Yeah, what the hell? Would someone please tell me what's going on?" Dean asked. I looked at Dean. "Dean," I paused, "I saw my dad." Tears began filling my eyes. "I saw Jessie." I said. Bobby and Sam both looked at me. They looked just as confused as I felt. "What?" Dean asked. I nodded. "Did I miss something?" Bobby asked. I nodded again.

"Okay so, start from the beginning. Who is Jessie?" Bobby asked. I looked at Dean, he nodded. "Jessie would have been our daughter." I said quietly. "What?" Bobby asked in shock. I nodded. "When did this happen and why didn't anyone tell me?" He asked. "Because Dean didn't know until we moved in here. I was a few weeks pregnant when we broke up. I obviously didn't have her. But she's beautiful." I said. I felt like such a pansy right now, I wanted to cry. "What did she look like?" Dean asked, looking at me. "Just like you." I said, gasping for air. "Wait, what?" He asked. "Shut up Dean." Sam said. "She had your eyes, your hair color. Your smile, my curiosity, my wavy hair." I said. "Okay, go ahead." Bobby said. "Anyways, now that you know about Jessie, my dad was there. He thought it was pretty funny that I assumed that all hunters went to hell. I was very, very wrong about that. By the way, Jessie, asked me how I came up with her name." I said, pausing and looking at Dean. "I told her, that you thought of it. She didn't like Sarah either." I said laughing. Dean smiled, "Yeah, she would be my daughter." He said. I smiled. "Okay, so, now what happened to get you in this situation?" Bobby asked. "Well the text I got was from my mom. So I went to her. The same place I met her before." By this time, Sam was looking at me, a worried look on his face. "I guess I really pissed her off." I said. "By the way, I need to know your name." I said looking at the angel. "Castiel." He said. I nodded. "How did you piss her off?" Bobby asked, knowing I was lying. "Well, I wouldn't join her fucked up cult apparently. She asked me if I knew what Dean had felt while he was gone. I said no. She asked if I wanted to know. I said yes." I said. The look of determination on my face, was one I hadn't had in a long time. "Dammit Teagan." Bobby said. Just then Dean stood and walked out.

"What Bobby?" I asked. "You know what! You gotta stop being so damn hard headed." He said. "Then I wouldn't be Teagan anymore. I've got to go talk to Dean." I said as I stood. I walked downstairs and he was no where to be found. I went into the kitchen and there he was, pouring whiskey into a glass. "I'm sorry Dean." I said. "What the hell where you thinking?" He asked angrily, slamming the bottle down on the counter. I jumped a little, "Someone needs to know!" I said, almost yelling. "No! I did it to myself." He yelled. "God Dean, you can't suffer by yourself! That's what I'm here for!" I exclaimed. He sat his glass down roughly on the counter, "Yeah, and I got myself into that situation. I made the deal, I will suffer by myself." He said through clinched teeth. "Well I wasn't gone for six months but we both learned something today. I got a little glimpse into your pain and you got a little glimpse into the pain I felt when you were gone." I said as I went to walk past him, he grabbed my arm gently. "Neither of us should have had to go through what we did yesterday." He said. "What?" I asked. "Teagan, you were dead all day yesterday, and if you haven't noticed, it's dark outside." He said. "I wasn't gone that long." I said glaring at him. "You were." He replied. "Well look, I'm sorry. Okay. To tell you the truth though, the biggest part of myself in that warehouse wanted to die." I said. "Why?" He asked. "Because, even though I fight with you, I'm numb. I'm so hurt right now, that what she did to me, it didn't hurt." I said. He looked at me in shock. "Have you lost your mind?" He asked. I shrugged, "Maybe." I replied and sat down at the kitchen table. "You never once thought what you were doing was wrong. You were never scared?" he asked. I looked at the table, and shook my head. "Well, do you feel anything now?" He asked. I nodded, "When I saw Jessie, it hurt so bad." I said. "Well, uh, yeah. You saw the daughter you never really got to meet." He said. "No Dean, I saw you. I missed you. I was happy that I got to meet her. She's beautiful, but I so badly wanted to be with you. Just so you know though, other than Castiel, Jessie is looking down on you and Sam. I made her promise me she would watch out for you two." I said. "What about you?" He asked. "I didn't think I was coming back." I said.

"Do you feel better?" Dean finally asked. We had been sitting in silence for a while now. I looked up at him confused, "What?" I asked. "Do you feel better?" He asked again. "What do you mean?" I asked. "Seeing your dad, meeting our daughter. Do you feel better?" He asked. I shrugged, "Yes and no. I still wish my dad and Jessie were here, but I'm glad their both in an amazing place." I said. "This day has been so weird." He said. I laughed. "Yeah." I replied. Just then Castiel appeared in the room. I jumped. "You need rest." He said. "I'm fine." I replied. "Teagan, you need rest." He said again. I looked at him with one eyebrow raised. "I don't take orders." I said. Castiel looked at Dean, almost pleading silently with him. "I thought you said she was okay though." Dean said, sounding worried. "She is, but she needs her strength back." Castiel said. "I'm fine." I said through gritted teeth. "Come on Teag." Dean said. "Seriously? I'm being treated like a little damn kid. Fine. I'll go, not willingly, but I'll go." I said, as I stood.

Sam and Bobby were in the study, and I had sat down on the stairs because I had heard Dean and Castiel talking. "She doesn't need to remember her experience with her father and your daughter." I heard Castiel say. "So what are you saying?" Dean asked. "I can erase her memory." Castiel replied. "No!" Dean exclaimed. "Dean, you don't understand. She doesn't need to remember." Castiel said. "Why?" Dean asked. "It can make her fragile, just the way you remembering your experience can make you." Castiel said. Just then I bolted into the kitchen. "I swear to you, if you erase my memory I will end you." I said. I was furious. Castiel looked at me, no emotion on his face. "You can't end me." He replied. "I'll find a way." I said, getting in his face. Dean grabbed me and pulled me away. "Calm down killer, he's not going to do anything." Dean said looking at Castiel. "Right?" Dean asked. "I suppose." Castiel answered.

**Chapter 5**

**2 Months Later**

Dean and I had grown closer. The fights were few and far between. Unless we were butting heads over the latest hunt. I had quit my job permanently to hunt. Dean had made me promise to never go alone. I told him I couldn't make promises, but I could promise to never put myself in that type of situation again. The next time I would make sure to win. Sam had been spending a lot of time away from us. I tried to talk to him, but he kept assuring me everything was fine. I knew he was lying, but I couldn't get to him, so I gave up.

The past week I hadn't been feeling to well, so I had opted out of this hunt. It was raining and cool outside. The perfect weather for me. I was reading a book, when my phone began to ring. I answered it. "Teagan, I figured out what's wrong with Sam." Dean said. "What is it?" I asked. There was a long pause, "He's been drinking demon blood." He said. "What?" I asked in astonishment. "Yeah. I've got a plan, I know you aren't feeling well, but can you drive to Bobbies?" He asked. "Yeah, I'll leave now." I said. "Please be careful." He said before we hung up. I grabbed a few things and headed out the door.

It was six o'clock in the afternoon when I got to Bobby's. The impala was already there. As I went inside, I saw Bobby and Dean sitting in the study. "Where's Sam?" I asked. "He's locked up in the panic room." Dean said. "What?" I asked, confused. "We've got to get him to stop Teagan, and this was the only way I knew how." Dean said. I nodded. "I get it, but what can I do? And there's a panic room?" I asked. "Well, I know you're a trained nurse. If something goes wrong you can help right? Yeah, I didn't even know." Dean said. I nodded. "Yeah, maybe." I said. "Maybe?" Dean asked. "Yeah Dean, maybe. A nurse doesn't really deal with withdrawals from demon blood. They deal with everyday situations, like car accidents and death." I said. "Son of a bitch." Dean said. "I will do what I can." I said. Dean nodded. "Can I go down and see him." Dean looked at Bobby. "I don't think that's a good idea, he's been having hallucinations. If he's not thinking right, he could hurt you." Bobby said. "Well, that's a risk I'm willing to take." I said. Dean sighed, "Dammit, you are so stubborn." Dean said. I nodded, "And that's another reason why you wanted me here." I said. He smiled. "How are you feeling kiddo?" Bobby asked. I shrugged, "Fine I guess." I said. "You guess?" Bobby asked. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Can we go now?" I asked. Bobby got up and led me downstairs.

When I got to the door, Dean opened it slowly. I noticed Sam was sleeping and quietly stepped inside. "You can close the door, I'll be fine." I whispered. Dean shook his head, "Not gonna happen." He whispered. I rolled my eyes and walked over to Sam. His breathing was quick, and he was sweating. I checked his pulse quickly and stepped out. As Bobby shut the door I turned to Dean. "He seems fine given the circumstances." I said. "All we can do is watch him." I said. Dean sat down on the stairs, looking defeated. "Look, why don't you go get some rest, and I'll watch Sam. Okay?" I asked. "No, I'm fine." Dean said. "No you're not, and I swear to God, if you don't sleep, I'll lock you in the panic room with Sam." I said. "Teagan, sleep is the furthest thing from what I need right now." He said. "Okay, well when did you eat last?" I asked looking from Dean to Bobby. They both shrugged. I groaned. "I'll be back." I answered, as I bounded up the steps two at a time. Dean was close behind me. "Teagan, I can't lose Sam." He said. "And you aren't going to. As long as I have anything to say about it. I'll be damned if you lose Sam or if I lose you. I'll figure something out." I said as I headed for the door. "Where are you going?" He asked. "To get food. You guys need to eat or no ones going to be able to take care of anyone." I said. He nodded and headed back down to the panic room.

When I got back to Bobby's house with food, I went down to the panic room and found Bobby sitting there by himself. I looked at him, asking where Dean was without saying it. He nodded his head towards the door of the panic room. I nodded. I knocked on the door. I heard Dean say, "Come in." I opened the door slowly and looked inside. He looked beyond sad and defeated. I brought the bag in with me and handed it to him. "It's your favorite. I know it won't fix things, but you've got to eat." I said. He nodded. "Can you sit with him?" He asked. I nodded and I took his seat as he stood. "Dean." I said. "Yeah?" He asked. "He'll be fine and if he's not, I will hunt down every monster with you." I said looking in his eyes. He nodded and walked out.

I was breathing slowly, trying to keep from getting sick. It had hit me like a ton of bricks. I had been okay since getting here, but I just couldn't do it anymore. I pounded on the door. Dean opened it quickly, "Everything okay?" He asked sounding panicked. I nodded and bounded upstairs. I quickly got in the bathroom and shut the door. I didn't think I would ever stop puking, but I finally did. As I was rinsing my mouth out I looked in the mirror. I looked like death. I shook my head and splashed water on my face. When I opened the bathroom door, Dean was standing there looking scared. "God you look horrible, are you okay?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah, fine."I answered. "When did you sleep last?" He asked. "Uh, last night." I answered. "When did you eat last?" He asked. "On the way back from getting food. I wanted to eat before I got here to give you a chance to just take a breather." I said. "Are you?" He asked, looking at me. I raised an eyebrow, "Am I what?" I asked. "Are you pregnant?" He asked. I laughed, "God no Dean. It's probably just something small. I'm fine." I said. He nodded and began to walk away. I put my hand on his shoulder, he turned to face me. "Dean, what if I am though?" I asked. "I don't know Teagan, we'll figure it out. Do you think -?" He began to ask. I shook my head, "No, I just kind of wanted to know where you stood though." I said, as he once again nodded and walked back downstairs.

I was sitting down in the study going through different books, when Bobby and Dean walked upstairs. I had already poured two glasses of scotch and they were sitting on the desk. "How'd you know?" Bobby asked. I smiled, my hair in my eyes as I continued to look at the book in front of me. "Call it a lucky guess." I said. "Hows everything down stairs?" I asked. "Quiet." Dean said. I nodded. "Look, you two get rest. I'll watch him." I said as I stood and grabbed the book. "Teagan, you don't have to." Dean said. "I know that. I want to." I replied and smiled as I walked downstairs.

I had been sitting there for a while when I heard something in the panic room. I opened the little peep hole to look inside. I noticed Sam on the floor seizing. I ran upstairs as fast as I could. "Dean! Dean!" I yelled as I ran into the living room. "What?" Dean asked. "Come on. It's Sam." I said as I ran back downstairs. I swung the door open as fast as I could. As I went to run into the room with Sam, Dean stopped me. "What if this isn't real?" He asked. "Dean seriously? Let me help him!" I exclaimed. As I said that Sam was thrown against the wall. I jumped. "Help! Now!" I yelled at Bobby and Dean. I ran into the room as Bobby and Dean finally got Sam onto the cot. "We need to chain him up." Bobby said. Dean looked at him. "Are you going to help?" Bobby asked Dean. "Yeah let's just get over with." He replied.

Dean, Bobby and I were sitting in the living room. Bobby got up and went outside, I turned to Dean, "What's wrong?" I asked. "Nothing." He said. "Bullshit Dean, there's something bigger going on and if you want my help you need to tell me. If you don't, I will find out. Don't make me find out on my own." I said. "Fine, we're hunting Lillith. Sam's been drinking demon blood to kill Lillith. Castiel has me working for God and the angels." As he said the last sentence I stopped him. "What?" I asked. "What?" He asked in reply. "When did you becomes someone's bitch?" I asked. "Teagan, we've got to stop all of this." He said. "Yeah I get that. I swear to God Dean." I said as I shook my head. "How do you want me to help? Take care of Sam, sit around and twiddle my fucking thumbs? Because it's apparent you won't let me help any other way. You're to afraid I'm going to get hurt by hunting, but you know what, so I fucked up with my mom. Give me a chance." I said. "None of this has anything to do with what happened with your mom." He said. "Are you sure, because you've treated me a little differently since then. So if it's not because of the warehouse incident, what is it?" I asked. "I always lose the person I love, and I can't lose you." He said. "But I can lose you? Thanks." I said and went back to the book in my hands. Dean went to say something but stopped.

I woke up to Dean and Bobby talking. "What's going on?" I asked. "Sam's gone." Dean said. "What? How did he get out?" I asked. "Ruby maybe?" Dean asked, looking at Bobby. "Wait, whose Ruby?" I asked. "I thought you told her." Bobby said. "You know what, I think I'm going to leave." I said as I stood up and headed for the door. I got to my car and noticed that Dean didn't follow me. I shrugged and turned and began walking. I didn't understand why he wasn't being completely honest with me. I had made a circle and made it back to the house. I walked inside and I heard Bobby talking to Dean. I slowly walked in and faced them both. "Someone better start telling me what's really going on, or I'm leaving." I said.

"You need to be honest with her Dean. Right now you need all the help you can get. I'll give you two some time." Bobby said before walking out. I sat down on the couch and waited. "Fine, look. You remember the girl leaving the hotel room the night we found Sam? That's Ruby. Sam's been drinking her blood to get stronger. He can kill demons without touching them. We're on the verge of an apocalypse because of Sam and I." Dean said. "I knew there was something off about her." I said. "What?" Dean asked. "That night she was leaving, she was staring at me like she knew me. I think she does, and I think I know why. So what's the plan?" I asked. "Well I would like to kill her, but first I've got to find Sam." He said. I nodded, "Tell me something." I said. "What?" He asked. "Do you want my help?" I asked. He nodded, "Yeah, I'm just having a hard time letting you help me." He said. Just then Bobby walked back in. "Dean, believe it or not she knows what she's doing. She can help you, let her." He said. Dean nodded. "Fine." He said. "I'm going to go take a shower and get into some clean clothes. Then I'm going to help you find Sam." I said as I headed upstairs to the guest bedroom and bathroom.

I took a quick shower and got out. I put on a pair of skin tight, ripped black pants. Shoved them into my black calf high boots. I threw on a thin white t-shirt with a long sleeved plaid shirt over it. I threw my hair into a messy bun. I felt much better since I had a shower. As I walked downstairs, my phone began to ring. It was the number my mom had used the other times she had called. I walked into the living room, Dean raised an eyebrow at me. "What do you want?" I asked into the phone. "I can help you." She said. "The only person that is going to need help is you. I let you fuck with me once, I will not let it happen again. You come after me. I fucking dare you." I said. I heard her laugh, "Fine, I declare war." She said. I laughed, "Bitch, you haven't even imagined war yet." I replied and threw my phone against the wall. I was so mad I was shaking. "Your mom?" Bobby asked. I bit my lip, "Whose in favor of finding Sam now?" I asked. "Teagan, what's going on?" Dean asked. I felt numb inside. "I've just started my own war, but yours comes first." I said. "No, we work together." He said. "Dean, you need to find Sam. I'll focus on my own bizarre shit later." I replied. He groaned. "So, any idea where he went?" I asked. "Nothing." Bobby said. "You've tracked his cell?" I asked. They both nodded. "What about police records?" I asked. Bobby nodded. "Okay, well I'll keep looking." I said as I sat down and grabbed my laptop.

I had been keeping an eye on all the police records I could when I finally looked up. Bobby and Dean had fallen asleep. I smiled and laughed to myself. I quietly got up and went to the fridge and grabbed a beer. I glanced at the clock in the kitchen, it was five in the morning. I opened my beer and took a sip. As I was drinking my beer Bobby's phone rang. He quickly woke and answered it. I heard him talking and then he hung up. He slowly walked into the kitchen and I handed him a beer. "Well I think I might have something on Sam. Should I wake Dean up?" He asked. I shrugged. Bobby rolled his eyes. "Fine, wake him up. I'll make breakfast." I said. "Have you slept?" Bobby asked. I shook my head, "No." I said. "When are you going to sleep?" He asked. I laughed, "Who knows." I answered as I began pulling eggs out of the fridge.

We were all sitting down, eating when Bobby finally brought up his information on Sam. "Well what are we sitting around for?" Dean asked. "Well, you two go check out the leads, I'll stay here in case I get any more leads." Bobby said. Dean nodded and finished his food. I got up and took everyone's dishes and rinsed them off. I had already washed up the ones I used to make breakfast. I grabbed my bag and went and put it in the impala. I was waiting on Dean, when he finally came out. I was about to get in the car when he turned to me and asked, "Have you slept?" "No." I replied. "You need sleep." He said. "I'll get sleep." I said as I got in the impala.

We finally found the motel where Sam was staying. It was midnight and we were camped outside the hotel. "Hey, is that Sam?" I asked. "Dammit." Dean said as he noticed where I was looking. Sam was leaving. "Do we follow him? Or go to the room?" I asked. "Hotel." He said as Sam pulled away. We waited a few minutes, until the coast was clear and headed up. Dean picked the lock as I watched for anyone coming down the hallway. As Dean opened the hotel door Ruby was inside. Dean rushed in and began yelling at her. I came in and shut the door as they began to really duke it out. "Hey, I know you." Ruby said glaring at me. "Oh yeah?" I asked. She pushed Dean off of her and she walked up to me. "Yeah, your mom's gorgeous." She said. "I'm glad you think so, to me she just looks like another demon skank." I replied, smiling. "She sends her love." She said. I grabbed her by the throat and slammed her against the wall. "Fuck you." I said hissing it in her face. "I'm just a messenger." She said. "Bullshit. Your a twisted bitch. You fucking corrupting Sam, you throw my mom in my face like I give a shit. I will end you bitch." I said. She smiled, as Sam walked in. "What the hell?" He asked furious. "Sam, back off." Dean said. "No." He said as he pushed me off of Ruby. "Get out of here." He said, glaring at me. Sam turned to Dean, as I watched Ruby leave. They were arguing as I left right behind Ruby.

I had lost sight of her when I got outside. As I turned around to go back inside, she came up behind me and shoved me against the brick wall. I laughed, "What are you going to do?" I asked. "Maybe do to you what your mom did." She said. "Go for it." I replied. "I think it would be more fun to make Dean watch, don't you?" She asked. "Whatever gets you off, you sick bitch." I spit at her. She laughed, "My my, don't you have a temper." She said. As she said that I kicked her in the stomach and she let go of me. "Do not fuck with me." I said. As I began walking towards her, she punched me square in the jaw. I glared at her, "That's the best you've got?" I asked. She smiled. I noticed she pulled a knife from her jacket. Before I could get to mine she had pushed me back against the brick wall and put the blade against my throat. As she did Sam and Dean came outside. "Do it bitch." I said, smiling. She pushed her arm harder into my throat. "What's stopping you?" I asked. "Ruby!" Sam said. She let go of me, when she did and began walking away, I grabbed the back of her head and slammed it into the brick wall. She stumbled back, "Let me tell you something, the next time you threaten me, either finish me or I'll finish you." I said as I walked past Sam and to the impala. I put my hands on the trunk and took a deep breath. "Why did you kill her?" Sam asked. I looked at him, and glared, "Because I know what you are capable of, as long as you can get your fix. Besides, this kill is Dean's, not mine. I would love to end your demon girlfriend, but I won't. Yet." I answered. Dean looked from me to Sam.

Sam had gone after Ruby. "What the hell happened?" Dean asked. "Nothing." I replied. "Something." He said. "Dean, just let it go." I said. "No, Teagan, not until you tell me what the hell is going on." He said. "Look, apparently she's besties with my _mom_. She's fucking messing with me, just to get under my skin and it's working. I knew I had seen her somewhere before the first time, well I do. She was in the warehouse." I said. Dean looked at me angrily. "And you're just now telling me this?" He asked. "I wasn't sure at first, not until tonight." I said. He laughed, "Well I liked how you bashed her face in." He said. I smiled and winced in pain, "Thanks. She's yours, though." I said. "No, it's who ever gets her first." He said looking at me. I nodded and sat down on the edge of the hotel bed. "I'm just curious as to why she didn't kill me." I said. Dean shrugged. I couldn't get that out of my head. It's not like she cared.

I put my headphones on, opened my laptop and laid down on the bed. As I was checking my e-mail, I felt another presence in the room. I pulled my headphones off and looked up. Cas was sitting with Dean, talking to him. I turned back to my computer and put my headphones back on. I continued checking my e-mail and finally turned around and noticed Cas was gone. I shook my head and took my headphones. "Does he do that a lot?" I asked. "Yeah." Dean said. "Okay." I replied and closed my laptop.

I had nodded off, and when I woke, I woke with a start. My heart beating super fast. I almost gasped. I looked around and Dean was still sitting at the table. "How long was I asleep?" I asked. "Like an hour. You okay?" He asked. I nodded. "Well do we want to head back to Bobby's?" He asked. "Whatever." I answered. I rubbed my eyes and sat up on the edge of the bed. I finally stood and grabbed my things and packed them away. "Hey," Dean said. I looked at him, "What?" I asked. "Are you okay?" He asked. "Tell me, are you okay?" I asked. "Fair enough." He replied. I walked out first and put my stuff in the car as Dean followed me out.

When we got to Bobby's I headed upstairs and took a quick shower and threw on some clean clothes. My lip still hurt, I had a bruise and a cut on my lip. I rolled my eyes as I looked in the mirror and went downstairs. As I walked into the living room, Bobby and Dean were arguing. I sat down quietly away from them both. "Fine, I'll call him." Dean said as he got up and walked outside. I watched him as he walked past me. "Do you think everything will be okay?" I asked, looking at Bobby. "I hope so." Bobby replied. I nodded. "What happened to you?" He asked. "Ruby happened." I said sarcastically. "Why did you let her have the upper hand?" He asked. "How did you know?" I asked in reply. "Because I know you, you don't let anyone win a fight unless you want them to. What's going on with you?" He asked. "She's Dean's kill. Do you think she's helping Sam or using him?" I asked. "Honestly I don't know." Bobby said. "Well I think she's using Sam. I just hope Sam figures it out before it's to late." I said. "Me too kiddo, me too." He said as he sat down at his desk.

Dean came back inside and sat down on the couch. "Well, this has been fun and all, but I don't think there's anything else I can do." I said. "So you're leaving?" Dean asked. I nodded. "You need sleep before you drive." He said. "I'll be fine." I replied. "Dammit Teagan." He said. I laughed, "I'll be fine." I said again, as I stood slowly. I grabbed my bag and walked out the door. Dean followed me. "Why are you really leaving?" He asked. "Because, this is your fight. I can stay and do nothing or go home and do nothing." I said. "What if I want you to stay?" He asked. "What if I said no?" I asked in return. He smiled and kissed me. "Go home, get some sleep. I'll call you or Bobby will call you if anything happens." He said. I returned his kiss and then got in my car and drove away.

I got home, locked the doors and went to bed. I crashed, hard. When I woke up it was noon the next day. I had stopped and bought a cell phone on my way home and looked at it. No missed calls and no messages. I felt like I could sleep ten more hours, but I couldn't just waste my day in bed, so I got up. As I was checking my e-mail I noticed there was an article for Lawrence, Kansas. I clicked on it but nothing was there. I shrugged, deleted the message and closed my laptop. I wasn't sure what I should be doing. I felt bad for coming home, but I needed sleep. I got up, went to the living room, laid down on the couch and turned the television on. I watched T.V for what seemed like just a short while before I fell back to sleep.

It had been a few days and there was still nothing from anyone. So I packed my car and headed to Bobby's house. I got there around noon and almost ran up the steps. I burst into the living room, "Hey, how are things going?" I asked. "Fine, I guess. Dean's been gone since the day after you left." He said. "You haven't heard from him?" I asked. Bobby shook his head, "No." I groaned and went into the study. "However, I found out something about you, that you've been hiding for a while." He said. I looked at him confused, "What?" I asked. "Why didn't you tell us you had a bachelors in forensic science to go with your nursing?" He asked. I shrugged, "It never came up?" I asked in reply. "That's B.S Teagan and you know it. Why did you keep it from us?" He asked. I laughed, "Because, Bobby. I just don't talk about my accomplishments if you haven't ever noticed, as long as the subject stays off of me I'm fine." I said. "So what else are you hiding?" he asked. "Nothing." I answered. "Oh really?" He eyed me. "What?" I asked, sounding a little guilty. "Mind telling me who you were engaged to? Was the baby you lost even Dean's?" Bobby asked. Just then the front door swung open. My heart began to pound. In walked Sam and Dean. I looked quickly at Bobby, pleading silently with my eyes, for him not to say anything. "Hey, so what happened?" Bobby asked. "Well, obviously Ruby tricked Sam. Satan is free, and we've got a full blown apocalypse on our hands." Dean said sitting down next to me. "You look worried, what's wrong?" He asked. I shook my head, "Nothing. I need some air." I said as I stood and hurriedly walked outside.

I finally made it back inside, Dean and Sam were neck deep in books. I grabbed a beer out of the fridge as Bobby walked in. "So you gonna explain to me what happened?" He asked quietly. "Dammit Bobby, yes, I was engaged, yes the baby was Dean's. I met this guy after I had the miscarriage. Anything else you want to know? I don't like talking about my mistakes okay. So can we just leave them alone?" I asked. Just then Dean walked in. "Leave who alone?" He asked, grabbing a beer. "Nothing." I replied. He looked at me, an eyebrow raised. "Wow, fine, here it goes. Since apparently my shit can't stay in the past. Dean, I was engaged, after we broke up, Bobby the private eye here dug up my past. Apparently it wasn't enough to keep tabs on you two that he wanted to know exactly what I've been up to. And before you ask, yes, Jessie was yours. Also, I have a bachelors in forensic science. I had no life. There. Is everyone happy?" I asked bitterly. I took another sip from my beer and headed for the door. As I walked outside I slammed the door behind me. I was furious. Why did Bobby do that? I felt like my life was unraveling, fast, around me. The whole world was spinning. Just then Dean walked up behind me. "I think we need to talk." He said. "Yeah I think so too." I replied.

"So, why didn't you tell anyone this before?" He asked. "So, hold on, you aren't mad?" I asked in reply. He shook his head, "Teagan, how do I have any right to be mad at you, when I lied about Ben and Lisa?" he asked. When he said her name, my heart hurt. I had come to accept the fact that if he wanted Ben to be a part of his life, I was fine with that, but I was always afraid that he would go back to Lisa, and love her more, than he would ever love me. "Teagan?" He asked. "Sorry, uh, I don't know, I just didn't tell anyone, because it never really came up. The miscarriage, the engagement, neither of those two things I really care to talk about. I mean, I just don't understand. I hate to say this, but maybe, maybe it's better right now, if we go our own ways." I said. Dean looked at me in shock, "Are you just saying that, because you're afraid of your past?" He asked. I shrugged, "I don't know anymore Dean. I mean. Trust me when I say this, I never loved him as much as I loved and love you. Never. I just never thought we would be standing here together, every again. So I tried to move on." I said. "I'm not mad, I get it. I just don't understand why you never told me any of this." He replied. "Because it's not something I can just bring up casually, 'oh by the way I was engaged after I had the miscarriage, you know the one where I lost our daughter, and on top of that I also have a bachelor in forensic science.' I mean, really, how could I tell you. There was never really a good time." I said. He nodded, "I know. Look, I don't know what I can do to make you believe I don't care about your past, I mean I care about the important stuff, but who cares about the guy you were going to marry, as long as one day, you're walking down the aisle towards me." He said. I smiled. "I'm sorry, I never told you. I am. I just don't understand why Bobby dug into my past." I said. "Because I had him to. You've been acting weird lately, no offense, and I wanted to know if there was something I didn't know. He never told me though. So don't be pissed at him. He was just doing what I asked." Dean said. My jaw dropped, "What? _You_ had him dig into my past. Seriously?" I asked. Dean nodded his head, looking guilty. "Okay, fine, whatever. Now you know. I've been acting weird lately, because if you don't remember, when I was sick you asked if there was a possibility I could be pregnant. I'm beginning to think that maybe I am." I said. "What? And you haven't checked, to see, maybe if you are? And your drinking?" He asked, almost angrily. "Please, don't be mad, but with everything that's happening right now, I kind of hope I'm not." I said sadly. "Seriously?" Dean asked, angrier than before. "Yes, seriously. I mean if by some fucked up chance you guys don't win this, you seriously think bringing a child into this mess would be a great idea?" I asked. His eyes slowly lowered from my eyes to my stomach, "I don't know." he said quietly. "I get it Dean, I do. I want it too, just not right now." I said. "Well, why don't you at least make sure?" He asked. I shrugged, "Because I'm scared." I said. He pulled me to him, "Hey, whatever happens, we'll be okay." he said. I nodded, "Fine, let's find out then." I said. "Really? Right now?" He asked. I nodded. "Okay, well I'll go tell Bobby we're going to town to pick up beer. Wait here." He said.

When we got to the convenient store, my entire body was shaking on the inside. I was so nervous. I felt like I was going to be sick. We both got out and went inside. Once inside Dean headed for the beer, and I headed for the pregnancy tests. I finally spotted some and grabbed three, I walked over, grabbed a water and went and paid. The cashier looked at me as if I were crazy. "What?" I asked. "N-nothing, is this it?" He asked. I nodded and handed him some cash. I drank the water, like I hadn't had anything to drink in days, and headed for the bathroom. I quickly peed on all three of them, and sat them, with the caps on, down on the sink. I sat there, pretty much twiddling my thumbs until I noticed them beginning to change. My heart dropped to my stomach, as I watched them. I waited a little longer, and then looked. A wave of relief washed over me. All three were negative. I quickly opened the door, where Dean was pacing back and forth and the cashier was watching. When he saw me emerge from the bathroom he quickly turned away. "Well?" Asked Dean. "I'm not." I said. He sighed. "You really want to be a dad don't you?" I asked. "We'll talk about it in the car." he said. I quickly threw the tests in the trash can and we headed out the door.

Once we were in the car Dean turned to me, "Are you serious?" He asked. I looked at him confused, "What?" I asked. "Are you serious about wanting kids and being married?" He asked. I sat there for a moment. Smiling on the inside, but watching him nervously twitch. I began laughing, "Of course." I said. "Dammit, don't do that." He said. I laughed again, "It was fun though, but seriously, yes, I am serious. Just don't rush it ya know." I said. "What are you afraid of?" He asked. "Of it all. Dean, this is new for you, but it's pretty fucking new for me. I don't do relationships very well. I push people away. So when I try to push you away and you stay, it shows me your serious. It scares the hell out of me. When I'm quiet, it's because I'm freaking out on the inside." I said looking him dead in the eye. "So, all those times you would fight with me, or just not talk to me, it wasn't because you wanted me to leave, it's because you wanted me to stay and fight for you." He said, finally realizing. I nodded, "Yes. You are the first person in my entire life, to know my entire background. I like to have my own secrets, like you like to have yours, and now, I have nothing hidden from you. I feel vulnerable." I said and looked out the window. "Teagan, there isn't anything you don't know about me." He said quietly. "Really? How many people have you slept with? How many broken hearts do you leave wherever you go?" I asked. He stuttered, "Well, I don't know those things about you." He said. "Yes you do. You and my ex-fiance. I go to bars to prove to myself that I can be with anyone I want. Honestly. I never go home with anyone, God. And broken hearts? Uh, one. You broke my heart remember." I said. "Really?" He asked. "Really what?" I asked. He laughed, "So you've never gone home with anyone?" He asked. "God no." I began laughing, "Well, I can lead someone on really well though." I said winking. He laughed, "So your a tease?" He asked. I nodded, "You don't remember? You are the only person that I have had a one night stand with." I said looking at him with a serious look.

We pulled up in front of Bobby's house, "So seriously though? I've been your only one night stand?" He asked. "Oh my god Dean, are you proud of that?" I asked. He nodded, "Well hell yeah, that means I did something right." He said and chuckled. My jaw dropped open, "Seriously. Now your turn. Answer my question." I said. "Some other time?" He asked. "Hell no, now." I said. "Enough to know I don't want to go back to that, and enough to know I don't want to do it ever again." he said looking at me, then he pulled me to him and kissed me. I smiled against his mouth and returned his kiss.

We went inside and Bobby gave us a weird look. "What?" I asked. "That was a long beer run." He said. "Yup, but there's beer, that's all anyone needs to know." I said. "Uh huh." He said and went back to the book in front of him as I went to the kitchen and put the beer in the fridge. I grabbed one and popped the top off and took a sip as Sam and Dean came into the kitchen. They were talking to each other, and stopped as they saw me standing there. "Uh, I'll leave." I said. "No, no, stay." Dean said. I looked around, "Um, okay." I replied. "So Sam has a stalker." Dean said laughing. "What?" I asked. Sam chuckled, "Yeah long story." He said. I sat my beer down on the counter, raised my eyebrows and crossed my arms, "Well, I've got nothin' but time." I said smiling.

"What?" I asked in shock, and began laughing. "Hold on, sorry. I can't, I just can't. She's in love with you Sam!" I said biting my lip trying not to laugh. Sam groaned and Dean laughed. "So, really, in all seriousness. How are you going to get rid of her?" I asked, looking at Sam. "I have no idea, just ignore her, I guess." he said. "Sounds like a plan." I said. "So, I have to ask, why did it take you two so long to get beer?" Sam asked cocking an eyebrow. "Uh, Dean?" I asked. "We just got away, talked." Dean said. I looked at him and rolled my eyes, "No, that's part of why it took so long. Dean was freaking thinking I was pregnant, when I was sick. Which got me to freaking out, so when we got beer I took a couple of pregnancy tests." I said quietly. "And?" Sam asked, looking from Dean to me. "I'm not." I said. "Oh, well is that a good thing?" He asked. "Hell yeah, for now. Eventually, sure, whatever, but right now I want to just be free ya know?" I asked. Sam nodded, and Dean looked kind of upset, but hid it well enough for Sam not to notice. If Sam did notice he didn't say anything.

**Chapter 6**

**May 2012**

"What the hell happened?" I asked, as I walked into the hospital room where Bobby was laid up and where the doctor had just fled from. I giggled as I walked in because I knew exactly how scary any of us could be. Especially Bobby. "That damn doctor says I'm paralyzed." Bobby said. Dean hugged me quickly and let me go. We weren't broken up, but we had spent quite a bit of time apart because of the mess that was going on. "Well, I can talk to him and find out, but I swear to God if you yell at me, you'll be more than paralyzed, if you are." I said. "It don't matter." Bobby said still sounding pissed off. "Yeah, Bobby, it does matter. If your paralyzed we need to know. And if you aren't, well we need to know." I said. "Look at you being all professional." Dean said. "Shut up, this is my job remember. Or, well it used to be." I said ending the sentence quietly. They all looked at me, "What?" I asked. "Nothing." Dean said. "I need to talk to you." I said looking directly at Dean. I stepped out into the hall as Dean followed me. "What the hell happened?" I asked, whispering. "Long story." He said looking at me. I looked around the hospital, "Fine, tell me later, but you better tell me." I said. "I will." He replied. "Well I'm going to go find the doctor and see what exactly is going on." I said as I began to walk away.

I finally tracked down the doctor and talked to him. He told me the news. I just had to figure out how to tell Bobby. "Other than him being your friend, why are you so interested?" He asked. "I used to be a trauma nurse in Kansas, but quit due to family issues." I said. "Oh, well, if you're interested we could use someone like you here." He said. "Uh, I-I'll have to think about it. Thank you though." I replied and quickly walked away. As I got back to Bobby's room, I felt shaken. I hadn't been a nurse in a little while and wasn't sure if I ever wanted to go back. I walked in, "Well what did you find out?" Bobby asked. "Well, Bobby, it's not good." I said. He groaned. "I'm sorry. I wish I had a different answer for you, but I don't." I said. "It's not your fault kiddo." He said quietly. Seeing Bobby this way broke my heart. He had practically raised me. When my dad wasn't around, Bobby was. Dean and Sam were talking to Bobby, so I slipped out the door and walked to my car.

As I got to my car my phone rang. "Hello?" I asked. "Hey, where did you disappear to?" Dean asked. "My car." I replied. "Stay there, I'll be out in a minute." He said and hung up. I hopped up on to the trunk of my car and sat there waiting for him. A few minutes passed as I saw Dean walk out. As he got closer to me, he smiled, "You could be a model." He said. I laughed, "Bullshit, anyways, why don't you tell me what happened?" I asked. "I'm being serious Teag, you look amazing sitting there." He said as he sat down next to me. "Enough of about me, what about Bobby, what happened?" I asked. "You just can't take a complement and be happy can you?" He asked. "Not right now, no." I replied looking at him. "Not ever, but anyways. Apparently a demon possessed him and to save us, he stabbed himself to get rid of the demon. Long story short." He said. I nodded, "Smart but stupid move. I wish I could have been there and maybe I could have saved him." I said. "You talk like he's dead, he's not." Dean said. "I know that Dean, but just like to you he's been a dad to me. I feel like I let him down." I replied. "You didn't let anybody down, none of us could have known this was going to happen." He said. I shrugged. "By the way, why did you look so shaken when you came back?" He asked. "No reason." I replied quickly. "Bullshit, I know you better than that. What happened while you were talking to the doctor?" He asked. "I was offered a job." I said, looking at my hands. "Seriously, Teagan that's awesome. I know you've been wanting to go back to work." Dean said, putting his finger under my chin and lifting my head so that I would look at him. "I don't know if I want to work in this field. Every time you were gone, I was so scared that you, or Sam would be coming through the trauma center. I don't know if I can do that again." I said. "I see your point. What do you want to do?" he asked. "I want to hunt. I want to be who I was meant to be." I said. "Teagan, don't waste your education on some shit storm like this. You're so smart, which I'm still trying to figure out why you ever fell for someone like me." He said. "What's that supposed to mean? Education has nothing to do with any of this." I answered. "Yes it does, I have a G.E.D, I didn't graduate high school. I didn't go to college. You could have anyone, and you're with me." he said. "God Dean, so what if you never went to college? Education means nothing to me. It's the type of person you are." I said. "I'm not so great, I'm an asshole and you know that." He said. "No you're not. I mean everyone has their moments, but we're both assholes then I guess. We both push people away, we're both so damn hard on ourselves, maybe that's why I fell for you. Have you stopped to think about that? We're so much alike but so different at the same time that we end up balancing each other out." I said.

Dean sat there for a while, before I looked at him. "So why are you so quiet?" I asked. "Because you're right. I just still can't figure out why you fight so hard for me." He said. "Why do you fight so hard for me?" I asked in reply. "Because I love you." He answered. "Well there's your answer, that's why I fight for you. That's why, no matter what we go through, I'll always be there for you. No matter what." I said. "How did I get so lucky?" He asked. I laughed, "Because even though, all those years ago, when we were just having fun together, you treated me like no one else. You gave me a chance." I said. "Why did no one else ever give you chance?" He asked. "Look at me Dean, I'm kind of fucking weird. I hunt monsters, no one ever knew obviously, but I wasn't an easy book to read. I didn't let anyone in, I didn't show emotion, and when my dad died that made things worse. Everyone thought I was weird. They still do." I said laughing. "Well I don't think you're weird." he said. "Of course you don't, there's nothing to hide, we know the real person." I said. He nodded and hopped of my car. "Well I better get back. They're probably already thinking the worst." he said, and chuckled. I nodded.

I couldn't get our conversation out of my head, or the way Bobby had reacted when I told him the horrible news. I felt like a failure, I felt like I had let them down, and I was pissed. I ended up driving to a bar, I didn't even know the name of it. I was sitting enjoying my drink. Trying not to think, but how could I stop myself. Dean had tried calling me, but I just really didn't want to talk to anyone right now. I listened to his voicemails and he seemed hurt. Not angry, not anxious, just really hurt. As I was listening to the last voicemail he had left, I felt something wet and cold down my back and giggling. "Oh my God I am so sorry. I mean, not really." The girl said as she walked away laughing. I stood up and walked up behind her. "You've got to be fucking kidding me right now." I said to the back of her head. "No, you freak. I'm not kidding." She said turning around. "You might want to reconsider wanting to start shit with me." I said. She laughed, "What are you going to do? Go cry in a corner?" She asked. I chuckled, "No you skanky gang bang bitch, I'm going to knock your teeth so down your std infected throat that you're going to be shitting them out for weeks." I said. "Are you fucking threatening me?" She asked. "No, I'm fucking stating facts." I said. Just as I said that she hit me, hard. I laughed, "try again bitch." I said as I hit her square in the face. She dropped to the floor, and quickly got back up. She went to slap me and instead of slapping me she clawed at my face. "Really, you're not a fucking cat. You're like a damn stray dog, fight like a human." I said as I hit her again. This time she didn't get up, she began to cry as blood was running from her nose and mouth. I turned around, threw money on the bar and walked calmly to my car. I felt better now.

I finally called Dean back. They were still at the hospital. I pulled into the parking lot, looked around and walked inside. "Ma'am do you need help?" The nurse at the desk asked. I smiled, my lip fucking hurt like hell. My cheek hurt, and I knew I was bleeding, "No. Thanks." I said as I hurried to Bobby's room. Once inside, they all looked at me shocked, "What the hell happened?" Dean asked, furious. "God, nothing. Well, something, but nothing." I said. Bobby glared at me, "You better start talkin'." He said. I laughed, "God, it wasn't fucking demons, well, kind of, but not really." I said glaring at the ceiling. "You are making no sense." Bobby said. "Well if you consider the female race fucking demons, then yes. However, it wasn't a legitimate demon, it was just some bitch trying to be cute. It didn't really work out for her though." I said. Sam began to chuckle under his breath when I saw Dean shoot him a nasty look. "So you ignored my calls because you were, fighting?" he asked. "Well, I was ignoring your calls because I wanted some alone time, but then I fought. She shouldn't have spilt her drink down my back and been a bitch about it. She hit me first, so it was fair game at that point." I said. "What the hell did you say to her to make her hit you? I know better Teagan." Dean said. I laughed, "well first I asked if she was fucking kidding, she said no, then proceeded to call me a freak. I told her she might want to reconsider fucking with me, and she said why I would probably just go cry in a corner. Then she hit me, I told her to try again and I just decked her. She went down for a split second, came back up and scratched me, which, seriously? Come on, how is someone _not_ supposed to get pissed?" I asked. At this point Sam couldn't control himself. "You have _got_ to be kidding me." Dean said, almost shouting. "That's what I said to, but apparently neither of us are kidding." I said smiling. "I know you weren't that calm about it." Dean said. "no, not really." I said. "So what exactly did you say?" He asked. "Well after she told me I'd probably go cry in a corner I told her ' No you skanky gang bang bitch, I'm going to knock your teeth so down your std infected throat that you're going to be shitting them out for weeks' she then proceeded to ask if I was threatening her, which in turn I told her that no I was stating facts. That's when she hit me." I said. "Jesus Christ Teagan, seriously?" Dean asked. I shrugged, "Well, yeah, what did you want me to do? 'Oh, no, I apologize, I really thought you just wanted to be friends.' Fuck that Dean." I said. I felt myself getting angry all over again.

Just then a doctor and two officers walked in, "Ma'am can you come with us please?" One of the officers asked. "Sure, I'd be delighted." I said. Dean looked at me as if I were crazy, and honestly at this point, I was feeling like I was. "Are you really going to arrest her? It was self defense." Sam said. "Who are you?" the officer asked. "I'm her friend." he said. "Well the girl she beat, has suffered a fractured nose and two broken teeth. She wants to file charges." The officer replied. "And you aren't going to ask if I would like to press charges, she hit me first!" I exclaimed. "We'll talk to you at the station." The officer said as he placed me in handcuffs. I laughed, "This is total fucking bullshit." I said. "Watch your language." he said. "No, I'm good." I replied. Dean was standing there shaking his head, as Bobby looked at me in shock.

I sat cross legged in the chair, shackles on my wrists. I was chained to the table. "Teagan is it?" The officer asked. "Yeah, for the most part." I answered. "What do you mean?" He asked. "Well I mean, sometimes it's Teag, apparently sometimes it's freak." I said. "Well, Teagan, do you know why you're here?" He asked. "Yeah, sure, for beating the shit out of some bitch who started shit with me at the bar." I answered. It was the truth, I was done taking shit. "Are you aware that you fractured her nose and broke teeth?" he asked. "Are you aware she spilt her drink on me, split my lip and tried to scratch my face down to the bone?" I asked in return. "Answer my question." he said demandingly. "No, I didn't realize that." I answered. "Do you remember doing this?" he asked, showing me pictures of her freshly photographed face. I smiled, "yes, it's a work of art isn't it?" I asked. "Answer my question." he said, slamming his fists down on the table. I glared at his hands, as my eyes met his, I felt all the spark wash away, "Fine, _officer_. Yes, I remember doing that, and guess what? It felt fucking good." I said, using emphasis on good. He looked at me as if I had lost my mind. "We'll be back in here in a few minutes, to let you know what she decides." He said as he left. I rolled my eyes and looked in the two-way mirror. Somehow, I felt more alive than I had felt in a long time. My conscious wasn't telling me not to say certain things. I felt free.

"Mrs. McMillan, she's not pressing charges, however we are mandating you meet with a doctor and have a psychological evaluation. He'll be in here in a few minutes." The officer said. Literally just a few minutes later a doctor walked in. He asked me thousands of questions and wrote on his stupid clipboard. I was seething with rage. I didn't know how any of this would help, but whatever. "Mrs. McMillan, do you have any family?" The doctor asked. "No, I mean, friends, but no blood family. Why?" I asked. "Just a typical question." I said. "Bullshit, why do you want to know?" I asked again. "I wanted to get some family history, your parents where are they?" He asked. "My dad died years ago, and my mom left me when I was little." I answered. "Any siblings?" He asked. "Not that I know of." I replied. "Any known depression in your family?" He asked. I laughed, "Come on seriously, anyone would be depressed if they dealt with family like mine." I answered. He nodded, "Look, I want you to take these." He said handing me two pills. "What are they for?" I asked. "Depression and anxiety. You have clinical depression and suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which leads to anxiety. I'll write you a prescription and would like for you to go to counseling weekly." He said. I laughed, "Neither of those things are going to happen. Sorry to rain on your parade." I said. "Either they will happen, or you'll be in jail. Your call." The officer said. "Fine. Whatever, can I go?" I asked. "You're free to go." The officer said, uncuffing me.

Dean had come and picked me up. In the car on the way to the hospital to see Bobby he asked, "So how did you get off?" "She didn't press charges." I replied. "Well that's good, listen Teag, you know I love you, but what's going on with you?" He asked. I sat quiet for a few minutes, arguing with myself whether to tell Dean or not. I finally decided to tell him, "Well apparently I have depression and post traumatic stress disorder, see I find out I'm a little bit more fucked up everyday." I said staring out the window. "Wait, isn't post traumatic stress disorder normally in people that have been to war?" He asked. "Normally, but it's more common in people that have experienced horrible shit. Whatever, they want me to take pills and see a counselor. If I don't, apparently I'll go to jail." I said. "You said she didn't press charges though." Dean said. I shrugged, "I don't know." I answered.

We arrived at the hospital, and Dean went in before I did. I needed some time to think, so I hung out in the parking lot. When I finally got to Bobby's room I could hear them talking about me and what I had told Dean. I walked in slowly and they stopped talking. "I know you guys were talking about me, I heard the conversation in the hallway. Look, I get that everyone's worried, but I'm fine." I said. "I don't think you are, something's going on, and we can't fix it." Dean said. "Maybe I'm not meant to be fixed." I said. "Everyone deserves to feel fixed." Bobby said. "Not everyone Bobby." I replied as I sat down in a chair.

I sat in the waiting room for the therapist for what seemed like eternity. "Mrs. McMillan?" She finally said. I stood up slowly and walked towards her, "How are you?" She asked beaming at me. "I've been better apparently." I replied as I shook her hand and followed her into her office. "So I see here on the papers, that this was mandated." She said looking at me. "I guess." I replied. "What do you mean you guess, the judge ordered it correct?" She asked. "No, the doctor and the officers ordered it. There were no charges pressed, so there was no court hearing." I replied. "So, let me be honest with you, if a judge didn't order you to be here, you don't have to be here." She said. "Wait, what? They told me if I didn't take the pills and come see you, I would end up in jail." I said, looking her dead in the eyes. "Well, they lied to you. However, I would like to do a few tests with you, to see maybe if you really are depressed and suffer from ptsd. If it's okay with you." She said. "Sure, whatever, just to get one thing clear though, I'm not taking pills." I said. "I don't blame you, if there are no reason for them then they shouldn't be taken. I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself, my name is Valerie." She said. "Nice to meet you." I said casually.

"Well based on the answers you gave me, it seems as if the doctor was right, however, if you would like to come to counseling I'm sure you can work through these things." Valerie said. I nodded, "I don't know. I'm not good with talking to anyone. I don't even really talk to my boyfriend and we've been together a long time." I said. She nodded, "Can I ask you something?" "Sure." I replied. "Do you ever get angry at the drop of a hat?" She asked. "I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I want to rip someones throat out. I have a very low tolerance for people." I said. She nodded, "Okay. How about you come back next week, if you want, and we can talk?" She asked. "We'll see. Am I done?" I asked. She nodded, "Yeah, this session is over." She replied. I stood, shook her hand and walked out the door.

As I got in my car, I knew I needed time. Time away from everyone. I stopped at a liquor store, bought some stuff and headed on my way. I wasn't sure where I was going, or what I planned on doing when I got there, I just knew I needed as little human contact as possible. The last couple of days I felt done. Done with everything. Done with Dean, Sam and Bobby. Done with hunting, done with working. Done with taking people's shit. I felt an immense emptiness inside and wasn't sure why. I shook my head as I finally made it to a hotel room. I wasn't even sure where I was, I just know I had been driving for a long time. It was already dark outside. I parked my car and sat for a few minutes. I had made a hex bag as soon as I had left the hospital, that way no one could find me. No demons, no angels, no Dean. I got out of my car, grabbed the liquor out of the floor board and headed inside.

"Where the hell could she be? Her phone is off." Dean said looking at Sam. "Maybe she's just out, taking a breather." Sam replied. "Teagan doesn't take breathers, she ends up beating the shit out of someone." Dean said. "Look man, she's probably fine. Give her a little while, if you still can't reach her, then start freaking." Sam said. Dean nodded, "I guess your right." He said. They both sat down and began trying to figure out what exactly to do about the apocalypse they had started. Dean and Sam didn't want to be vessels to demons or angels, so they needed to figure out another way. Dean couldn't get Teagan off his mind, _what if it's me that's making her angry? What if I'm the reason for how she's been acting. _Dean thought to himself. _I wish this whole apocalypse bullshit was over, so we could go back to the way things used to be_. He thought, as he was staring at the book in front of him. _But how do you go back to the way things used to be, when the person you're in love with seems to not care about the things in the past. I just wish I really knew what was going on._ He thought. Just then the phone rang. He looked over at Bobby who was sitting in his wheelchair facing away from both him and Sam. He didn't flench, he didn't move. He watched Bobby until the phone stopped ringing. "Have you ever thought that Teagan gives her all for everyone, but no one really does anything for her?" Sam asked. Dean just stared at him, "I know it's hard for you to understand, but think about it. She has no one. No family, at least you have me. She doesn't have any siblings, she's never had parents. She had a career and gave it up for you, for hunting, trying to make sure that all three of us are okay. She beats herself up, just like you do when she can't save everyone, but Dean, she needs to be saved. She's lost everything, so we need to help her." Sam said. "I never really looked at it that way. She can be harmful to herself, I just hope she's okay until we find her." Dean said looking at Sam.

I sat on the bed looking at the hotel around me. I felt numb. I had turned my phone off and dumped it in a trash can miles before I got here. The hex bags wouldn't let anyone find me. I wasn't sure where I was going to go next, but I knew I wasn't going back. I went to take a drink from the third whiskey bottle and found out it was empty. "God damnit." I snarled and hurled the bottle at the wall. I knew I was going to need to go get more, but I knew if Dean had people looking for me, they could be anywhere. I quickly grabbed a beanie from my bag and put it on. I put some dark sunglasses on and left the hotel.

I quickly bought rum, they were out of whiskey, and went back to the hotel. I walked in and quickly locked the door. I sat down on the bed and opened the first bottle. I looked at the bottle, put the lid back on and packed up my things. I needed to get out of here before someone found me. I quickly put my stuff in my car and took off. I stopped at a gas station, filled my gas tank off and continued on the road to no where.

Weeks had passed, no one had heard from me. I ended up in Seattle, Washington. It was rainy all the time, matched my mood perfectly. I hadn't hunted in a while. I didn't want to stir up trouble and be found, so I was keeping a low profile. I had gone out to get some fresh air. I wasn't gone long. When I got back to the hotel I walked in and there on my bed sat Dean. "What the hell are you doing?" I asked. No real emotion in my voice. "I should ask you the same thing." Dean said, sounding pissed off but sad at the same time. "Seriously Teagan, have you ate, or slept?" he asked. I shrugged, "Not in a while." I said. "Look, I get it. I'm here to apologize, not to fight." Dean said. "Apologize for what?" I asked. "Not being there for you. You're there for me, for Sam, hell you're there for everyone, but whose there for you?" He asked. "Myself, Dean. That's all I've ever had, because you know what, everyone goes away in the end and it always ends up the same. That's why I don't let you in. You're going to leave eventually and I'll feel like a fucking dumbass. I'm good." I said, sitting in a chair away from him. "That's not fair Teagan, I'm not leaving you." He said. "Oh really? What if the shit really hits the fan and you sale your soul? Or worse, you just get killed? You'll be gone Dean. Again. Remember, I've done this with you, you were gone for six months, and you've been distant since you came back. You want to know what's going on in my mind? What's going on in yours, because only you know. I don't, but here's a little insight: I quit my job, the job I worked so hard to get. I became a hunter again, for what? I follow you around like a god damn puppy, and that has _never_ been me. I lost our child, but you're a dad anyways. Bobby, the only father figure I've had since I was 14, I couldn't help him. Sam, Sam, I couldn't help him either. I couldn't keep you from going to hell. I'm a complete fucking failure. I'm not sure, where I am, or where I'm going, but I know I'm doing it alone." I said looking Dean dead in the eyes. "Woah, Teagan, you're not a failure." Dean said, getting up to come to me. I stood up, "Don't Dean. Just let me be. I'm going down alone, you're not coming with me." I said. "I'll be damned, I'm not going to just sit back and watch you destroy yourself, because you feel, somewhere deep inside that you completely failed everyone. You haven't failed anyone, you can't be a hero all the time. Trust me I know." He said. "Imagine this Dean, take Sam out of the equation, what do you have?" I asked. "No one." He said. "Exactly, I have no one." I replied. "That's not true Teagan, you have me, you have Sam, you have Bobby. All of us are here for you, but you won't let us help you." He said. "Because I don't want help. I've never had it, and I don't want it." I said. "Do you realize what you're saying Teagan? Do you realize what you're doing?" He asked. I shrugged. I walked over and grabbed a bottle from the fridge. "Jesus, is that your new diet?" He asked. "Pretty much." I said, as I popped my depression and anti-anxiety pills in my mouth and downed them with a drink of rum. "Dammit Teagan." Dean said angrily as he grabbed the bottle of rum out of my hands and dumped it out. "I am not going to stand here and let you destroy yourself, you're coming with me." He said, grabbing my arm. "Bullshit, Dean. I'm not going anywhere." I said, pulling my arm from his hand.

"I'm not leaving you here, alone." Dean said. "Just go!" I yelled at him, angrily. I had never, ever yelled at him like that before. There was an undertone of seething rage in my voice. "Who are you?" He asked, quietly, hurt. "No one." I said, as I grabbed the last bottle of rum from the fridge. I opened it and downed half the bottle before Dean could get it away from me. "Look, I'm going to let you cool down, I'll be back in ten minutes, maybe then, we can talk." Dean said as he headed for the door. I watched him go, not saying a word.

As I sat down at the table, the tingling numbness began to settle over my body. I smiled, this feeling was something I was beginning to get used to. It always relaxed me, never enough to go to sleep, but enough to be okay. The longer I sat at the table, the more I realized this feeling wasn't like all the other times, my heart was beating at a super sonic speed in my chest, the room was slowly beginning to spin and the sides of my vision were turning black and fuzzy like the static on a television set. I stood slowly and headed for the door. What was I doing? I had just told Dean I didn't need anyone, so why take those things back now. Just to prove to him, once again, that he was right. No, I didn't want him to have that satisfaction. Not this time. I was done trying to please everyone, it was my turn to please myself.

When I woke up, I couldn't move my arms or legs. "Wh-What the hell?" I mumbled. "You passed out due to sleep deprivation, dehydration and lack of eating. The reason you are restrained is because we didn't want you losing your shit." A man said. I could barely open my eyes. I didn't recognize the voice either. Everything sounded muffled. "Where am I?" I asked, my voice groggy. "Bobby's." The voice said again. "Mmm." I said, it felt like it was just a vibration in my throat. The world never did come into focus before I was gone again.

I woke up, my arms and legs weren't tied down this time. I sat up slowly and rubbed my head. I had a pounding headache, and my mouth was so dry. I finally opened my eyes, the room was dark, but I could see a shape in a chair in the corner. "Hello?" I asked. "Hey, you're awake, and coherent." I recognized the voice, it was Sam. "Yeah, what happened?" I asked. "You don't remember?" He asked in reply. I slowly shook my head before I realized, he probably couldn't see me. "No." I answered. "Well, when Dean found you, you were drunk out of your mind. From what he told us, you took your medication with rum, he left to let you cool down and when he came back he found you passed out on the floor. Apparently you fell and hit your head." Sam said. I groaned, "So that would explain the headache, I need to talk to Dean." I said, standing. As I did, my legs almost gave out under me, so I sat back down. "Jesus." I whispered. "Sit tight, I'll go get him." Sam said as he left the room, the door shutting hard and latching behind him.

Dean finally walked in, slowly, eyeing me. "Look I'm sorry." I whispered. He sat down in the spot Sam had been in when I awoke. "I get it if you don't want to talk to me, but hear me out. I'm sorry. My entire life, I've bottled my emotions, shoved them deep down inside and I don't talk to people until it comes out like I'm fucking crazy. If you don't want to be with me, I understand, just please, let me go." I said. I could feel the lump in my throat as I looked down at the floor. "There's the door." Dean said. I hoped he couldn't see me as the tears began to fall. I nodded, stood and walked to the door. "Before you go though, know that I love you. I have never stopped loving you and I never will. I realize that I haven't been the easiest person to be with, and I apologize. If I could go back and change everything, other than meeting you, I would. I would go back and tell the truth about Ben and Lisa, I would go back and support you more with your life. Teagan, if anyone is to blame it's me. I let you down. If you want to go though, you can." He said. I couldn't breathe as I walked through the door and up the stairs.

As I got outside and walked towards my car. I could barely see where I was going because of the tears. Bobby looked pissed and Sam looked shocked. I got close to my car before I couldn't take it anymore. I fell to my knees, my head in my hands and just cried. I blindly punched my car. I didn't feel anything. "Hey, hey, Teagan, no!" I heard Sam behind me. I felt arms around me. "Hey, what happened?" He asked. I slowly looked up at Sam, "I messed up." I said quietly. "Why do you say that?" Sam asked. "Dean thinks it's all his fault and it's not! It's mine!" I exclaimed. "Teag, it's no ones fault. You're hurting, and we've all kind of ignored that, you know how Dean is though. You two are so much alike that it's scary. You both hold the weight of the world on your shoulders, and sometimes you have to just let it go. You though, you don't let it go, ever." Sam said, hugging me. I nodded, "I know. I wish this past week hadn't happened. I should have let Dean know where I was. I couldn't let him see me like that though. When he found me, I was scared, but I didn't feel anything." I said, looking at Sam. "Look, I know you. You are the strongest girl I know, you can get through all this. You have to tell me though, did Dean break up with you?" He asked. "I don't know, I told him if he didn't want to be with me I would understand and he told me where the door was. Then proceeded to tell me he would always love me." I almost didn't get it out. My voice caught in my throat and I felt sick. "Do you want me to talk to him?" Sam asked. I shook my head, "I think it's clear." I said as I slowly stood. My hand was killing me now, I knew I broke it. "Don't leave Teagan." Sam said. "I have to Sam, I'm sorry." I said, the tears threatening to fall again. "Where are you going?" He asked. I shrugged, "I'm going to the hospital first, my hands broken, then after that? I have no idea." I answered honestly. I wasn't going back to the empty house that I had shared with them in Lenexa, I couldn't come back here and face Dean. "Call me if you need anything, please." Sam said. I nodded, "You too." I replied and got in my car.

As I walked out of the hospital towards my car, I saw Dean sitting on the trunk. I groaned. I walked up to him, "I didn't expect you here." I said quietly, moving to my car door. "Yeah, well I got it out of Sam where you went. This was the closest hospital." He said. I nodded, "Yeah." I replied. "He also told me that, uh, I broke up with you." He said. "That's what you did wasn't it? I gave you a choice and you told me where the door was. I mean, come on, doesn't that sound like a big fuck you?" I asked. He scoffed, "Yeah, but that's not what it was. I'm not going to make you stay. I almost lost my shit when I saw you in that hotel room. You weren't Teagan, you were someone I had never seen before. I was scared. To know that I did that to you, it kills me." Dean said. I walked back towards him, "Don't you get it? You didn't do anything to me. God Dean, Sam's right, we are to much a like. Everyday I wake up, and you know the first thing on my mind?" I asked. He shook his head, "No, would you care to tell me?" He asked. "Our daughter. The second thing? Ben. I'm torn Dean. I'm in limbo with that, it doesn't hurt anymore, but I always wonder when you're going to leave me and go to your son. It sounds selfish, but sometimes I want to be selfish. Sometimes, I want to be scared, I want to tell you that, tell you." I stopped. "What?" Dean asked. "I want to tell you that I love you, more than I have ever loved anyone ever. I want to cry, I want to punch someone. I want to let people down and be okay with it, but I can't. I can't bring myself to do any of those things. I push people away, and I fight until I can't fight anymore, and I am tired. I'm tired of being everyone's rock, because you know what? Where's my rock? Gone, ninety-nine percent of the time." I said looking straight at him. "Be selfish. I won't stop loving you." Dean said as he hopped off the trunk of my car. "Fine, but you know what, there's something on my to-do list." I replied. "What?" He asked. "Going after my demon mother." I said glaring at my car. "No." Dean said. "Yes, Dean. Let me tell you something that I've known since the first time I saw her, it's not really my mom. Here." I said handing him a picture of a red-haired, blue eyed, 25 year old woman. "That's my mom, what did the other woman look like?" I asked. "Black hair, green eyes." He said. I nodded, "Yeah. She fucked up, and I've known that." I said. "Then why didn't you gank her when you had the chance?" He asked. "Because I had other priorities." I replied.

I had found the demon posing as my mother. She was in New Orleans, as bad as I didn't want to revisit that place, I knew I had to find her. I had gotten a hotel there and had kept a close eye on her. Dean had made it a point to tell me to wait until he got there. I knew though that this was a situation I needed to handle on my own. He didn't like that idea, and how did I know? Because I was arguing with him about it on the phone. "Dean, let me do this by myself. I need to do this by myself." I said, wanting to yell at him. "No Teagan! You will wait until we get there, we'll be there tonight, we can go tomorrow." He said. "Dean, listen to me. I need to do this on my own." I said into the phone for what felt like the hundredth time. "No!" Dean exclaimed. "Remember what happened last time, you got a nice visit from our daughter and your dad. I won't let that happen again." he said into the phone. "Well I'm sorry Dean, I'm going by myself." I said and hung up the phone. I quickly shut it off and threw it on the bed.

I had bought another disposable phone for just this one phone call. I quickly called the woman posing as my mother. "We need to talk, I know it's been to long but I've reconsidered your offer." I said as soon as she answered. "I knew you would. You are my daughter after all." She said, I could hear the wicked smile in her voice. "Yes I am, look meet me in the meat packing district, down at the old warehouse. I'll send you the address." I said. "Okay, I'll be there, in oh say, what? 30 minutes?" She asked. "Yes, and mom?" I asked. "Yes sweetie?" She asked in reply. "I love you." I said. "Oh, I've been waiting so long to hear those words. I love you too." She said. We hung up and it was perfect timing because that conversation made me sick.

Luckily I had rented a hotel room close to the warehouse, so I left as soon as the conversation was over. I quickly texted the address to her and threw the phone in a trash can. I had hidden my trap earlier that day. I stepped into the warehouse and waited.

Exactly thirty minutes later the warehouse door opened and in walked the demon claiming to be my mother. "Right on time." I said smiling. "Always." She said. I nodded. "So you've reconsidered my offer?" She asked, sitting down in the chair next to mine. I nodded, "Yeah." I replied. "Good, finally. You'll be a natural." She said, smiling. I felt sick when she smiled, but I didn't show it. "You know though, that you'll have to leave your friends and boyfriend behind, correct?" She asked. I nodded, "Yes, I realize that." I replied. "And that's something you're willing to do? I know the Winchesters, what happened to make you want this?" She asked. "Nothing, I just realized that I don't feel as though I'm exploring my full potential." I said, looking her dead in the eyes. She smiled, "You are my daughter." At that very moment I stood and punched her in the mouth. "What the hell?" She asked angrily, standing. I backed away and when she went to walk towards me she couldn't move. "You sneaky little bitch. I should have known. Get her!" She yelled. Two huge demons came towards me and I grabbed my gun and blasted them with rock salt bullets. "So tell me, why are you doing this?" I asked. "Doing what? You're the one that trapped me." She said. I laughed, "Yes, one of us is apparently smarter than the other, I think I get those points, however you know what I'm talking about. Why are you using my mother against me?" I asked. "I'm not, I'm really your mom, Teagan, believe me." She said and then began laughing. "Yeah, and pigs can fly. You aren't my mother, you've never been my mother, the meat suit you're wearing isn't my mother. So tell me, why are you doing this?" I asked. "Fine, fine, how long did it take you to get that?" She asked. "The first night in the warehouse in Kansas. I knew then, I have pictures of my mom you dumb cunt." I said. "So if you knew I wasn't your mom, why did you let me torture you? Are you just that sick and twisted?" She asked. "Just a little. Now, why are you doing this?" I asked again. "Isn't it apparent. I was sent to use you so that we could get close to Dean and Sam. It worked for the most part, why do you think, what's his name? Bobby? Can't walk. I did that. Strict orders I can't really tell you much more." She said. "Oh but you will." I replied before aiming my gun at her.

"Oh come on, you think I'm afraid of you?" She asked. "I think you will be." I replied. She laughed, almost mocking me. I splashed holy water in her face and she screamed. "So, who sent you and why?" I asked. "I won't tell you." She answered. "Fine, have it your way." I said before hitting her with holy water again. She let out another scream. "Now answer my question." I said. "Never!" She exclaimed. "Okay." I replied and hit her with more holy water. I was genuinely enjoying myself. "Fine, Azazel sent me, just to get close to Dean and Sam." She said. "Why?" I asked. "I don't know." She replied. I hit her with holy water. "I don't know!" She shouted. "That's not the answer I'm looking for." I said. "I swear I don't know, something about Sam. There were no specifics, I just know, there have always been demons watching you." She said. I almost dropped my holy water. "No." I said looking at her. "Yes." She answered. "You lying sack of shit!" I shouted. I pointed the gun straight at her heart, just as the door of the warehouse swung open violently. "Teagan, no!" Dean yelled. I stared straight into her eyes and pulled the trigger. The demon left her body and swirled out of the building. I put the gun in my waste band and began walking towards Dean and Sam. "What the hell was that?" Dean asked angrily. "That's me ending what I should have ended that first night." I answered. "What happened to exorcising it?" Dean asked. I shrugged, "I'm done playing fucking games." I said. "What?" He asked. "I'm a fucking pawn in this whole bullshit apocalypse somehow. Apparently Azazel was using her to get close to me, because I'm close to you two. According to her, I've had demon's watching me for a really long time. She's just the warning I'm sending." I said as I began walking towards the door. Dean put a hand on my shoulder, "You can't get them all." he said. I laughed, "fucking watch me." I said and walked out.

Dean and Sam had followed me back to my room. I was quickly packing my bag, I wasn't going to waste anytime here, I needed to find any other demon that knew me. "So what is your plan?" Sam asked, Dean shot him a look that spoke volumes. "My plan is to find anyone that knew my dad. I know he had connections, I'm not stupid." I said. "Teagan, you're a badass hunter, but you can not do this all by yourself." Dean said. "Fine, what do you want me to do? Sit back and wait for another one of those sons of bitches to find me?" I asked. "No, I just don't want you to get in over your head is all." He said. I nodded, "I get it, trust me. I think it's time to dig into my family a little." I said. Dean and Sam looked at each other and then back at me. "What do you mean?" Dean asked. I laughed, "Dean, I wasn't completely alone here in high school. I had an Aunt, my dad's sister. I need to go talk to her." I said. I threw my jacket on and quickly drank a beer. "Wanna meet my family?" I asked, winking at Dean. "Sure." He said. I looked at him in shock. He laughed, "We learn new things everyday." He said and gently nudged me as he walked to the hotel door. "Sam, you coming?" Dean asked. "Wouldn't miss this for the world." He replied. I laughed as we all walked out to the impala.

I popped my earphones in my ears, on the drive over to my Aunt's house. _Bones___by _Of Monsters and Men_ played. "What are you listening to?" Dean asked. "You wouldn't like it." I replied. "Oh come on." he said. I rolled my eyes and unplugged the earphones. "Yeah, you're right. How can you two listen to this type of music?" He asked. I laughed, "It's called variety, one thing you and I don't agree on." I said. "It's to sad, and weird." he said. "You're sad and weird." I said laughing. "Sad, no, weird, yes." Dean said. I laughed, "Whatever." I replied and put my earphones back in.

We arrived at my Aunt Lori's house. I told Dean and Sam to wait in the car. I just hoped she was home. I looked back at Dean and slowly walked up the steps to the front door. I knocked and waited a few minutes, before I knew it Lori was at the door. "Oh my God! Teagan?" She asked, pulling me into a hug. I pulled away, "uh, yeah. Hi Aunt Lori" I chuckled. "Teagan, why haven't I heard from you in so long? Did you graduate college? Are you married? How've you been?" Lori asked in a rush. I laughed, "I know, it's been a while, I'm sorry. Yeah I graduated, no I'm not married, and I've been alright I guess. Look I have some friends with me can we come in?" I asked. "Are you in trouble? Sure they can come in." She said looking past me. "God, no Aunt Lori, I'm fine. Okay I'll go let them know." I said and walked down to the car. As I got to the car, I rolled my eyes at Dean and Sam because they were laughing. "She seems, excited." Dean said. "Shut up, you guys can come in with me." I said. Sam had to turn and face away from me as he laughed. "Jesus, you guys act like she's so bad." I said. "Well you two are definitely different. She's so upbeat and you, your just not." Dean said. I shook my head, and began to walk away. "If you want to join me fine." I said and walked back up the steps and headed inside.

"I knew this was going to happen!" Lori almost yelled. I jumped. When she got mad, she got mad and nothing could stop her. "Look, I've got it under control, but what do you know about my mom? Does she have any connection with demons? Witches? Anything my dad hunted?" I asked. She sighed and sat down, "Great, that means something." I said. "Teagan, your mom was a witch. Your dad didn't agree with it but he loved her. He tried to get her to stop, but when he couldn't make the compromise of her stopping her witchcraft if he stopped hunting, she left. From what you said about the demon that you killed, that wasn't your mom, but it could have been someone connected to her. She said demon's have always been around you? That doesn't make any sense, your dad would have taken care of them." Lori said. "Yeah, that's what I thought, but wait, she was a _witch_?" I asked. I couldn't believe this. "I'm normal at least? Right?" I asked. She nodded, "God yes, since you weren't raised around your mom, there's nothing to worry about." She said. I nodded. "Okay, we'll get back to this, but this is amazing." She said looking from me, to Dean and then Sam. "What is?" Dean asked. "A McMillan and the Winchesters back together." She said smiling. "What?" I asked. "Your dad and their dad, used to hunt together every once in a while." She said. I nodded, "I knew that." I said. "So how did you three get back together?" She asked. I shrugged. "It just kind of happened." I said, hiding my nervousness. "Teagan, I'm not stupid." She said. "I know you aren't, you already know how it happened, you just me to say it." I said laughing. She laughed, "You're right. So Dean, since I'm Teagan's only relative, do you love her?" Lori asked, looking at Dean. "Aunt Lori, don't." I said. "Yes, I do love her or I wouldn't be here." Dean said looking from me to my Aunt. Lori nodded, "Where are you working Teagan?" She asked. My heart sank, I knew she wouldn't like this answer, her and my dad never wanted me to be a hunter, "Uh, well. I just hunt when I can. I quit my job a while back. I was working in the trauma center in Kansas City." I said looking at the floor. "Excuse us." Lori said, standing and motioning towards the kitchen. I looked at Dean and sighed.

I walked into the kitchen, "What?" I asked. "You know damn well what. Your dad and I were both hunters and we didn't want this for you. I know, it was hard to keep you out of it, but your dad did what he could. Why did you go to college if you weren't going to keep a career?" She asked, angrily. "I couldn't do it. I tried, but every time Dean left I was afraid either him or Sam would come through and what was I supposed to do?" I asked. "Your job." She said, almost hissing. "Aunt Lori, I love you, but this is what I need to do. I came here to find out about my mom and how Azazel knew about me." I said looking her dead in the eyes. She looked pale. "I can't tell you." She said finally. "Why?" I asked, almost shouting. "Because, your dad promised me to never tell you." She said. "Bullshit, tell me!" I exclaimed. "Fine, look, your mother was a witch, she worked closely with demons. When she found out your dad was still hunting she tried to sacrifice you to Azazel, but your dad got home just in time and stopped her. Azazel promised to one day get you back, dead or alive he didn't care." She said. The room began to spin, "Your kidding me!" I said. "No, I'm sorry, that's why your dad and I never wanted you hunting, there were risks, but for you there were more risks." She said. "Thanks Aunt Lori, but I've got to take care of this." I said and walked back into the living room and past Dean and Sam. "Teagan Lorelei, wait!" Lori called after me. I slammed the door and walked out to the impala. Dean and Sam were right behind me. "We need to go." I said looking at Dean.

"So what happened?" Dean finally asked. "My mom was a fucking psycho apparently." I said, seething. "Okay?" Sam asked. "Okay well, Azazel, yellow eyes, whatever, knows me because when my mom found out my dad was still hunting she tried to fucking sacrifice me to him. He vowed to get me eventually, dead or alive. So I have a fucking bounty on my head by every demon out there." I said. Dean hit the steering wheel with his hands. "Look, if I would have known I would have never gotten into any of this and pulled you in with me." I said. We pulled into a hotel parking lot. I got out quickly, grabbing my phone and walking away.

"You didn't tell me you killed Azazel." I said looking at Dean. "It wasn't really brought up until today." He said. I nodded. "Well I guess, I'll just deal with demon's until they've had enough." I said. "You know, uh, if you need to cry, just cry." Dean said. I laughed, "Thanks, but I'm so pissed right now that I don't want to cry." I said. Just then my phone began to ring, it was Lori. I answered, "Teagan, your mom's name was Cynthia Neely, if you can find her, do it." She said and hung up. I looked at my phone with a puzzle expression and grabbed my laptop. "What's going on?" Dean asked. "My aunt. She just told me my mom's name. She wants me to find her." I said and began working through court records for her name.

"I'm gonna make a beer run, you guys need anything?" Sam asked. I shook my head, "No, thanks." I said. Sam nodded and left. "So what are you going to do when and if you find her?" Dean finally asked. "I don't know." I said. "Just remember, she's your mom." Dean said. "No Dean, she's just another monster. I don't have a mom." I said dryly. "Well, whatever, but you know what I mean." He said. I nodded, "I know, sorry. It's just, I know you guys lost your mom, mine chose to try to sacrifice me and then leave me. I don't have a mom." I said. He nodded. "How are you feeling, by the way?" Dean asked. I knew it was bound to come up. "Fine." I said. "Seriously Teagan." He said sitting next to me. "I don't know, angry, sad, confused, hurt, but if I think about it to much my anger is going to make me lose it, so I'll just concentrate on what I'm trying to do. How are you?" I asked, smiling. "I'm scared, but happy that you finally talked to me." He said. "Why are you scared?" I asked. "Because I don't want you getting hurt, it's inevitable I know, but I just don't want to have to see you hurt." He said. I laughed, "Dean, we've both seen each other die, or dead. I'm not going anywhere, unless you do." I said. He shut my laptop and kissed me, passionately. I smiled and returned the kiss. Everything seemed to melt away for a few minutes. His hands moved into my hair, pulling me to him. I pushed his jacket off as I moved into his lap. He moved one hand from my hair slowly down my back and to my hip. I slowly opened my eyes as we broke the kiss. His green eyes, met my eyes. There was want and need in his eyes. "I love you and I am so, so sorry about all of this." I said. He shook his head, "Shh." He whispered as he began kissing me again.

"Don't you think we need a break?" I asked Dean. Nothing had come from our kissing. We knew Sam would be back any minute so we decided to stop. "What do you mean, break?" He asked, sounding worried. "I mean a break from all of this, to be together." I said. He let out a breath, I laughed. "Yeah, but we need to get this done." He said. I nodded. "I know, I just, I wish." I trailed off as Sam entered. Just then my e-mail dinged. I opened it and there was an e-mail from my aunt. It was a recent picture of my mom and her address. "What the _fuck_?" I said looking at my computer screen. "What?" Dean asked. I turned the computer to him. "She lives in Lenexa?" He asked. "Yup, coincidence, probably not." I said. "We can head back in the morning, you need sleep." Sam said. I laughed, "Sleep." I said. "He's right, you need sleep." Dean said. "Fine, fine." I said and shut my laptop. I went into the bathroom and pulled out an anxiety pill and a small bottle of rum I kept on me. I quickly swallowed the rum and threw the bottle away. I quickly brushed my teeth and opened the bathroom door. I went and laid down on the bed and the next thing I knew I was asleep.

"Son of a bitch." Dean said and walked out of the bathroom. "What?" Sam asked. Dean held up the rum bottle he found in the trash. "This." He said and looked over at Teagan. "Dean, you drink, what's the big deal?" Sam asked. "This." Dean said holding up a small pill wrapper. "She told me she was done." Dean said and slammed his fist down on the table. Teagan rolled over and buried her head into the pillow. "Yeah, it's not the smart thing, but think about all the crap she's going through right now. Cut her a break." Sam said. "That's easy for you to say, you were hooked on demon blood, it was like your drug. I just don't get it." He said and sat down. Sam sighed, "Well, talk to her about it then." He said. Dean nodded. "Hey look at this, Teagan doesn't look anything like her mom." Sam said. "Yeah, I know, she showed me a picture of her mom from when she was younger. She looks more like her dad." Dean said. Sam nodded, "You think she gets her habits and temper from him too?" Sam asked. Dean shrugged, "Who knows. I remember her dad was a big alcoholic, so yeah probably, his temper was bad too. You think he ever took his anger out on Teagan?" Dean asked. "You mean like how dad took his anger out on you?" Sam asked. Dean shrugged, "Sure." "Probably." Sam replied. "What do I do?" Dean asked. Sam laughed, "Why are you asking me?" He asked. "Come on man, you had a relationship, this is the only one I've ever had. Help me out." He said. "You talk to her, you might get angry, but don't show it. Try to understand, it's hard, but try. Don't freak out about every little thing right now." Sam said. "Okay, okay. When we get back to Kansas, I'll talk to her, but this shit," he held up the empty bottle and empty pill package, "has got to stop." He said. Sam nodded.

I woke up, my brain feeling hazy. I knew why, I looked over, Sam was asleep and Dean was sitting at the table. "Did you sleep?" I asked. "No, how did you sleep?" Dean asked. "Great." I said and went into the bathroom. Just as I was about to brush my teeth, I heard a soft knock at the door. I went and opened it, Dean walked in and shut the door. "Teagan we need to talk." Dean said. "Uh, okay." I said. "What the hell is this?" He asked holding up the liquor bottle and empty pill package. "It's my way of sleeping." I said. My heart was about to beat out of my chest. I never wanted him to find that, but I guess he had, so I might as well be honest. "You can't sleep without this?" He asked, sounding angry. "Look, I'm sorry. The anxiety medicine helps so that I don't wake up freaking out, and the alcohol helps me sleep. I'll stop, here." I said as I opened each pill and washed it down the drain. "What about the alcohol?" He asked. "Seriously? I swear I don't have anymore pills, and I definitely have nothing else but beer." I said. "Fine." He said. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me. I returned the kiss and pulled away. "What?" Dean asked. "Just, not right now." I said. He looked at me confused, "What's wrong?" He asked. "You really think I'm in the mood? You just pretty much yelled at me, I fucked up. Can I just get ready please?" I asked. "Fine." Dean said and left the bathroom.

I quickly packed my computer and grabbed my jacket. I had changed into light wash, ripped, skin tight jeans, black lather boots, and a white shirt with a plaid long sleeve shirt over it. My hair was down and wavy. I could feel Dean's eyes on me as I walked outside, not saying a word. I got in the impala, and from the backseat I could see Sam almost glare at Dean. Dean looked guilty, I had to roll my eyes. I was starting to think he never felt guilty. They got into the car and I put my headphones on and blasted my music. I didn't really want to talk to either of them. Sam hadn't done anything, no, but if I talked to him, I would have to talk to Dean, and I wasn't really sure I wanted that right now. If I told him exactly how I was feeling, he wouldn't understand. If he did, he would make it seem like just because he got through it everyone else should to and be fine.

We stopped mid afternoon at some place to eat. I wasn't sure where we were, I didn't really care. We walked inside and I sat on the inside of the booth, Dean sat next to me, Sam on the other side. "Hello, I'm Marissa, I'll be your waitress, what can I get you?" She asked. "Coffee for me." Dean said. "Same for me." Sam said. "Water for me." I said, never making eye contact. "Okay, I'll be back in a few minutes to take your order." She said and walked away. I was sending an email to my aunt on my phone, when I felt Dean's eyes on me. "Yes?" I asked without looking up. "What?" Dean asked. "You want to say something, so just say it." I said. "No I don't." he said. I laughed, "Whatever you say." I said as the waitress walked up and handed us our drinks. "You guys ready to order?" She asked. Dean gently nudged me under the table, "Yeah, I'll get the turkey sandwich, fries." I said. "Uh, okay, and you?" She asked Dean. He ordered and then Sam ordered. Our food finally arrived. I wasn't hungry but I ate anyways. I handed Dean cash to go pay. "What's this for?" He asked. "I'm paying." I said. "No you're not." He answered. "Yes I am, if you don't take it I'll go pay it myself." I said. He groaned, "God, you're being a pain in the ass." he said. "Yup." I answered as I walked outside. As I stood next to the impala Sam walked up to me, "So what exactly happened this morning?" He asked. "Dean confronted me about what he found last night. Whatever. After I find my mom and figure all of that out, I'm going to take a break from you guys." I said. Sam looked hurt. "Nothing against you Sam, I'm sorry. But being a girl and being cooped up in a car with two guys twenty-four-seven is hard." I said. He nodded, "It's harder with Dean. He can be over protective a lot. Just give him a chance." Sam said. I smiled, "Sam, I'm not going anywhere, just need to be a girl for a while." I said and laughed. He nodded, as Dean walked out. "What's so funny?" He asked. I looked at him and got in the car.

"So silent treatment huh?" Dean asked. I sighed, "We'll talk later." I said and went back to my phone. "Look, I normally don't say anything, but this is ridiculous." Sam said. I pulled my earphones off and looked at him. "What do you mean?" Dean asked. "I mean, I get how Teagan is feeling. It's how I felt when I first started hunting again. I had just lost Jessica, we were looking for yellow eyes and dad, there's a lot going on in your mind, and Dean, you don't really get it. You've been with dad since day one, you've never really lost anyone, I mean Teagan's back. So far she's left her career, she's lost you, lost your daughter, lost her dad, has a mom that tried sacrificing her to demons. Cut her a break, and Teagan, you have to cut Dean a break, this is all new for him, trust me. He may have made mistakes, but everyone does." Sam finished and sat back. "Yeah, I know it's all new, it's new for me to. I never thought I would be doing this again. I never in my wildest dreams thought that Dean and I would last this long. Look, I made a huge mistake last night, but I'm serious. It won't happen again, drinking will, obviously, but nothing else. I know you won't believe me until it happens and I understand, but the way you pretty much treated me like crap this morning, it hurt." I said. I couldn't breathe, the tears were filling up my eyes. "I know, but it scares me knowing you're hurting yourself, and I can't do anything to help you." Dean said quietly. "Thanks Sam." I whispered. Sam nodded.

We finally got into Lenexa when Dean asked, "So, uh, do you still have your house?" I laughed, "Of course." I said. We finally pulled up at the house we had all shared, those memories seemed so long ago, but weren't really. I got out of the back of the car and walked up to the house and unlocked the door. _Home_. I thought. I had cleaned the fridge out before I left, the only thing that was left was beer. "Uh, if you guys want to order something, I'll pay. There is however, beer in the fridge. I'm going to take a shower." I said and headed upstairs. I missed this, I missed coming home and being comfortable with my surroundings. I quickly hopped in the shower and just stood under the warm water. My body began to relax and the fuzziness in my head began to clear. I was already feeling better. I finished up and got out of the shower, I put on some black leggings, a long gray t-shirt and some boots. I ran a brush threw my wet hair and left it down. I walked downstairs and found Dean and Sam in the kitchen, two boxes of pizza on the counter. I grabbed a slice and went back up to the office and shut the door. I had to find my mom. I knew I couldn't wait forever. I quickly logged onto the computer and began a search on Cynthia Neely. Just as a few searches popped up there was a knock at the door. "Come in." I said. The door opened and Dean walked in. He pulled me away from the computer, "Hey, enjoy being home for a few minutes." He said kissing my neck. "I smiled, I would love to, but I can't. I want to get this over and done with." I said, closing my eyes. All of a sudden I felt peace wash over me. "You know what?" I said pulling away from Dean. He groaned, "What?" He asked in reply. "I don't want to find her. Why should I? She, herself, hasn't come after me. You guys killed yellow eyes. I'm done." I said as I pushed my body against him and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Are you sure?" He asked, again kissing my neck. I nodded. "I'm done caring. I need you right now, not all this family drama." I said quietly as I gently pushed his jacket off. He picked me up and pushed me against the closed door of the room. He reached behind me and locked it so that we could finally have some privacy.

I was putting my shirt back on as Dean grabbed my hips, pulling me back against him. I smiled, "Later." I said. I could feel him smile as he gently kissed my neck. "God, I've wanted to do that to you for weeks now, I just never had the chance." he said as he wrapped his arms gently around my waist and held me in his arms. I smiled. "I'm sorry I've been a pain in the ass." I said. "I get it. Don't apologize, please. I've been a pain in the ass too, so I'm sorry." He said. "Shut up, you've been worried. You've had a reason to be a pain in the ass." I said as I turned to face him. "Yeah, but I should have talked to you this morning, not just jump your case. I just love you." He said. I nodded and kissed him, pushing myself against him. I could hear him quietly moan. I smiled. "I don't want to take my hands off of you." He said. I laughed, "Well we've gotta leave this room at some point." I said. He chuckled, "I guess you're right. Come on, lets go downstairs and get a beer." he said. I nodded, "Sounds good." I replied.

**Chapter 7**

**5 Months Later**

I woke up sick. I groaned, luckily Dean wasn't there. They were back hunting, and I had decided to stay behind. He made me promise not to do anything stupid, which obviously I promised. I intended to keep that promise until I checked my email and found an email from my Aunt. She was in town and wanted to come see me. I told her she could. She didn't know I hadn't found my mom. Just then the doorbell rang. I quickly brushed my teeth and almost ran downstairs. I opened the door and there stood my Aunt Lori. I smiled and hugged her. I motioned for her to come inside.

We were sitting on the couch, she had a glass of wine in her hand, "So, where's your beer?" She asked. I laughed, my heart sinking to my stomach. "In the fridge." I answered. "Why aren't you drinking? I know you better than that. To early for you?" She asked laughing. I chuckled, "No, Aunt Lori, I'm pregnant." I said, quietly. "What?" She asked in shock. I nodded, "Look, don't tell Dean though. I'm waiting for him to get home so I can take a test. I haven't had a period since August." I said. "Oh my God, Teagan." She said, sounding excited, but worried. "What?" I asked. "Well for one, you aren't married, and two, look at Dean's occupation." She said. "Look, I love you Aunt Lori, but don't down Dean because he's a hunter, that's bullshit and hypocritical. You were a hunter, my dad was a hunter, I'm a hunter. We'll be fine." I said. She shook her head, "You don't understand, you want to be a single parent?" She asked. "No, nothing like that is going to happen." I said just as Dean and Sam walked in. "What's going to happen?" Dean asked, smiling at me and kissing me. "Uh, nothing." I said. I felt sick again. "Hey Dean, hey Sam." My aunt said. "Hey." They both replied. "Hey, Teagan, I'm going to run to the store, you need anything?" My aunt asked. I shook my head, "No, thanks." I said. "Sam you want to tag along?" My aunt asked. He shrugged, "Sure."

Dean was kissing me along my neck, pulling on my shirt. "Hey, not right now." I said quietly. He pulled away, "What's wrong?" He asked, sounding worried. "Uh, we, we need to talk." I stammered. "Teagan, what is it? Are you okay?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah, can we go upstairs?" I asked. He nodded. As we walked upstairs and into the bedroom I looked at him, "I'll be right out and we can talk." I said as I went into the bathroom. I shut the door and locked it. I quickly opened the pregnancy test, discarded the trash and did my business. Three minutes later there was a positive pregnancy test in my hands. I put the cap on and walked out of the bathroom. Dean looked so scared, "Look Teagan, please don't leave me, I don't know what's going on, but I can't handle this." He said. I laughed, "Dean, calm down. I'm not breaking up with you, this is way bigger than that." I said. "What?" He asked. For a minute I thought I saw tears in his eyes. "Here." I said and handed him the pregnancy test. After a few minutes of him just sitting there looking at it, he finally looked up at me. "We're, you're, a baby?" He asked. Before I could answer him, he was up and kissing me. I returned his kiss and looked at him, "Okay, before you're furious, my aunt found out before you. I had to tell her, that's what we were talking about when you walked in and that's probably why she had Sam go with her. She asked why I wasn't drinking, and I told her." I said. He laughed, "I don't care, wait, when did you last have a beer?" He asked. I laughed, "No worries, I had one the beginning of last month, I got pregnant way after that." I said. "Wait, so you've known?" He asked. I shook my head, "No, I mean, I was late and then this past week I've been waking up sick and then it all kind of added up this morning." I said. "Why didn't you call me?" He asked. I laughed, "Because, I'm not going to tell you when you aren't with me." I said, looking up at him. He met my gaze and slowly, lovingly put his hands on my stomach. "One thing though." I said. "Anything." Dean replied. "Don't treat me like I'm going to break. I mean sure, for the first three months, fine, but after that, I can do almost anything." I said. "Not going to happen." He said. I rolled my eyes, "And you're not hunting anymore." He said. "Fine. I know that." I said. "I'll stop too." He replied. "No. You won't." I said. "Come on Teagan, I need to be here with you." He said. I shook my head, "After you and Sam stop this apocalypse, fine, but not before then." I said. He groaned, "Fine." He said. I smiled.

I was in the kitchen getting lunch ready, Dean stood behind me his hands on my stomach. Since I had told him, he couldn't keep his hands to himself. Lori and Sam walked int the front door, and Dean called out, "We're in here." "Are you gonna tell Sam?" I asked quietly, almost whispering. "Yeah I'll tell him." He said, as he slowly pulled his hands off my stomach and turned around. "Hey Sammy, can you come here for a sec?" Dean asked going into the living room. Lori walked up to me, "So I'm taking it he took it good?" She asked. I nodded. "Is he going to stop hunting?" She asked. "No." I replied. She slammed the bag down on the table. "Look, I know you wanted better for me, but this is what I want." I said. "Fine, whatever, when you end up alone, don't come crying to me. Besides, doesn't he already have a son?" She asked. "How the _hell_ did you know that?" I asked her. "I'm not stupid Teagan, I've been keeping tabs on Dean for a long time. Since you two started fooling around before your dad died, you really think he didn't know?" She asked. "Yeah, he does, but so what?" I asked. "So what? So what? Teagan think about it. He has a _son_, who he chose not to be there for. What does that tell you? That he's capable of doing the same thing to you." She said. Just then I turned to see Dean standing there. I shook my head, "Look, you have him all wrong. Do you know the back story? Or are you just going to stand there and judge. You know, you and my dad aren't very different. You two claim you want the best for me, but as long as the best for me doesn't make me happy, that's what you want. You and my dad always did everything in your power to make me sad. Guess what, I'm not sad anymore. I'm happy, and I'll be damned if you take that away from me right now. If you don't like Dean's past, oh well. My past isn't that great either. Which I'm sure you know, I'm sure you've been keeping tabs on me. That's fine. This is my choice, and if you can't support me, you can leave." I said, crossing my arms and standing there. "Okay, I'm sorry, I want you to be happy, I just don't want you to get hurt." Lori said. She hadn't noticed Dean standing there until he said, "You know for someone who wants Teagan to be happy, you have a really weird way of showing it." "You've been standing there the whole time?" She asked. He nodded. "Look, I apologize. I know how hard it is to have a hunters baby. I've been there, that's why I'm afraid it's going to happen to Teagan." Lori said. "It's not going to. I told her that I would stop hunting, she told me no." Dean said. Lori looked at me shocked, "Is that true?" She asked. I nodded, "yes, it is. I want Dean to do what he's happy doing. If that means hunting, fine. I know the risks involved, but I'll be staying here. I won't be going." I said. "Fine, I think it's time for me to move closer. You need someone here with you." She said. I laughed, "No, Aunt Lori. I love you, but I'll end up killing you if we live in the same house." I said. She laughed, "I don't mean living here, I mean getting my own place so I can be close in case Dean isn't here and you need him for something. I can help. I'll stay out of the way I promise." She said. "Let me think about it." I replied.

After lunch, I wasn't feeling to well anymore. We were all sitting in the living room, Dean, Sam and Lori all had a beer in their hands. I had to laugh. Lori looked at me, "What?" She asked. "Just thinking about how long this is going to be without a beer." I said biting my lip, trying not to laugh again. "So when are you going to the doctor?" Lori asked. "I'll call tomorrow." I said as a wave of nausea hit me. I quickly got up and went upstairs. Dean was in the bedroom when I came out of the bathroom. "Are you okay?" he asked. I smiled, "Yeah, welcome to what I went through the first time." I said, laying down on the bed. He laid down with me, "How long did you stay sick?" He asked. I shrugged, "I don't remember, but it was pretty bad. By the way did you leave Sam and my Aunt Lori alone?" I asked. He laughed, "No, your aunt left to the hotel she booked and Sam is doing research." He said, pulling me to him. I smiled as my body relaxed into his arms. "You know I'm here to do anything you need. I kind of put you in this situation, so anything you need, at anytime, just tell me. Okay?" he asked. I nodded, as I began to fall asleep.

When I woke it was already dark outside. I slowly got up and went downstairs. "Hey, did you sleep okay?" Lori asked me. I nodded, "Yeah thanks." I said. "Well I came over to make dinner, but Dean already beat me too it. We've all ate already, but we saved enough for you." She said smiling. I nodded and yawned, "Thanks, where is Dean?" I asked. "He and Sam went out, I don't know for what but Dean said he would be back." She said. "Oh, okay." I said and headed to the kitchen. As I sat down to eat, Dean and Sam walked through the front door. "Is she still asleep?" I heard Dean ask Lori, "No she's in the kitchen." Just then he walked in. "Hey how are you feeling?" "Dean, I'm fine." I said laughing. "Sorry, it's just weird to see you not feeling good." He said. I nodded, "It's weird to not be feeling good." I said as I took a bite. "This, is amazing though." I said looking at him. I thought he blushed for a second, "Thanks." He said. Just then Sam walked in, "Hey Teagan, can I talk to you for a sec?" "Sure, Sam, what's up?" I asked. "Uh, well. Since I know you guys are going to have a baby, I was wondering what you had to do to get a house like this." "You aren't going anywhere." I said, as Sam and Dean both looked at me. "I mean you can if you want, but you don't have to." "I know, but I think it's time. I won't be moving far away." Sam said smiling. "Okay, well tomorrow I have some stuff to do, so I'll stop and see if they have anything listed." I said. Sam nodded, "Thanks." "No problem." I said.

I woke up the next morning, I had called the doctor yesterday after lunch and before I fell asleep. I looked at the clock, my appointment was in an hour, at the hospital I used to work at in Kansas City. I got up and quickly took a shower, threw on some jeans and t-shirt. Dean was just waking up when I walked back into the bedroom. "Good morning, beautiful." He said, his voice husky from sleep. I smiled, "Good morning. So are you going with me?" I asked. "Where?" He asked. I laughed. "To the doctor?" "Oh God, yes, give me a second." He said jumping out of bed. _Oh God, not again_. I thought. I rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door, when I finally emerged, teeth brushed once again, I plopped down on the bed. "Hey, I'm sure it'll get better." Dean said hugging me. I nodded, "I know, come on, or we're going to be late." I said.

We arrived at the office with ten minutes to spare, thanks to Dean's fast driving. I got into the waiting room and told the receptionist my name, "Yes, I'm here for a ten o'clock appointment with Dr. Hodges. My name's Teagan McMillan." I said. She nodded, "Okay, found you, if you can fill these papers out for me, that would be great. They'll call you back in a few minutes." I took the clipboard with what seemed like a book attached to it and went and sat by Dean. He seemed really nervous. "Are you okay?" I asked. He nodded, "Yeah. Just anxious." He said. I laughed, "Yeah, me too." I said, smiling. I sat quietly filling out the paper work, when I was almost done, they called my name, "Teagan McMillan?" I stood up and grabbed the clipboard and pen and walked over, Dean right behind me. "Are you Teagan?" She asked. I had to bite my tongue as I nodded. "I didn't finish these papers yet." I said. "It's fine, hun." She said and smiled as she led us down a hallway. "If you'll step on the scale." She said. I nodded and handed Dean the clipboard. I stepped on the scale, she smiled, "135 pounds, very healthy." She said. "Okay, so I don't know if you know, but we'll be taking a urine sample, and all of your vitals. And, depending on how far along you are, we'll have a sonogram today." She said. I nodded, "Yeah, I know." I said. "Oh, second time parent?" She asked. "Uh, no. I was pregnant a while ago but lost the baby." I said. "Oh no, I'm so sorry." She said. I nodded, "It's okay." I said, struggling to smile.

I had done everything they had asked of me and now Dean and I were just sitting in the little room together. Me on the exam table and him in a chair. I was shaking my foot nervously. Dean chuckled, "What?" I asked. "I never noticed before that you do that when your nervous, that or fidget your fingers." He smiled. "Ugh." I groaned, trying to stop my foot. "Oh come on, it's cute, don't stop." He said smiling. I laughed, "It's not cute, it's stupid." I said. "No, Teagan, it's not stupid. Who has ever told you that?" He asked. "My dad, he couldn't stand when I would get nervous." I said looking down at my shoes. "How bad was it?" He asked. "What?" "How bad was it living with him?" Dean asked. "Pretty bad. He had no idea how to raise a girl. If I cried I was told not to. If I messed something up, he would yell at me. If I made a grade less than a B, I got yelled at. I'm surprised he didn't lose his shit when you and I began hanging out more." I said, tears filling my eyes. "Teagan, I had no idea." He said. I nodded, "No one does. I don't like to talk about it." I said as I sniffed and made the tears disappear. Right on time too, the doctor walked in. "Teagan? I'm Dr. Hodges, how are you?" He asked. "Fine, how are you?" I asked in reply. "Good, good, well I got the test results back and yes you are pregnant. I see here you've had a previous miscarriage, and the first day of your last period was August 9, so that means your due date will be May 16th. You are 10 weeks, about to be 11 weeks, so you are halfway through your first trimester." He said smiling. I thought I was going to puke. "So I'm two and a half months pregnant?" I asked. Trying to breathe. "Yes ma'am, and so far you look super healthy, so how about we take a look at the baby?" He asked. I nodded, "Okay." I said, my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. He had me push my jeans down just a little and lay back on the table. He turned the lights out and squeezed cold jelly on my stomach. I flinched, "Sorry, it's cold. I normally have it warmed but I guess not today." He said. "It's okay." I whispered. Dean couldn't stop staring at my belly as the doctor began circling my belly with the probe tube. "Okay, here you can see your baby, I can't tell you the sex yet, but I can take measurements and weight and make sure everything looks good. We're going to listen to the heartbeat too." Dr. Hodges said, which seemed to snap Dean back to reality as he looked up. I looked over to see tears filling his eyes as he looked at me. He smiled, that half smile that always melts me as I smiled back.

"Everything looks amazing. I'll have you back in a month and we'll do this all over again. Here's a prescription for vitamins, and a due date paper." He said. I nodded, "Thank you." I said. He handed us the pictures of the baby and walked out. I slowly sat up and rubbed the jelly off of my stomach. "So why, were you staring at me so hard when my shirt was up?" I asked. "Because now I understand why you've been wearing loose shirts. Teagan, you're already showing." He said. I nodded, "I know, at first I thought I was just gaining weight and then when I was late in September and then this month, I knew. I just wanted to wait to tell you since you were gone so much." I said. He smiled, "So, why were you all teary?" I asked. "Because, my dreams are coming true." He said. I laughed, "Well just so you know, when I'm laying down, don't smile at me that way ever again." "Why not?" He asked, sounding hurt. "It's not a bad thing, but it's one of the reasons, why I'm sitting here today." I said. He smiled, "Oh yeah?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah."

The entire way back home, I wanted him so bad. My heart was racing, my entire body was tingling. Of course we had to stop at the pharmacy and get my vitamins. As soon as we got home, I almost ran inside. Lori was sitting at the kitchen table and Sam was upstairs. Something smelt delicious. "What are you making?" I asked Lori. "Your favorite from when you were a kid, meatloaf." She said. "Oh my god, I love you!" I exclaimed. I sat down and handed her the sonogram pictures. Dean came in laughing, "Hey where's Sam?" "Upstairs." Lori replied. Dean walked past me and gently ran his fingertips across my shoulders. The fire spread throughout my whole body. He knew exactly what he was doing to me. I closed my eyes momentarily, and when I opened them my aunt was smiling at me. "You know, I know how your dad was, and I'm sorry for that. I'm just glad you're finally happy." She said. "Thanks Lori, it was hard, it's still hard. The sadness, anger, and bitterness it's all really hard to live with. I just don't understand why I had to be perfect." I said. "Who knows, you know, our dad treated us very similar, only he would hit us. Wait, your dad never hit you did he?" She asked. "Once." I replied. Just then Dean and Sam walked in. "What?" Lori said, looking angry. I swallowed hard as I looked at Dean. "He hit you?" She asked. I nodded, "Yeah." I replied. "For what?" "One time, he yelled at me for something stupid, I think for watching tv instead of doing homework, or cleaning, I don't remember, so I left. I walked down the street to the park and just sat. He said he looked everywhere for me, for like two hours, and when he found me he was furious. And of course, you know how I am, when someone yells at me or tries to intimidate me I usually laugh. So I did, and he said 'you think this shit is funny?' I said no, but he grabbed me and threw me in his truck. When we got home, he got his leather belt and beat me, from the small of my back to the backs of my knees, for at least 15 minutes. That's the day I started hating my dad." I said. The tears were rolling now. I groaned, as I stood. I went for the door, but before I could leave, Lori caught me and hugged me. "Why didn't you ever tell me this?" She asked. "I didn't think it would matter. Why did my parent's hate me so much?" I asked. "I don't think your dad hated you, I think he just wanted you to be better than him, and he had a really weird way of showing you." She said. I nodded, "I've gotta, I've gotta go, somewhere." I said, as I pulled away and walked out.

As I got down the street I became violently sick. Those memories, I hated revisiting them. I hated running, but I couldn't stand to see the pity in their eyes. I had to leave, leaving was always my answer, I guess I learned it from my dad. I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed Bobby's number. "Bobby, I need to talk." I said. "Go ahead kiddo, I'm all ears." He said. "Look, first thing is first. I just had to explain to my aunt in front of Dean and Sam that my dad wasn't who everyone thought he was, and I don't know how to handle what their going to have to say about it." I said. "Okay, you know Dean's going to freak when you get back." "I know, Bobby. I know, today has been very, very hard for me. I've revisited my past more than I would like to ever think about, and things are coming out to Dean about my dad and I can't handle it. I hate talking about it. If he knew everything, I don't know what he would do." I said. "Well Teagan, it's not like Dean could kill him, he's already dead." "I know, I just, I'm afraid he would look at me differently, you know. Also, I want to apologize again, I'm so sorry that I wasn't there to help you guys. If I would have maybe you wouldn't be in the situation your in, and I don't know. Maybe, God, I don't know Bobby. Why do I have to be so screwed up?" I asked. "We're all screwed up Teagan, John didn't treat Dean as bad as you, but Dean was made to think he had to be tough for everyone. He'll be a great dad." I laughed, "So he already told you?" I asked. "Of course he did, called me last night." I shook my head, "Bobby, you've been like a dad to all of us. I just wish I could do more." I said. "Teagan, with you Dean and Sam, I have kids, that other wise I would have never had. Don't ever tell Dean or Sam I said this to you, but I love you three as if you were my own. Teagan, your real dad may be dead, but I would like you to think of me as the dad you never had." He said. I began to cry, "Bobby, I've always thought of you that way, I just don't show my emotions to well. Obviously right now I am." I said. He laughed, "It's to be expected. So how did everything go?" He asked. "Great. I'll make Dean show you the pictures the next time he sees you. You'll have to have one." I said smiling.

Bobby and I talked a little longer and when I finally made my way home I was feeling a lot better. When I walked in, Dean, Sam, and Lori were all sitting at the kitchen table. "Are you okay?" Dean asked. "Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, I don't like talking about what happened, so I have a tendency to run if you haven't noticed." I said. "I'm sorry sweetie, for bringing it up." Lori said. "No, Aunt Lori, it's okay. I should have talked to you about this a long time ago." I said. "Well you know we're all here for you when you're ready." She said. I nodded, "Thank you." I replied and sat down. "Can I ask you something?" I asked, looking at Lori. "Anything." She said. "Was my dad every happy? Ever loving?" "Yeah, but he always had a temper. When he was younger, before he met your mother there was a lot of jail time. He had a short fuse, I see it in you, especially when you were younger, it seems your temper has gotten better." She said. My foot began going again as I got nervous, "Did my dad, uh, ever have depression? I know he was in Vietnam." "Hun, I don't know. I know he was different when he came back. He didn't really talk to any of us. He began working, trying to have a normal life, and when he met your mother he was the happiest I had seen him in a long time." I nodded, "What happened? I remember one time, he told me I was a mistake. He and my mom had nothing else better to do so that's how I came to be." I said. I looked at the wall. Dean put his hand on my leg under the table. My nerves began to calm, "Let me tell you something, you were never a mistake, you may not have been planned but you were never a mistake, or an accident. I hate those two words, your baby isn't an accident, everything happens for a reason." She said. I nodded, "I know that. I never thought that it was an accident. I mean, we knew what we were doing, but, uh, I was on birth control, so obviously it happened for a reason." I said. "I will never understand why your dad did the things he did, I mean like I told you, we had it pretty bad, I just never thought it would carry on. I was very mistaken apparently." I laughed, "I don't think anyone could have seen all of this coming." I said. "Look, you look tired, go get some rest, I'll make dinner." Lori said, cutting the conversation short. I was grateful for that. I nodded, "Thanks." I said and got up and headed upstairs.

I put a pair of Dean's flannel sleeping pants on and a white tank top. Dean was right there as I changed, when I turned around he was smiling. "What?" I asked. "You are so damn sexy." He said. I laughed, "Thanks, I feel like ass honestly." I said. He laughed, "I like that I can tell your pregnant, I wish you would have wore tighter shirts when you first noticed." He said. I laughed, "Well I thought I was just getting fat." I said as I laid down in bed. As I lay there, thinking about the future, Dean laid down next to me and slowly ran his hand up my side under my shirt. My pulse began to quicken, as he whispered in my ear, "Well how are you feeling?" "Fine, just tired." I said. He kissed my neck, "I'll let you sleep." He said as he pulled his hand from my side, I looked into his eyes, "Please stay here with me." I said. "Are you sure?" He asked. I nodded, "I've wanted you to touch me since the doctors visit today, when you smiled at me. Dean, I am in love with you, and it scares me, it really does, but I don't care anymore. I know that without you, I probably would be more fucked up than I am." I said and kissed him passionately. He groaned as his hand went to the waist of my pajamas. I gasped as the burst of flames spread through my body. God how I wanted him right now. I quickly pulled his shirt off, the muscles in his back and arms, made me want him more. _How did I end up with this amazingly beautiful man. God I am so lucky._ I thought as he gently kissed my chest. I pushed my body against his body. "Slow down." He whispered against my collar bone. I moaned. He pushed my tank top up as he very gently worked his way to my stomach with light kisses. He stopped and gently rubbed my stomach, and looked up at me. His green eyes sparkled with lust and happiness. He gently pushed my pants down and off. He worked his way back up my stomach with kisses. I couldn't take this anymore. I felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest, the want and need was so bad. He pushed my shirt off and unhooked my bra. He began kissing between my breasts, by now he was positioned between my legs. I reached down and unbuckled his belt. My back arched, pushing my body up against his. I could feel how hard he was through his jeans. I unbuttoned and unzip his jeans, pulling him out of his pants. He groaned against my chest as he pushed himself into my hand. I gasped, as I could feel myself wanting to let go. _No, no, not yet._ I thought to myself. He gently took a breast in his mouth and I almost lost it. "Dean." I moaned. I began stroking him with my hand, slowly and gently. He propped himself on one arm, and continued massaging my breast with his mouth and tongue as he reached down with his other hand and shoved his pants off. "Dean, please." I moaned again. "Teagan, if you keep saying my name I won't be able to do this gently." he said. I gasped. His voice was husky. _God why was his voice turning me on so bad now? I've heard him talk to me like this before, but it's like this is our first time all over again._ I thought. _Oh my God, it's because our first time he made love to me. Not just some in the heat of the moment sex._ Just then he switched to the other breast, as the hand he had pushed his jeans down with made it's way up my thigh, slowly, carefully. When he had made his way to my hip, he moved my hand and guided himself into me. I bit my lip, trying not to moan to loudly. As soon as he was inside of me, I felt myself tighten and contract around him. "Shit." he whispered. I couldn't help myself, I had been so turned on all day that this was the release I needed. I didn't want it to happen as fast as it did, but I knew there would be more before he finished. He began to thrust himself slowly inside of me. I arched my back again, as he kissed me, pushing his tongue into my mouth. I returned his kiss, gently biting his lower lip. I ran my fingers down his back, feeling his muscles as he moved inside of me. I gasped, as I felt myself wanting to let go again. He moaned against my neck, "You feel amazing." I heard him whisper. I dug my fingers gently into his back as he began moving faster. "Teagan, Jesus, I want to make love to you, but your making that really hard right now." He said, having to take shallow breaths in between words. He began moving faster and harder inside of me. "Oh my God Dean, yes." I whispered against his chest. He grabbed my leg, pulling it up to his side. He began pumping faster and faster. My eyes closed and I moaned as I felt him let go inside of me. When he did he shoved himself as deep as he could get inside of me and stayed there. He kissed me gently, passionately, and rolled off of me. I pulled the covers over myself as he wrapped me in his arms. "I didn't hurt you did I?" He asked. I shook my head, "No." I answered. "Good." He replied, slowly putting his hand on my stomach and rubbing it. "Dean, can I tell you something?" I asked. He nodded, "Anything." He replied. "This reminded me of our very fist time." I said. He laughed, "You remember that?" He asked. "Yeah, do you?" I asked. "Everyday. Teagan, I've got to be honest, you know I've been with plenty of people, but I only had sex with you because I knew I loved you. I didn't start loving you after all the times we had sex, I loved you before we ever had sex." He said, looking me straight in the eyes. "Really?" I asked. He nodded. "What made me different?" I asked, I needed to know. "Honestly?" He asked. I nodded. "I knew you were as broken as me. I knew that, out of everyone in my life, you understood me better than anyone. You understood me better than Sammy. Now, because I say you were as broken as me, don't take that as I was feeling sorry for you, because I wasn't. When I realized that I loved you, every time I saw you, I wanted to get you alone so I could tell you how I felt, to show you how I felt. You've had me under your spell since you were 15." He said. I blushed. He smiled and kissed me on the cheek, "You need sleep." He said. I laughed, "If you say so." "I do." He said and kissed me once more.

When I woke, I noticed Dean was gone. My thoughts went to earlier, and I smiled and stretched. When I finished stretching I put my hands on my stomach and smiled even bigger. I slowly got up and got dressed in the sweats and shirt from earlier. I went downstairs, and found Sam, Dean and Lori in the kitchen. "Is this the new hang out?" I asked, smiling. Sam laughed, "I guess it should be huh?" He asked. I nodded, "You guys never leave this part of the house. I mean I understand Dean is always hungry, but damn." I said. Sam laughed, I reached into the fridge and grabbed a water. I grabbed my vitamins from the counter and took one. I scrunched up my nose as I felt it slide down my throat. "Bleh." I said and sat down. Lori smiled at me, "It get's easier." She said. "Eh, well if this is the hard part, I can deal." I said and smiled. I looked at the clock on the stove, it was already 6pm. I groaned, "You guys have got to stop letting me sleep all the time." I said. Dean laughed, "Nah, you need the rest." He said. I rolled my eyes and smiled, "Not this much, it can't be healthy." I said. "Oh sweetie, when I was pregnant with Charlotte, I slept all the time. So you're doing good." Lori said. "By the way, how is Charlotte?" I asked. "Good, she's married and living in California. She followed her dreams and became a model." "Wow, I haven't talked to her since high school." I said. "She asks about you every time I talk to her." Lori said. I nodded, "I should probably call her, but I don't know what to say." I said. "Call her when you're ready. I'm sure she would be thrilled to hear from you." Lori said. I nodded and took a sip of my water. Dean looked at me, "Want to help me?" He asked. I looked at him, "With what?" "Dinner." He said. I smiled, "Sure, what do you want me to do?" I asked. "Keep me company." He said and pulled me, gently, up from my chair.

I followed him outside. "So, what are we having?" I asked. "Burgers." He said. I laughed, "Sounds good to me." I said. After he finished putting the burgers on the grill, he grabbed my hand and led me down to the water. He wrapped his arms around my waist, "Can you believe in about seven months we're going to have a child?" He asked. "I know, it's crazy, did you ever want kids?" I asked. "Honestly, no, not until me and you became serious, then all I could think about was being a husband and a dad." He said. I turned to face him. "Really?" I asked. He nodded, "Did you ever want kids?" I laughed, "Yes and no. When I was in high school I vowed to never, ever have kids. I still catch myself thinking that I don't want a child, but it's a very small part of me that feels that way." I said. He nodded, "I'm scared, we're both scared, but we'll be okay." He said and kissed me.

After dinner, Dean and I went back outside and walked around for a little while. Talking and just being normal for once. The sun had already set by the time we made our way back to the house. When we got closer to the backdoor, he gently pushed me against the side of the house and kissed me. A moan escaped, as I kissed him back. "Teagan, all I've been thinking about today is you being a mother to my child and the amazing sex we had earlier, and it has me wanting you so bad." He whispered. I blushed, thank God he couldn't see it. "I know, I've asked you before, but," he got down on one knee, "I know I don't have a ring right now, but will you marry me?" I gasped. I couldn't breath. So I stood there nodding like an idiot, "Yes." I finally said. He laughed and stood up and kissed me, gently rubbing my belly. "You're going to be a Winchester." He said. I smiled, "Finally." I replied.

We walked inside, laughing and talking. "You two act like you're newly weds." Lori said. I laughed and looked at Dean. He nodded. "Well we will be soon enough." I said. Lori gasped and I thought I saw Sam almost drop his beer. Apparently I wasn't the only one who caught Sam, because Dean laughed. "I may not be perfect, and I may have made mistakes in the past, but one thing is for certain, I'm not going to have Teagan have a baby without being married first." Dean said looking at Lori. She smiled and jumped out of her chair and hugged Dean. I thought she was going to knock him over. I laughed, the sight was hilarious, my 5' 1" 110 pound aunt almost knocking my 6'1" boyfriend over. Dean laughed and hugged her back. "See, I'm not all bad." he said as she let go. "I never said you were, I just, I never want Teagan to get hurt. I may only be her Aunt, but I've been there for her from day one." She said. He nodded, "I know. I probably should have asked for your permission, but it's just, I've asked her before, and she had already said yes, but now, nothing is going to stop this from happening." As he was talking he kept his eyes locked on me. I shook my head, "See even if I would have said no, it was going to happen." I said and winked at him. Sam laughed, and then hugged me. "Well you've been part of the family for a long time, but welcome to this screwed up family anyways." He said. I laughed, "If you guys are screwed up what does that make me?" I asked. He laughed, "I'm not going to answer that." He said and went back to his beer.

We were all sitting around, talking and laughing, when Lori turned to me. "I was meaning to say something earlier, but are you sure you're only two months pregnant?" She asked. "I know I've gained weight, but damn." I said, smiling. "You know what I mean." She said. "Yes, I'm two and a half months pregnant, I'm positive." I said looking at her. "Who wants to place bets?" She asked. My mouth dropped open, "What the hell?" I asked. She began laughing, "I mean on what the baby will be. I say boy." She said. "I say boy." Sam said. "Boy." Dean said. "Girl." I said. "Okay, I will remember what you said." Lori said. I laughed. "Whatever, does it matter?" I asked. "No, not really, but I think it's funny." She said. "Thanks, Aunt Lori. My weight gain is funny to you." I said smiling. "Teagan Lorelei, I never said that." "You kind of did." I said raising an eyebrow and looking at her. She shook her head, "Dean, I'm sorry if it's a girl, you're going to have your hands full." Lori said. I gently slapped her on the arm, "I am not _that_ bad." I said. Dean laughed, I mocked shock, "I'm not." I said and laughed. "No, she's right though, if we have a girl, it's going to be hell." I said. Dean nodded, "I know. But as long as she looks like her mother everything will be okay." "God no. She can look like you and have my attitude." I said. He shook his head, "No!" he exclaimed. We all started laughing.

Lori had gone to her hotel, Sam went out, Dean and I had the house to ourselves. I was super tired, and headed upstairs to take a shower. I put on a pair of little black shorts and a hot pink tank top that hugged every curve. I stepped out of the bathroom, and didn't see Dean. I walked out of the bedroom and looked downstairs into the living room, he wasn't there either. I walked down the hall to the office and found him sitting at the computer. As I walked closer he noticed me and closed the laptop. I sat down on the desk, cocking an eyebrow. "What were you doing?" I asked. He laughed, "Not what you're probably thinking. I can't tell you though, it's going to be a surprise." he said, embarrassment in his voice. I nodded, "Okay." I said and smiled. He stood up and moved so that he was in front of me. He gently pushed my legs apart and stepped between them. "Besides, why would I want to watch porn, when I have you?" He asked as he leaned down and kissed me, grabbing my hips. I moaned. He pulled me closer to him, "I want you, right here, right now." He whispered as he began unbuckling his belt. I hooked my fingers into the waist of his jeans and pulled him closer to me. I unbutton and unzipped his pants, he was so hard. I shoved his jeans and underwear down as he shoved my shorts and underwear to the side. "I need you." He moaned against my neck. I nodded, "Then take me." I whispered. He gently shoved himself inside of me. I tightened around him, "God Teag." He said as he began moving inside of me, his hands gripping my hips tighter. I was on the edge of the desk, my hands on his hips, pulling him deeper inside of me. He began to pump harder and faster. "Dean." I moaned. He groaned. I gasped as I let go. He shoved himself into me one last time and filled me up. He rested his head against mine. "What are you doing to me?" He asked. "I don't know, but I hope it's good." I answered. "It's amazing." said and slowly pulled himself out of me. He pulled his jeans up as I fixed my shorts. My whole body felt like jello as I tried to stand. "You okay?" He asked. I smiled and nodded, "Yeah." "I'm sorry, I lost control." He said. "Don't apologize, you're not going to break me." I said. He laughed, "Sometimes, seeing you dressed the way you dress makes me want to." He said, almost blushing. "Why do you think I dress the way I dress?" I asked smiling and winking at him. "Oh yeah?" "Yeah." "Well, you might get what you ask for one day." He said. I laughed, "I hope." I replied and walked to our bedroom.

I woke up with a gasp, as I sat up Dean bolted awake. "Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked, sounding panicked and scared. I nodded, "Yeah, sorry, bad dream. I'm okay though." I said. He sighed and laid back down. I laid back down and cuddled up to him, as I did he wrapped his arms around me. "Want to talk about it?" He asked. "Just my dad." I said. "I'm listening." He said. "Just everything I went through." "Will you tell me?" He asked. I groaned, "Maybe another time." I said. "Are you sure?" He asked. I nodded, burying my head in his chest. He began rubbing my back. "I love you." He said. "I love you too." I replied as I lay awake in the dark.

I woke up before Dean and went downstairs. I was feeling really good today. I began making breakfast and as soon as the eggs hit the pan I had to stop. I quickly took the pan off the burner and ran to the bathroom. "Hello? Anyone awake?" I heard Lori downstairs. I groaned as I got sick again. I finally finished and brushed my teeth. As I got downstairs, she was in a full blown panic. I could only assume she was on the phone with Sam. "Do you know where they could have gone? It looks as if they were making breakfast and left in a hurry, yeah their cars are both still here." I walked into the kitchen, "Oh my God, nevermind Teagan just came downstairs, sorry to have bothered you." She said and hung up. Just then Dean came downstairs, wearing pajama bottoms and a gray t-shirt. "Everything okay?" He asked. "No, I almost had a heart attack. I tried calling Teagan, and when I came in I didn't hear anyone. When I walked in here, I found breakfast just sitting here and I thought something happened." She said leaning against the counter. "Sorry." I said. I looked at Dean, "Our child decided that eggs were a bad idea for breakfast." I almost didn't get out before I had to bolt back upstairs.

When I came back down, I heard Dean talking to Lori. "Is this normal? She's been so sick." He said. "Sweetie, she's pregnant. The morning sickness may go away, it may not. She's fine though." She said rubbing his arm. I walked in and Dean looked at me. "You want some juice or something?" He asked. I shook my head, "God no, nothing sounds good right now." I said and sat down at the table and laid my head on my arms. "Is this the sickest you've been?" Lori asked. I nodded, not saying anything. Moving my head made me nauseous. I heard a cup clinking and water being poured. The next thing I knew my aunt was beside me, "drink this. You'll feel better." She said. I slowly raised my head, "What is it?" I asked. "Ginger green tea, decaffinated. The ginger will help. Trust me." She said. I took a sip and sat it back down. "Thanks." I said. "Why don't you go back to bed?" Dean asked. "Because I can't live in bed." I said. "Teagan, you need as much rest as you can get." Lori said. "God you guys act like I'm dying. I'm pregnant, I'm fine." I said, sounding angrier than I meant to. "We know that, but you've got to listen to us. We're only trying to help." She said. "I'm sorry. After the dream I had last night it took me forever to go back to sleep, and when I woke up I felt fine. I'm going to go take a shower, finish my tea, and go for a walk." I said. Lori looked at Dean. "Teag, talk to your Aunt about your dream. Please. Talk to someone." He said. "I'm fine." I said and headed upstairs.

I had finished my tea before I even took a shower. It really did help, and the shower helped even more. I threw on a pair of gray blue jeans, and black thin, baggy t-shirt. I shoved my feet into my boots and grabbed my jacket. I walked into the kitchen and didn't see anyone, so I hurriedly stepped out the back door and took off walking. I was down next to the water, throwing rocks when the tears began falling. I was so angry, and hurt. I would never understand why my dad was the way he was, but I knew I had to talk to someone, I just wasn't sure how.

"So what happened?" Lori asked looking at Dean. "I don't know, she woke up, and honestly, she scared the shit out of me. I thought something was wrong, and when she told me she had a dream about her dad, I was relieved, but she wouldn't tell me what it was about. She just said maybe some other time." He said. "We've got to get her to talk to one of us, do you think she would talk to Sam?" Lori asked. "Honestly, I don't know. Maybe? I mean they were always close as long as I can remember, I'm actually kind of surprised she fell for me." He said laughing. Lori laughed, "Dean, when Teagan would come stay with me when your dad and her dad would go on really long hunts, she would be so pissed because you weren't there. She's always had a crush on you. So it doesn't surprise me." She said. "Really? She's never told me that. Do you think why she doesn't talk to anyone is because she grew up without having that security?" He asked. "Probably, I always tried to get her to open up, but she wouldn't. She's always felt useless. I know that for a fact. It makes me so damn mad at my brother for doing this to her, I just wish we knew everything." Lori said. Dean nodded.

I finally grew tired of crying and throwing rocks, so I wiped the tears and began walking back towards the house. When I walked in Dean stood and walked over to me. "I'm fine, I swear, I'm ready to talk though." I said. Dean backed off and went and sat back down. I sat down and stared at the table for what seemed like forever before I finally got enough courage to say something. "Look, you guys know more about me than anyone else, so here it goes. After my mom left and I got older my dad would tell me that why she left is because I wasn't what she wanted, pretty much he would tell me it was my fault. I believed him. I mean, what was I supposed to do? He was my dad and I didn't remember my mom so yeah, it sounded believable. So when someone leaves me I freak out and think I did something wrong. Once I got older and guys started dumping me and friends started turning their backs on me I learned to push people away and save myself the heartbreak. Well when I was about 10? My dad, uh." I felt like my oxygen had been cut off. "Take your time." Lori said. I looked away from both of them, trying to fight the tears back. "My dad molested me." I said. I felt like I was going to puke. "That son of a bitch!" Dean yelled and slammed his fist down on the table. I jumped. "Stop Dean." Lori said. "Seriously? That sick bastard!" He exclaimed. The tears began falling again, this time harder than before. My shoulders began to shake with each sob. "Dean!" Lori said. I covered my face with my hands. "Hey, hey, hey I'm sorry, come here." Dean said. I got up and barely made it to the sink before I began to dry heeve. "Jesus Christ." Dean said. Before I knew it, he was next to me. "Lori, is she okay?" I could hear the panic in Dean's voice. "Panic attack, she's had them since she was a kid now I know why." I could feel Lori's hands on my back. "Teagan, sweetie, take some deep breaths, we're here." I looked up at Dean, the tears streaming down my face, "I'm sorry." I gasped. "Please, please, don't be sorry. You didn't do anything." He said, tears filling his eyes. Just then Sam walked in, "Holy hell? Is Teagan okay?" he asked. "Sam, did Teagan ever have a panic attack around you when you guys were kids?" Lori asked. "A couple of times." Sam said. "Okay, come here. What did you do to calm her down?" Lori asked. Sam took Lori's place, "Teagan, hey, come here." Sam grabbed me and wrapped his arms around me, "I'm here, hey, listen to me. No one can hurt you. I'll kick their ass." Sam said. I had to laugh, it took me back to those times when I would open up a little to Sam and he would make me laugh to take my mind off of the pain. I began to breath slower. "What's going on?" Sam finally asked. "I told them." I said looking up at Sam. "Jesus Teagan." He said. "Hold on, you knew?" Dean asked, sounding angry. "Yeah, she told me once, after it happened, she made me swear never to tell." Sam said. "What else do you know about her that I don't?" Dean asked. "Dean, please, don't. Sam and I were best friends, it was before I ever thought you and I would end up together. Don't be mad at him, be mad at me. I should have told you, but I figured Sam had forgotten, please." I said. I could feel my chest tightening again.

We were sitting back at the table, "You want to finish telling us?" Lori asked. I nodded, "Yeah. It got bad. When he was home, I would have to take." I had to stop. "I had to take naps with him, and when I would wake up he would be pressed up against me." I had to stop and take a breath. I felt sick. I closed my eyes, "He would, well just imagine the rest. He would tell me that if he looked like me and was a girl he would carry a mattress around on his back. At night he would come in my room and watch me sleep. I can only imagine what he was doing in the dark." I shivered. Dean sat there, silent. My heart was breaking, I was so scared. "It got to the point that I began to think it was normal. That's why I stopped visiting you Lori." I finally finished. "Oh my god." Lori said, looking pale and sick. Dean still didn't say anything. I couldn't take his silence anymore. I got up and went upstairs. When I got in our bedroom I closed and locked the door. I could hear Sam downstairs, "Dammit Dean, she just sat there, and opened up to you about her past, something that's really hard for her to do and you didn't say two words! If your pissed about her telling me fourteen years ago, well then your in the wrong. She needs you right now and all you can think about is how angry you are!" Sam was yelling at Dean. I heard something crash downstairs, by this time I was sitting down next to the side of the bed close to the window. When I heard the crash I jumped. Tears threatening to spill again. I covered my ears and tried to go to the place I always went.

Finally I uncovered my ears and slowly stood up. I slowly went to the door, Lori was in the living room, Sam was there too, but not Dean. I slowly walked downstairs. "Where's Dean?" I asked, scared of the answer. "Kitchen." Lori said. I looked at Sam. He nodded. I slowly walked into the kitchen and I heard the front door open and shut. "Teagan, I am so sorry. All this time, I had no idea, and to think about how badly I want you all the time, and then for you to tell me what you went through with your dad. It makes me feel like such a horrible person." He said. He was cleaning up glass off the floor. I took the dust pan from his hand and sat it on the counter. "Dean, it's so not the same thing. Trust me. He made me feel dirty, he made me think no one would ever want me. Then you came along and it gave me hope. You always made and make me feel loved, wanted, protected. Trust me, if you didn't, I wouldn't be here. I'm just scared you're not going to see me the same way, ever again." I said. "Teagan, nothing will ever make me look at you differently. Ever. I understand now. I just, I'm sorry, I didn't say anything. It had nothing to do with you, it had everything to do with the fact that the one person that should have protected you failed you. You should have never had to go through that." He said. "Dean, neither one of us should have had the lives we had but we did, the only thing we can do now is fix it for our child." I said and rubbed my stomach. "Look, I'm sorry for telling Sam and keeping it from you for so long. Sam is like a brother to me, with you though, I was afraid of losing you." I said, quietly, the tears coming again. I hated myself for crying so much today. He pulled me to him and almost crushed me into his hug. When he let go of me he looked at me, "I will never, ever leave you. Just so you know, you're going to be an awesome mom." He said. "And you're going to be an amazing dad." I said and buried myself in his arms.

About a week had passed since I finally opened up to Dean. Our relationship was different, but in a good way. There was only a couple of days until Halloween. I was sitting in bed reading, since Lori had isolated me to my room. I had been trying to help her clean and she wouldn't let me so she made me go to my room. I had to laugh because I felt like a damn kid. Dean had laughed when I got sent to our room. He was working on the impala, doing what? I didn't get a chance to ask. I was so bored sitting in here alone though, so I got up and got dressed. I put on a pair of blue jeans, and a black t-shirt and grabbed my jacket. I walked downstairs and Sam and Dean were in the living room, Lori had just sat down. "Where are you going?" Lori asked. "I, am going to the store. I'm getting Halloween candy and you aren't going to stop me." I said raising both eyebrows. Dean laughed. "Wanna come with me?" I asked. "Sure, Sammy you need anything?" Dean asked. "No I'm good." He said smiling. "You really think you need to go to the store?" Lori asked. "Jesus Christ,I'm fucking pregnant not incapacitated." I said. "I'll have her home before curfew." Dean said winking. I gently slapped in the chest, "Yeah right, you couldn't even make it home for curfew, like you're going to have me back on time." I said sticking my tongue out at him and grabbing his keys. I headed for the door.

As I got to the driver side of the impala, he grabbed me gently and spun me around. He pinned me to the car, "You are driving me crazy, you know that?" He asked. I smiled, "Oh yeah?" I asked. He moved his hands to my hips and nodded. "If you start this now, we're either going to get caught or we're never going to leave." I said. Dean moaned quietly against my neck, "Right now, I wouldn't care either way." He said. I smiled, "Well you know, we haven't had any fun in the impala in a while." I said. "God, I love you." He whispered as he let me go. "Get in." He said. I smiled, happy with my choice of words. I got in and we drove off.

We drove down an old dirt road for a while before Dean found a fairly hidden spot. The entire drive he couldn't keep his hands off of me. He had barely stopped before I was on his lap. He hurriedly pushed my jacket off and pulled my shirt off. He groaned, "God, I swear, pregnancy is treating you right." He said as he reached around and unfastened my bra. I shoved his jacket off and quickly pulled his shirt off. His mouth was taking turns with each breast. I couldn't hold it in anymore, I let out a quiet moan. My fingers were in his hair, pushing my breasts into his mouth.

We had made our way to the backseat when he gently pushed me onto my back and positioned himself between my legs. He had his jeans down around his knees, he had pushed mine all the way off. Before I knew it, he shoved himself hard and fast inside of me. I let out a moan, as he groaned. My whole body was tingling already. He began thrusting, in and out, harder and faster. My hand went up to the door as I began moving with him. "Teagan, I can't hold on much longer." He whispered. "Then let go." I whispered as my fingertips dug into his shoulder. "Am I hurting you?" He asked, pumping faster and harder. I moaned louder, and shook my head as I pushed my body up against his. I felt myself tighten and contract around him as I let go. He groaned loudly as I felt him let go inside of me. "Dean." I moaned. He thrust himself into me one last time as he groaned again. He slowly pulled himself out of me. He watched me as I got dressed. "I want you again later." He said and kissed me. I smiled, "Fine with me." I said.

We finally made it to the store. "Hey." He said before I had the chance to get out of the car. "I didn't hurt you did I?" He asked. "Dean, no. You have never hurt me. Not like that anyways, it's just, when we have sex like that it makes me want more, ugh I don't know how to explain it." I said. He laughed, "I think I understand. You've always like it rough." He said winking at me and getting out. My cheeks turned bright red as I got out of the car. He put his arm around me as we walked inside, "Am I wrong?" He asked in my ear. I bit my lip, "No." I said quietly. He smiled, as we began walking towards the Halloween candy.

I bought a few big bags of candy. I knew there would be a lot of trick or treaters so I bought enough candy. I bough a big bag of apples and noticed Dean watching me. I smiled and walked to the checkout. "Hello, how are you?" The cashier asked. "I'm good, how are you?" I asked him in reply. "Good. Did you find everything okay?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah. Thanks." I said in reply and handed him cash. I grabbed the bags and walked out. When Dean got to the car he looked amused. "What?" I asked. "He was staringat your ass." He said. "Okay. I'm surprised you didn't kill him" I said looking concerned. Dean laughed, "I didn't have to when he realized I was with you and had caught him. He was very apologetic." I laughed as we pulled out of the parking lot.

We finally made it home. When I went to grab the bags Dean grabbed them quickly. I rolled my eyes and walked inside. "Did you get candy?" Lori asked. I smiled really big and nodded my head as Dean walked inside. I grabbed an orange bowl from the kitchen and dumped it all into it. I grabbed some twizzlers and opened them. Dean brought the apples into the kitchen and sat them on the counter. "Thanks." I said as he sat down at the table with a beer. "So I have to ask, what are you going to do with the apples?" I alughed, "You'll see." I said winking at him. He licked his lips slowly and smiled a half smile, taking a sip of his beer. I quickly turned around and began peeling the apples. Lori walked in and said, "What exactly are you doing?" She asked. I jumped cutting my hand. "Dammit!" I exclaimed. I dropped the apple and the knif eand got my hand to the sink. "Aunt Lori, a little arning would have been nice." I said as I ran my hand under the cold water. "Sorry, here let me help." She said. I wrapped a towel around my hand and said, "I'm fine, can you just get me a bandage please?" She nodded and headed upstairs. When she got back I put the bandage on my hand and went back to peeling and coring the apples to boil them. Dean had disappeared by now so it was just Lori and I. "Hey Sam and I are making a beer run you need anything?" Dean asked, poking his head in to the kitchen, I shook my head, "No, I'm good, thanks." I replied. Before I knew it they were out the door.

The apples were on the stove boiling, Lori and I were sitting at the table. I was eating a sandwich and drinking some water when I heard the front door open and close. Sam walked in first, beer in his hands. Dean walked in after him, hands behind his back. "Close your eyes." He said. I cocked an eyebrow and looked at him. "Please." He said walking closer. I closed my eyes and heard something being sat on the table. "Okay open them." He said. I slowly opened my eyes and there in front of me were pink tiger lilies in a beautiful vase. I gasped and stood up, throwing my arms around him. He laughed, "You remembered my favorite flower." I said, smiling up at him. He nodded, "Yeah I did." He said kissing me. For a second Sam and Lori disappeared as I returned his kiss. I slowly pulled away from him and just looked at him. "Just because we've had times where we weren't together, it doesn't mean I forgot anything about you." Dean said. I smiled, "Well I love them. Thank you." I said as I went over and positioned them in the middle of the table. I went and checked on the apples and noticed they were done. Lori had made the pie crust that was chilling in the fridge. I opened the cupboard doors and noticed that the pie dishes were to high up for me to reach. I just stood there staring when I heard Sam laughing. "You know, they aren't going to get down on their own." he said. "I know, I'm just wondering what sick, twisted individual decided to put them up there. Everyone knows I'm short." I said. I heard Dean laughing as he walked over and got them down. "Thank you." I said. He nodded. I could tell he wanted to touch me, maybe wrap his arms around me, but he didn't. I walked over and lightly floured the counter top and took the dough out of the fridge.

I finished both pies and put them in the oven. I went and sat back down and finished my sandwich. Sam cleared his throat, "Uh, just so you guys know, I won't be here for dinner tonight." "Oh yeah? Where are you going?" Dean asked him. "Uh, I have a date." He replied. "What's her name?" I asked. "Caroline." Sam said. I nodded, "Well have fun." I said smiling. "Thanks." Sam replied. I returned his smile. "So what are you two going to do wit the house to yourselves?" Lori asked. I shrugged. I was beginning to feel tired. "Watch a movie? Eat pie?" Dean asked. I laughed, "Sounds good to me." I replied. "Teagan, I'll take care of the pie if you want to go lay down and rest for a while." Lori said. I shook my head and looked at the timer on the oven. "I'll wait." I said. Dean shook his head, "You are so damn stubborn. He said. I nodded, "Yes I am, but you love me." I said taking a sip of my water. "I do, but sometimes, you're a pain in the ass." He said. I laughed, "Very, very true." I said as I propped my head up on my hand. I heard a chair gently scoot across the floor and Dean wrap his arm around me, pulling my head over onto his chest. I snuggled into him and could feel my eyelids getting heavy. I stayed like that for what seemed like forever, when I heard the timer go off on the oven. I slowly opened my eyes and went to get up. "No, sit down." Lori said. "No, I'm getting the pie out and that's the end of it. I have to keep myself going or I'm going to freakin balloon." I said looking at her. Dean shook his head as I walked over to the stove and opened it. I grabbed my oven mitts and slowly pulled the pies out, and sat them on top of the stove. I turned the stove off, and went into the living room.

I was stretched out on the couch when Dean walked in and sat down and pulled my feet into his lap. "Hey, what do you want for dinner?" He asked. I shrugged, "I don't know, I just ate." I said. I could feel myself wanting to fall back to sleep, but I wouldn't let it happen. "Hey, I'm leaving, if you two need anything, just call." Lori said. I nodded, slowly. "Dean, make her sleep." She said as she headed for the door. "Come on." Dean said, picking me up. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he carried me upstairs to our room. He gently laid me down and I burrowed into the covers. My eyes were so heavy. I felt him slip in behind me and wrap me in his arms.

I woke up about an hour later, thunder roaring, lightening crashing in the sky and rain pouring down, hitting the windows furiously. I stretched slowly and noticed Dean was no longer in bed with me. I got up and grabbed a sweater from the hook on our bedroom door. I quickly changed from the jeans I had fallen asleep in, to some black leggings. I went downstairs and found Dean in the kitchen making soup. It smelt amazing in the kitchen when I walked in. "Did you sleep good?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah. It's nice waking up to the sound of rain outside." I said as I sat down at the table. "Yeah, hey, soups almost done. He said. "Dean, thank you for taking care of me." I said. He chuckled, "It's my job. Besides you deserve it, after everything you've done for Sam and especially me." He brought a bowl over to me. My stomach grumbled, "This smells amazing." I said. "Thanks, my dad's recipe, I just left out the hot sauce." He said winking. My stomach grumbled harder, "Oh, that sounds amazing though." I said. "I just kind of thought, with you being pregnant, you didn't really need hot sauce." He said. I smiled, "Thank you." I took a big bite of the soup. It tasted as good as it smelt.

We both finished dinner and I helped Dean clean up. "Okay, so I waited until you got up, and that was really hard, but can I eat pie now?" He asked. I laughed, "You didn't have to wait for me. I made them for you." I said. He kissed me, "I love you." he said smiling. I smiled, "I love you too." I walked into the living room and picked out a movie. I wasn't even sure what it was, I just knew that since I had woke up, I wanted Dean. I didn't know if being pregnant had anything to do with my heightened senses or not, but I couldn't stop thinking about how much I wanted him, all the time now. I gave him time to finish his pie before I hit play on the remote. He sat down on the couch and pulled me to him. I had my head resting against his chest, sitting between his legs. His arms were gently draped over me, his hands on my belly. My whole body was tingling with desire. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them I tried concentrating on the movie, but it just wasn't happening. I put my hands on top of his and he laced his fingers between mine. I wanted so badly to guide his hands else where, but I didn't. I couldn't help but smile to myself as the thought of having sex on the couch came to mind. I slowly pulled the thin blanket down from the back of the couch and covered up. "Are you cold?" Dean asked. "A little." I replied. It was the half truth, I was cold, but at the same time I was burning up. I couldn't take it anymore, I slowly pushed Deans hands down to my hips. I heard him inhale, sharply. "Teagan, we need to slow down." He said. I felt rejected, "Okay." I said. "You've been extremely tired lately, and I don't want to make it worse." he said. I knew he had a legitimate reason, it was true, I had been really tired lately, but God, every time he touched me I wanted him. I could feel the sting of rejection still though. It hurt. I knew it was just my hormones kicking my ass at that moment, because if he would have said this to me without me being pregnant I would have been fine.

We finished the movie and I slowly got up. I hadn't tried anything else with him the rest of the time. I was embarrassed, and hurt. It was still raining outside when I walked into the kitchen. I stood there looking at the cupboard for a few minutes, when I turned around and left. I went upstairs and into our bedroom. I took my sweater off and slowly climbed back into bed. I wasn't tired, but I figured this was all there was left to do. Dean walked in, "Teagan?" He asked. "Yeah?" I asked in reply. "Hey, I can tell when your feelings get hurt, that's not what I meant to do." He said getting undressed and putting on flannel pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. He climbed into bed behind me, "It just kind of embarrassed me." I said. He rolled me over to face him, "I'm sorry. Teagan, I just want you to be healthy right now, for yourself and for our baby. Believe me, if I could keep you right here with me and do nothing but make love to you, I would. Things just don't work that way." He said. I nodded, "Teagan, there's not a time, lately that I don't want to, believe me. With the tight shirts you seem to be wearing lately, it's really hard not to just take you where you stand. Please don't cry." He said, sounding hurt, as I sniffed. "I'm sorry Dean. I don't know what's going on. I guess my hormones have me all out of whack." I said. "It happens." He said. I nodded. "Teagan, I want you so bad right now, but you need to start getting rest." "Dean, I'm fine. How much more can I sleep?" I asked. "As much as you can." Dean said. I had, had enough. I kissed him, passionately, pushing my body against him. If he pushed me away I would know something more was going on. He grabbed my hip, pulling me closer. "You know you make it really hard to say no to you." He said. I smiled, as I pushed him onto his back. He pulled me on top of him, he was already hard. I slowly ran my hands up underneath his shirt. He pulled my shirt off and pulled me down to him. He pulled a breast into his mouth as I gasped. I let go. I groaned, I didn't want to yet. I could feel him smile, "You did that on purpose didn't you?" I asked. He nodded. I reached down into his pants and began massaging him. He moaned, "Teagan. Not yet." he said. "Why not?" I whispered in his ear. "Because, I want to do things to you right now, that I'm afraid would hurt you." He said. I moaned, "Show me." I said. "No." He replied. "Dean, please." I moaned as I began stroking him faster. "Shit, Teagan." He said as he closed his eyes. I smiled, I knew I had won this one.

He pushed me onto my back and shoved my legs apart. He quickly pulled my pants off and then pushed his off. He grabbed my hips as he roughly shoved himself inside of me. I moaned and arched my back, pushing my breasts against his chest. "Teagan, I'm sorry." he said as he pulled completely out and rammed himself back inside of me. I could feel every inch of him, deep inside of me. I moaned louder, digging my fingers into his back. This, this felt amazing. I couldn't hold it in any longer, I let myself go. I tightened around him, as I did, he moaned. "Jesus." He pulled himself out and rammed himself back in. Over, and over, I put my hand against the head board. "Teagan," He groaned. I bit my lip. He raised up on his knees, pulling my legs up by the knees, lifting me off the bed a little. He began pumping hard and fast inside of me. I lost it again, "Dean." I moaned loudly. He groaned as he leaned down and kissed me, roughly. I couldn't breath, the passion was taking over. "I can't, God I can't." He said as I felt his warmth fill me up. I moaned even louder. "Shit, Teagan." He said as he continued pumping himself into me. He finally slowed and pulled himself out. He rolled over onto his back and sighed. I smiled as I ran my fingertips down his chest. "Are you okay?" He asked. I nodded, "I'm great. That felt, amazing." I said slowly. "I can't do that ever again." He said and got up.

Great now I felt horrible. Dean had quickly gotten dressed and left the room. I finally got up, threw on my clothes and went and found him sitting in the kitchen, a beer in his hand. "Dean?" I asked. "Teagan, do you understand, that if I hurt you, I would never, ever forgive myself?" "But Dean, you haven't hurt me, and your not going to." I said. "That's the thing, sometimes when I see you, I just want to push you up against the nearest wall and just have my way with you. I've always been able to control myself, but here lately it's gotten worse. I just wish we had our privacy, but at the same time it's probably a good thing we don't, or we would never leave or room." he said. Staring at his beer. I went over and sat next to him. "Dean, I know exactly how you feel. You can smile at me, barely touch me, and I just want you. This, right now, I want to sit on your lap and kiss you. I want to turn you on." As I finished talking, it hit me. "Oh my god, Dean." I said. "What, what is it?" He asked. "I know why we've been so turned on lately." I said. "Why?" He asked. "Because it's the one time we let our guards down, we're both vulnerable. We like the feeling when it's with each other. I mean, think about it. Neither of us show our feelings, I mean I do now, I don't really have a choice in the matter, but when we have sex, our walls break down and we show each other the darkest, deepest most hidden parts of ourselves." I said. "Teagan, your right, but I should never lose it like that again." He said. I laughed, "Dean, do you not remember when we first got together, and what you said to me earlier before we went into the store. You know what I like, and you know you like it to. There's nothing wrong with what you did earlier." I said. "Teagan, you're pregnant, I don't want to mess up and hurt you." He said. I rolled my eyes, "Fine." I said. I knew at this point there was no getting through to him. "Just don't stop touching me." I said as I got up and walked upstairs.

I was laying in bed reading when Dean walked in. He slowly walked over to me and took my book out of my hands. He laid it down on the bed side table and kissed me. I returned his kiss, as I did he slowly pulled away. "Teagan, nothing, nothing will ever stop me from touching you, from making love to you. I just scare myself sometimes, especially lately. You're so curvy, and you know your showing it off. You have my attention, twenty-four seven. Why do you think I haven't left on a hunt. Sam isn't on a date, he's hunting. You keep me so turned on that it's hard to focus. I didn't tell Sam what was going on, just that we needed time together. When you wear your tight shirts, and your breasts are almost falling out, it's hard for me to put words together, and when you wear your tight pants and they show your perfectly round ass, I almost lose it. You have a killer body when you aren't pregnant and now that you are it amplifies it one hundred percent." I blushed, hard, "I'm sorry." I said. "God Teagan, don't be sorry." He said. I felt really embarrassed, I didn't really think about how I was dressing, until now. "I really didn't realize how I was dressing. That was so unintentional." I said. He smiled, "Okay, well all of that aside, one last thing. We've got to stop apologizing for stupid things." He said kissing me again. I nodded, returning his kiss. "You're right." I said.

We laid there, together, covered with the thin sheet and the thick comforter. I moaned against Dean's chest. He smiled. "I love to hear you moan." He said kissing my forehead. "You love to see me suffer to don't you?" I asked. My body was being rocked by wave after wave of pleasure and desire. Dean made it feel so good, that I was left wanting more. Not because it wasn't enough, but because of how good he made me feel. "Not at all." he said running his hand down my side. "I'm going to go take a shower." I said and slowly slid out of bed. I went into the bathroom and turned the hot water on. I got in the shower and stood there, letting the hot water relax me. After standing there for a few minutes I quickly washed my body and hair and rinsed off. I grabbed the towel from the rack and wrapped it around my body. I walked into the bedroom and Dean just stared at me. I blushed, "What?" I asked. He shook his head, "Nothing." He replied. I quickly dried off and grabbed clean clothes from the dresser. I went and slid back into bed next to him. He pulled me against his body and wrapped his arms around me. "I love you." He said as he slid down to my belly. "I love you too." He whispered. I smiled as I began to drift off to sleep.

I walked downstairs, the house was empty. It was nice being alone. I walked into the kitchen and looked at the clock. It was almost noon. I groaned. I did not want to sleep that long. Just as I sat down with a bowl of hot oatmeal, the door from the garage opened. "Hey, where were you?" I asked, looking at Dean. He smiled, "I have a surprise for you." He said. I laughed, "Okay." I said. "Here, close your eyes." He said. I closed my eyes and I felt him grab my left hand. My heart began to beat fast as I felt him slide a ring onto my ring finger. I opened my eyes slowly and saw a beautiful, thin, sterling silver with three little diamonds on it. "Dean, it's beautiful." I said. "I know it's not much." He said. "I love it though!" I exclaimed as I kissed him. He smiled against my mouth, "I'm glad." He said as he returned my kiss.

Tonight was Halloween. Dean refused to dress up, but I did. Sam had made it back into town the day before, and Aunt Lori had come over. I was really nervous, I had curled my hair and put on my Alice in Wonderland dress. I walked downstairs and went into the kitchen. It was already dark, so I grabbed the bowl of candy. I had put on fishnets and combat boots with my dress. I liked putting my own twist on things. Considering the dress was so short I was glad I wasn't leaving or I would freeze. I grabbed the bowl and walked into the living room. Dean walked up behind me, "You, me, later." He said, whispering in my ear. I smiled and nodded, "Duh." I replied. He laughed and kissed me on the cheek and switched the porch light on.

The candy ran out before the end of the night. I turned the light off and put the bowl in the sink. Sam and Dean were sitting in the living room watching a movie, or at least Sam was watching the movie, Dean was watching me. Lori had left to go to a Halloween party. I went upstairs and took my dress off. Before I put a shirt on, I rubbed my belly softly. Everyday I looked a little bigger to myself, I slid a black t-shirt with an orange sequined jack o'lantern on it. I pulled on a pair of gray jeans and went downstairs. I curled up on the couch next to Dean. Just as I got comfortable, my phone beeped with a text message. "Hey, Sam, you remember Kat right?" I asked. He smiled, "Yeah." "Good, she's coming over." I said, smiling. Just then there was a knock at the front door. I got up and went and opened it. There stood Kat, she gave me a huge hug and I invited her inside.

"I can't believe you're going to be a mom!" Kat exclaimed. I laughed, "I know right, it's crazy. Hey speaking of which, I have a question for you. Is the hospital hiring?" I asked. Dean turned and looked at me like I was crazy. "Uh, Teagan, you can't really work in the trauma center." She said. I laughed, "I know that, but maybe like receptionist or something? I need a job or I'm going to sleep through this pregnancy." I said. "Teagan, can we talk for a second?" Dean asked. I nodded and followed him to the kitchen. "Are you crazy? You're not going to work." he said. "Dean, seriously? Sitting a desk for at least eight hours a day never killed any body. My funds are running low. I've got to do something." I said. "Let me go to work." He replied. I shook my head. "Why?" He asked. I shrugged, "Look, why don't you find a job, and I'll find a job at least until right before the baby is born. Tomorrow I'll be three months. The risk of miscarriage is significantly lower, let me work. Please." I said. "Can you work from home?" He asked. I shrugged, "Maybe, but I want to get out of the house." I said. He put his hand on my stomach, and stood there for a minute, "Fine." He said. I smiled really big and hugged him.

"Well I'll talk to Melanie tomorrow and see if they need someone. If they do I'll bring you an application. Or we could go out to dinner." Kat said. "Dinner sounds great, I need to get out of this house or I'm going to go bat shit fucking crazy." I said. She laughed. Just then Dean and Sam came back into the living room. "Hey Kat, want to grab a drink?" Sam asked, looking unsure of himself. "Yeah!" she said. "Hey, I'll see you tomorrow." I said. Kat nodded and walked out with Sam. "So is she going to bring you an application?" Dean asked. "No, we're going out for dinner tomorrow. Dean, look I know you want to keep me safe and protect me, but I've got to get out of this damn house." I said. He nodded, "I understand, I do. I have an idea of where I can get a job, I'll go in the morning. I'm sure Sam will be here by then." He said and smiled. I laughed, "Don't count on it." I said winking. "You knew Sam was going to ask her didn't you, so you put her up to going out and then getting him to go home with her so we could have time together." I laughed, "Actually no, she just happened to tell me how much she liked him when I was working." I said. "Oh." Dean said. I smiled. "Hey, I'm going to bed, I'm tired." I said. He nodded, "Right behind you." He said.

I slid into bed, "Are you getting more nervous, or more excited?" I asked. "Both, I'm scared out of my mind honestly." He said. "Yeah, me too." I replied. "Hey don't you have a doctors appointment tomorrow?" He asked. "Oh my gosh, yeah, I do." I said. He laughed, "You are so cute." he said. "What happened to beautiful?" I asked, faking sadness. "Oh believe me, your still beautiful, it's just your cute when you do little things. By the way, that costume you had on tonight, if no one would have been here, you wouldn't have been passing out candy." He said. I smiled, "Oh yeah?" I asked. He nodded as he grabbed my hips and pulled me on top of him.

Dean was on top of me, my hands pinned above my head. He was moving slowly, in, and out. "Are you ready?" he asked, kissing my neck, right behind my ear. I nodded and moaned. My voice had quit working. Just then he pushed himself deep inside of me and let go. My back arched and pushed my body off the bed and tight against his chest. My small pregnant belly, pushing against his stomach. I heard him let out a low, quiet moan, "Teagan, you feel amazing." Dean whispered. I kissed him, pushing my tongue gently into his mouth. He slowly pulled himself out of me and rolled over onto his back. I rolled over onto my side, facing him, he pulled my leg over his waist and held me until I fell asleep.

I woke up to my phone ringing. I answered it, it was Kat. "Hey they aren't hiring, but do you still want to meet up for dinner tonight?" "Sure, if you want." I replied. She laughed, "Of course, see you tonight." She said and hung up. I got up, took a shower and got dressed. I grabbed my jacket and headed for the door. I had thirty minutes to make it to my appointment and I was upset that Dean wasn't home to go with me. I sighed and headed for my car. Just as I was about to get in Dean pulled up. I walked over and got in. "Sorry I'm late, I have good news though. I got a job." He said. I smiled, "That's great, because I didn't." I said. "Why not? What happened?" He asked. "They just aren't hiring." I said. "Well that's good though, now you can stay at home." He said. "Yeah, yay for staying at home." I said. Dean sighed, "Look I'm sorry but it's probably for the best. Do you really want to have to ask to take time off for appointments and stuff?" He asked. "I guess you're right. I didn't really think about that." I said.

"Well everything is looking great. You've gained twenty five pounds. I'll see you again in a month." Dr. Hodges said as he handed me the sonogram pictures.

Chapter 8

January

It was now January. I felt huge for only being five months pregnant. Deans job was going great. He loved it. It was nice seeing him so happy. Lori had moved into a house down the street and Sam was still living with us, when he wasn't with Kat. I had more energy now than I did in the first three months. The baby was growing and healthy. Dean had just celebrated his birthday yesterday. In two days we would find out if we were having a boy or gil. Dean had visited Bobby and given him a sonogram picture from every appointment so far. Bobby had been calling every week to make sure we didn't need anything.

I took the chicken out of the skillet and put it in a dish. Tonight we were having everyone over. Of course Lori had called to see if I needed any help or needed her to bring anything. I had told her no, just bring herself. Just then the garage door opened. I knew it was either Sam or Dean. Possibly both. I took the potatoes out of the oven and popped the rolls and pie in. Just then Sam and Dean came walking in carrying a huge box. "What the hell is that?" I asked. "A crib." Dean said. "Where are we going to put it?" I asked sounding scared. "Office." Sam said. "And all that stuff?" I asked following them upstairs. "Teagan, I love you, but we've got all this covered." He said as they sat the box down and Sam opened the office door. Well,it used to be an office. "When did you guys clean this place out? Where is everything?" Sam laughed, "Calm down. We put it in storage." He said. I shook my head, "Okay. Well everyone will be here soon and dinner is almost done." I said and headed back downstairs.

Just then the front door opened and Lori walked in. "Hey, I'm in here." I called out to her. "Hey." she said walking into the kitchen and hugging me. When she pulled away she rubbed my belly. I smiled, "I love you but you don't have to do that every time you see me." I said. Just then Dean and Sam walked downstairs. "Hey Lori, she's right, that's my belly to rub." Dean said, laughing and giving her a hug. "Hey where were you hiding?" She asked. "Upstairs. I bought a crib today so Sam and I put it in the room then I took a shower." he said walking over to me. He leaned down and kissed me and gently putting a hand on my belly. "I didn't really get to talk to you when I got here. How was your day?" He asked. "Good, busy. How was yours?" I asked. "About the same. I smell pie." I laughed, "Yes you do." I replied as the timer went off. Dean beat me to the stove and pulled the food out. The only people we were waiting on was Bobby and Kat. "Sam have you talk to Kat?" I asked. He nodded, "Yeah I'm going to go pick her up in a few minutes." He said. I nodded just as the front door opened. "Ball's it's cold out there." Bobby said shutting the door. I giggled, "Hey Bobby, we're all in here!" I called from the kitchen. He came in, "Wow kiddo, how you feeling?" He asked. I laughed, "Good to see you too Bobby. I'm feeling fine." I said hugging him. He hugged me back.

We were all sitting down eating. I was having a ton of fun. "Teagan, this is amazing." Bobby said. I smiled, "Thanks Bobby." "Where did you learn to cook like this?" He asked. I shrugged. This is something I didn't really want to talk about right now. I looked around and noticed everyone was done with their food, so I stood and began clearing the dishes. "Hey, hey, no, Sam and Bobby will help me." Dean said. I laughed and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks." I said as Lori, Kat and I headed to the living room.

The girls and I were sitting in the living room when Bobby, Sam and Dean joined us. Sam sat next to Kat, and Dean sat next to me, pulling me into his arms and resting his hands on my stomach. "I'm so glad to see you three happy." Bobby said as he took a seat next to Lori. I smiled as I placed my hands on top of Dean's. "So what are ya hopin' for?" Bobby asked. I leaned back and looked at Dean, he smiled, "I want a boy, she wants a girl." He said. Bobby nodded, "I think it's going to be a girl." He said. "I think it's going to be a girl." Kat said. "Thank you! Finally I have two people on my side." I said. Dean began rubbing my belly. It had almost become something he did not even thinking about it. It was as if my pregnant belly was now his security blanket.

Everyone had left, Bobby went to get drinks with my Aunt. Apparently they went way back. Sam went with Kat and now it was just Dean and I with an empty house. "So how have you felt today?" Dean asked, rubbing my belly. I smiled, "Fine." I said. I was getting tired now that he was rubbing my belly. "Well I have the next two days off." He said. "Really?" I asked, almost slurring my words. "Hey, why don't you go to bed?" he asked. "I need to clean the kitchen." I said. "Don't worry about it, I'll do it." He said. "No, if you would just stop rubbing my belly like I'm Buddha I wouldn't be so tired." I said laughing. He chuckled, "Sorry." He replied. "Don't apologize. I'm just giving you a hard time." I said. "I know." He said as he kissed me. I returned his kiss, but for once I really wasn't in the mood. I got up and headed to the kitchen. I had just grabbed the pan that had held the chicken when Dean walked in. He took the pan from me and began cleaning. "Come on, let me help." I said. "No, you've done a lot today, you need to go sit down and relax." He said. "No." I said, crossing my arms. He pulled me to him, "Yes." He replied. I groaned, "Fine." I said. As I turned to walk away he gently slapped me on the butt.

I was sitting in the babies room, on the floor, thinking about the future, and room colors, and what there was left to buy. Everything. We still had to buy, everything. Just then I heard the door open and I looked up to see Dean standing in the door way, one foot over the other, arms crossed, leaning against the door frame. "You okay?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah. Dean I'm scared." I said. The words came out before I meant for them to. No one was supposed to know that I was scared, I never intended on telling anyone either. He came over and sat beside me, "I know, I am to." he said. I looked at him. "But you know what? We'll be fine. It'll be rough at first, but we'll be okay Teagan. I'll make sure of it. Even if it means selling the impala." He said. "No!" I exclaimed. He laughed, "Sometimes Teagan choices have to be made." He said. "Yeah and that is not a choice, that is a sacrifice and I'll be damned if you sell your car. If anything we'll sell mine." I said. He laughed, "We'll see." "Dean, the sacrifices isn't what scares me, this is how far along I was when I lost our daughter." I said. His eyes fell on his hands. "I'm sorry, it's still hard, and it's still scary. I keep wondering if it's going to happen again, and I'm in a constant state of worry." I said quickly. "You'll be fine, the baby will be fine, we'll be fine." he said. I nodded, "When are you going to go on a hunt again?" I asked smiling. "Are you crazy, probably never." "Oh Dean, come on, I see the itch. You want to go now, but you're staying here to take care of me. If you want to go, go." I said. "Teagan, no. I do, but I can't. You and our child are my priority right now, I couldn't leave." He said. It was true, things had calmed down it seemed. I looked at Dean, "I love you." I said. "I love you too." He replied.

I woke up to my phone ringing. I groaned and answered, "Hello?" I asked. "Yes, is this Teagan McMillan?" The woman on the phone I asked, "Whose calling?" I asked. "This Dr. Hodges receptionist, he wanted me to call and see if you could come in today, he's going on vacation after today and is trying to get all of his patients in." She said, I could hear the smile in her voice. Dean was propped up on his arm, trying to listen. "Yeah, when does he want me to come in?" I asked. "Would an hour work for you?" She asked. I nodded, "Yes, I'll be there." I said and hung up. I laid back down and threw my arm over my face. "Is everything okay?" He asked. "Yeah, the doctor wants me to come in today instead of tomorrow." I said. "Is everything okay with the baby?" He asked, panic in his voice, as he hurriedly got out of bed. "Calm down, everything's fine, he's going on vacation starting tomorrow and is pushing all of his appointments up to today that were scheduled for this week." I said as I slowly got out of bed. I went to the closet and looked through my clothes, I shrugged and grabbed a pair of jeans and t-shirt. I pulled my pants up, and fastened them with a rubber band. I pulled my t-shirt on but it wouldn't go down far enough. I looked at Dean, tears in my eyes. He smiled at me and grabbed one of his t-shirts and handed it to me. I smiled, wiping tears from my eyes. I put my shoes on and grabbed my jacket. "You look amazing." He said. I smiled weakly, "Thanks for being supportive, but you don't have to lie." I said. "I'm not lying." He said and kissed me. I nodded, and walked downstairs.

"Do you want to know the sex?" Dr. Hodges asked. My heart began to beat fast, and my heart fell into my stomach, this was the moment of truth. "No." I said as Dean said "Yes." I looked at Dean, Dean looked at me. I felt like I was going to puke. The room began to spin. "Teagan?" Dr. Hodges asked. I blinked a couple of times, "Uh, sorry, uh, no I don't want to know, tell him." I said. Dr. Hodges nodded and finished the ultrasound. He said the baby was looking great. It was weighing about two pounds. I nodded as he helped me up. I began rubbing the jelly off. "While you finish up, Dean could I talk to you in the hallway?" He asked looking at Dean. Dean nodded and followed the doctor out. He was in the hallway for what seemed like a second and walked back in. I was already finished cleaning myself off, "You ready?" He asked. I nodded and followed him out. I stopped at the receptionist desk to set up my next appointment.

When we got home he went upstairs into the baby's room and shut and locked the door. I was so worried something was wrong, but I couldn't ask. I almost didn't want to know. When he came back down he walked up behind me and placed his hands on my stomach. "So, don't make plans for tonight, I've got a surprise for you." He said. "Is the baby really okay?" I asked. He smiled, "It's great! I called your aunt this morning to let her know your appointment was moved up and she decided she wanted to have a reveal party for us. Or well you. Whatever that means." He said. I hated to rain on his parade, but the fear was crushing me. "A reveal party is where they either get a cake or balloons or whatever and the parents cut the cake, open the box, and the color that the inside is, is what gender the baby will be." I said non-enthusiastically. "Teagan, what's the matter?" He asked. "I hate being scared." I said. "Teagan, everything is fine. There's a really healthy baby in there." He said putting his hands on my stomach. I smiled, "Okay, okay, I'll try to be okay." I said. "I understand." He said.

My Aunt Lori showed up early with the cake. She was beaming from ear to ear so I plastered on a smile. "What's the matter?" She asked sitting the cake on the counter. Dean had left to go somewhere, I wasn't sure, so I opened up. "I am scared shitless right now. You know about the miscarriage I had and I don't want the same thing to happen. I am so scared." I said as tears began falling, and as usual, Dean with his impeccable timing walked in with Sam. I turned away from him, "What's wrong?" He asked, sounding scared. "Just give us a minute okay?" Lori asked. "What's wrong?" Dean asked again. "Everything's fine, she's just talking to me." Lori said. Sam almost had to drag Dean out. "Listen to me Teagan, everything is fine. You have got to believe the doctor." Lori said. "You don't understand, the doctor said everything was fine last time and then bam! I lost the baby." I said. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed me on the cheek, "This time will be different, but if you keep stressing it won't be." She said. I nodded, "I know, I can't help it though." I said. "I know, but you know what, Dean is doing everything he can to make you feel confident." She said just as the front door opened and Bobby walked in. I quickly wiped my eyes and hurried upstairs. "What's the matter?" Bobby asked. "She's scared." Lori said. "Where's Dean and Sam?" "Outside." Lori said. Bobby walked outside and found them as I washed my face.

I came downstairs and went outside and found Dean talking to Sam and Bobby. "Hey guys." I said quietly walking up to Dean and burying my face in his chest. I was sick of being so strong. I wanted people to see the weakness I hid all the time. Dean wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. I could feel the tension in the air, I finally raised my head and looked at Sam and Bobby, "Look, I'm going to tell all of you. I'm scared, with the miscarriage I had, I was about this far along and it happened. I'm feeling okay, and I know the baby is doing good, but I'm still scared. I'm sorry that I'm so emotional." I said looking at the ground. Sam walked up to me and hugged me. I hugged him back, he was my best friend for so long, I looked up at him. "Whatever we're having, they are going to love you. You're going to be a great Uncle." I said smiling. He smiled, "Thanks, and you and Dean are going to be great parents." He said I nodded, as I slowly let go of him. Bobby came up to me next and hugged me, "You've got nothing to worry about kiddo." He said. I laughed, "Thanks." I said. "Sam, you want to help me?" Bobby asked, looking at Sam. Sam nodded and they both walked off. I looked up at Dean and as I was about to say something he stopped me, "Don't apologize, I know. Teagan, I'm here for you, through thick and thin. I don't look at you and think your over emotional, I don't look at you and question what type of mother your going to be. I look at you and see a beautiful woman, who is going to be my wife and a great mother to our child. Or children if we have more." He said laughing. I laughed and kissed him. I put his hands on my hips as my kiss became more passionate. He groaned against my mouth, "Not now, later, you've gotta go find out if we're having a boy or girl." He said and grabbed my hand leading me inside.

I was holding the knife in my hand, getting ready to cut into the cake. I was so nervous. The frosting was white, I was excited to see the inside. I looked at Dean who was watching me, smiling. I slowly slipped the knife into the cake and closed my eyes. I groaned, as I drew a line down the center of the cake. I opened my eyes slowly and saw blue cake. I dropped the knife and looked at Dean in shock. "Really?" I asked. He laughed and nodded. I laughed, and cut the rest of the cake. "Dammit." I said. "What?" Dean asked. "Well I lost the bet." I said and laughed. He nodded, "Yes, yes you did." He said. I stuck my tongue out at him and began putting cake on plates.

"So names?" Lori finally asked. I shrugged, and looked at Dean. "Well, when we first started dating and the past came up, we talked about naming a boy after both of our dads." Dean said, watching my expression. Everyone looked at us questioningly. I laughed, "Johnathan Michael, but Dean, I kind of like Johnathan Robert." I said looking at Bobby. "You are crazy, no." Bobby said. "Oh come on Bobby, you've been more of a dad to me than my own dad. Please?" I asked and gave him a pouty look. Dean laughed, "Yeah, let's see how well that works." "Fine." Bobby said. Dean's jaw dropped. I began to laugh, "I'm a girl, I have that power." I said winking at Dean. "So Johnathan Robert Winchester? Nice ring to it." Sam said. I nodded, "Thank you, what do you think Dean?" I asked. "I love it." He said and kissed me.

Everyone left and Dean and I were in our room. I was sprawled out on the bed on my side. "I'm going to have a son." Dean said smiling and laying down next to me, rubbing my thigh. I nodded, "Another son." I said. "Teagan, don't, please." He said. "Dean we need to talk about this." I said. "No, Teagan, we don't. I made a decision." He said. I sat up slowly and looked at him. "So you're going to push away your son, because of me? That wasn't right of me, and it's not fair to Ben." I said. He groaned. He looked mad. "Teagan, let me tell you something, that was a store bought paternity test, who knows if it's even accurate." He said. "Then get a real one." I said. "For what? Teagan, Lisa found out I was alive, not long after I came back. She had me take an actual paternity test, Ben was mine, but by that time Lisa was married and Ben has a dad." He said. I felt like I was going to puke. I shook my head, "So that's it? Does Ben know?" I asked. "No, Lisa and I agreed to not tell him." He said. I laid back down, "Look, I made bad decisions in my past but can we please move past it?" He asked. I closed my eyes for a second and nodded, "Yes." I said as I felt his hands on my stomach. "Teagan!" Dean exclaimed. "What?" I asked. "I felt him move!" Dean sounded so excited. I laughed and nodded. "I know, he moves all the time." I said. "Is it weird?" He asked. "A little. He sits on my bladder the biggest majority of the time." I said smiling. He leaned down and kissed my stomach. As he looked up at me, it felt as if though my insides melted.

As soon as Dean rolled off of me, I got up and went to the bathroom. When I came out, Dean looked at me, "Are you okay?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah, baby on the bladder." I said smiling. "Teagan, I'm sorry I didn't get to marry you before he's born." He sounded hurt. It broke my heart, "Dean, I don't care. Their just papers, this is more binding than anything." I said. "No, I promised you I would marry you before you had the baby, I broke that promise." He said. I put a finger on his lips, "Shh." I said. He kissed my finger, when he did a brilliant idea hit me. "Dean!" I exclaimed. "What?" He asked, sounding panicky. "I'm fine, but I have an idea, tell me yes or no. Okay, instead of Johnathan Robert, what about Samuel Robert?" I asked. "For Sammy and Bobby?" He asked I nodded. "That's a tough one. Let me think about it." He said. I nodded, "I was just thinking, yes, your dad and Bobby who should have been my dad, but then it hit me. You were closer to Sam than your dad, right?" I asked. "Yes and no. I was Sam's big brother, I protected him. I looked up to my dad." He said. I nodded, "It's whatever you want, it was just an idea." I said. He nodded, "I know, I'll think about it." He said.

I woke up bright and early the next morning. I wanted to go for a walk, so I threw on some black flared yoga pants, and a white tank top. I put on my hot pink zip hoodie and some hot pink sneakers. I grabbed a bottle of water and headed out the door. I made sure to grab my phone in case Dean woke up before I got back. I put my headphones on and turned my music up and set off on my walk.

I got back to the house and walked inside. Dean was sitting at the table, looking worse for wear. "Where were you?" He asked. "I went for a walk." I said, sitting down at the table. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked. "It was a last minute thing. I woke up and wanted to take a walk. I would have left you a note but I thought I would be back before you woke up." I said. I felt guilty. He walked over to me and pulled me gently from my chair, "Next time just please tell me. I didn't know what happened." He said. I nodded and rested my head on his chest.

I had my head in Dean's lap, we were on the couch. He had me laughing so hard. "Oh my god, remember when I was still in New Orleans, after my dad died, you stayed the night and the next morning your dad showed up pissed?" I asked. He nodded, "He gave me so much shit after we left." He rolled his eyes. I laughed, "Like what?" I asked. "Just giving me the whole lecture of being careful, and that something could happen and ruin my life. I told him nothing happened but he didn't believe me. I think he called Bobby and told him." He said smiling. I laughed again, "Seriously. Oh my god that's embarrassing." I said. We continued reminiscing when Sam walked in. "Well you two look happy." He said, smiling. I nodded. "Hey, Dean, can I talk to you?" Sam asked. "Yeah, hey, I'll be right back." He said looking down at me. I nodded and sat up so that Dean could get up. They went upstairs to Sam's room and shut the door. A few minutes later Dean came downstairs and came back into the living room. "What's wrong?" I asked. "Your not going to like it." He said. My heart sank, "Go." I said. "What?" He asked, sounding a little confused and little shocked. "It's a hunt, go, seriously." I said. "But Teagan, I need to be here with you." Dean said. "You will be, where is it?" I asked. "Kansas City." He said. "Go, just be careful." I said. "Sam!" Dean yelled, he kissed me, hard, pinning my body to his and then let go. "I love you, I'll see you in a few days." He said. I nodded as Sam came down the stairs and they both headed for the door.

After they were gone I called my Aunt. She came right over. I didn't really want to be alone. As soon as she walked through the door her phone rang, she answered it and said, "I'm here with her now. Dean she'll be fine. I promise, just make sure you come home." She said. She looked worried. She hung up and looked at me, "Are you crazy?" "Uh, no." I answered. "Teagan, you're six months pregnant and you let Dean go on some job? What if he doesn't come home?" She asked. "I know he'll come home." I said as I walked into the kitchen. She followed me, "How can you be sure?" She asked. I slammed a cup down on the counter, it shattered, "I just know he will!" I almost shouted at her. "Teagan." She said quietly. "What? Don't keep asking me if he's going to be okay. He'll be home in three days, tops. He'll be fine." I said. "No, Teagan, your hand, it's bleeding." She said. I looked down and saw blood dripping out of my hand. When the cup broke it cut my hand open. I rolled my eyes, "Great. Just what I need." I said. I grabbed a towel and headed outside.

I had to get stitches in my hand, I wasn't very happy about it, but I had to do it. Five stitches and I had to come back in a week to get them out. Dean was going to be pissed when he found out what happened. I rolled my eyes and walked out into the waiting room where Lori was. "Can we please go back home." I said. She nodded. As we were walking out to her car she looked at me, "I'm sorry Teagan, I just know what it's like to be with a hunter." She said and got into her car. I stood there for a few minutes and then continued on. I got into the car and looked at her, "I get it, just try to have some faith in Dean. Please. For me." I said. She nodded, "I'll try."

Dean was back in two days. I had just rolled out of bed and was sitting in the kitchen in a pair of his flannel pajama pants and a gray t-shirt. I had to resort to wearing his clothes around the house because all of my clothes were getting to small. I was sitting indian style in the chair drinking green tea and reading the news paper when he walked in. He walked up to me and kissed me on the cheek. He noticed my hand was wrapped, "What the hell happened?" He asked. I rolled my eyes, "I got mad and slammed a cup down on the counter. I had to get stitches. I'm fine." I said. He looked at me, "Teagan. Why did you get mad?" He asked. Lori had left that morning, Dean had called us to tell us he was on his way home. "Lori, she kept asking if I was sure that you would come home. She was worried so don't get mad at her, but it pissed me off and before I knew it I was holding a broken cup in my hand. I'm fine." I said again, never taking my eyes off the newspaper. "Son of a bitch. You didn't bother calling me?" He asked. "You know I don't call you when you're gone." I said, finally looking up at him. "Cas!" Dean shouted. Just then Castiel appeared in the kitchen. "Hello Cas." I said. "Hello Teagan." Cas said. "Cas, can you fix her hand?" Dean asked. "Seriously Dean, I'm fine." I said through gritted teeth. Cas looked from me to Dean. "Cas, just do it." Dean said. "So what, I can't have battle wounds?" I asked. "Sure, if you were in battle. You weren't, you were mad." Dean said. "Even more reason for me to keep it, it was a stupid mistake, let me deal with it." I said. As I said that Cas disappeared. "See, Cas didn't want to fix it either." I said smiling. Dean groaned, "You are so damn difficult Teagan, I swear." He said. I laughed, "You should know this by now." I said. He shook his head and went upstairs.

I was waiting for Dean when he came out of the bathroom. Sam had left to see Kat. So I was just sitting on our bed. "Are you mad at me?" I asked. "No, you just scare me." He said. I rolled my eyes, "Lighten up Dean, I'm fine. Johnathan is fine. We're both fine." I said, gently patting my stomach. "I know." He said as he came over and sat down beside me. "You look tired." I said. "I am." He replied. "Then sleep." "I don't want to." "You should, you need to, isn't that what you're always telling me?" I asked. "There's a difference, I'm tired because I was out killing monsters, you get tired because you are growing another human inside of you." He said. "Good point, but still." I said.

I woke up drenched in sweat. I threw the covers off and felt cooler. I slowly got up and walked downstairs. Dean was laying on the couch, Sam was sitting on the other couch. "Are you okay?" Sam asked looking at me. I nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine. Why?" I asked. "You're really pale. Are you sure you're okay?" Dean asked. "Yeah, I just got hot while I was sleeping. I'm fine." I said. "Come here." Dean said. I walked slowly over to him and sat down next to him. "Teagan, you're burning up, are you sure you're okay?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah, I just had a nightmare, I'm okay though." I said. He sat up and had me lay with him on the couch. Before I knew it I was asleep again.

_"You can't do anything right? I can't believe I raised such an idiot!" My dad yelled at me. I jumped. I refused to cry, it was a sign of weakness. He slapped me, hard, across the face. I could feel the rage spread through my body, but I didn't dare hit him back. "Get out of here, I'll do it my damn self." He said as he pushed me out of the kitchen. I walked upstairs to my room and slammed the door and locked it. "Slam another door!" I heard my dad yell from downstairs. I turned my music on and just sat at my desk. Just as I was about to begin my homework I heard the doorbell ring. I groaned as I got up and opened my door and hurried downstairs. Before I could get to the front door my dad pushed past me, "Don't worry. I've got it, just go back to crying in your room. I don't want to see you right now." He said. I crossed my arms and propped myself against the wall. Before opening the door he turned to me, "Didn't you hear me. I don't want to see you." He said and then opened the door. I was halfway up the stairs when I heard John's voice. I had just got to my room when I heard Dean and Sam's voices. I opened my bedroom window and stepped out onto the roof. This was my safe spot, my escape. I sat down and pulled my knees to my chest. Every time I came out here I contemplated jumping, but I never do. I was to much of a chicken shit to end my own life. Besides, I knew one day I would get away from here and make something better of my life. I would never turn back, I would never come back. _

_ Just then Sam stepped out onto the roof and sat down next to me. "Again?" He asked. I nodded. "You're bruising." He said. I nodded, "I know." I replied and rested my chin on my knees. "When are you going to let him stop hitting you?" He asked. I laughed, "Sam, he's my dad. That's never going to happen. Besides, when are you going to stop letting your dad make decisions for you?" I asked. "Touche, just think, soon we'll be going to college and all of this will be behind us." Sam said. I nodded, "I know, that time can't get here fast enough though." I said. He nodded. We sat there in silence. _

_ Dean poked his head through my bedroom window, "Sammy, we're leaving." He said. Sam nodded, "Be there in a minute." He said. "Hey Teagan." Dean said. I slowly waved, but I wouldn't look at him. I didn't want him to know. Even if he did see my face, I would lie about what happened, like all the other times. Dean stood there waiting, "Sammy, come on." He said. Sam slowly stood and walked away. I continued sitting there, I watched them all get into the impala and drive away. Sam watched me from the backseat of the car. I knew they wouldn't be back. Not for a while anyways._

_ "Teagan!" My dad yelled. I sighed and went inside. "Yes?" I asked. "Are you going to sit on the roof all night or are you going to get your chores done?" He asked. I snickered, "Maybe I'll sit on the roof all night, who cares." I said. "You will not talk to me like that! Ever!" He yelled. "Fine." I said. I bumped into him as I walked past. I did it on purpose. He grabbed my arm, hard, and pulled me to face him. "You will not disrespect me." He said, sneering at me. I yanked my arm away and walked away._

_ I was finishing up my chores, when my dad walked outside. He was drunk. "You know, I ask myself on a daily basis how I raised such an ungrateful bitch for a daughter." He said, slurring. "I should have never made your mother keep you, you were just a god-damned mistake!" He yelled in my face. I was seething, "Fuck you!" I yelled. "What did you just say to me?" He asked through gritted teeth. "You know what, I ask myself everyday why I had to have a piece of shit dad. So fuck you!" I exclaimed. His fist landed right in my stomach. I doubled over. He grabbed my hair and pulled me inside. He grabbed his belt and began hitting me. There was a blow across my back, across my knees. It lasted for what seemed like forever. When he stopped he hung his belt calmly and looked at me, "Get out." He said. _

"Teagan, Teagan." I heard Dean's voice. I woke up with a gasp. "Hey, hey, you're okay." He said. I guess I had began crying in my sleep. I wiped my eyes, "Sorry. I'm okay." I said and looked away ashamed. "Want to talk about it?" He asked. I shrugged, I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk to him about my dream. I knew I needed to, I just didn't want him to know that day he could have helped me. "Okay, I don't know if you'll remember, but when I was about 15, you, Sam and your dad came over to our house. Sam and I were sitting out on the roof and you came to get him to leave?" I asked looking at Dean. As soon as I said that I could see that Sam knew exactly what I was talking about. "Yeah, Dean, the hunt in Missouri that we went on with Dad." Sam said. "Oh, yeah, yeah, I found you two sitting on the roof and I thought Sam was making his move so I almost didn't want to say anything." Dean said. I laughed. "Anyways, you remember when you told me bye and I wouldn't look at you?" I asked. Dean nodded, "Yeah I was kind of hurt." He said. I looked at him and raised an eyebrow, "You were hurt that I didn't say bye?" I asked. "Yeah." he said. "Anyways, why I wouldn't look at you is because my dad had slapped me not long before you guys got there. I had messed up his dinner. I didn't want you to see the bruising that was already starting, but that's not all, after you guys left he asked if I was going to sit on the roof all night or do my chores, being the smart ass I am, I said that maybe I would sit on the roof, who cared. Well long story short, I finished my chores, he came outside drunk, talking shit, calling me an ungrateful bitch and how he shouldn't have made my mom keep me because I was a mistake, and I had enough. I went off on him, and he hit me, and then drug me inside by my hair and hit me with his belt, for at least 30 minutes." I finished my story quietly. "Jesus Teagan, and you never told anyone? Was that what you've been dreaming about?" Dean asked. I nodded, "I never told anyone because I didn't feel like I was worth it." I said. "I wish you would have told me." Dean said. "Why? There's nothing anyone could do." I said.

"Teagan, there's always something someone can do." Dean said. I shrugged, "Well it's over now." I said. "Yeah, but it's still hurting you." He said. I nodded, "I know." I said, whispering. I got up and went upstairs. I ran myself a warm bath and stepped in. As I was laying there, the warm water relaxing me, I began rubbing my stomach. Dean walked in and sat down on the floor, resting his back against the side of the tub, "Why haven't you told?" He asked. I shrugged, "I don't know, but earlier what did you mean you thought Sam was making his move?" I asked. Dean laughed, "I thought he had a crush on you, and when we left that day I gave him so much hell, but he finally told me that he didn't like you like that, you were just a friend. Which is a good thing because I liked you." He said. I laughed, "Yeah, you told me that." I said. I finished my bath and grabbed a towel. I wrapped myself in the towel and walked into our bedroom and got dressed.

Dean had been gone a week. I knew he wanted to go. I couldn't make him stay, I mean, I could, but I didn't want to. I didn't want him to stop doing what he loved. I was rubbing my belly and laying on our bed. It was raining outside, I loved nights like this. As I was laying there I heard a crash downstairs, it made me jump. Just then my phone rang. I quickly silenced it and answered, "Hello?" I asked, whispering. "Teagan?" I heard Deans voice. "Yeah, what?" I asked still whispering. "What's wrong? I'll be there in ten minutes." He said. I nodded as I grabbed a knife from the bedside table. My heart was pounding in my chest. I put my phone down on the table and walked out the door into the hallway. I heard another crash and walked slowly down the stairs. "Hello sweetie." I heard a woman's voice say. I quickly turned around, it was my mother. "What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, just then I felt hands on my wrists and whoever it was yanked my arms behind my back, I dropped the knife. "I'm sure you've heard about my big plans for you." Cynthia, my mom, said smiling. "What the plans? The plans where you tried to sacrifice me? Yeah, I've heard, but why are you here now?" I asked. "Well, seeing as how I couldn't have you, I'll take the next best thing." She said, running her hand lightly over my stomach. "You are a sick, twisted bitch." I said. She smiled, "So I've heard." she said as she kissed me on the cheek and brushed my hair away from my face. I heard her whispering something, and as she finished I felt like I was going to pass out, but I fought it. The room was spinning violently and I felt sick. I groaned, this couldn't be happening. Why was I not aloud to be happy for once?

I heard the front door open and Dean yell, "Teagan?" "She's up here." Cynthia said. Dean and Sam took the stairs two at a time. "Let her go!" Dean yelled. "I'm sorry, I can't do that." She said. "Who are you?" Sam asked. "I'm her mother, and you two must be Winchesters, I can't get away from you idiots." She said. Dean went towards her, "I wouldn't do that." She said as she motioned for the demon to push me towards the stairs. "What do you want from her?" Dean asked. Cynthia smiled wickedly, "Her unborn child, I didn't get to finish my job with her, now's my chance. I would come back eventually." She said. "Son of a bitch!" Dean exclaimed. "You can't stop me, so don't try." She said, walking towards me. She put her hand on my stomach and began chanting. Dean put the knife in her back as Sam made his way to the demon holding my arms. Cynthia motioned something to the demon and before I knew it I was down the stairs.

I woke up, my vision blurry. I felt disoriented, and I was in a tremendous amount of pain. Dean was sitting there, tears running down his face. I looked at him, I was confused. "Where am I?" I asked, confused. "The hospital." He said hoarsely. "Why? What's wrong?" I asked. "Do you not remember?" He asked. "Um, no. I remember being on the phone with you and hearing a crash. There was, oh my god, is the baby okay?" I asked, trying to sit up. He momentarily looked away, "Uh." He said. "God dammit!" I yelled. Just then the nurse and doctor came running in. "Teagan, you're awake. You're in the hospital, I'm Dr. Peters. You've been out for the last three days, and I'm assuming your boyfriend here told you what happened?" He asked. "No, why don't you?" I asked, angrily. "Well, when you fell down the stairs, it caused you to lose the baby. I'm sorry." He said. "Bullshit! You're not sorry, that's just a fucking common courtesy!" As I began to rip the I.V out of my hand I heard the doctor whisper something to the nurse. She rushed over to me and injected something into my I.V. "What the hell are you doing?" I asked. "It's for your own safety." He said and began talking to Dean.

When I woke up, I was completely alone. I slowly sat up and looked down. Just then a nurse came in, "You're awake, good. How are you feeling?" She asked. "Empty." I said. It was the truth, what else could I say? She nodded sympathetically, "The cops will be in shortly to talk to you." She said. "Cops? For what?" I asked. "Procedure." She said. She checked my vitals and left. Dean walked in, holding a coffee. "Hey." He said, almost in a whisper. "Hey." I said. "Teagan, I am so sorry I left. I should have stayed." He said walking over and sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Dean, neither of us knew something like this would happen, don't blame yourself." I said. He scoffed, "Easy for you to say. I'm the one that couldn't give my life up so that we could be a family. I'm the one that had to leave to do what I love. I'm done with it." He said, looking at his hands. "I'll be damned if you're done. As soon as I get out of this fucking place, I'm going to hunt down all of those bastards and end them. I should have never pushed you to be something neither of us can be." I said. Just then the cops stepped in, "Sir, can you give us a few minutes?" The taller, fatter cop said. Dean nodded and stepped out of the room. "Ma'am, we have a few questions for you." the cop said. I nodded, "Okay." I said. "Who did this to you?" He asked. "I don't know, I didn't recognize them." I said. "You can tell us the truth, we're not going to hurt you, we just want to find who did this to you." He said. "Wait, you're trying to get me to tell you that he did it." I said nodding to the hallway where Dean was. "Ma'am we see domestic violence all the time and the victim protects the person that did it." He said. "This is fucking bullshit. He didn't do it. He wasn't even at home, he was on a family trip. I don't know who did it, I was lying in bed and I heard a crash downstairs, so I walked out into the hallway to go downstairs where I heard the noise and that's when I heard a voice and felt someone grab my arms. After that I was down the stairs and then here. If you don't believe me, fine, but I'm telling you the truth." I said. "Okay, that's all we need to know, we'll have a patrol car around your block at all times, until you feel safe." He said. "Forget it, if something did happen I wouldn't count on you people to try to save me. I feel safe, so don't waste your time or mine." I said. "Ma'am it's not a waste of time, it's-" I cut him off, "It's procedure, fuck procedure, I'm telling you to back off." I said, almost growling. "Okay, well I'm sorry for what happened." He said and left.

Dean walked back in, looking a little scared of me. "Don't worry, I'm not going to verbally kill you." I said, looking at my hands. Just then the Doctor walked in, "When the hell am I going home?" I asked. "Well, you seem to be doing fine, let me check you over and I can release you and you'll be out of here within the hour." He said. I nodded, "Good." I said. He began checking my vitals. It lasted about ten minutes and he was done. "Well you don't suffer any significant damage." He said. "You mean other than having a miscarriage, well that's great news." I said, glaring at him. Dean put a hand on my shoulder. "Look, I apologize, this is hard for me." I said. "I understand." The doctor said. He got up and left.

Twenty minutes later the nurse came in and had me sign papers. "When can I go back to work?" I asked, looking at her. "Well you've been in the hospital four days, so at least four more days and it should be fine, but if you have any questions please call us." She said. I nodded as I grabbed my clothes and went to the bathroom and got dressed. Dean drove me home, we rode in silence. As we got home, I went inside, Sam and Lori were sitting on the couch. I couldn't make eye contact as I headed upstairs. _The same stairs that took your baby away from you._ I thought to myself as I got to the top of the stairs. _"I'm just finishing what I never got to finish with you."_ The thought echoed loud in my ears. I slammed our bedroom door open and walked in. I went into our bathroom and closed the door and locked it. I ran a shower and stepped in. As soon as the water hit me I began to cry. My anger and frustration was more than I could take. _Two babies that I will never get to hold. Two babies that I will never get to love and watch grow. _My knees became week as I dropped to a sitting position in the shower. Sobs racked my body. I finally picked myself up off the shower floor and quickly soaped myself down, rinsed off and got out. I got dressed in Dean's clothes. I went downstairs and didn't say a word to anyone as I walked past the living room and into the kitchen.

I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and sat down at the table. I had taken a couple of sips when Lori walked in. "What the hell are you doing?" She asked. I laughed bitterly, "I'm drinking a beer, what are you doing? Judging me? There's no more baby so why not?" I asked. "That's not what I meant and you know it Teagan." She said sitting down at the table with me. "Aren't you supposed to wait to drink alcohol?" She asked. I shrugged, "No one said anything, I'm not taking medicine, so no harm no foul." I said taking another sip. "You need to take care of yourself." She said, sounding sad. I stood, "That's fucking useless advice don't you think? I did take care of myself, but I have to be the definition of completely fucked up!" I yelled. Just then Dean and Sam came into the kitchen. Lori stood, "Don't pull that shit with me Teagan Lorelei! Feel sorry for yourself but do _not_ take it out on me!" She yelled at me. I shoved her against the wall and was inches from her face, "I'm not _fucking_ feeling sorry for myself. I'm just completely and utterly done with family." I said. I felt Dean's hands on my shoulders, pulling me away from Lori. I could feel the tears filling my eyes, "When do I get to be happy? When do I get to have something that everybody else got to have? Never? My dad was a sick son of a bitch and apparently he found the perfect match in my mother. You're his sister, so I'm just waiting for you to turn your back on me, to hurt me. Come on!" I yelled. "I think I should leave." She said, looking at me sadly. "Yeah, leave." I said. "Teagan, calm down." Dean said. I turned to look at him, "Don't tell me to calm down." I whispered, seething, as I turned and walked away.

I was lying in bed, hugging the pillow Dean slept on. "Can I talk to you?" He asked from the door. "Sure." I said, quietly, wiping the tears from my eyes. He sat down on the bed and looked at me. "Sorry, your pillow is kind of wet." I said chuckling through the tears. "I don't care about the pillow Teag, I care about you. I want you to talk to me." He said. I slowly sat up and crossed my legs, putting his pillow in my lap. "I can't do this. This is the second time. The second time I don't get to meet our baby, the second time I don't get to hold them, or love them, or protect them. You're a dad Dean, I'll never be a mom." I said. Dean sighed, "What do you want me to do?" He asked. "Be with Lisa and Ben, or at least with Ben. I'll never be able to give you what we both want." I said, the tears falling again. "Teagan, you've given me everything I could have ever dreamed of. Okay, sure, we haven't had a baby, but one day we will. You've given me stability, love, something worth fighting for and if you think I'm going to leave just because of this, you're so wrong." He said. I couldn't look at him. Part of me wanted him to leave and part of me wanted him to pull me to him and never let go.

Chapter 9

April

It had been three months since I had been attacked and lost mine and Dean's unborn baby. I wasn't okay, I was the furthest thing from okay, but I was working on it. I had apologized to my Aunt Lori. I had apologized to everyone. My temper was getting better with the people around me, but when I hunted, that was a different story. The first time I had gone hunting was two weeks after the miscarriage happened in January. I had left while Dean and Sam were sleeping. When I got home, Dean was furious. He had every right, and that made me realize that I wasn't only hurting myself but him too. I didn't do it again. I let him know where I was going, but most of the time he and Sam came with me on my hunts. I think I scared them just a little, but I think it turned Dean on at the same time. He hadn't seen me like this before. Then again, no one had seen me like this before, no one.

I was sitting at the kitchen table, looking at news articles on my laptop, nothing out of the ordinary in little over a week. I took a sip of my beer, and realized it was empty. Dean walked into the kitchen as I walked to the fridge. I opened the door and noticed all the beer was gone. I groaned, "Well, I guess I'm going to go on a beer run. You want anything?" I asked. "Can I go with you?" He asked, sounding unsure of himself. "Sure." I said. I grabbed my keys and walked out the garage. It took Dean a few minutes to get out to my car, I'm sure he was telling Sam where we were going. He got in and I backed out of the driveway. "I need to talk to you." Dean said, looking at me. "About?" I asked. "About the fact that we don't feel, like a couple anymore." He said. I shrugged. "That's all I get, a shrug?" He asked. "What do you want me to say? You want me to apologize because I can't. I'm trying to be okay, but as you can tell it's not working out to well." I said. "Teagan, you've just, in the last three months, you've pushed me away. It's like I'm nothing to you." He said. "Dean, for that, I am sorry. I'm just afraid. I'm afraid that what happened twice before will happen again. I love you, obviously that will never change, but I feel better when I'm alone, because the hurt is just on me." I said. "Let me help you." He said. I momentarily looked at him and then focused my attention back on the road. I felt bad now, I had nothing to say. We rode the rest of the way in silence.

As we walked inside the liquor store, I grabbed Deans hand and looked up at him. "Look, I'm sorry. I don't know, I'm just trying to get over all of the shit that happened and I never meant to make it feel as though I was pushing you away on purpose." I said. "I know, it just hurts knowing that you're hurting and you won't let me help." He said and kissed me on the forehead. I nodded, "I know, I'll work on it." I said. As we walked down the aisle, my thoughts kept wandering. _What would I do without this awesome man? Would I be here, right now, happy despite all the sadness that consumes me? Would I be okay with anyone else? _I knew that I would be much, much worse with someone else. I looked at Dean as he was grabbing beer and smiled, knowing that no matter what was thrown at me, as long as he was right beside me, I could face anything.

We got back to the house and walked inside. Sam was sitting at the table with his laptop open, "You find something?" I asked. He shook his head, "Nope." He replied. I shrugged as I put the beer in the fridge. It was already late, and I didn't recall anyone eating. I was so lost in my own selfish thoughts about an hour ago, I don't think I even realized anyone else was there. "Have you guys ate anything?" I asked. Dean and Sam looked at each other and then looked at me, both shaking their heads. "Are you hungry?" I asked. They both nodded. I laughed. "Okay, I'll fix something." I said. Dean walked over and wrapped his arms around me from behind, "You don't have to." He whispered in my ear. I smiled, "I know I don't have to, but I'm going to because I want to." I said. "Want me to help?" He asked. This took me by surprise, we had never really helped each other this way, of course we'd hunted together, and helped each other in other ways, but cooking together? Never. I smiled, "Yes." I replied. Dean looked just as shocked as I had felt when he asked me. "So what are you going to make?" He asked. "Well, it's never to late for breakfast." I said laughing. Just then my stomach grumbled, I was hungrier than I remember being. I grabbed pancake mix from the counter and grabbed a large mixing bowl. "So I'm thinking, waffles? Bacon?" I asked. Dean smiled, "Sounds good to me." He said. "Me too." Sam said, closing the laptop. I laughed, they both looked like kids, their expressions for once in a long time showing happiness. I scooped pancake mix into the mixing bowl and grabbed cinnamon and honey. I sprinkled a little bit of cinnamon and poured some honey in. I cracked an egg, and added milk and began mixing. I plugged in the waffle iron and poured the batter on. "I've never had waffles with cinnamon and honey." Dean said. I laughed, "You have no idea what you're missing." I said. "Where did you learn to make them?" Sam asked. I shrugged, "I don't know, college probably. I was hungry, waffles are kind of my weakness and I wanted something other than just plain waffles. Also if you mix cinnamon apple sauce into the batter those are good. Or chocolate chips." I continued, Dean laughed. "I told you, waffles are my weakness." I said smiling.

We were sitting down with our plates at the table. "So I have to ask, what made you think of cinnamon and honey?" Sam asked. He had already scarfed down two huge waffles and was now working on his fourth, the same with Dean. I laughed, "Well, think about it. If you're making something that you're going to have like, say for instance, syrup on, you want flavors you can taste but won't send you into a diabetic shock." I said. Dean laughed, "Oh come on." He said. "No seriously." I said. "Okay, but where did you learn to cook?" Sam asked. "I taught myself." I said. "Seriously?" Dean asked. I nodded, "Yeah, I never had anyone show me how to cook, and I didn't have friends so when my dad was gone I would experiment. I make an awesome pasta sauce." I said laughing. "So why don't you show us some of your skills?" Dean asked. I smiled, "Fine, tomorrow, I'll make pasta and show you how I do it." I said winking at him.

Sam took the dishes and rinsed them off before putting them in the dishwasher. Dean had gone outside, for what, I wasn't sure. Sam sat down at the table and looked at me. "So, how are you holding up?" He asked. I shrugged, "Fine I guess, look I didn't realize I was pushing you and Dean away, and I'm sorry." I said. "I get it Teagan, Dean should to. He's pushed plenty of people away so he should know exactly how you feel. I have to, when I went to college, so there's no reason you should apologize when you've only been doing what comes natural." Sam said. I smiled, "Thanks Sam, that means a lot." I said just as Dean came back inside. "Hey Teagan, can we talk?" Dean asked. "Uh, sure." I said looking at Sam. Sam shrugged and got up and headed out of the kitchen. Once the cost was clear, Dean looked at me. "What's up?" I asked. "It's Ben, something's going on and I need to go check on them." Dean said. It was like a punch, my heart sank into my stomach. I knew this moment was going to come eventually, I just didn't think it would come right now. "Okay." I said, and stood. Tears were filling my eyes as I went to go upstairs. Dean caught my hand and turned me to face him. "You didn't let me finish. I want you to go with me." He said. "Are, are you sure?" I asked. He nodded, "Yeah, we're together. I want you there with me." He said. I nodded, "When are you leaving?" I asked. "Now, it sounded bad." He said. I nodded and went upstairs and grabbed my bag.

It took us about twelve hours to get to Michigan. I turned to Dean and asked, "So, how did Ben know you weren't dead?" I asked. It had been gnawing at me since we left Kansas. "I called him." Dean said. I nodded. "Why didn't you tell me?" I asked. "I didn't think I needed to honestly. He's my son, even though I haven't been there for him physically I've talked to him on the phone, a lot." He said. I nodded, _great, keeping secrets again._ I thought to myself. "So, you've talked to Lisa too I'm assuming?" I asked. "Yeah, it doesn't matter though Teag, nothing's going to happen between us." He said looking at me. I was feeling really insecure right now. I gasped, "Oh my God, does she know?" I asked. Dean sighed heavily, and looked back at the road. "I will take that as a yes. Why didn't you tell me?" I asked. He shrugged, "I don't know, I didn't think it would be a big deal." He said. "A big deal? A big deal? Dean seriously, your ex, whatever she is and your son? It's not a big deal." I said and looked out the car window. The car began to slow down as we pulled into a hotel parking lot. I quickly got out and went inside and sat down on the bed. "I'll be here when you get back." I said. "Wait you came all this way with me to just sit here? Teagan, I know your mad but come on, come with me." He said. I shook my head, "No, it's best if I stay here." I said.

Dean had finally talked me into going with him, we pulled up in front of a house and got out of the impala. As we were walking up the sidewalk the front door opened. There stood Lisa. Dean almost looked a little nervous, and my heart sank. We reached the front steps and Dean hugged Lisa. I smiled politely, even though on the inside I was dying. "Come in." She said, motioning us inside. "Where's Ben?" Dean asked. "School." Lisa answered. My confidence seemed to falter every time I heard these two speak to each other. Dean sat down on the couch, like he had done this before, which I'm sure he had. "So why did Ben call me? What's going on?" Dean asked, looking at Lisa. It was like I wasn't there. "There's been some, weird stuff going on. I mean, obviously I know what you do, so Ben called you. I told him not to, but you know how he is." She said. I cleared my throat, "Sorry, so what's weird?" I asked. "Well, Ben has been feeling things watching him and I've found odd scratches at our garage door. I don't know, it may just be an animal or something, but I don't know." She said. I wanted to laugh, so bad. She wasn't a very good liar. "Okay, well Dean, this seems like something for you. Not for me." I said as I headed for the door. Dean looked at Lisa and then at me as I walked outside.

_I couldn't believe this! She had called him, Ben had called him and it was just so they could see him! _I was furious. I grabbed my cell out of my pocket and called Sam. "Teagan? Is everything okay?" Sam asked. "No, Sam, can you come get me. I'm in Michigan, with Dean. We're at Lisa's and I just, just please come get me." I said. I had began walking. I had no idea where I was going, but I was already blocks away from Lisa's house. If Dean wanted to be with her I wish he would just be with her. I couldn't take this. I couldn't stand feeling hurt in front of other people.

As I finally made my way back to the hotel, it had began to rain. My cell kept ringing, it was Dean. I didn't answer it, instead I turned my phone off and threw it on the bed. I grabbed my bag, left a note and took off walking again. When I made it further away from the hotel I noticed a diner, I went into the parking lot and spotted a car. I quickly called Sam from a payphone and told him not to worry about getting me, I had a ride. I walked over to the car, checked my surroundings, and noticed the door was unlocked. I smiled to myself as I hoped in and quickly hot wired the car.

I had been on the road for a little under fourteen hours, I was headed to Salem, Massachusetts. I had always wanted to visit, and now I knew, this was where my new life was going to start. Luckily I had my credit card and debit card with me, so expenses were covered. I had dropped the stolen car off a town over and hitchhiked the rest of the way. When I got into town I rented a car so that I could get around, but put it in a different name. I didn't want to be found. I bought a prepaid cellphone and began my search for a job and a house. I hated starting over, but I knew it was time. I couldn't hurt anymore, I wouldn't hurt anymore. I walked into North Shore Childrens Hospital. I walked up to the front desk and looked at the receptionist. "May I help you?" She asked. "Uh, yeah, are you guys looking for nurses?" I asked. "I don't know, but you can take the hallway all the way down and turn towards your left. Two doors down on the right will be an office where you can find out." She said smiling. I nodded and returned the smile. I took her directions and found the office. There was one person sitting behind a desk as I walked up. "May I help you?" The lady asked. I nodded, "Yeah, I was sent here, I'm looking for a job. I have my resume." I said. "Okay, what are you looking for?" She asked. "Well I've worked in the trauma center, I'm a nurse." I said. She nodded, "Okay, well let me take a look at your resume and see if there is anything for you. I'll give you a call if there's anything. By the way what's your name?" She asked. "Teagan." I replied. She shook my hand, "Teagan, I'm Ella." "Nice to meet you." I said and began to walk away.

I drove around for a while and found a small bed and breakfast. I stopped and walked in. "Hey hun, sit wherever you'd like." The woman behind the counter said. I nodded and took a seat at a small table. "What can I get you?" She asked walking up to me. "Uh, ice tea, and a turkey sandwich, do you happen to have a newspaper?" I asked. She nodded, "Sure we do, I'll bring it back with your food." She said and smiled. I returned her smile and pulled out my cellphone. Did I really want to call Sam? By now he's called Dean and they would probably be looking for me. Did I really want a Massachusetts number popping up on their caller I.D? No, I didn't. I threw my cellphone on the table and sat, staring out the window until my food arrived. I smiled as she placed the plate in front of me. "Here you go hon, and here's that newspaper you wanted." She said handing me the newspaper. I smiled, "Thanks, hey weird question, are you looking for help around here?" I asked. The words tumbled out of my mouth before I wanted them to. "Hon, we're always looking for help. When can you start?" She asked. "Now." I replied. She laughed, "Okay well what can you do?" She asked. "Well, I can cook, I can clean, and I'm a trauma nurse, so a little bit of everything." I said smiling. "Well, how about you cook? We don't need a nurse, and we've got cleaning girls." She said. I nodded, "Okay, can I finish my lunch first?" I asked. She nodded, got up and walked away. She turned around and came back, "I know your new here, I can tell by the rental outside, if you don't have anywhere to stay the last bedroom on the right upstairs is yours if you want it." She said and walked away. I looked at her shocked as she walked away.

Dean got back to the hotel and walked inside, the first thing he noticed was that Teagan's stuff was gone, and so was she. "Great." He said as he sat down at the little table. There in front of him was a notebook with a note: _"Dean, I'm sorry. I had to leave, it's plain to see that you love Lisa more than you want to admit to me or yourself. I think it's best if we go our separate ways for good. I've tried to be everything everyone wanted me to be. I just can't do it anymore. You'll find the engagement ring on the bed with my cellphone. You guys can have the house and everything in it. I'll have movers get my stuff when I find out where I'm going. Lisa's lucky to have someone as wonderful as you, I just wish I would have known the side of you that she's seen. I love you, it just hurts me more to love you than if I were to leave you. Teagan." _"Son of a bitch!" Dean threw the notebook at the wall as he heard a knock at the door. He opened the door hoping Teagan would be on the other side, but she wasn't, it was Sam. "Sammy." Dean said. "Hey, Teagan called me, wanted me to come get her. Said something about Lisa? Then she called me back and said never mind, she found her own way. What's going on Dean?" Sam looked at his brother, and already knew. "She thought that there was something between Lisa and I. Apparently Lisa thought so too. Dammit Sammy, I need to find Teagan." Dean said. Sam sat down on the bed where Teagan's cell phone and engagement ring lay. "Something's telling me she doesn't want you to find her. Dean, I think she's finally hurting for the last time. I'm sorry, but I know Teagan, I can't help you." Sam said. "What? You've got to be kidding me!" Dean exclaimed, looking at Sam, furious. "Look Dean, you know Teagan, and you know Lisa. You should have known bringing Teagan with you would end badly. She loves you more than she has loved anyone, ever, trust me I know. She's done. You can't see the sadness in her eyes when you look at her? Come on man, Lisa played you, and it turned out bad for everyone. Lisa thought you would come alone, and when you didn't she knew it wasn't going to work. When Teagan found out Lisa was lying, and I know the way you can look at your past flames, she thought the worst. Can you blame her for leaving?" Sam asked. Dean sat down and hung his head. He knew his brother was right. He knew that this may have been the last straw. The one person in the world he fought so hard to have, loved so much, had left. For once he couldn't blame anyone but himself.

I had finished dinner for the entire staff and myself. They couldn't stop talking about what I had made. I felt proud of myself for once, and at home. I had cleaned all the dishes and was just finishing up when Mona, the owner who had given me this job, walked into the kitchen. "So I have to ask, where's your family? And how in the world did you learn to cook like that?" She asked. I finished drying the pan and sat it down, "Honestly? I have no family, at least not anymore. I left my boyfriend yesterday, that's how I ended up here. As far as where I learned to cook, I'm not really sure, I was left to find for myself when I was little, so I guess I just learned." I said. "Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. If you need to talk at anytime, you can talk to me." She said. I nodded, "Thanks." I said smiling.

I went up to my room and locked the door. I had an early morning ahead of me, so I took a quick shower, changed and laid down in the bed. I laid there for what seemed forever, just staring at the ceiling. I still couldn't believe that Dean had done this to me. I didn't really blame him though, I knew, that deep down inside it was my fault. After all, I couldn't give him a child, and he already had a son. I knew it was a matter of time before he figured out what he was missing and go to Lisa and Ben.

Weeks passed and I knew it was time to pack up. I need to keep going. I knew if I stayed in one place to long, I would be found. I packed up my clothes and left Salem in the middle of the night. I hopped into the rental car and headed towards Nebraska. It was an entire day drive, longer since I had to stop several times. The first time I stopped was in, Lackawanna, New York. I stopped long enough to get gas, get something to eat and use a payphone. I quickly called my aunt Lori. As soon as she answered, she sounded panicked. "Aunt Lori?" I asked. I wanted to make sure it was her. "Oh my god Teagan, where the hell have you been? We've all been so worried." She said. "I'm in New York. I don't know where I'm going, but I'll keep you updated." I said. "Teagan, Dean is so worried about you." Lori said. "Love you too aunt Lori." I said as I hung up. I couldn't have that conversation. I quickly got back into the car and left.

I stopped once more to get gas and after that I made it to Chicago. I found a car rental place, changed cars, and found a hotel room. I checked in under a different name and used cash. I got something to eat, took a shower and went to bed. I needed rest if I was going to drive this far by myself. I knew I needed to talk to Sam, I walked downstairs and left the hotel. A few blocks away there was a payphone so I walked down and dropped my change into phone and dialed Sam's number. "Hello?" He asked into the receiver. "Sam?" I asked. "Who is this?" He asked. "Sam, it's Teagan." I said. "Teagan? Where are you?" He asked. I laughed sadly into the phone, "It doesn't matter. Look, I just want to let you know I'm fine." I said. "Really, you don't sound fine." He said. "Yeah, I've been driving pretty much all day, I'm tired." I said. "Where are you?" Dean asked, I guess he had taken the phone from Sam. I slammed the receiver down as I noticed my heart was pounding. The phone began to ring, I knew I shouldn't answer it. I stood there, one, two, three, it kept ringing. I finally picked up. "Teagan?" I heard Dean's voice. "What?" I asked. "Why are you in Illinois? Where have you been?" He asked. "On my own. Where I'm meant to be." I said. "Dammit Teagan, talk to me!" Dean yelled into the phone. "That's just it, you want me to talk to you, but first you yell at me? Fuck you Dean, go back to Lisa, it's clear she needs you." I said as I slammed the phone down and walked away. I heard the phone ringing but I continued walking.

I woke up early and left the hotel. I finally pulled into Omaha in little under eight hours. I drove to the Roadhouse and got out of the car. I grabbed my bag and went inside. I hadn't been here in years. I noticed Ellen first, and walked up. "Ellen?" I asked. "Whose askin'?" She asked, turning around. "It's me, Teagan McMillan." I said slowly. "Oh my god Teagan! It's been a long time." She said, grabbing a beer and handing it to me. I nodded, "Yeah it has, how are you?" I asked. "I'm doing fine. What brings you in here?" She asked. I shrugged, "Just kind of exploring." I said, chuckling. "Why are you really here?" She asked, leading me to a table away from the few men that were in there. I sat down, "Honestly, I'm just on my own. Trying to find myself, figure things out." I said. "It have anything to do with a boy?" She asked. I shook my head, "No, not really." I said. "I know you're lying, I know you better, so tell me, what's really going on?" She asked. "Fine, yeah it's a boy, it's over now though. I'm just out, trying to find where I belong." I said. Just then Ash walked out and walked up to us. "Hey Teagan, how are ya?" He asked. I laughed, "I'm good Ash, how are you?" I asked, standing and hugging him. "Good." "Hey Ellen, do you need help around here?" I asked. "Yeah, want to bar tend?" She asked. I laughed, "Of course." I answered.

I woke up early and headed down to the Roadhouse. I had decided to stay at a hotel and start bar tending today. I pulled into the parking lot and walked inside. I went behind the bar and started setting everything up. "You're early." Ellen said. I laughed, "I have no life." I replied. She nodded.

The day progressed rather slowly. Just as I was re-stacking glasses behind the bar, the front door opened. "What can I get you?" I asked as I turned around. I stopped, dead in my tracks. There stood Dean and Sam. "Ellen!" I yelled. Ellen came around the corner carrying cases of beer. "I uh, I've got to go." I said, stuttering and heading for the door. Just as I passed Dean he grabbed my arm. "Teagan, please." he said. "No." I replied and headed outside. As I headed for my car, I noticed my engagement ring hanging on the mirror in Dean's impala. I stood there staring when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around and saw Sam walking towards me. Dean close behind him. I shook my head and reached for my door handle. Dean put his hand on the door. "We need to talk." Dean said. I laughed, "There's nothing to say." I said looking him dead in the eyes. "So this is it? You're going to turn and run away and not say two words?" He asked. I looked at him, "I said all I needed to say in the letter I left." I brushed his hand away from the door and the electricity hit me. I knew it wasn't over, even though I wanted it to be. Dean looked into my eyes, his green eyes catching the sun. My insides felt like they were melting, but I knew, I knew I had to go. If running was what I was doing, then I would do it forever. I looked around, Sam was nowhere to be seen. I looked at Dean, I could feel the tears wanting to fall but I refused to let them win, "I just want you to love me, and look at me, like you looked at Lisa." I said. Dean pushed me against the rental car, gently. His hand moving to the back of my neck, "Teagan, I look at her with pity, and sympathy for hurting her the way I did. I look at you with want and desire. If you want me to look at you the way I look at Lisa, it will never happen, because I will never pity you or show you sympathy because I'm never going to hurt you." He said as he leaned down and kissed me, gently pushing his tongue into my mouth. The sparks were there, I could feel them. I gently pushed Dean away, "I'm not sure if I believe you Dean. It's like you two were speaking, without saying a word." I said. "Teagan, she's the mother of my child. A son I never knew I had, until it was to late. She walked back into my life when I didn't want her to. I apologized to her and Ben, but I made it clear I wouldn't come running when they called." He said. I knew he was telling the truth, but I was still hurt. "Dean, I can't just go running back to you every time you say you're sorry. I need to hurt, I need to be angry, sometimes I need to just runaway. It's what I'm good at. It's the only thing I'm good at." I said. "No, it's not and you know that it's not true. Teagan, I know you felt what I felt when you touched my hand. You can't stand here and tell me you didn't, you can, but I won't believe you." I had been caught, I knew he saw straight through my confidence to the scared girl I was deep down. "Why do you run?" He asked. "Because, Dean. It's the only choice I've ever had. I either run or I stay and fight. I run when I'm tired of fighting for something I'll never have." I said. "You will always have me. If I haven't ran yet, you shouldn't run either." He said.

I had left and just drove. I don't know how long, or where I ended up, but I ended up back at the Roadhouse. It was dark when I got back and Dean's impala was still there. When I drove closer I noticed that Dean was sitting on the trunk, waiting. I pulled up and got out. I walked over and stood in front of him. "Fine, I'm done running. If you want me to fight, fine. I just want you to know, that I'm hurting." I said. He sat up, "I know, Sam told me. He made me realize that throughout all of this, I've been the one that's been wrong. I should have been there for you more. I should have showed you that I loved you more. I should have done a lot of things differently and I'm sorry Teagan. I really am." I laughed. "Stop apologizing, it's getting old. I hate to sound like a hateful bitch, but seriously. I've had enough, you apologize, I run back and the cycle repeats. I can't keep hurting and suffering while you sit back and do nothing. At the same time though, I need to let you know how I'm feeling." I said. He hopped off the back of his car and pulled me to him, "Teagan, can we start over?" He asked. I shook my head, "No Dean, that would be to easy." I said.

Dean and I had decided to go back to the house. I left the rental for Sam, but Dean and I had decided we really needed to lay our feelings on the line. We rode in silence for the first hour and a half until Dean finally looked at me and asked, "So where exactly did you go?" "I went to Salem." I said, looking at him and then turning back to the window. "Salem, Massachusetts?" He asked. "Yes Dean, Salem, Massachusetts." "Why?" He asked. "Why not? I don't know how I ended up there really. I've always wanted to go, and I finally had my chance." I said. "You know how damn hard you are to find?" He asked. "I know, I did it on purpose, I didn't want to be found, why did you show up at the Roadhouse today?" I asked. "Ellen called me. I had told Ash to keep an eye out for you and he told Ellen." He said. "Those motherfuckers." I said. Dean laughed, "You're hard to find, but I found you." he said. I rolled my eyes, "So why did you have me go with you?" I asked. He groaned. "Don't, don't do that. You knew it was coming, so answer it, truthfully." I said. He sighed, "Because I thought things would go differently, I was wrong. I really had no idea that Lisa just wanted to see me. I really didn't. It hurt when you left, but the only reason I didn't go after you is because I thought you would be waiting outside. I didn't think you would walk back to the hotel and then leave." He said. "Honestly, I wasn't going to leave, I was going to just hang out at the hotel, but after I had called Sam to come get me, I knew I couldn't just go running back to the place we went together, I needed to leave. Dean, I wasn't going to come back." I said. "What were you going to do?" He asked. "I didn't want to be with you anymore, my emotions got the better of me. You've got to understand though, I had a miscarriage three months ago, I was okay, not fine, but okay, then we go to your baby momma's house and bam, I feel tossed aside. I was done, I still feel that way. I don't know." I said looking at my hands. "Well, I'm not." he said as we pulled up to the house.

I sat in the car and just stared at the house, I didn't want to go inside. I didn't want to be here. All of a sudden my anger, and hurt came flooding back. Not to say it was gone to begin with, but it was suppressed to say the least. "Come on." Dean said. I slowly got out of the car and walked up the sidewalk behind him. He opened the door and let me go inside first. I didn't know where to go. So as I got inside the house I just froze. "Teagan?" Dean asked. I looked at him, "I can't Dean. I can't just say it's okay and be okay with any of this. You hurt me. You hurt me over, and over again. Every time you leave, every time you push me away, every time you lie. I just, can't." I said. I looked up and saw the pain and hurt in his eyes. "If you want to go, I understand." Dean said. "I don't know what I want anymore." I said as I walked upstairs. I did know that I wanted a shower, some clean clothes and to sleep in my bed. I walked into our bathroom and took a really long, really hot shower.

I stepped out and wrapped myself in a towel. I stepped into our bedroom, expecting Dean to be there, but he wasn't. I walked over to the dresser and smiled sadly. There, tucked away in the back corner was lingerie I had bought to surprise him with the weekend we left. I slowly took them out and looked at it. It was a black lace tank top, with a thin white tank top underneath and the matching panties. I shrugged and threw them on, I quickly put on a t-shirt and headed downstairs. I found Dean laying on the couch drinking a beer. "Hey." I said. "Hey, I figured I would give you your space." He said. "Dean, that's just it. I want my space, sure, but I sometimes feel like you don't care." I said. "Teagan, I don't know how to say in words how much I care, just to show you, and right now I kind of figured that wouldn't be the best thing." He said. I looked at him, "Well, I think it's the perfect time." I looked at him and walked closer. "Teagan, don't." he said. There it was again, I felt the sting. I knew he wasn't trying to push me away, I knew I had hurt him, but dammit, I wanted him. "Okay." I said and went back upstairs.

I took the t-shirt off and crawled into bed. I instantly felt tired, like I hadn't slept in weeks, which I had, not very well, but I had. I pulled the blanket up over me and closed my eyes. I laid there for a while, thinking Dean would come in, but he never did. Before I knew it I was asleep.

I woke up to Dean gently kissing my arm. I groaned and rolled over to face him. "What time is it?" I asked, my voice raspy from sleep. He smiled, "You've only been asleep about half an hour." He said. "Really?" I asked. I felt him nod his head. "I came in here to let you know I wasn't pushing you away, and when I saw you sleeping, with this sexy shirt on, I couldn't help myself anymore." He said. I smiled, "Well, that was my point earlier, but I'm over it now." I said. "Oh, well in that case." He said and laid down, flat on his back. I was fully awake now. I propped myself up on my arm and looked at him. "Dean, do you realize, sometimes you hurt me without meaning to. I'm kind of sensitive, I try not to show it, but my feelings get hurt really easily." I said. "I'm catching on." He said. "I went downstairs earlier, because I wanted you, I wanted you to touch me, to show me how much you really love me. Then you said don't and it hurt." I said. "I know, and I didn't say it because I didn't want to, I said it because I didn't want you to force something that you feel isn't there." he said. It hit me like a ton of bricks. He knew exactly how I was feeling. "Dean, I'm sorry." I said quietly and laid down. "Teagan, don't be sorry. I get it. I've done nothing but hurt you. I won't listen to you when you're trying to open up to me, I let my feelings get in the way of any rational thinking I can do. It's just, when you would tell me something about your dad hurting you, it pissed me off because I could have stopped him, but I didn't know. When you told me about the miscarriage you had after I broke up with you. It hurt because you didn't tell me until it was to late. Somehow I always end up putting you on the back burner of everything I do." he said. I put my finger on his lips, "Stop." I said as I kissed him. I just needed to feel his touch right now. That's all I wanted.

Dean laid there holding me, that's all I wanted. He reached over onto the nightstand on his side of the bed and grabbed something. "Here." He said as he slipped the chain with my engagement ring on it around my neck. "Wear it when your ready, but please just keep it." He said. I toyed with the ring between my fingers, I wasn't sure when I would be ready to wear it again, this wasn't something that was just going to blow over. I was still angry and hurt, but I knew in my heart, that Dean never meant to hurt me. "I'm sorry I took off." I said, finally, looking up at him. "I can't say it's okay, because it's not. You scared me, but I understand why you left." He said. "I just don't understand sometimes, you know. I feel like I put all I've got into us but sometimes I feel like I get nothing in return. I don't want you to stop hunting because I know that won't happen, but I guess, I just want to feel wanted." I said. "I don't make you feel wanted?" He asked. "Sometimes, no. I mean, sure, the way you touch me, sure, okay, but there's a difference between being wanted, and being _wanted._" I was beginning to confuse myself. I sat up, "Okay, you can want me sexually, which you do, but you can't want me, for those times you need to just vent, or just talk. We both bottle our emotions up so much that neither of us know how to want each other." I said. He nodded, "I know Teagan. I've never been one to just talk about how I'm feeling." He said. "I get that, but sometimes you need to just open up." I said. "Fine, something I've wanted to say to you for a long time. You scare me. I know you are strong and you can take care of yourself and you don't need me. That's what scares me. If you wanted to just say, 'You know what, I've had enough, we're done.' You could walk away, without looking back and be fine. I know you could, and it scares me, because I know that right now, we're on the verge of that. All because I had to make some stupid decision to go see an ex who doesn't mean anything to me." He said. I looked at him in shock. "I'm not trying to add salt to your wound, but at least you realize what you almost lost. Dean, if you wouldn't have shown up in Nebraska, I wasn't coming back. I was done. I didn't really give it a second thought because I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling like I'm coming in second to you. Everyone has always pushed me aside, 'Oh, it's just Teagan.' I'm sick of it. I want to be loved, not just used." I said. "Wait, hold on, you think I'm using you?" He asked, sounding angry. "Sometimes, yeah. Actually a lot of the time. I feel like we're back the way we were before we decided to give a relationship a chance. I feel like I'm just your sex object and that's it. I'm sorry Dean, but this isn't just going to go away." I said. He stood up. "What are you doing?" I asked. "I would _never_ intentionally make you feel that way. I think we just need to spend tonight apart." he said. "Where are you going?" I asked, standing. He closed his eyes, "Couch." He said and left the bedroom.

How did it always end up that he could tell me how he felt, but once I said how I was feeling he was gone, or he was angry. I sighed heavily and went downstairs. I sat down on the floor in front of Dean, "Look, I'm sorry that I can't just be okay with this. I love you and that will never change, but Dean, come on. Four months ago I had a miscarriage, a few weeks ago, I thought the worst, I thought that you had feelings for someone other than me. You've got to see where I'm coming from. And this?" I said pointing at my shirt and slightly laughing, "Was meant for that weekend before we left, before everything went to shit." "Teagan, I do get it. The only reason I'm here, and you're up there is because I know if I stay with you, I'm going to do what I always do. Something has got to give, maybe we should be angry for a while, maybe we should hurt for a while. I always win you back but I know you're never completely okay." He said. I understood now. He wasn't trying to win me back so that we could actually fix things this time. I nodded and headed back upstairs.

I woke up the next morning and found Dean making breakfast. I sat down at the kitchen table, luckily I had changed before coming downstairs, because just as I sat down my Aunt Lori came walking in. "Do not _ever _leave like you did Teagan. We were all so worried about you." She said sitting down and looking at me. "Look Aunt Lori, with all respect, you have no idea what's going on, so don't tell me what I shouldn't do." I said. "I know exactly what's going on, when Dean couldn't find you he called me. Teagan, you need to grow up, and stop acting like a damn child all the time." I laughed, "I'm not acting like a damn child, I was hurt, and you don't really understand." "You know something, you are just like your dad, you run when things get tough. Woman up and deal with your problems." She said, almost glaring at me. "You know what, I'm nothing like my dad! I don't fucking molest people and I damn sure don't hit anyone I love. Leave! Don't come back!" I yelled at her as I stood. It was true, I didn't hit people I loved, but right now I wanted to punch her in the face. "Oh I'm sorry princess did your feelings get hurt?" She asked. "Enough!" Dean shouted. I jumped as Lori looked over at him. "Dean, she needs to hear this." "No, she doesn't. You're making things worse than what they already are. She's right, you need to leave." He said. "Fine, but when she runs away again, don't call me." She said as she headed for the door.

I walked over to Dean and leaned against the counter and looked up at him. "I'm sorry about that." I said. "You have nothing to be sorry for, she was wrong for saying you're just like your dad, you're nothing like your dad. You look like him, yes, but as far as temper and being hateful, I think she's more like him than you are." He said looking down at me. I smiled, "Thanks." I said. He bent down and kissed me, and then asked, "You ready to eat?" I smiled and nodded.

We finished eating and I cleaned up the dishes. Dean walked up beside me and looked at me, "I have to ask, it's been bugging me since last night. Do you think we'll be okay?" I nodded, "We'll be fine, I just need some time. That doesn't mean, by myself, that means just to process things in my head." I looked up at him as he nodded. I leaned up and kissed him. He returned the kiss and pulled away. I smiled and took his hands and shook my head as I put his hands on my hips. He searched my eyes as I nodded. He gently pushed me against the counter and kissed me. I smiled against his kiss as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

Dean rolled off of me. I sat up and went to get out of bed, he grabbed my hand and pulled me back down next to him. His eyes searched mine, "Please Teagan." He said. "What?" I asked. "I can't take this anymore, I don't want you to just go back to doing your thing. I want to hold you. If not I get it." Dean said. I looked at him, his eyes showed a deep hurt. Why was I doing this to him? I knew that I was still hurt, maybe I wanted him to hurt as much as I was. I leaned down and kissed him gently on the chest. He closed his eyes as I slowly rolled out of bed and threw on some clothes. I heard him groan as I left the bedroom.

I went into the study that was going to be our sons bedroom and looked around. I sighed and slowly walked out, shutting the door behind me. Dean hadn't come out of our room yet as I walked downstairs. I wanted to put everything back in the room for the study, but had no idea what Sam and Dean had done with the stuff so I just went into the living room and laid down on the couch and turned the T.V on. Just then Sam walked in, "Hey where's Dean?" He asked. "Moping." I said. Sam laughed, "Sounds like Dean." He said and went into the kitchen. Just then Dean came downstairs, he looked at me and walked to the kitchen. I could hear them talking, but I wasn't sure about what.

**Chapter 10**

**May**

Dean had been gone on and off for the last month. He wanted me to go with them, but I declined. I didn't want to run into another situation like I had with Lisa. I hadn't talked to my Aunt since the fight in the kitchen. I had finally got the study put back together the way it had been. Everyday was getting a little easier, for me to digest everything. From the miscarriage, to the run in with Lisa. It still sucked but I wasn't hurt anymore, with the miscarriage yes, but not by the Lisa incident. I hadn't let Dean know yet, because he hadn't been home enough to talk to. They were supposed to be back tonight though, that's what I was hoping anyways. I texted Sam quickly and let him know what I was planning that I didn't want him to tell Dean. I wanted it to be a surprise. He had agreed, thankfully. I swear sometimes with those two it was like nothing was private.

I had just lit the candles on the table when I heard the front door open. I don't think Dean had ever seen me in a dress, so hopefully he didn't die from shock. I laughed silently to myself. It was a dark blue, silk, strapless dress. I had black high heels on and had curled my hair. I had put my engagement ring back on and put the chain in the nightstand next to my side of the bed. "Teagan?" Dean called. "In here." I said from the kitchen. The food was on the table, two plates and candles. I was so nervous, I had never done anything like this and I was hoping Dean would appreciate it. Dean walked into the kitchen and stopped. "What?" He asked. I smiled, unsure if his reaction was a good one or not. "Uh, surprise!" I exclaimed. He laughed and walked up to me, "What's the special occasion?" he asked kissing me. I shrugged, "I just wanted to do something nice." I said. "Well, thank you, you look beautiful by the way." He said kissing me again. I smiled. _Whew._ I thought. "Hey, where's your ring?" He asked. I held my left hand up, as I did there was a renewed spark in his eyes. "Really?" He asked. I nodded. "So, we're, we're okay?" He asked. I nodded again, "It was all kind of stupid. I was over it a long time ago, I just kind of wanted you to feel how I felt." I said, blushing. He laughed, "I kind of figured, but can we not talk about it anymore?" He asked. I nodded as we sat down at the table.

We were sitting in the living room, both of us holding beers. "You know, I wouldn't mind seeing you in a dress more often." Dean said smiling. I laughed, "I'm sure you wouldn't." I said winking. He pulled me close to him and kissed me. "I'm still, really sorry for what happened." He said. I nodded, I knew, I didn't need anymore apology. "Forget about it." I said. "Hey, I have another surprise for you." I said smiling. "Oh yeah?" He asked cocking an eyebrow and looking at me with a half smile that always melted me. I nodded and got up. I headed upstairs, I leaned over the railing, "Give me ten minutes and then come up." I said smiling. He laughed, "Okay."

As soon as I got into the bedroom, I closed the door and quickly took my dress off and laid it out on the chair. I put on a very tight, very see through black lace night gown. I smiled to myself as I lit the candles on each side of the bed. I climbed under the covers and sat up, the blanket pulled up around my chest just as Dean walked in. I smiled shyly, this was not like me to be shy in front of him, but this was a whole new experience for both of us. He walked over to me, smiling and hooked a finger in the blanket. "So, why are you hiding?" He asked. I swallowed nervously, _pull it together Teagan._ "Why don't you find out?" I asked, loosening my grip on the blanket. He slowly pulled the blanket off of me and groaned. "God Teagan." He said. "What?" I asked. He chuckled and hung his head, "This, this is not what I was expecting." He said. I felt utterly embarrassed now. I quickly grabbed the t-shirt I had put next to the bed just in case. I threw it on and headed for the bathroom. "Woah, hey," Dean grabbed my wrist gently, but firmly, stopping me in my tracks. He slowly turned me to face him, "I didn't say I didn't like it." He said and kissed me, hard, but passionately. He pulled the t-shirt off and grabbed my hips, picking me up and carrying me to the bed. He sat me down on the edge of the bed and spread my legs. I quickly pulled his shirt off, running my hands gently up his chest. He groaned as I could see how hard he was. I gasped quietly, I loved knowing he wanted me. I slid my hands down his chest and quickly unbuckled his belt and shoved his jeans down. He stepped out of them and pushed me onto my back as he positioned himself between my legs. He bent down and gently kissed my neck. "God, you are beautiful." He whispered against my neck. I moaned and closed my eyes as his hand began massaging my breast. I almost couldn't take it anymore. He slid his hand from my breast down my side as he found the edge of the nighty. He slowly slid it up and off of me. He gently kissed each breast, lingering just a little on each one. "Dean, please, I need you." I moaned. I could feel him smile against my collar bone. "Yeah?" He asked. I nodded. "How bad?" He asked, whispering against my jaw. I smiled, I knew where he was going with this. I put my hands on his chest and as I did he grabbed my hips. I pushed him onto his back as he pulled me on top of him. I began rubbing myself against his hardness. I leaned down and kissed him, pushing my tongue gently into his mouth. His hands sliding up my back as he slowly entered me. He groaned against my mouth as I moaned.

I slowly began moving my hips. He dug his fingers into my back, pushing himself further inside of me. I moaned and bit my lip. "Dean." I moaned as I began moving my hips a little faster. "Slow down." He whispered. I knew he was hanging on by a thread and I was loving it. I slowed down but ground my hips down. He groaned. He grabbed my hips roughly and pushed me onto my back without pulling himself out of me. He pushed my hands up above my head and held them in place by my wrists with one hand. I smiled. This is exactly what I wanted. He pulled himself out, teasing me. This, however wasn't what I wanted. I arched my back, pushing myself against him. He smiled as he kissed me. When his tongue entered my mouth he shoved himself back inside of me. I moaned into his mouth as I could feel myself wanting to let go. _Jesus Christ, this is amazing._ I thought as he pulled himself out of me again and quickly entered me again. I could feel him throbbing inside of me as he began moving slower and harder.

I couldn't take it anymore and let myself go, contracting around him. "Dean." I moaned. As I did he let himself go inside of me. I felt his warmth spread through me like a wild fire as he quickly let my hands go. He pushed himself into me one last time and rested there for a minute, gently touching his forehead to mine and kissing me. I returned the kiss and as I did he pulled out of me and rolled over onto his back next to me. "Jesus Teagan." He murmured. I smiled, "yes?" I asked breathlessly. "Why do you have to make me lose control?" He asked. I laughed as I curled up against him, his arm automatically going around me, pulling me closer to him. "Because when you do it makes me feel amazing." I said. "Mmm," he sighed. "It reminds me of the times we didn't worry so much, when it was us against the world." Before I knew it I was telling him exactly how I felt. He turned and looked at me. "Do you really feel like we're losing ourselves?" He asked. I nodded, "Honestly? Yeah. God Dean, it's always something with us, you know. We've broken up, I had a miscarriage, we got back together, we've fought, you went to hell. You came back, the past came knocking, I had another miscarriage. There's a lot of factors working against us, and dammit I want us back. I want the two bad asses to be bad asses again." I said laughing. He laughed, "Well be a bad ass again, cause if this is any indication of what I'm missing, then please, bring her back." He said winking. I laughed again, "You have no idea what your missing." I said. "Oh yeah?" He asked. "Yeah." I replied.

I woke up the next morning, my entire body sore. I smiled, we had finally fallen asleep right before the sun began coming up. I slowly got up and took a quick shower. As I had my head under the stream of water I felt hands on my hips. I smiled and leaned against Dean's body. He kissed my neck, "Good morning beautiful." He said. "Good morning handsome." I said. He laughed against my neck. I turned around and faced him, "What?" I asked. "Nothing." He said, smirking at me. "You know Mr. Winchester, you should probably not do that." I said licking my lips. "What, this?" He asked and smirked at me again. I nodded. He laughed, "Well, what are you going to do to stop me?" He asked. I laughed, "Nothing today." I said winking and turning around. We quickly showered and got out. I got out before Dean. I wrapped myself in a towel and grabbed his. He stepped out of the shower and I smiled. "Come on Teag." He said. I laughed, "Come on Dean." I said and winked at him. He got close enough to grab the towel I had wrapped around myself and snatch it off of me. I laughed, "Look we both have towels now." I said winking. He smirked at me, and I knew exactly what he was doing. He quickly cornered me and picked me up and sat me down on the counter. "Who needs a towel?" He asked. I shrugged as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Just as I kissed him we heard Sam calling our names. "Shit." Dean said and grabbed clothes. He hurriedly got dressed, shut the bathroom door and headed out into the hallway. I wrapped a towel around me and walked into our bedroom. Luckily Dean knew to shut the bedroom door. I grabbed a pair of mid thigh, blue jean shorts, a white tank top and a short sleeved plaid button up shirt. I grabbed a pair of combat boots and threw them on. I looked in the mirror and smiled, it was something I wore a lot when Dean and I first got together. I laughed as I walked out of the bedroom. I got downstairs and found Sam and Dean in the living room, looking as though they were having a serious conversation. I noticed the way Deans eyes followed me as I walked by. I laughed to myself as I went into the kitchen.

I had just finished breakfast when Dean and Sam walked in. "Hmm, impeccable timing, breakfast is done." I said smiling. Sam looked at me, an eyebrow raised. Dean wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed me. I heard Sam groan, and as he did I couldn't help but laugh and blush a little. I sat down at the table, "So, can I ask why the seriousness in the living room?" I asked. Sam cleared his throat, "Uh," he paused and looked at Dean. Dean chuckled, "You tell her Sammy." "Okay, you know what, if Dean's laughing I don't need to know." I said raising both eyebrows and smiling. Sam breathed a sigh of relief, "You know, no words were spoken for that conversation, but damn that was a very uncomfortable silent conversation." I said, eyes widening as I stood. Dean bust out laughing, "Oh come on, where are you going?" He asked. "Away from the brothers, who, now apparently I have share the secret language with. I can't take this." I said smiling. Sam laughed, "It was only a matter of time." He said. "Shut it, Mr. Overshare." I said. Dean started laughing again.

As I walked out, I noticed that the rental car was no where to be seen and my spot in the driveway was empty. I quickly pulled my car out of the garage and parked in the driveway. I loved my car, it was the one thing my dad had given me that I was really proud of. It was a 1969 dark blue Chevrolet chevelle. I grabbed a bucket from the garage and the house. I remember the first time Dean saw my dad's car, I thought he was in love, until he got the impala, then I knew he wasn't. I turned the water on and put soap in the bucket. I rinsed my car off and began soaping it up.

It had gotten hot before I was half way done so I had taken my plaid shirt off and was standing there rinsing all the soap off my car in just my shorts and tank top. I had rolled my tank top up, so it stopped a few inches past my bra. I had thrown my hair up in messy bun and kicked my boots off. Just then I heard the garage door close. I turned and looked, and there stood Sam and Dean, watching me, drinking beers. I looked at them, my lips pursed, and an eyebrow cocked, "I will spray you." I said. Dean smiled, "No you won't." he said. As he did I pointed the nozzle of the hose at him and sprayed him. He handed Sam his beer and came after me. I held onto the hose as he got closer. I sprayed him again and laughed. Luckily I had gotten all the soap off of my car before I sprayed him. I looked at Sam and then at Dean, "Hey, hey, hey truce. Dean your not a girl, if you spray me, it's not going to be good." I said. Dean laughed, "It'll be fine." He said. "Sam, please don't look!" I yelled as Dean sprayed me with the hose. He soaked me. I had to laugh. "Son of a bitch. I knew I shouldn't have wore white!" I exclaimed as I raced over to where I had put my over shirt. I quickly threw it on and buttoned it. Dean was laughing so hard, so was Sam. I walked into the garage, grabbed Dean's beer from Sam and grabbed a soft towel from the rack. I took a long sip of Dean's beer and handed it to him and began drying my car.

I had the stereo on the entire time, just not loud. A song came on that I loved and I turned it up. "I feel so unsure, as I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor/ As the music dies something in your eyes calls to mind a silver screen and all it's sad goodbyes I'm never going to dance again, this guilty feelings got no rhythm, though it's easy to pretend I know your not a fool, I should have known better than to cheat a friend and waste a chance that I've been given so I'm never going to dance again the way I danced with you." I mouthed the words the entire time I dried the car. I knew Dean and Sam were watching because they had taken seats on the trunk of Deans impala and had grabbed a couple more beers. The song went off as I finished drying my car. I threw the towel over my shoulder and walked over to Dean and Sam, as I did Dean handed me a beer. I Turned around and leaned against him and admired my car. I smiled and chuckled. "What?" Dean asked. "I think I love my car more than I love you." I said. He laughed, "That's fine, 'cause I love baby more than you." He said. I nodded, "Glad we have a mutual understanding that our cars come first." I said, smiling.

Just then David Bowie, Changes, came on. Dean groaned, and I laughed. I began singing into my beer and bobbing my head. He slid off the trunk and went and turned the radio off. I gasped, "Asshole." I muttered and fake pouted. "I'm not even sorry." He said. I smiled, "It's okay. I knew it would bother you." I said and walked inside. Just from the amount of time I was outside after Dean had sprayed me, my clothes were already dry. As I was about to take a sip of my beer my phone rang. I looked at the screen, it was my aunt Lori. I groaned and ignored the call. I really didn't feel like hearing her say she was sorry. I wasn't running anymore, I was just simply done. My phone stopped ringing and Dean walked in and handed me his phone. I glared at him. "Hello?" I asked. "Teagan? Look, I know what you're thinking, but I just want to apologize for saying the hurtful things I said to you." She said. "Okay." I replied. "Okay?" She asked. "Yeah, okay. I can't say I forgive you, because frankly my entire family has always compared me to my dad and I'm sick of people thinking of me being just like him. I'm not." I said. "I know that, that's why I'm apologizing." "Okay, look I'm not running from the issues between us, I'm just done. I'm done taking my families shit and being okay with it. Thanks for all of your help and everything, but I'm not going to do this today and ruin my day." I said as I hung up. I handed Dean his phone, as I did I said, "If she calls back, don't answer." I said as I headed to the back door. "Teagan, she's the only blood you have left." He said. "Dean, I can't just forgive and forget, she knew exactly what she was saying. Okay, so I shouldn't run away when things get hard, or don't go my way or whatever, but I do. Especially when it comes to you. You want to know why I run? Because I make really bad fucking choices when I stay." I said and walked out the back door and headed towards the water.

I sat out in the sun for a while. It felt nice on my bare legs, stomach and arms. I heard footsteps approaching me. I took my shades and headphones off as I looked up to see Dean sitting down next to me. "So what do you mean you make fucked up choices when you stay?" He asked. I closed my eyes, "I mean, I do stupid shit, say stupid shit that can potentially mess everything up. So instead of doing that, I run and give myself time and space from the problem and then, most of the time, I come back with a fresh perspective. I mean, this last time that wasn't going to happen but we've talked about that. Difference is my dad ran to run." I said, looking at the water. "Teagan, don't let what your aunt get to you so much." He said. I nodded, "I wish I could just let it go, but I get so damn sick of hearing the same thing. Maybe I am like my dad, but I'm not as sick and twisted as he was." I said. "No, you're not. Take pride in that, if someone says you're like your dad, remember the good things about him." He said. I smiled and then laughed, "Yeah, your right. Thanks." I said. He scooted closer and put his arm around my shoulder, "That's what I'm here for." He said as he kissed me gently on the cheek.

We had gone inside and made lunch and ate. After we were done we were all sitting at the table when Sam looked at me, "So are you okay?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine." I said smiling. He nodded and looked at Dean. I knew they were thinking that I wasn't, but I was. For once, I was fine. I wasn't angry, I wasn't hurt, I was fine. We had sat in silence long enough, "Look, I really am fine. Okay? I know how these things normally go, but I'm fine." I said looking from Sam to Dean. They both nodded, "Okay, well why don't you call your aunt?" Dean asked. "Because I don't want to." I answered. "Fine, then I'll call her for you." Dean said. "Seriously? I can't just not call her?" I asked. He shook his head, "Nope, if you're fine you'll talk to her." He said. "Fine. I'll call her." I said, standing and heading upstairs.

Lori and I talked for a long time, apologized and hung up. I was lying on the bed putting pictures of Dean and I in an album when I heard a knock at the door. "Come in." I said. Dean walked in, "How did it go?" He asked. "Good, we apologized, she's coming over for dinner tomorrow." I said as I continued putting pictures in the book. "Hey, where did you get these?" He asked laying down next to me and grabbing a picture. The picture was of me and him right before we broke up. "Um, from film." I said pausing. "Alright smartass." He said laughing. I smiled, "That's me." I said. "No, really though, I don't remember you having these." He said. "It's because I never told you." "Why not?" He asked. I shrugged, "I don't know." "And you have a whole shoe box full, these are awesome!" He said smiling, picking up another picture and looking at it. "We looked so serious." He said. I laughed, "Yeah we did." I said. "Do you remember being there?" He asked. "Some of them, yeah, but some of them no. Do you?" "Honestly? No, not really." He said. "Yeah, most of these are right before we broke up." I said. "Oh." Dean said quietly. "So are there any of us after?" He asked. "No, but there could be." I said. He looked at me. I grabbed my phone and rested my head against his and took a picture. I handed him my phone. "Take another one." He said.

I pointed the camera at us and took another. When I turned my phone around Dean was smiling. I laughed, "Wow, wish you would have told me. I look so unhappy." I said laughing. He laughed, "We'll do this until we get a good one." He said. I smiled. I was loving this day with him. Just then it occurred to me, "Uh, Dean, where is Sam?" I asked. "Kat's." He replied. "Oh." I said laughing. I eyes grew big, "Come with me!" I said. "Where?" He asked. "Well first I need to find it." I said as I jumped off the bed and flung the closet door open. "What are you looking for?" Dean asked. "You'll see." I said as I searched for the box I had shoved to the back of the closet when we first moved in. I finally found it and pulled it out. It wasn't huge, I sat it down on the bed and quickly opened it. There inside was a digital canon camera that photographers would use. "What?" Dean asked, staring at the camera. I laughed, "my dad bought it for me for my fourteenth birthday. He knew I loved taking pictures. I used it for a while, but when I started college I just stopped using it." I said. "Where are the pictures you took with it?" Dean asked. I shrugged, "I have no idea, they were just scenery shots, from when I would go on hunts with my dad." I said. "I know you better than that, where are they?" Dean asked. I groaned and went back to the closet. I spotted the box right away, on top of other boxes on the shelf in the closet. I got up on my tiptoes so that I could reach it, but I couldn't. I heard Dean laughing behind me, "Want help?" He asked. "You know, I hate you sometimes." I said as I turned to him. He smiled, "No you don't." He said as he walked over and easily grabbed the box.

"Can I open it?" Dean asked. He sounded like a kid on Christmas morning. I laughed, "Sure, go for it. I'll go grab some beers." I said as I headed for the bedroom door. I got downstairs and grabbed a couple of beers and headed back upstairs. When I got into our bedroom, Dean was just staring at some pictures. "What?" I asked nervously. Dean handed me some pictures. I was instantly embarrassed. I had forgotten about the pictures I had taken of Dean when we were just messing around. They were all black and white pictures. I looked at him, blushing. "Uh, yeah, sorry. I forgot about these." I said quietly. My hands were shaking, I dropped the pictures back in the box and shut it. "What are you doing?" He asked. "Hiding my embarrassment in in this box." I said as I grabbed it and headed for the closet. "Why are you embarrassed? I just didn't realize you would still have those. I remember you taking them. Not the ones of your dad, my dad, Sammy and myself though." he said. "Yeah, sorry, I should have told you. It was one day when my dad had you guys over for a cook out. I wanted to capture the rare downtime." I said smiling. "Hey, can you not put the box back, I want to show Sam, if that's okay." He said. I looked at the box for a moment and handed it to him. "Go for it." I said. "You sure?" "Yeah, just the ones of all of you." I said laughing. He laughed, "Yeah, there's no way in hell I would show him the other ones."

"Hey, before you start looking at those pictures again, go with me." I said grabbing the camera and checking if it was charged. Surprisingly enough it was. Not a lot, but enough. "Where?" Dean asked. "On a walk." I said. "Pictures?" He asked. I smiled and nodded as I headed for the bedroom door. Just as we got downstairs, Sam walked through the front door. "Hey Sam." I said. "Hey Teag, where are you two going?" Sam asked. I smiled and held up my camera. "Mind if I tag along?" "The more the merrier." I said as I headed for the back door.

I took as many pictures as I could before the camera died. Dean and Sam had fallen a little behind me, talking. I put the cap back on the lens and began walking back towards them. As I got up to them, Dean wrapped his arm around my shoulder, "Ready to go back?" He asked. I nodded. I was ready to look at the pictures on my computer as soon as I could. We hadn't gone super far, but it was nice to be out in the sun and just not really worrying about anything. We got back to the house and as soon as I got inside I grabbed my laptop and opened it. I took the card out of my camera and put it in my computer. Dean and Sam were looking at them over my shoulder. I stopped scrolling through the pictures and turned around, "Seriously? Hovering?" I asked. Dean and Sam nodded. I sighed and went back to scrolling. I had got pictures of them talking and laughing. "How do you take pictures of people without them knowing?" Dean asked. I laughed, "Because I catch them when they aren't paying attention." "Well these pictures are amazing." Sam said. "Thanks." I replied. I ejected the card out of my computer and closed my laptop. "I'll be back." I said and grabbed my car keys. "Where are you going?" Dean asked. "To go get these developed." I said and left.

I came home a couple of hours later, pictures in hand. I found Dean and Sam in the kitchen eating. I sat the pictures down on the table, "So, I was invited to a party." I said smiling. "By who?" Dean asked. I laughed, "Kat." I said looking at Sam. "Yeah she told me she was going to have a party. I'm going." "Well what the hell you didn't tell me?" I asked. Sam shrugged, "Didn't think you'd want to go." "There's alcohol right?" I asked. Sam laughed. "So she said that she's going to be doing this game. I need to take a bathing suit. Slip and slide flip cup? I've played flip cup, just not with a slip and slide so this should be interesting." I said laughing as I stood. "Uh oh, is the party girl coming out?" Sam asked. "You know nothing Sam." I said. He laughed and Dean looked from Sam to me, "What? You were a party girl?" Dean asked. I nodded, "Yes, yes I was. Mostly the summer before college and during college. I still don't know how I graduated with honors, but I did." I said and headed upstairs. I quickly pulled my tank top off and rummaged through my dresser drawer and found a black and hot pink bikini top. I quickly took my bra off and put the top on and tied it. Just then Dean walked in, "Well damn, I think this is a first." He said. "Yeah, obviously I don't have a lot of time to swim." I said as I grabbed my tank top and put it back on. I grabbed a towel and shoved it into a black canvas tote. "Well I'm ready." I said smiling as I headed for the door.

Of course we took the impala, and of course Dean and Sam had decided to skip the slip and slide. I rolled my eyes when they told me. We pulled up at Kat's and I was the first out of the car. I had grabbed a couple of bottles of rum and a couple of bottles of vodka to bring. When I got to the front door I ran the door bell as Sam and Dean walked up behind me. The door opened and there stood Kat. She kissed Sam and I handed her the alcohol. Music was blaring and I smelt food. "So, whose all coming?" I asked. She smiled, "You guys are the last of the group. Come on, you'll know everyone here except maybe their dates." She said. I put my tote on the floor by the front door and followed Kat.

She introduced me to at least ten people by the time we made our way to the backyard. Her brother Nicholas was manning the grill. "Hey Nick." I said. "Hey Teagan." he said. "Hey Kat, it's done. Should we eat?" He asked. She nodded and began putting everything on a pan. "Need help?" I asked. "Sure, come on." She said. Dean looked at me, I quickly kissed him and walked inside. Once inside Kat had me mixing party punch. There was tons of alcohol so I grabbed two bottles of rum and two bottles of peach schnapps. I poured it all into a giant cooler and added the chopped fruit that Kat had sat on the counter. I dumped it into the cooler and poured an entire bag of ice in. "Want to help me?" I asked as Kat finished sitting all the food on the counter. She nodded and grabbed a handle of the cooler and I grabbed the other. We lifted it and hauled it outside. It sat it on the shady part of the patio. I grabbed a plastic cup and scooped some of the punch into my cup. I shut the lid and walked over to find Dean talking to Nick and some other guys. "Try it." I said and handed him the cup. He looked into the cup and then looked at me. "What's in it?" He asked. I laughed, "Shut up and try it." I said.

It had been a couple of hours since we had ate now I was helping Kat and Nick pour shots into plastic cups lined along a table. The slip and slide was ready. I was so excited to do this. "So have you ever done this before?" Kat asked. I laughed, "Flip cup, yes, but never with a slip and slide." I said. We finished setting up the shots and walked over to the slip and slide. "Okay, everyone listen up. Guys against girls. Guys on the left, girls on the right. If you've never played flip cup this is how it works. You take the slip and slide, at the end you stand up, run, preferably over to the table. Take the shot, sit the cup down and try to flip it over, upside down. Once it's upside down the next person on your team goes. The first team to finish wins." Kat said. "What do we win?" Some guy in the crowd asked. She laughed, "Nothing, just pride." She said. I laughed as we all lined up.

I was fourth in line of ten girls. Kat in front of me. I was nervous because I knew I was going to get drunk and Dean hadn't seen me drunk in a good way, ever. Before I knew it I was up. I took off running and slid down the slip and slide, reached the end and stood up and ran to the table. I was up against Nick. I grabbed the cup and tossed the shot into my mouth and swallowed. I hated vodka but at this point I didn't even care. I easily flipped the cup upside down and motioned for the next girl. Of course it took her forever, by the time she finally got the cup upside down there was another guy taking his shot. Kat motioned me over to her, Sam and Dean. I walked over, "You know, I'm thinking it was a bad idea to be on the girls team." She said. I laughed, "You think?" I asked sarcastically. Dean laughed. "By the way, why aren't you two playing?" Kat asked, looking at them. "We prefer to watch and get drunk." Sam said. I laughed, "Lame. I know you could do this." I said. "No, we're good." Sam said. "Oh, you afraid to lose to us?" Kat looked at him. "Hey, okay, Kat, why not skip the slip and slide this next round and just do flip cup. These two need to play against us." I said looking at Dean, smiling. "I didn't know you were so competitive." Dean said. Kat laughed, "Oh boy, and you two have been together how long?" She asked. "Shut up Kat. Everyone has their faults, mine just happens to be overly competitive." I said and held a finger up to my lips and smiling. Just then we heard cheering. "Fuck, the guys won." Kat said. "Of course they did genius, look who was on our team. Pretty girls." I said. Dean chuckled, "You really hate girls don't you?" He asked. "These whores, yes." I said. Kat laughed, grabbed Sam's hand and led him to the table. "Come on." I said. Dean groaned as he walked over to the table with me.

Kat and I picked our team of eight other girls. Sam and Dean picked their team. Kat was first, against Sam. Sam won. I was second against Dean, I won. Before I knew it our team had won. Me and Kat threw our arms in the air and cheered. "Okay, more slip and slide?" Kat asked. I nodded and followed her over to the slip and slide.

As the afternoon progressed into night I realized I was drunk. My shorts were soaked. Kat and I were dancing together and neither of us had any idea where Dean and Sam had disappeared to. When the song was over we walked into the kitchen and found Dean and Sam. We grabbed our cups from the fridge and took sips. "Why are you guys hiding inside?" Kat asked. "We're not hiding." Dean said. "Come on." I said grabbing Dean's hand, "Come outside." I said. He chuckled and followed me outside, Kat and Sam right behind us. Just then Kat led me out to dance again.

As we were dancing I felt hands on my hips, I turned around and there was some blonde haired chick with her hands on me. I brushed her hands off of me but kept dancing. As the song finished, she leaned in and kissed me. I shoved her off of me. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" I asked angrily. She giggled, "Oh come on." She said and kissed me again. As she pulled away, I punched her twice in the mouth. "I'm not into chicks." I said. As I did, she shoved me to the ground and got on top of me. She hit me twice before I hit her, knocking her off of me. I scrambled to her and hit her again. Just then I felt hands on my arms and someone picking me up. "Hey, hey, you won." I heard Dean say. Kat helped Amber up. "What the hell happened?" Kat asked. "She fucking kissed me!" I yelled. "Oh." Kat said. "Come on Amber, you okay?" Kat asked. Amber nodded, glaring at me. "I'll help you wash up and then you need to go home." She said. Amber looked at her shocked, "No it's okay, I'm leaving." I said as I headed for the door.

Once Dean got me in the impala he finally laughed. "What?" I asked. "You, I don't know if it's a good thing that you drink or not." He said. "Shut up." I said quietly and looked out the window. "Seriously though, you beat her ass because she kissed you?" He asked. "Yeah." I said. "Why?" Dean asked. I looked at him and rolled my eyes. "What?" He asked. "People can do their own thing, whatever, but don't cross that fucking line of personal space with me." I said. "Damn, okay." He said. "You know, for a second I thought you and Kat were going to end up making out." He said. "Oh god, Dean, no. If I made out with Kat it would be like kissing Sam. No offense but, no thanks." I said. Dean laughed as we pulled into the driveway.

I walked inside and upstairs to our bedroom. I washed my face. There was a little bruising around my cheek and my lip was split. I walked downstairs and grabbed ice from the freezer, threw it in a bag and put against my cheek. The room felt like it was tilting. I knew I was still drunk, and the adrenaline made it a little bit worse. I quickly sent Kat a text apologizing. My phone dinged and I looked at it. "Ha ha, it's all good. She's done the same thing with me. Don't know why I invited her, you okay?" "Yeah, fine, bruising, but nothing I haven't dealt with before." I said. "You didn't have to leave." Her next message said. "I thought it would be better for everybody." I said and shut my phone off. "You okay?" Dean asked sitting down on the couch next to me. "Yeah." I murmured. "What's the matter?" He asked. "People always have to ruin my fun." I said laughing. He laughed, "Well, why don't we have our own party? Just the two of us?" He asked. "Oh yeah?" I asked as he kissed me and nodded. I returned his kiss and threw the bag of ice on the coffee table. "Sounds good to me." I said.

As Dean had me pinned down on the couch kissing me the front door opened. Luckily we were both still dressed, but we scrambled away from each other. I looked up and there standing in the doorway was my Aunt. "Jesus Christ, don't you knock?" I asked. Lori laughed, "I didn't know you guys were home. I tried calling and didn't get an answer from either of you so I figured I would just come over. When I saw lights on I thought I would come in, I didn't know you two would be messing around on the couch!" She exclaimed. My face turned a bright red as I sat there. I had never been caught in my entire life. I was so damn embarrassed. "Jesus Teagan, why are you embarrassed? And what happened to your face?" Lori asked, noticing the embarrassment on my face and the bruising from the fight earlier. I shrugged, "I guess it's just one of those days." I said as I headed for the kitchen. I grabbed three beers for the fridge and held mine against my face. I was beginning to feel the pain, it wasn't unbearable but it was noticeable. Just then Cas appeared in the kitchen behind me, "Teagan, where is Dean?" He asked. I jumped, "Son of a bitch. He's in the living room." I said.

I got into the living room and handed Lori and Dean their beers, mine still pressed against my cheek. "Cas is here, almost gave me a fucking heart attack." I said. Dean laughed. "It's not funny. I swear if I don't have girls trying to make their move I'm getting scared. Ugh." I groaned and plopped onto the smaller couch away from Lori and Dean. Dean stood, kissed me gently on the opposite cheek and walked towards the kitchen. "Teagan, just so you know I'm not stupid. I think we all knew it would be a matter of time before you two got caught." She said laughing. I rolled my eyes, "I guess." I said. "Who pissed in your kool aid?" Lori asked. I groaned, "Sorry. I'm a little drunk and my face hurts." I said. "Yeah, about that, what happened?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. "Well Dean and I were at Kat's having fun. I was dancing with Kat, and some Amber girl started touching me, and then she fucking kissed me. I of course hit her. She got a couple of swings in as you can see, but I'm pretty sure I won, since Dean had to pull me off of her." "Seriously Teagan, you hit her?" Lori asked. "Uh, yeah, wouldn't you have done the same?" I asked. She laughed, "No I'd probably have kissed her back. I don't swing that way, but when your drunk who cares?" She asked. I looked at her in horror. "I care!" I exclaimed, as I got up and walked to the kitchen.

As I got close I could here Cas and Dean talking about vessels and the apocalypse. I sighed and walked in. "So back to it, huh?" I asked. "Teagan, how much did you hear?" Cas asked. "Enough to get the jest of the conversation. I get it, but I want to help." I said. "No!" Dean exclaimed. I raised an eyebrow and looked at him, "No? You know there's not much you can do to stop me." I said looking at him. "Dammit Teagan, we will talk about this later!" Dean exclaimed. "No, we'll talk about it now." I said crossing my arms in front of me. "You can do that all you want, you're not going to win this one Teagan. If something goes wrong, I don't want you to get hurt." He said. "O-h. Okay, but you'll gallantly charge in and risk your own life? I'm not letting you and Sam take on the apocalypse by yourselves I'm helping." I said. Just then I noticed diligently watching each of us. "Okay, Cas, you can stop." I said raising both eyebrows and looking at him. As I did he looked away. "Cas, it's okay, she's just pouting and mad because I won't let her put her ass on the line." Dean said. "Oh okay, yeah I'm fucking pouting. You know what, fine, save the fucking world by your damn self!" I yelled and stormed out of the kitchen. "Teagan, wait!" Dean called after me. I threw my beer and zoomed past his head and broke against the wall. I knew I crossed the line, when he stopped and just watched me. "Fine!" He yelled as I took the stairs two at a time to our room.

"Teagan Lorelei McMillan!" I heard my aunt Lori yelling as she got closer to the door. She threw the door open and walked in. "I may not live in this house, but I will _not_ having you throw anything at anyone!" She was yelling. I was glaring at the floor, tears threatening to fall. "Do you hear me?" She was still yelling at me. Just then she grabbed my face in her hand, roughly, the same way my dad used to do when I wouldn't look at him. I slapped her hand away, "Don't touch me!" I yelled at her. As I did she slapped me in the face. The tears began to fall. "Look, I'm the world's greatest fuck up! Okay, I get it! I shouldn't have done what I did, but I can't take it back. I'm sorry!" I yelled at her through sobs. Just then Dean raced into the room, as I collapsed onto my knees. "This is why I run!" I yelled at them. I put my head in my hands as Dean got down in front of me and wrapped his arms around me. I shrugged his arms away from me. "Don't touch me." I whispered. Lori walked out of the room, "Come on Dean, just let her calm down." She said. Dean, got slowly up and followed Lori.

I got up after they left the bedroom and went into the bathroom. I wanted to punch something so bad. I wanted to punch the mirror where my reflection was, but I didn't. I knew if I did, Dean would freak. I splashed cold water onto my face, threw on a gray tank top and blue flannel pajama bottoms and went downstairs. I walked into the kitchen were Dean and Lori were sitting. "You have a mess to clean up." Lori said, not looking at me. "Yep, I thought I would leave it though, it symbolizes the type of person I am. I fucking mess, right?" I asked to no one. I grabbed the broom and dust pan and headed to where the glass was. Dean hadn't said anything since I had come downstairs and I was kind of glad he hadn't, but worried at the same time. I knew Lori had to leave eventually and then what would I be left with? Silence? Maybe. I finished sweeping the glass up, just as Sam walked in. "What happened?" he asked. No one said anything, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Dean had shook his head and motioned Sam outside.

I dumped the glass in the trash and then grabbed a rag and bucket. I ran the hottest water I could into the bucket and added just a little bleach. I hauled the bucket into where the smell of beer was and began wiping it up. I hated feeling like a damn kid, I hated feeling like my dad just got resurrected from the grave too. I knew I had fucked up, but Lori didn't have to treat me like my dad had. I was scrubbing so hard that I thought soon enough I would rub a hole in the floor, but I didn't. I threw the rag in the bucket and stood up. I lugged the bucket into the kitchen and dumped the water out. I put everything back and walked out to the garage. When I walked out, Dean and Sam went quiet. "Sorry, didn't know you were out here." I said as I walked past them. As I did, Dean looked at the ground. "You okay?" Sam asked. "I'll be fine." I said. I stopped next to Dean and looked at him, "I knew I was going to miss you." I said and kept walking. I could feel his eyes on me as I walked down the driveway. I sat down on the curb and pulled my knees up to my chest.

"You know, she's beating herself up right now." Sam said to Dean. Dean nodded, "I know, but I'm not sure right now is the right time to try to comfort her." Dean said looking at Sam. "You have no idea what she's really dealt with do you." Sam said. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I know." Dean said. "How, from what she's told you? Dean, she leaves out the bad parts. The reason I know everything is because she was the only friend I ever really had. You know how many times I had to talk her out of doing really stupid?" Sam asked Dean. Dean looked at Sam, "What do you mean?" He asked. "I mean, Dean, she used to hurt herself. I doubt she has in a long time because of you, but just watch her. And anyways what happened?" "Well, Cas and I were talking about what I told you about and Teagan walked in. She wants to help us and I told her no. She snapped at Cas and I told him not to worry about it because she was just pouting because I told her no. She got mad and took off, when I went after her she threw her beer past me and it hit the wall. Lori went after her, and started yelling at her, and then slapped her." Dean said. "What the hell?" Sam asked sounding furious. "You realize, that's how her dad treated her. Those times she explained to you that he got mad if she messed up something, she didn't mean he yelled at her and it was over, she meant he hit her. God Dean!" Sam exclaimed.

I had my music blaring over my headphones. I had no idea how long I had been sitting on the curb, I didn't really care. Just then I felt my headphones being ripped off. "What the fuck!" I seethed looking up to see Lori standing there. "Come inside, now." She said sternly. I stood and followed her inside. Just before we got to the garage I stopped. "What are you doing? Come on." She said, sounding angrier than before. "No, fuck you. Who the hell do you think you are treating me like I'm some fucking kid?" I asked, almost yelling. She turned around and got up in my face, "You will _not_ talk to me, besides, someone needs to. You've lost your shit Teagan!" She said. "Maybe I've never had my shit together! Can you blame me? I wasn't raised, I fucking survived. You know what? Fuck this. Maybe all of you would be better off with out me." I said, tears threatening to fall. "Quit being such a damn drama queen. I don't feel bad for you." Lori said. I pulled the blade from my boot and rolled it around in my hand before looking her in the eyes. "I know. I never asked for any of this. I never asked for anyone to love me. I never asked to have a family that didn't care about me. Now it's time, it's time to finish what I never did years ago." I said as I sliced my arm open. Blood began to spill pretty quickly. "Teagan!" I heard Dean yell. I shook my head, "I didn't deserve to be hated, I didn't deserve to be hit, and I damn sure didn't deserve to lose my innocence before I realized what that was." I said as I drug the knife over my other arm. When I looked down at my arms, blood covered everything. The world began to spin and tilt and slowly go black. "Cas!" I heard Dean yelling as he slid down to me. "Teagan, please." I could hear the tears in his voice. "Dean, no." I said as I felt the world slipping away.

Dean sat in the driveway holding Teagan's head in his arms, crying. Sam pushed Lori away as he sat down next to his brother and his best friend. "I'm sorry Dean." Lori said. "Bullshit, you knew! Yet you still treated her like shit, you know what, just leave." Dean said, never looking at Lori. "Dean, I-" "Go!" Dean yelled. "Cas!" Sam yelled. He still hadn't shown up. The time the boys needed him the most and he was nowhere to be found. "Come on Dean, we've got to do something." Sam said softly to Dean. Dean looked at Sam, "Sammy, I lost her. Where is Cas?" Dean asked, trying not to start crying again. "Cas!" Dean yelled again.

"Do you see the pain you've caused?" A voice said as I opened my eyes. I sat up, I knew exactly where I was. "My pain was to much to handle anymore. They'll move on and forget in time. I couldn't live with the brokenness inside anymore." I said to the invisible voice. Just then a picture, like a movie showed up in front of me. It was my lifeless body in Dean's arms. Sam next to him, they had both been crying. It hurt, but not as much as if I had stayed. I was done running now. I was done hurting now. It was all over. I turned away from the image in front of me. "Do you not care how much they are hurting?" The voice asked. "I do, but no one understood how much I was hurting." I said. "They knew, Lori knew, everyone has their moments of weakness. Can you really blame Lori for breaking? She's watched you grow, she's treated you as her own daughter, she thought she was helping you." The voice said. I laughed, "Help me how? By breaking me even more?" I asked. "Teagan, I wish I could keep you here. You've done nothing but good, and helped numerous people, but because of your selfishness you must go." The voice said. I began to panic, "Wait, what do you mean 'I must go?'" I asked.

"Dammit Cas, I need you right now." Dean murmured. Just then Cas appeared beside Dean. "I'm here Dean." he said. "It's about damn time!" Dean yelled at him. "I'm sorry, I am doing what I must right now." Cas said. "And it's more important than this?" Dean asked. "Yes." Cas replied, solemnly. "Save her, please, Cas." Dean pleaded with him. "What happened?" Cas asked kneeling next to Teagan's cold body. "A lot, but Lori pushed her to this." Dean said, his voice cracking. "Dean, she's broken." Cas said. "What does that even mean?" Dean asked. "It means, I can bring her back, but I cannot fix the sadness and loneliness she feels inside." Cas said looking at Dean. "Fine, I will help her, just please, Cas. Bring her back." Dean said once again. "Very well." Cas said as he held his hand above Teagan's arms and healed the gashes. He then moved his hand to her chest and lingered there for a few minutes. He moved his hand and disappeared.

I gasped as my eyes opened. "Dean?" I asked. Tears were spilling from his eyes. I had never seen him like this. Part of my heart broke for him, the other part broke for myself. "Teagan!" Dean and Sam both exclaimed. Dean pulled me up to a sitting position and hugged me. I slowly hugged him back. I felt as though he was going to crush me in his arms. I could feel the hurt and sadness radiating off of the both of them. He finally let go and I slowly stood and walked inside. I grabbed water from the fridge and sat down at the table and opened the bottle. Before I knew it the entire bottle was gone and I got up and threw it in the trash. I was so thirsty, I grabbed another bottle and began drinking it. It began spilling down the front of me. Just then Dean and Sam walked inside. I threw that bottle away and grabbed another. "Are you okay?" Sam asked looking from me to Dean. I nodded as I got halfway through this bottle of water and sat it down.

"Why am I back?" I asked looking from Sam to Dean. "Cas." Dean asnwered. "Dean, I love you, and this is going to hurt but I have to be honest. I didn't want to come back." I said. The color drained from his face as he looked at me, "Why? I mean, I know why, but why?" He asked. I hopped up on the counter, "because. I know you love me, you both do, but the hurt, anger, sadness inside. It gets to be to much and sometimes I feel like everything would be much simpler without me." I said. Dean walked over to me and put his hands on my face gently, lovingly. "You are my world Teagan. Those hours out there, me holding you. Nothing else mattered to me. You may feel like it would be easier if you weren't here, but not for some of us." He looked at me, "I know you're hurting, I want to fix you, but I don't know how. You won't let me in. We had such a good day today I thought, maybe I'm wrong, but I haven't seen you as happy as you were today in a long time and then it ended, so, so wrong. I started it and Lori made it worse. I'm sorry." Dean said, as he dropped his hands from my face and leaned against the counter.

I hopped off the counter, "My hurting has nothing to do with you. Dean, if there's one thing in this world that I'm certain of is that you love me and you only do things that you think are right for me. Sure, okay, we fought earlier, but you're right. Lori made it worse. If she would have just left me alone, none of this would have happened, but you want to know something? Tonight, when she slapped me and then was just so fucking hateful about it, those memories of the nights my dad showed me how much he hated me came back. It hit me like a fucking brick. Dean, there were nights that he locked me in my room. He could have set fire to the house with me inside and I would have never been able to get out. Maybe through my window but that wasn't even a sure bet, because I knew if I sneaked out it would be worse. When you and I started to do the things we did, it's the only time in my life I felt safe. You have saved me so many times and never even knew it. Even now you continue to save me and I'm tired of you having to do it." I said. Dean stood and wrapped his arms tightly around me again.

Sam, Dean and I had all sat down at the table finally. "I want you to talk to us." Dean said. "Fine, it's time I get it off of my chest. It's going to sound stupid, but whatever. I crave attention because I never had it." I rolled my eyes and Sam looked at me. "I mean, I know that you guys know how that feels, but I mean. I don't know. I guess I kind of expected my dad to love me a little more, care a little more. I mean my mom left. Instead, I got treated like dirt. And then I got treated like a walking piece of ass. By my own dad." I had to stop and look away from them. "If I got anything lower than a B? I got yelled at. If I was sick? I was lying. If I hung out with kids at school, other than Sam, I got yelled at. If I didn't make food the right way? Yelled at. If I took to long getting my dad a beer, I got yelled at. He was a very volatile man. I couldn't do anything right. For no reason, he would tell me I was nothing but a whore, yet I didn't have a boyfriend. I was a mistake." I had to stop again as the tears started falling. "I was a wife, before I should have been. I had to cook, clean, and go to school. I had to hunt with him sometimes, obviously. Remember when I saw that counselor for like a minute? She told me that why I am the way I am, other than just having a fucked up life, is because my emotions never got to mature with me. I'm forever stuck in the place where it all began." I finally stopped and looked up. "And I thought we had it bad." Dean said looking at Sam. "We all had it bad." Sam said.

Dean and I were in our bedroom, I had taken a shower and changed clothes since my others had blood all over them. Dean was propped up in bed waiting patiently for me to get out of the shower. The sun had come up as I stepped out of the shower. I walked into the bedroom and climbed into bed next to Dean. "Teagan, can I ask you something?" Dean asked. I smiled, "Yeah." I said. "Is that why you've always been kind of distant? Not big on touchy feely stuff? Why you lost it when that chick kissed you?" He asked. I looked at my hands, "Yeah, kind of. I don't know, as long as I can remember I've never been super affectionate. I don't know, maybe I was just born weird, I don't know. I've always had this need for personal space, I mean with you, no, not so much. It's just why I don't like kiss you or hang on you when other people are around because to me it's just weird. I mean, if you kiss me, or hug me, or whatever when other people are around, it's fine, but I still get kind of weird about it I just try not to show it." I said. He looked at me and then kissed me. I returned the kiss. "Sorry, that probably wasn't the right thing to do, but I don't know, I just want you to know that no matter what I'm here for you. And on that note, I'm sorry that I said what I said to you in front of Cas. I didn't mean to piss you off or upset you." He said. I laughed, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have thrown a temper tantrum, I just get tired of you trying to take the world on and not letting me help you. If we ever get married that's part of it you know, facing the world together and the bad shit." I said looking at him questioningly. "I know it is, I just never want you to get hurt. Especially if I could prevent it." He said. I nodded, "I get it." I said as I laid down and closed my eyes. "Teagan?" Dean asked. "Yeah?" I asked in reply. "You said if we ever get married." He said. "I know Dean, the way things have been going, I don't know, I just wonder if it's ever going to happen." I said. He sounded sad, but I wasn't sure of anything anymore. "Don't say if, say when. After Sam and I stop the apocalypse, we can get married. Okay?" He asked, still sounding hurt and sad. "Okay Dean. After you save the world." I said and fell asleep.

Chapter 11

1 Year Later

Sam had thrown himself in the pit a year ago to save the world from the apocalypse. It was over. Of course, to Dean it wasn't, but he had promised Sam that he would stop hunting and settle down with me. Of course, Dean had stopped hunting but we didn't get married. We hadn't talked about it since before he had left over a year ago. I knew it wouldn't happen. I wasn't upset about it because if and when we got married Sam would have to be there. Now it looked like that would never happen. Dean had been working his ass off to find a way to get Sam back, but couldn't find anything. Lori and I had still not talked, for all I knew she had moved back to New Orleans.

Dean was in the garage when I heard banging around. I opened the garage door to find Dean freaking out and Sam standing in front of him. "What the hell?" I asked. I quickly went back inside and grabbed the holy water and the salt. I could see that Dean had already given Sam the blade test. I handed Dean the holy water and I held onto the salt just in case. Dean threw the holy water in Sam's face and nothing happened. I sat the salt down and walked over to Dean. Right before I stopped Sam pulled me into his arms, almost crushing me. I hugged him back. I had missed him almost as much as Dean had. "How did you get out?" Dean asked. "I have no idea." Sam said, sounding pretty confused himself. "I uh, I've been out for a while." Sam said. "How long?" I asked. Sam looked at me and then at Dean. "Uh, a year?" Sam asked, raising his eyebrows and looking apologetic. I saw how furious Dean was and walked inside.

I was wrist deep inside a chicken when Sam and Dean walked in, talking. My hair fell into my face and I groaned. "God dammit." I whispered. I could hear Sam and Dean snickering behind me. I turned around slightly just so I could see them and glared. "Are you having problems?" Dean asked trying not to laugh. "Yes! Kind of, the chicken is like me, it has no heart!" I exclaimed and smiled. Sam lost it and sat down. "Laugh it up guys, and neither of you will eat." I said as I finally grabbed the insides of the chicken and ripped them out. I turned around with the blood and insides craddled in my hands. "Yum!" I said and stuck my tongue out like I was going to lick it. "You get weirder everyday." Dean said smiling. "Yeah, but you love me." I said. He nodded, "Yeah, I do." He replied. I walked over to the trash can and threw the insides away. I turned the hot water on and filled the chicken up with the water. As the water ran down into the neck and out the other end I began giggling. I thought my giggling was quiet but apparently it wasn't, "What's so funny?" Sam asked. I bust out laughing, dropping the chicken into the sink and turned the water off. "I've got to go outside for a minute." I said through laughter.

I finally walked back inside and Dean and Sam looked at me, "You okay?" Sam asked. "Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, I think I'm going crazy." I said, widening my eyes as I said crazy. "Great." Dean said smiling. "Want to share what it was you were laughing at?" Sam asked. Before I answered I turned on the radio. _Invisible _by _Skylar Gray_ came on. I turned it up and then looked at Sam trying not to laugh, "Yeah I made the chicken pee." I said smiling like an idiot. Dean laughed and shook his head, "This is what you've dealt with all year?" Sam asked. Dean nodded still laughing. "Yeah, you two are the perfect match." Sam said laughing. I grabbed a pan and put it on the counter and I grabbed the bird by the wings and made it dance over to the pan. "Are you sure you're okay?" Sam asked. I nodded, "If I don't have fun cooking something's wrong. I'm so fucking grossed out by the insides of a chicken that I have to laugh my way through it or I won't eat." I said. Dean looked at me, "Really?" He asked. I nodded. "Wait, so you can kill someone, but you can't gut a chicken and be okay with it?" Dean asked. When he put it that way it did seem kind of stupid, so I shrugged. I felt like puking thinking about gutting the chicken. I looked down at the bird in my hands and almost dropped it. "Don't ever say gut to me. Especially when I'm holding the animal in my hands." I said and swallowed hard. Sam chuckled.

I threw the pan in the oven and washed my hands. "How do you find the energy to cook everyday?" Sam asked. I shrugged, "I love to do it. I love coming up with new combinations of tastes. It's fun for me." I said. "It also relieves some of my stress, makes me happier, calmer, a little sadistic sometimes, but you know." I said winking. Dean and Sam shook their heads. "Hey, you guys want beer? We're out and I need to run to the store anyways." I said. "Uh, sure." Sam said. Dean nodded.

I pulled into the garage blaring the Cure. I hurriedly got out of the car, grabbed the couple of bags and cases of beer and went inside. I almost dropped everything on the floor trying to get to the stereo. As I turned the stereo on I turned it up loud and began dancing around and singing. "Are you on drugs?" Dean asked. I laughed, "No, just in a good mood. Besides, it's the Cure!" I said excitedly. Dean sighed, he hated the Cure. Just then _End of the World as we know it_ came on. I switched the radio off and looked at Dean and Sam. "Sorry." I said. Dean and Sam laughed. "Teagan, I'm back, we stopped the end of the world. Listen to it if you want." Sam said. I turned it back on and began dancing again as I plopped the pie crust down on the floured counter. "Oh my god, you're making pie!" Dean exclaimed. I laughed and nodded. I grabbed the rolling pin and began working on the crust.

Just as I pulled the chicken out of the oven I heard the doorbell ring. I looked at Dean and Sam, they both shook their heads. I went to the front door and opened it slowly. "Oh my god! Jade!" I exclaimed, as a girl walked through the door and threw her arms around me. "Hey girl how ya been?" She asked. "Good, how the hell did you find me?" I asked. She smiled. Jade was a hunter. Her mom and my dad had dated a couple of times but just remained friends. "Well your just in time for dinner. Come on." I said. "Mind if I sit my bag down?" She asked. "Go for it." I said. Jade and I got into a lot of trouble together. She was always brought out the party girl side of me. "Got anything to drink?" She asked. I laughed, "What do you want? We've got beer, vodka, rum." I said. She laughed, "You haven't changed, water." She said. "I haven't but have you?" I asked. "Hell no." She said as we walked into the kitchen. "Woah, hello." Jade said. "Back off bitch. The taller one is single." I said as I threw a bottle of water at her. "Teagan, who is this?" Dean asked, standing. I smiled, "This, this is my long lost sister, I mean, by another guy but whatever." I said laughing. "Jade, Dean, my boyfriend, Dean, Jade. And that is Sam, Sam, Jade." I introduced them. She nodded, "Hello guys." Jade said watching Dean. Sizing him up. "You can stop Jade. He's fine." I said. "So boyfriend huh?" She asked. "Yeah, Jade. Boyfriend." I said putting the food on the table. "I thought you said you hadn't changed." She said looking at me. "Shut the fuck up." I said glaring at her. "Woah, I feel some hostility." She said. "Yeah a little. I haven't seen you in for fucking ever. Back off." I said. She threw her hands up, "Alright, alright, damn." She said.

Dinner was put away, and we were all sitting at the table. "Shots?" Jade asked. I smiled and nodded. I stood and grabbed some shot glasses from under the counter and grabbed the rum. I looked at Dean and Sam. Dean shrugged, "Sure." he said. "Sam?" I asked. He nodded. I poured the shots and Jade raised hers. "To finding my ride or die chick." She said. I nodded and we took our shots. Jade and I kept taking shots while Sam and Dean sat there and watched. Jade went to pour some more shots when she noticed the bottle was empty. "Trash?" She asked. I pointed to the garbage can. She grabbed another bottle of rum and sat down. She lined four shot glasses in front of me and did the same in front of herself. I laughed, "Seriously?" I asked. She nodded, "What you afraid to lose?" She asked. "Lose, you don't know me to well do you?" I asked. She laughed, "neither of us are going to lose you know that right?" She asked. "Um, hold on, what exactly are you two going to do?" Dean asked, his eyebrow raised looking dead at me. I laughed, "We take these shots as fast as we can, who finishes first is the winner." I said. "I think this time though, we're going to put a twist on it. No hands." Jade said looking at me. "Fine." I replied.

"Go!" Sam said. I bent down, hands behind my back and grabbed the shot glass in my mouth. I tilted my head back quickly and took the first shot. Jade and I finished at the same time. "Son of a bitch." I said. Jade laughed, "I told you." She said. "Okay, no more shots. I have another idea." I said. "Do you two just see how fast you can get shit faced?" Dean asked. Jade nodded, "Pretty much." She said laughing. Dean nodded. "I want you two to participate." I said looking at Dean and Sam. "Whatever it is, I'll blow you two out of the water." Dean said. I laughed, "We'll see." I said winking at him. I sat four glasses down on the table. I had grabbed the orange juice from the fridge. I poured the glass a little over half full with rum and then added orange juice. "What the hell are we doing?" Dean asked. I laughed, "Whoever chugs their drink and finishes it first without spilling it, wins." I said. "Pfft, I've got this." Dean said. I looked at Jade and she laughed. "What?" Dean asked. "Ready? Go!" Jade shouted as we all grabbed our glasses and began chugging.

I slammed my glass down on the table and raised my arms. "Ha!" I shouted. Dean slammed his down, then Jade, poor Sam finished last. "How the hell did you two beat me?" Jade asked. "Rematch?" I asked. "Rematch." Jade said. I filled our glasses again. "Ready? Go!" I yelled. I slammed my glass down, Jade finished second this time. "How the hell do you do it?" Dean asked looking at me. "Because, technically, I can out drink a three hundred pound, six foot two grown man." I said smiling. "How do you know that?" Sam asked. "High school." I replied. "You said you didn't have friends." Dean said. "I didn't _in_ high school. Jade didn't go to the school I went to, she dropped out in high school and the three hundred pound guy I was talking about had already graduated when I out drank him." I said. "Why did I never know this?" Dean asked. I laughed, "I don't know, never came up." I said. "Rematch." Jade said. I nodded.

I had won every round with Jade. We had run out of alcohol. I was way more drunk than I wanted to be. "Mind if I crash on the couch?" Jade asked. "Sure. I'll get you a blanket." I said. Dean laughed, "You're not going anywhere, can you even get upstairs?" He asked. "Yes, I might have to crawl, but I can get upstairs." I said. He laughed again and shook his head. Sam had already gone to his room, Jade went to the couch. I slowly went upstairs and began to change clothes as Dean walked in. I had a tank top on and some short shorts on. He groaned as he closed the door. I turned to face him. I was drunk, but sober enough to know what I wanted. He got undressed and crawled underneath the covers. I climbed into bed and curled up next to him. Before I knew it, I was asleep.

I woke up, threw on my bra and went downstairs. Jade was no where to be seen. I looked over by the front door and her bag was gone. The blanket neatly folded and resting on the back of the couch. I spotted a piece of paper on the coffee table, "Sorry Teag, I had to leave, I'll see you again. Thanks for an awesome night and reliving memories with me, but we've both changed and I couldn't stay. Thanks again." I crumpled it up and threw it away. It was normal Jade. I shrugged and went back upstairs. I laid down in bed and as I was about to drift off to sleep Dean rolled over. "Where'd you go?" He asked. I smiled, "Downstairs." I answered. "Oh, how was Jade? She didn't puke on anything did she?" He asked. I laughed, "No, she was gone." "What?" He asked, propping up on his hand. "That's just how Jade is, she leaves so she doesn't have to say bye." I said and closed my eyes. "Hmm, well how are you feeling?" He asked. "Fine." "No hangover?" "Nope, perfectly fine, just tired." I said. He laughed, "You still amaze me. You're so tiny, where does all the alcohol go?" He asked. "Straight to my blood stream?" I asked laughing.

I finally rolled out of bed and took a quick shower. I went downstairs and heard a female voice in the kitchen and then Dean's voice. "I don't think it's a good idea." Dean said. Just then I walked in and saw my Aunt Lori standing there. "Coffee?" I asked looking at Dean. He nodded. "Teagan, can I please talk to you?" Lori asked. "Talk." I said as I poured coffee into a mug and turning, leaning against the counter. "Look, I just want to apologize. I still feel bad for what happened." Lori said. I laughed, "It's been a year. You're just now coming by? I thought you had left town." I said. "You were hoping right?" She asked. "Kind of." Dean looked at me a little shocked. "What Dean? You want me to stand here and say, 'Oh no, I would have been sad if you had left without saying goodbye.' I can't say that. I have to tell her the truth. Look Lori, I'm not okay. I'll never be okay, but for you to do what you did that day, I will never forgive you for it, but I can try to start the process." I said. "Really?" She asked. I nodded, "You are my family. I shouldn't have jumped off the edge that not, but neither should you. What you did, was identical to the things I went through with my dad. You don't do it again and we'll be fine." I said. She nodded and walked over and hugged me. I returned the hug and then went back to my coffee.

We were all sitting down eating breakfast when Dean looked at me. "Teagan, I have to say something." He said. "What?" I asked. "Well since everyone is here and back together, we should get married. As soon as possible." He said. I dropped my fork, "Wait, what?" I asked. Sam looked at Dean, "You didn't marry her already?" He asked sounding pissed. "Uh, no, my brother wasn't here." Dean said looking at Sam. "Dammit Dean. I told you to marry her no matter what." Sam said shoving his plate away. "Hold on, what?" I asked again. "Yeah, Teagan. I told Dean to marry you no matter what happened. You deserve to be a Winchester especially after everything we've both put you through and you're still here. God Dean, you can't listen to me can you?" Sam asked standing and leaving the kitchen. I stood and followed Sam, Dean right behind me. I quickly turned to Dean and stopped him, "Let me talk to him." I said and went after Sam.

Sam was outside sitting on the porch. "Hey, Sam, can I talk to you?" I asked. "Sure." He replied. I sat down beside him, "Look, even if Dean would have wanted to marry me while you were gone I wouldn't have. You would have to be there, and if that meant never getting married, I was ready for that option. You are my best friend and you're his brother. We couldn't get married without the biggest part of our lives a part of it." I said looking at him. "Teagan, you deserve to be happy." He said sadly. "I am happy Sam." I said. "No, you're not. You ask yourself every night why Dean won't marry you, you constantly worry what he's doing when he's away from you. You want the life you always dreamed about, and this isn't it. That's why I told him to stop hunting and marry you. It may not be what he wants but when do you get what you want?" Sam asked looking at me. "How did you know?" I asked. "I'm your best friend remember. I know you better than Dean knows you." Sam said. I smiled, "I know." I said as I gently nudged him. "You can't be mad at Dean though, that's not fair." I said. "It is, I usually do what he tells me and he couldn't listen to me this one time." "Why is it so important to you?" I asked. "It just is." Sam said. I nodded and just looked out into the world as we sat there together.

We finally walked back inside and I looked at Sam as I heard Lori say, "Dean, she doesn't care one way or another if the wedding was huge or just small. You know she's a very private person and easy to make happy." I got closer to the kitchen and cleared my throat, "How much did you hear?" Dean asked. I laughed, "Enough." I sat down in the chair next to him as Lori looked at me, "I know you went to prom in high school and you had several formals and things like that in high school, do you have any of those dresses?" She asked. "Wait, hold on. Why?" I asked, looking from her to Dean. Dean smiled his devilish smile, "No." I said. "What, why?" He asked. "Because, those dresses are not who I am today. They were who I was trying to be." I said. "Well now I'm even more curious." He said. "Yes, Lori I have them." I said. "Go put them on and show us." She said smiling. I rolled my eyes, "I hate you both." I said and went upstairs.

The first one I put on was a floor length black dress. White crystals covered the bodice of the dress. I felt so uneasy about this. Dean hadn't really seen me in a dress. I walked slowly downstairs and into the kitchen. "Why haven't I seen these before?" Dean asked. I blushed, "Because. I shoved them to the very back of the closet, where a lot of things that I don't wear are." I said. He raised an eyebrow, "Oh yeah, like what?" He asked. I smiled, "Dresses. Can I go change now?" I asked. Lori nodded and smiled. The second dress was a nude color, it was covered in silver sequins until right below the knee and they began to scatter. There was a slit up the side to right above the knee, about mid-thigh. I walked into the kitchen and Dean stood, "We found a winner!" He exclaimed. I laughed and shook my head. "Sit down, this is a long process, I have more dresses than I should." I said. I turned and went back upstairs. The third dress was a bright red, thigh high slit. It was satin and cinched at the waist with a crystal encrusted brooch. On the bodice of the dress around the top matched the brooch. I walked into the kitchen. "Hollywood night in college. I hate this fucking dress." I said. "Why?" Lori asked. I looked at her. "It's red." I said. Sam laughed. "I'm sorry, but I hate bright colors." "Then why did you buy it?" Lori asked. "I didn't. You know what I don't want to talk about it, I'm going to go change, someone set this stupid thing on fire. I don't care." I said.

I finally got the fourth dress on. It was black lace, see through on the left side. I walked downstairs. I sat down at the table, "I hate being a girl." I said. Sam and Dean laughed. "I don't want to be pretty. I fucking hate dresses and this is making the hatred run deeper." I said snarling my lip and laying my head on the table. Just then I felt a glass be sat down in front of me. I looked up and Dean had sat a beer down in front of me. I smiled and took a long drink from the bottle. "How do you not have a hangover by the way?" Sam asked. I laughed, "Do you?" I asked. "I puked this morning." He said. I bust out laughing, "Sorry, Sam." I said. "More dresses." Lori said. I groaned, "Can I just not wear a dress?" I asked. "Teagan, it's not that bad." She said. "It is!" I exclaimed, standing, grabbing my beer and going back upstairs.

I smiled as I put the fifth dress on. I had wore this to masquerade party for Halloween. It was also black lace, the slit went all the way up my left thigh, at the waist there was a cut out, and then it went into a sleeve at the top and down my right arm. I walked downstairs and as soon as I got into the kitchen, I could see a glimmer in Dean's eyes but he didn't say anything. He had gone to the party with me that night. He remembered the dress. "Go change Teagan, that leaves nothing to the imagination." I smiled and bit my lip, "Well that was the point that night." I looked at Dean. I could see he got a little embarrassed as I laughed.

The sixth and final dress, was a white floor length dress. It had crystal embellishments centered between the breasts, curving around to the left side under the arm. I walked into the kitchen. "I love it!" Lori exclaimed. I laughed, "Yeah it's really nice." Sam said. Dean stood and walked over to me, drawing me in with his eyes. He leaned down and kissed me. I smiled as he pulled away, "I think this is perfect." He said. I blushed and looked at the floor. "Well that's that then." Lori said. I looked up at Dean and smiled again, "So you really like this one?" I asked. He nodded, "I love it." He said. I nodded and headed back upstairs.

I had changed and hung the dress on the front of the closet door. When I got back downstairs, I sat down with my beer and crossed my legs. "So hold on, you had me try on dresses, am I missing something?" I asked. Lori looked at Dean. "Well, Teag, I was thinking sooner rather than later." Dean said. My heart dropped with excitement but I knew not to show it. "Why?" I asked. He laughed, "Because I think I've put it off long enough." He said. I nodded, "So how soon?" I asked. He shrugged, "That's up to you." He said. I laughed, "How about October?" I asked. "That's five months away." Lori said. I nodded, "Yeah, but fall is my favorite season. Besides I think it's prettier then." I said. "So you want to freeze your ass off?" She asked. I smiled and shrugged. "I was kind of thinking sooner." Lori said. "Why? I'm not pregnant." I said. I rolled my eyes, "Why don't you plan it?" I asked looking at her and taking a drink.

"I'm sorry, I just thought it would be nice since you guys have been engaged for so long to actually go through with it." She said. "Lori, October is perfect." Dean said. I smiled, pleased that he spoke up. "Okay, I'm sorry Teagan. I just got excited." Lori said. I nodded, "It's okay." I replied. "Besides, there is a lot of planning to do." She said. I looked at her, "Not really, invite people? Well I have no friends to invite so, hey look, easy!" I exclaimed smiling. "What about Jade?" Dean asked. "No. I would like to stay partially sober after wards." I said laughing. He nodded, after last night I'm sure he would want me to stay sober until we got back to a room by ourselves. "Yeah, Teagan, there's more to planning than that. Where are you two going to get married? Whose going to marry you? Send invitations, decorations, music, food. There's a lot to plan." She said. "No, not really. We could get married in the backyard by who I don't know. Okay, what like ten invitations? Who needs decorations? Music, okay, CD's, tapes. Food, grill. See planned." I said standing up and grabbing another beer. "Why are you acting like this is nothing?" Lori asked. "I'm not, it's just why over think things? Why complicate things? Make it fucking easy and there's no stress. Besides, as much as I hate my dad, whose going to walk me down the aisle? Getting married to Dean has always been my biggest goal but now that everything's moving so fast, it's hard. It's upsetting that, I don't have a dad to walk me down the aisle." I said. "Have Eric walk you down the aisle." Lori said. I shook my head, "I'll walk it alone." I said.

"I'm sorry." Dean said. I laughed, "Don't be sorry, I'm not saying that I don't want to do this. I do, but honestly I didn't think it was ever going to happen so I never really thought about it." I said. "What about Bobby?" Sam asked. "Yeah, true. He was a better dad than my own dad. I'll call him tomorrow and ask." I said. Dean nodded and smiled. "What kind of flowers?" Lori asked. I rolled my eyes, "None." I said. She groaned, "Dammit Teagan, fine, I'm paying for all of this. I was going to surprise you, but you are so hard headed." She said. Dean laughed, "You knew didn't you?" I asked looking at him. "She told me while you were outside with Sammy." He said. "Lori, I don't want flowers to carry. I want flowers for my hair." I said smiling. She sighed, "Fine, what kind?" "A single tiger lily. I'll show you later how I want my hair. Very simple." I said. "How simple?" She asked. "Simple enough that I've wore it before." I said laughing. Lori rolled her eyes.

Just as Lori and I really started talking about wedding stuff, my phone began to ring. I looked at it, quickly got up and walked outside. "Ms. McMillan, this is Chandra, I have two houses I would like you to come look at." She said. I nodded, "Okay, I could look at them today." I said. "That would be great! I can meet you there in an hour." She said in reply. "Sounds great. See you then." I said and hung up. I went back inside as Dean looked at me, "Who was that?" He asked. "Nobody." I said and headed upstairs to freshen up.

I came back downstairs and grabbed my car keys. "Where are you going?" Dean asked. "I've got to go check on something. I'll be gone the rest of the afternoon, there are left overs in the fridge." I said and headed for the door. "Wait up." Dean said as he caught me, he walked into the garage with me and stopped me. "Where are you really going?" He asked suspiciously. "Dean, I'm working on something for us. Please, just trust me. I'll be back later." I said. He shook his head, "It's not that I don't trust you, I just don't like being left in the dark." I laughed and kissed him. "I'll be back." I said.

I pulled up in front of the first house. Chandra had sent me a message with the address. She was already waiting. "Sorry, traffic sucked." I said walking up to the first house. She laughed, "I kind of figured, no worries. I've been here maybe five minutes. Okay, so as you know you were approved for $250,000. This house is listed at $125,000. Come on and I'll show you around." She said. I nodded. The outside wasn't to appealing to me, but hopefully the inside was better. I had told her to keep it under my price range. Thankfully she had with this one.

"You know, honestly, I love it. I just don't like the outside and the beds. I would probably rip out all of the carpet too. Can I look at the next house?" I asked. She smiled, "Sure." She replied. We both got in our vehicles and I followed her to the next house. The next house was beautiful. "Okay this one's a little bit more, but it's listed at $175,000." She said as she led me inside.

I finished looking around, "I love this one, obviously I would change a few things, but other than that I love this one so much more than the first one." I said, smiling. She nodded, "So you want to put an offer in on this one?" She asked. I nodded, Dean would probably kill me once he found out, but I didn't care. I wanted to be a home owner, not a renter. Plus with me working at the University of Kansas Medical Center, I did need to be closer. "I'll put the offer in this afternoon, I'll go a little under the asking price, say $150,000, see what they do with that." She said. "Sounds good." I said and shook her hand.

I got home about three hours later and walked inside. Now to play the waiting game. I had pictures on my phone of the houses. I so badly wanted to tell Dean, but I wouldn't. Not until I found out. I found Sam, Dean and Lori in the living room. "Hey Lori can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked. "Sure she said as she stood and met me in the kitchen. I quickly pulled out my phone. "You have to swear to keep this between us." "You're pregnant aren't you?" Lori asked excitedly. I laughed, "No. Look, I put an offer in on this house today." She scrolled through the pictures and handed me the phone. "It's beautiful! How much?" She asked. "$175,000 but the realtor put in an offer. Hopefully I hear something quickly." I said. "Why haven't you told Dean?" She asked. I shrugged, "Kind of a surprise. I want to tell him so bad but I want to wait until after I know it's ours." I said as she nodded. Just then Sam cleared his throat as he came into grab beers. I looked at him and smiled. He smiled back as he shut the fridge door and walked back into the living room.

I woke up and took a quick shower, got dressed for work, poured coffee into my mug and grabbed my bag and keys. It had been four days since I had put in a new offer. Just as I was about to head out the door my phone rang. It was Chandra and my heart sank. "Hey Teagan, I just wanted to see if you could come into my office today." She said. "Sure, would one o'clock be okay? That's when I get my lunch." "That will be great see you then." She said and hung up. I got in my car and pulled outo f the driveway. My phone rang again. I picked it up without looking at it, "Hey I didn't get to say bye before you left." Dean said, his voice husky as if he had just woke up. I laughed, "Sorry, I'm running a little late." I said. "I know. Well have a good day. I love you." I smiled, "Thanks. Love you too." I replied as I hung up the phone. Traffic was killing me this morning. I would be so happy to find a house in Kansas City and soon. I finally got to the hospital and luckily I was ten minutes early. I got clocked in and went to the children's part of the hospital to check on my patients.

One o'clock finally rolled around and I left and drove to Chandra's office. I walked inside and she motioned me back. I sat down in the chair in front of her desk and looked at her, "So do they want a higher offer?" Chandra smiled, "Nope they are accepting your offer of $165,000. I need you to sign and initial all these papers and as soon as that's done we'll get the appraisal started." She said. "Wait, you're kidding me right?" I asked. She laughed, "No." She replied and handed me a pen. Thirty minutes later I was walking out of her office with copies of all the papers I had signed. She had told me I should know something within a week. I quickly went down the street grabbed some lunch, ate and went back to work.

Before I knew it my day was over and I was going home. I called Dean, "So, I have something, super important to talk to you about when I get home." I said excitedly. "You're pregnant aren't you?" He asked. I laughed, "Oh my god, Dean, no. Hey what's for dinner or do you want me to pick something up?" I asked. "Dinners covered, just hurry and get home. I want to know why you're so excited." I could hear the smile in his voice. I laughed again, "Okay, be there in like twenty minutes. Love you." "Love you too." Dean said as he hung up.

I was down the street when I quickly sent a message to Dean, "Hey meet me outside, down the street." I said. When I pulled into the driveway Dean was out front, two beers in his hand. I parked and got out, he handed me a beer. I smiled and kissed him. "So what's so important?" He asked. I smiled even bigger, "So, what I've been hiding from you, is," I paused just to keep him waiting. "What?" Dean asked. "We will be owning a house in less than a month in Kansas City." I said. "What? Teagan, you did this without me?" He asked. I nodded. He sighed and took a sip of his beer. "How much?" He asked. "Seriously, Dean, that's all you care about? Here." I said pushing the papers into his hands and walking inside. I walked past Lori and Sam without saying anything and just went upstairs.

As I was getting clothes to take a shower Dean walked in. "It's really nice, but Teagan, I didn't ask you how much because I was mad. I was just asking to ask." He said as he threw the papers on the bed and pulled me into a hug. "I'm sorry, I just thought maybe, for once, you would be a little more excited." I said. He laughed, "I'm excited, I don't know, I just, it's weird. That's all." He said. I nodded, "Yeah, I know, but I thought it was time for us to put our roots down. I'm sure you're going to keep hunting, but I'm not. I love where I'm at and what I'm doing. I mean, sure, every once in a while I would like to tag along, but if we're going to get married I want to stay planted." I said. He nodded, "I understand. You sure you want to buy a house with and get married to a high school drop out with a criminal record?" He asked. I laughed, "I wouldn't change my mind. Ever. You're stuck." I said. He kissed me and pushed me towards the bed. "I'm not stuck, but if that's what you want to call it, I'm fine with it." He said.

I had taken a shower and we were all sitting down at the table, eating, when Dean looked at me. "So you want to tell everyone else?" He asked. I smiled, "So, before anyone asks, I'm not pregnant, but we are buying a house." I said. "Awesome!" Sam exclaimed. "Oh, guys congratulations!" Lori said. "Thanks." Dean and I both said. "Sam, you know you're going with us right?" I asked. He laughed, "Uh, sure." He said. "No, seriously. There's going to be plenty of space. Four bedrooms, three bathrooms and a complete basement. I mean, it needs a little work, to fit my idea." I said. "So how much are you guys paying for it?" Lori asked. "$165,000 but it was originally listed at $175,000. We were approved for $250,000 so that leaves, us roughly $80,000 to do what we need to do to this house." I said. "Nice, so when you say it needs some work, what are you talking about?" Lori asked. I laughed, "Well the back deck is all screwed up, so I would like to replace that and make it bigger. I would like to strip and stain the beams in the living room. Paint. Just a few things." I said. She laughed, "Are you going to get someone to do it?" She asked. I looked at her like she was crazy. "Why? Most of the stuff that needs to be done, I could do. Why hire someone?" I asked. She shrugged, "So is that where you guys are going to have your wedding?" She asked. I shrugged, "I don't know yet." I said.

Chapter 12

June

I had this week off, and I was super excited about that. I was changing the oil in my car when I heard Dean's voice. "Hey you have a phone call. It's a, uh, Chandra?" He asked. I hurriedly scooted out from under my car, as I did he covered the phone and pulled it away from him. "You are so sexy right now." He said. I laughed and got up and reached for the phone. I kissed him and then put the phone up to my ear. "Chandra?" I asked. "Teagan, great news! Everything is good to go, the family moved out last week, the appraisal and inspection went through. You guys can move in anytime. Come down to my house as soon as possible and get the keys." She said. I gasped, "Seriously?" I asked, super excited. She laughed, "Yeah. Congratulations!" She exclaimed. "Thanks. Bye." I said and hung up. "Guess what?" I asked Dean. "I don't know, what?" He asked, I knew he knew. He was smiling as I threw my arms around him, "We, need to move." I said. "Awesome! I want to see this place before we get our stuff in." He said kissing me.

I all but ran inside, "Sam!" I yelled. Lori was looking at me like I was crazy. Sam came downstairs, "What? Is everything okay?" He asked sounding panicked. "Yes, everything's great. Want to come with Dean and I to pick up the keys to our house?" I asked. He smiled, "Duh!" He exclaimed. "Lori?" I asked. She nodded. We all headed for the door as we piled into the impala. Dean made me sit up front so I did. I was so excited, but so nervous.

Once we got there I made Dean get out with me. We went inside and Chandra called us back. "Okay, here are the keys and the terms of the agreement." She said. I smiled and took the keys. "Thank you so much!" I exclaimed. She laughed, "You are so welcome. It was a pleasure working with you. This, this must be Dean." She said smiling and extending her hand. He shook her hand and smiled, "Yes I'm Dean." He said. "I've heard a lot about you. I must say, when you two have kids, they are going to be beautiful children." She said. I blushed, "Thanks." I said.

We pulled up in the driveway of our new house. I handed Dean the keys as we walked up the steps to the front door. He put the key in the lock and turned it. We walked inside and Lori gasped. "Teagan, it's beautiful." She said. I smiled, "Thanks." I replied. Sam and Lori went their separate ways, leaving Dean and I in the living room. I pointed up, "See, I want to do dark stain for the wood." I said. He laughed, "We'll get to it, okay?" He asked. I nodded as he wrapped his arms around me. "Where is our bedroom?" He asked giving me that half smile. "Dean, not right now." I said, pleading. He kissed my neck gently and whispered, "Why not?" "Because we'll have plenty of time." I said smiling.

Dean and I made our way around the house. He loved it, and I was so happy. I stopped him in the bedroom that would be ours and looked at him. "I have to say something. The only reason why I didn't tell you about any of this is because you have done so much for me, this is my gift to you. Dean, you have been there to save my ass so many times. You've pulled me through all the bad stuff in my life and you continue to support me no matter what and I feel it's only fair that you get something out of all of it. Without you, I wouldn't be here. I am so grateful to you and I'm excited to see what the years bring." I said. He wiped the tears from my eyes. I could see the tears in his as he smiled, "Teagan, I would go to the ends of the earth for you. You've loved me despite my flaws and despite the fact that I'm not perfect. You have been there for me and thank you, but I don't deserve this. We both deserve this." He said and kissed me. Behind us I heard Sam and Lori "aww." We both laughed as I rested my head on his chest and his chin rested on the top of my head. "You two are so cute!" Sam said, laughing.

"Okay, so idea. We should go out to celebrate." I said. "Sounds like a good idea to me." Dean said. Sam and Lori agreed. We found a little sports bar and stopped. We ordered and sat around eating, talking and laughing. "You know what, after we move in, I want to go to New Orleans." I said. Dean looked at me, eyebrows raised. Lori dropped her fork, "Really?" She asked. I laughed and nodded, "I need to revisit my roots." I said smiling. "Okay, you have got to take me." Lori said. "Duh." I said. "What made you decide this?" Dean asked. I shrugged, "I don't know. I feel like it's time. Time to revisit our past, the one that led us here. Time for me to be with what little family I have." I said. He put his arm around my shoulder. Just then we heard the sound of karaoke. "Teagan, you should go sing." Lori said. I shook my head, "No." I said. "Come on, I've never heard you sing." Dean said. "You haven't? Oh my god she has a beautiful voice!" Lori exclaimed. I groaned, "Fine." I said. Dean moved so I could slide out of the booth. I went up to the stage and told the guy what song to put on. Just then a country song came on. I began to sing, "I know they say, you can't go home again. I just to had to come back one last time. Ma'am I know you don't know me from Adam, but these hand prints on the front steps are mine, up those stairs in that little back bedroom, is where I did my homework and where I learned to play guitar. And I bet you didn't know, under that live oak, my favorite dog is buried in the yard. I thought if I could touch this place or feel it, this brokenness inside my start healing." I saw Dean just staring at me. I smiled and looked at the floor as I kept singing. "You leave home you move on, you do the best you can, I got lost in this old world and forgotten who I am. I thought if I could touch this place or feel it. This brokenness inside me might start healing, out here it's like I'm someone else. I thought that maybe I could find myself."

The song ended and I went and sat back down, while the many people in the bar began to clap and cheer. "How much more talent do you have hidden in there?" Dean asked poking me. I laughed and shrugged. "Probably nothing else." I said. "God Teagan, you are amazing." He said. It was like no one else existed in that moment as I looked into his eyes and saw the wonder and amazement he had for me. "I'm not that amazing." I said. He held my chin and kissed me. I returned his kiss and the entire room disappeared. That is until Sam cleared his throat. "Dammit Sammy." Dean said. I laughed and returned to my beer.

When we got home, Lori left and Sam disappeared upstairs. Dean and I went into our room and he spotted the dress hanging on the closet. "Okay, this is bugging me, can you please put the dress on again?" He asked. I laughed and nodded. I took it into the bathroom and quickly changed. I walked out and turned. "I can't wait." He said smiling and grabbing my hand. I smiled, "Me either." I said as I kissed him. As he kissed me he slowly unzipped the dress and it fell to my feet. He pulled me to the bed and pushed me down onto my back.

We had gotten all moved into the new house. I felt so much better having a house to call home. I had painted before we moved in and put decorations up. There were black and white photographs that I had taken with my camera hanging in the living room. I had asked for vacation time and had gotten it. I made Dean promise me not to hunt while we were there, he promised. We had decided to stay with Lori in her house. It was better than a motel and it was where I had stayed so many other times. Eric and his wife Adriana, came over first, and then a little while later Charlotte and Matthew came over. Eric and Charlotte was Lori's son and daughter. Charlotte and I had been pretty close growing up. "Hey, where is Zoe?" I asked looking at Lori. Zoe was Lori's youngest daughter, the same exact age as me. We were closer than Charlotte and I were. "She's on her way." Lori said smiling. I nodded, "Sweet." "Hey, who wants to go out?" Charlotte asked. I laughed, "Where?" I asked. "There's this cute little bar downtown. Want to go?" Charlotte asked looking at me. "Yeah, let me go change and we can go." I said as I hurried upstairs to the room where Dean and I were sleeping.

I had thrown on a pair red jeans and stuffed them into boots. I put on a white tank top with a huge black phoenix on the front. I hurried downstairs, "I'm ready." I said. "Ride with me?" I heard someone say as I noticed Zoe standing next to Lori. "Zoe!" I exclaimed as she came over and hugged me. "Yes, you still have your car?" I asked. She laughed, "I would never get rid of my car." She said. "Follow us." Charlotte said as she led us all outside.

When we got to the bar we all sat down when Charlotte noticed karaoke. "Oh my god, Zoe, Teagan, come on!" She said excitedly. I laughed and rolled my eyes looking at Zoe. "Come on Teag, it'll be fun and you know it." She said. I nodded and followed them up to the stage. Charlotte began singing: "County road 233, under my feet. Nothin' on this white rock but little ole me. I've got two miles 'til, he makes bail. And if I'm right we're headed straight for hell. I'm going home, gonna load my shotgun. Wait by the door and light a cigarette. If he wants a fight well now he's got one. And he ain't seen me crazy yet. He slapped my face and he shook me like a rag doll. Don't that sound like a real man. I'm going to show him what a little girls are made of. Gunpowder and lead." The chorus kicked in and we all began to sing. The next verse Zoe sang: "It's half past ten, another six pack in. And I can feel the rumble like a cold black wind. He pulls in the drive, the gravel flies. He don't know what's waiting here this time." We began singing together again. Then my part came in: "His fist is big but my gun's bigger. He'll find out when I pull the trigger." As I finished I smiled and bit my lip. I loved being with my cousins.

Zoe and I had been the trouble makers. Especially together, so I knew tonight was going to be fun. After the song finished I stayed on stage and picked another song. The music began and I started singing: "Only thing moving out here is this swing on the front porch. And the sun's beating down heating up this house like a blow torch. Sitting here singing Dixie with a whistle. Man, it's hotter than a two-dollar pistol. Baby, I know that it's only 11:30. But sure as hell or high water. I'm getting kind of thirsty. I don't need your mama's lemonade. I need something from a can or a bottle on ice. Just another Sunday in the South. Want to put on some Shenandoah and crank it loud. You and me go fishing in the dark. Killing time with Restless Heart. Just another Sunday in the South."

The song finished and I went to sit down next to Dean. He was beaming. I smiled, "What are you so happy about?" I whispered to him. He leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Seeing you happy." Before he pulled away he gently kissed me on the cheek. I leaned my head against his shoulder and he put his arm around me. "Aww, so this is the boyfriend my mom has been telling us about." Charlotte said laughing. I nodded, "Well, fiance, but yeah." I said. "Shut up!" Zoe said. Everybody started laughing, "Mom told us already." Zoe said. "Gee thanks Aunt Lori." I said smiling. She winked at me and shrugged.

Metallica came on over the juke box and I smiled at Dean. He looked so much happier, luckily I brought my camera. I excused myself and went around the corner so no one could see me. When I came back I began taking pictures. I captured some really good ones, other's weren't so great, because someone would put their hand up, or they would be moving to fast. Just as I was about to disappear to put my camera away Dean snuck up behind me. "Hey, sexy." He whispered in my ear. I smiled, "Hi." I answered "I'm so glad to see you so happy." He said as he kissed my neck. I giggled, "Later, come on, let's go drink." I said winking. "Uh oh, I know that look." He said. I nodded and led him back to the table.

"Teagan! Irish trash can?" Zoe asked. I laughed and shook my head, "Later, shots!" I exclaimed. Zoe and Charlotte both nodded their heads. "Ok, who wants shots?" I asked. Sam and Dean both said, "Us." at the same time. I laughed, "Zo, help me." I said as we walked to the bar. A few minutes later we came back with lime green shots and chocolate shots. "Okay, scooby snacks for everyone." I said as I began passing the green shots to everyone. I sat down and we all cheered and took the shots. "Okay guys, these are just for the girls." I said passing out the chocolate looking shots. Dean raised his eyebrow at me. "These are called blow jobs." I said laughing. He licked his lips as I bent down and took the glass in my mouth. I tossed my head back and drank the shot. I sat the shot glass back down. "What else?" I asked. "Jager bombs?" Eric asked. I gasped, "Yes! Everyone needs energy when their drunk. I'll help you!" I said as we walked to the bar.

A few minutes later we came back with the glasses and shot glasses. "What the hell?" Dean asked. I smiled, "You'll see." We sat down and handed the glasses around. "Okay, so there is both beer and redbull in the glasses. Drop the jager in there and chug." I said smiling. We all toasted with the glasses, set them down and dropped our jager in. I set my glass down first and waited. Once everyone else was done I looked at Zoe, "So hey, more shots?" I asked. "I think you four need to calm down." Lori said. I rolled my eyes, "Well I've got to get home, I have work in the morning." Eric said. I hugged him bye as he and his wife left. Charlotte and Matthew left right behind them. "Come on." I said grabbing Zoe and walking towards the bar. As we were passing by a group of girls a guy talking to his buddies bumped into me, causing me to bump into one of the girls. "Oh, hey sorry." I said. As I went to walk away she threw her drink on me. "Seriously, I said I was sorry." I said. She laughed and turned towards her friends, as she did Zoe pushed her. "Zoe forget it." I said pulling her away.

Luckily no fight happened, but I was ready to go when I got back to the table. "What the hell happened?" Dean asked when I sat down. "Some guy bumped into me and I bumped into some girl, I apologized but she threw her drink on me anyways. Look, I just want to go." I said. "Oh come on Teagan, what happened, you would have beat the shit out of her before." Zoe said. "I don't go looking for fights anymore. I grew up." I said. "What, you're better than me now?" Zoe asked. I rolled my eyes and walked out of the bar. Just as I was about to get into the impala, Zoe grabbed my camera. Just as she was about to throw it on the ground Lori grabbed it out of her hands. "Zoe, chill out." Lori said as she handed me my camera. "Thanks." I said and put it in the impala. "Oh so you're going to take her side like always?" Zoe was yelling at Lori. "Zoe, calm the hell down. I'm not better than you, but the difference between you and me is, I know when to fight and you just go in fists flying. Look, Lori's not taking my side, but I'm telling you right now if you would have broken my camera I would have broken your fucking face. So you should be thanking your mom not yelling at her." I said.

We had left the bar, Lori had taken Zoe with her to calm down. They made it back to Lori's house before we did. As we pulled into the driveway I noticed Zoe sitting on the porch, as I got out of the impala she stood. I handed my camera to Dean without looking at him and walked up to the porch. "Zoe you're like the sister I never had. When I said I grew up I didn't mean I was better than you." I said. "I know, I want to apologize. It was unnecessary and I know that. I just thought you would be the same, I wasn't expecting you to have a fiance and be so grown up with a career and everything. Teagan, ever since you were little you talked about the life you would have when you grew up and I didn't think it would already have happened." She said. I laughed, "I may have a career and a fiance, but my life isn't perfect. I'll still smash someones face, and that was almost you tonight." I said. She laughed and hugged me, I returned the hug and held on just a little longer. It was nice to be home, the home I had come to love, the home that was my safe place. "So, tell me, how exactly how did you meet model boy over there?" She asked nodded towards Dean who was sitting on the trunk of the impala with Sam talking. I laughed, "His dad was friends with my dad. Sam and I were and still are best friends. Dean and I explored other things before we got together." I said smiling. "Oh, oh God." Zoe said. I laughed, "Shut up." "So what about Sam, is he single?" She asked. I shrugged, "Talk to him and find out. I'll take Dean." I said laughing and running off the steps. "Damn you Teagan." She said looking embarrassed.

I walked over to where Dean and Sam were, "Hey want to go for a walk?" I asked smiling. Dean raised his eyebrow, "Uh, sure." He said as he slid off the back of his car. We began walking down the side of Lori's house and as soon as we were out of sight I turned to Dean, "Look, I wanted you to myself, but Zoe I think has a crush on Sam. I told her I would get you away from him so she could talk to him." I said. He smiled, "So you're like her wingman?" He asked. I nodded and laughed, "Pretty much. I don't need a wingman." I said winking at him. "I know, you see what you want and go for it." He said smiling. I nodded. "Hey remember when I would find you out here sitting, reading or writing?" He asked. "Oh my god, I was so emo back then." I said. "No, Teagan, you had better things to do. That's one thing that made me realize how I felt about you. I wouldn't trade that for the world." He said stopping me and looking into my eyes. The moonlight cast a soft glow on the world around us, "Teagan, I may not have done things right back then, but I wasn't sure how to ask you to be my girlfriend. I hope you know that even though you thought we were just having a casual, thing, it wasn't like that for me. I carried myself like I could have anyone I wanted, and yeah I probably could have, but the first time we ever had sex, that was it for me. It wasn't just that for me though, I knew you were smart, and beautiful, the sex was just an added bonus." He said, smiling. I laughed, "You're just saying that." I said. "No, I'm not. I'm dead serious. Before we ever decided to be in a relationship, I felt like we were already there. I know it took me a long time, and I'm sorry for that, but I wouldn't trade that for the world." He said. Just then he leaned down and gently kissed me, putting his hand on the small of my back. I returned the kiss as I realized it was the moments like this that I loved with him. The times he would open up and show me what was deep inside.

By the time we got back to the house Sam and Zoe were nowhere to be seen. I knew what that meant and I chuckled to myself. "Yeah, everyone's getting laid but me." Dean said sounding upset. I looked up at him, "You know, you could change that." I said. He smiled, "No, I want to see where it leads if we don't." He said. I was shocked, "What?" I asked. He laughed, "You heard me." He said. "Yeah, I know I heard you. Just, what?" I asked again. He shook his head and kissed me again. Now that I knew what he was planning I wanted him more than ever. How weird things like that worked. "Okay, well I'm going to bed. I am not sober, and I am tired." I said smiling and headed inside.

My time spent in New Orleans was amazing. I didn't want to leave but I knew I only had a few more days until I had to go back to work. Zoe and Sam had, apparently, hit if off really well. Dean and I were just having fun again. We had explored so many places that we had gone together. Dean had surprised me by taking me by the house I had lived in. Of course it was occupied, and I didn't want to stop anyways. There were memories there that I didn't necessarily want to relive, but driving by and remembering all the happy times was just as good. I had opted on sitting in the back seat for the trip back, I didn't cry when leaving family, until I got far enough away to not be able to turn around. On this occasion I really didn't want anyone seeing me cry. I was finally at peace with the direction my life was going and where I had ended up. I laid to rest a lot of the bad shit that had happened and I was finally feeling okay, but it was all so very bittersweet. It would probably be a long time before I got to come back, which was okay because we all had our lives, I just wish, sometimes that it wouldn't have to be so far for me to go home.

As we hit Little Rock, the tears threatened to fall. I saw Dean watching me in the rear view mirror and I quickly looked back down at my notebook. He knew what was going on, this wasn't the first time he had ever seen me like this, so he knew to just keep driving. Lori had decided to stay behind for a while. I didn't blame her, if I didn't have a job and just bought a house, I would have stayed too. Dean's phone rang, it was a fairly short conversation with a lot of, "What is it?" "Oh, okay, yeah we'll check into it." I knew it was a job. "Whose hungry?" He asked when he hung up the phone. "Starving actually." Sam said. I nodded and put my notebook in my bag. We pulled into this little place way out of the way and piled out of the car. As we walked in Dean stopped me and nodded to Sam. "Hey, are you okay?" He asked. I nodded and smiled, "Yeah, I just wish I would have had more time with them, so what is it this time?" I asked. He smiled, "I'll tell you inside when I tell Sam okay?" I nodded as we headed inside.

I wasn't to thrilled about what they had to do, especially with Dean's past. "So how are we going to get in?" Sam asked. I looked at him, raising an eyebrow, "Seriously, you have to ask him that?" I asked Sam. "I know, I just wish it would be a better idea." Dean laughed, "Well do you have a better idea?" He asked. I shook my head, "You are seriously crazy. You know what they'll find." I said. He nodded. "And your an asshole, just so you know, you're doing this and I can't join in on the fun." I said. Dean laughed, "Have you ever even been in jail?" He asked. I looked up from my phone, "Have you?" I asked. He nodded looking confused, "There's your answer. Dean, I'm not as sweet and good as every one thinks. Do you not remember my dad being pissed because I got arrested for stealing." I rolled my eyes, "stealing for him, getting caught and he's pissed, anyways, yes." I said. Sam laughed, "Jesus, you're like a female Dean." he said. "Shut up Sam. I am not. I'm cuter." I said winking at Dean and putting cash on the table and getting up.

We were sitting in our hotel room, when I looked at Dean, "You realize that you could be in jail for a while?" I asked. He nodded, "Yeah, I know." He said. I sighed, and closed my eyes. "Teag, it'll be okay. I've got to do this." He said. "Yeah, I know. Well you don't have to, but you're going to anyways. What the hell am I supposed to do though? Obviously I'm not leaving until you get out, whether that be two days from now or two weeks from now." I said. "Yeah, well you have a job." He said. "Fuck my job Dean. I'll figure that out, but I'll be damn if you're sitting in jail and I just go back to Kansas without you. Not going to happen." I said. "Teagan, you do realize I have a criminal record right. It's not like their just going to be like, 'Oh okay you can go.'" He said. I nodded, "I'm not stupid. Mine isn't as bad as yours but they wouldn't just let me go either." I said. He laughed, "I never said you were stupid, but what the hell is on yours?" He asked. "Well, mostly fights. Underage drinking, assaulting a cop, hmm." I said thinking. "Wait I don't have any of that on mine." He said. I laughed, "Yeah, well I'm not known for having a great temperament. When I get mad I get mad." I said. "Assaulting a police officer though? When did that happen?" He asked. "Well a couple of times actually. I'd rather not talk about it." "Oh we're talking about it." He said kissing me. I shook my head as I returned his kiss.

He pulled away, "We're not home yet." He said giving me that devilish smile of his. "Dammit." I said. He laughed, "What's the matter?" He asked. "I don't like this, that's what's wrong." He smiled again, "We'll have all the time in the world when we get home." I shook my head and kissed him again. He placed his hands gently on my hips, "You are going to make this very hard aren't you?" He asked. I laughed and nodded as I slowly began kissing his neck. I heard him groan and I smiled. Just then there was a knock at the door and I scooted away from Dean as he got up and answered the door. It was Sam, "You ready?" Sam asked. Dean looked back at me, "I'll be here." I said smiling. "Give me a sec." Dean said. Sam nodded and went out to the impala. "I know you hate this idea, and I'm sorry. If there was another way, but there's not." He said. I nodded and kissed him, "I know. I'll be here when you get out." I said. He kissed me hard and walked out.

Of course they got arrested, and of course Dean got into a lot of trouble. The past that the police dug up was not pretty. I was just waiting patiently now. It had been almost a week, I had to call the hospital and make up some bullshit excuse. Luckily they bought it, but I wasn't to particularly happy with the fact that I couldn't go back. I had talked to their attorney and did all I could do, so instead of worrying about it, I knew it wouldn't get me far. I was laying on my stomach on the bed in the motel we had originally got. Just as I pulled up a page on my laptop to see if there was anything else I could do I heard someone at the door. I grabbed the gun from the table beside my bed and cocked it. I quickly and quietly moved over to the door and stood beside it. The door swung open and I turned towards the person entering, gun pointed straight at their chest. "Son of a bitch Teagan!" Dean exclaimed. I quickly uncocked the gun and placed it back on the table, "Son of a bitch? Dean, I didn't know who it was and I don't take chances." I said. He shook his head and sat down.

"What's going on?" I asked. "Nothing I just spent a week in jail, I'm tired and I need good food." he said. I rolled my eyes, "I thought food was food with you." I said as I sat down at the table. "Well I haven't ate anything since this morning, so there's that." He said. "So explain to me, how did you get out and should I be thinking about living alone?" I looked at him. I was glad he was out but was unsure of where we were going. "No, after they found out what we did to save their asses we were let go." Dean said. I looked at Sam and he nodded. "Okay, can we go home now?" I asked. "Tomorrow." Dean said as he lay back on the bed. He looked at my laptop, "So trying to figure out ways to get us out?" He asked. "Yeah that's all I've been doing this entire week. I've slept maybe two days, nothing I did worked. Obviously." I said. "I think we all need some sleep and we'll leave in the morning." Dean said. I nodded, "Yeah." I answered softly and sat there looking at Dean.

It only took Dean a few minutes before he was asleep and Sam looked at me, "Are you okay?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah, why?" "Because I know when something is different with you, you're getting tired of this aren't you?" He asked. "Honestly, just a little. I understand why he did it, but I never know if my life is going to be turned upside down by a stupid plan." I said. "I know, I hated it to, but we got through it and we got out." Sam said. I nodded, "I know that Sam, but I missed an entire week of work. I mean luckily I'm a good liar but that doesn't help the fact that I'm screwing up my career. Obviously I'm not going anywhere, but I don't know. I don't know." I said and shook my head. "Well you know Dean loves you. I know you love Dean, you knew what was coming when you stayed with him." Sam said. He sounded a little pissed off. Great, is this what was going to happen now? "Look, I didn't say I'm going anywhere. You can be pissed if you want, I don't care. Look I'll take your room, you stay here." I said grabbing my stuff and heading to what was Sam's room. Once inside I locked the door, I knew if they wanted in bad enough, they would get in, I just didn't have the energy to care right now.

Bright and early the next morning, I was awake with all of my stuff packed. There was a knock at the door, I grabbed my stuff and headed out. "Hey." Dean said grabbing my arm, "What?" I asked. "Sam told me what you said." "Yeah, I'm sure he did. Look, he may have gotten mixed signals but I'm not going anywhere. I'm just afraid that everything I've worked so hard for is going to slip through my fingers." I said and walked to the impala. I threw my stuff in the back with me and got in. Sam got in the front seat and Dean got in, right before we took off Dean turned in his seat to face me. "Look, tell me now, is this what you want?" He asked looking sad. I licked my lips and shut my eyes, "I don't know Dean, is this what you want?" I asked. "More than anything." "Fine." I said and put my headphones on. I wasn't doing this right now, I wasn't going to fight and make this a miserable time. I wasn't sure anymore what Dean wanted from me. I knew he wanted me to have a normal life, but it's kind of hard to do that when you're fiance is always gone.

We finally made it to Kansas, as soon as we got home I went upstairs and unpacked my bag. Dean and I hadn't really talked the entire trip. I wasn't mad, I wasn't really feeling any particular way, just tired. I had the weekend to relax and get as much sleep as possible and go back to work on Monday. I took a quick shower and had just gotten dressed when Dean walked in. "So are we going to talk or just play the quiet game?" He asked. "What is there to talk about?" I asked. "We need to talk about where we're going. I'm sorry that this week sucked for you, it sucked for me, but it's part of my job and you know that." He said sounding a little on the angry side. "I know it's part of your job, I just sometimes wish that it wasn't. I don't know how I'm feeling really. I'm not mad, I'm not upset, I don't know." I said. "Well you're feeling something." "I know I am, I'm feeling confused. I'm being selfish, that's it. I shouldn't be and I'm sorry." I said. I knew what I wanted, I just didn't know how to say it. I'm the one that knew what I was getting myself into, and it was fine when I was doing the same thing. "No, Teagan, I understand. You shouldn't have to do this every time I have something new to go do. Look, maybe we should spend some time apart to figure out what we really want. I don't want you to marry me unless we're both on the same page." Dean said. "Wait, are you breaking up with me?" I asked. "Yeah, I think we need to focus on what it really is we want. You know this is my life, the only thing I've ever been good at, and you have your career. I'm sorry." He said as he grabbed his bag and went to walk out.

I was shocked, how did this turn into a break up? All I wanted was some time with him, and now we weren't going to be together, for who knows how long. My heart was broken, it felt like the night he broke up with me when I was in college all over again. "Fine." I said quietly and watched him go.

I walked downstairs and grabbed a beer from the fridge when I heard footsteps. I quickly turned around and saw Sam standing in the kitchen entryway. "Where did Dean go?" He asked. "Uh, you don't know?" I asked in reply. "No, I was taking a shower." "Oh, well he broke up with me. So I don't know." I replied. "He what? Why?" "You tell me, I told him I felt like I was being selfish, and the next thing I knew he told me we needed time apart to figure out what we want, because pretty much neither of us are compromising on our lives." I could barely finish the sentence without the tears forcing their way out. I wiped my eyes, "Sorry." I said smiling. "Don't be sorry. God Teagan, I have no idea what's going on with him for once, I'll find out though. Mind if I take your car?" Sam asked. "Sure. Whatever, I'm going to finish my beer and go to bed, there's a house key on the ring." I said handing him my keys and taking my beer upstairs with me.

I finished my beer and laid in bed for what seemed like forever. I didn't feel anything still. No sadness, no heartbreak, no anger, I was just numb. After all the things I had done, and everything I sacrificed to be with Dean, I was the one getting dumped again. Two miscarriages, his past, his job. I looked at the engagement ring on my finger and slipped it off. I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to fix things this time. I was done making everyone happy and putting myself last. I always put myself last and for what? To be hurt in the end, to be thrown away in the end. I had enough. I looked at the clock, it was only ten o'clock at night. I got up and put on some clothes. As I got downstairs I remembered that Sam had taken my car. I quickly called him, "Hey, I need my car." I said. "Okay, well I found Dean, we're coming home." He said. "Well, I don't care what he does, I just need my car." I said and hung up.

Ten minutes later I heard them walking in. "Teagan, I'm so so sorry." Dean said. I nodded, "It's fine. I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that I always put myself last just to get hurt in the end. Dean, I'm done playing. You constantly hurt me when all I want is to have someone here with me every night, and when I try to tell you how I feel I feel guilty. But whatever right? I'll get over it. You want to be done, fine. I'm done. I'm going out." I said and headed for the door as Dean just stood there. "Teagan, no. Wait." He said as he followed me outside. "Wait for what? Wait for you? I've waited for years for you. I have had my heart broken so many goddamn times over the years, that I'm not really surprised I don't feel anything anymore. All I wanted to tell you earlier is that sometimes, sometimes I just want it to be you and me. No hunting, no career. When I finally get the chance to see what it feels like being with you all the time I get used to it and then it's ripped away from me again. Instead of me being able to express that to you, you left. You broke up with me. Dean I do so much for everyone when all anyone does for me is throw me away when it's convenient. I'm done. My engagement ring is in the bedroom. I don't know when I'll be home." I said and got in my car and pulled away.

I drove around for a while before I finally stopped at a small bar. I walked inside and sat down at the bar. Not ten minutes had passed when my phone began ringing nonstop, so instead of bringing it inside with me I left it in my glove box in the car. I didn't want to hear anything from Dean or Sam. I wanted to be upset, I wanted to feel what I felt and not have to talk about it. As I was drinking my drink a guy walked up to the bar. "Hey beautiful, how are you?" He asked. I laughed, "I've been better, how are you?" I asked. "Better now that we're talking." He said smiling, "by the way, my names Louis." "I'm Teagan, nice to meet you." I said taking a sip of my drink. It was so loud inside, with the music blaring and everyone yelling their conversations at each other. It was the typical bar scene. Young girls wearing barely any clothes just to get unwanted attention from men. "So, I'm surprised, you're not dressed like everyone else here." Louis said. "No, I'm not. I believe that bad things are going to happen to most of these girls. Maybe not tonight, but at some point." I said. This felt good, to just talk to someone. Be normal.

Louis and I ordered round after round of drinks and had finally moved to an empty table in the corner. "So I have to ask, why is such a beautiful girl like you, here by yourself?" "Because I like the loneliness." I said smiling. "I don't believe that. There's sorrow in your eyes that you can't hide." He said. I looked down at my drink for a second and back at Louis, "Sorrow and loneliness are my only real friends anymore. Why are you here alone?" I asked. "Well, I'm here because there's no where else to be." He said smiling. "I don't believe you. There's no girlfriend? No home?" I asked. "No girlfriend, but I do have a home. It's just to big and to lonely for me. Unlike you I don't like the loneliness and sorrow. My wife passed away a year ago and since then I go to work and I come here." He said. "Oh, I'm so sorry." I said. I felt really embarrassed, "Thank you, I miss her, but I know she would want me to move on. So here I am, talking to you." He said. I laughed, "That's kind of you, but my fiance just broke up with me tonight." I said, just then the bar door opened and in walked Sam and Dean. I quickly looked down at my drink, "Hey what time is it?" I asked Louis. "Midnight, why?" He asked. I shook my head, "No reason."

"Nice to know you can move on so fast." Dean said walking up to us. "Dean, leave me alone." I said. "No, I'm not going to leave you alone. I came home to talk to you and this is where you runaway to?" Just then Louis stood up, "Hey, she asked you to leave her alone." He said. "Mind your own damn business." Dean snarled at him. "Or what, you're going to beat me up? Go for it, but it's pretty damn obvious that she's sad and you aren't really helping." He said. "So she'll tell you how she's feeling but not her own damn fiance? Fine, fine!" Dean said. "Dean I didn't say shit to him, apparently to anyone paying attention it's apparent that I'm not happy. You wouldn't know though because your so goddamn focused on yourself!" I shouted as I threw money on the table, grabbed my stuff and went outside. "That is not true Teagan!" Dean exclaimed, shoving the bar door opened. "Yeah it is! I go to work, I come home, I cook just to see you happy, but then when it's time for you to leave, it's a quick bye and see you later. I'm sad because my life is turning out nothing like I had planned. I guess I thought that in some fucked up way I would be chosen over the hunt, but how very _very_ wrong I was!" I shouted as I walked towards my car.

The tears had began to fall again. "Teagan, you knew that it would never happen that way." Dean said. Sam looked at him and then at me. "I have to ask you something Dean. You've never loved Teagan more than the hunt? How is that even possible? I know it's the only thing you know, but sometimes you can break the bad habits. I went to college and I met Jessica and I never, ever missed hunting. Then, then I made the decision to go with you and nothing has been the same. Until Teagan came along. She's the only sane one. I would give anything to have someone like Teagan, and if that meant stopping all of this, I would." Sam said. Dean looked at me and then at Sam, "I do love Teagan, more than anything. I just enjoy what I do." He said. I nodded, "Dean I understand, but at the same time, when do I come first? When I was pregnant, god that was awesome, but since then. Things have gone back to the way they were before we were dating. It's almost like sex and that's it. I almost feel as though, you've lost interest." I said. "Teagan, you are the longest relationship I've ever had. Look can we talk at home?" He asked. "Fine." I said heading for my door. "No, come with me." He said. I looked at Sam as he nodded, I handed him my car keys and walked with Dean.

"So do you still want to spend time apart?" I asked as we drove home. "I don't know, I said it because I was pissed off. I thought you were overreacting, but the more I think about it, the better the idea sounds." He said. I nodded. "So why are you taking me home then?" I asked. "Because we do need to talk." "About what exactly? I don't feel like there's anything to talk about. You want to spend time apart, means you want to break up. I don't see how you can really have a conversation about that." I said. Dean sighed, "I'm sorry Teagan." "No, you aren't. Dean, it's happening all over again. The first time you broke up with me was just like this. I knew history would repeat itself." I said. "Teagan, please, don't cry." He said. I laughed, "Why not? You always want to know how I feel? Here it is in it's rawest form." I said as I turned and looked out the window as we got to the house.

I quickly got out and almost ran inside, behind me I could hear Sam ask Dean what happened and Sam almost yelling at Dean. I got upstairs, quickly changed and climbed into bed. I pulled Dean's pillow to my chest as the flood gates opened. I heard Dean walk in and I pushed his pillow away. "Sorry." I mumbled. "For what?" He asked. "Getting your pillow wet. I should have just used my own." I said. He sat down on my side of the bed, "Teagan, I don't want to do this, but I feel like it would resolve some unsaid fights between us. The tension has been high for a while." He said. "Bullshit Dean, you're lying through your teeth and you know it." I sat up, "Everything has seemed fine until this last stupid job. I mean, you seemed weird when we were visiting my family, you would barely touch me and when you did it was like you were just trying to reassure everyone that everything was fine. I think that, for me is what made everything different. You have never done that to me, so unless there's someone else what was that all about?" I asked. "Teagan there isn't anyone else, I wouldn't do that to you. I don't know, at first it started out as a harmless thing, I wanted to see how hard it would be for you and how amazing our sex would be after wards, but then it kind of felt like you weren't really fighting it anymore." He said. "Oh my god, seriously. Do you have any idea how many times I laid in bed next to you while you slept and wondered what I had done?" I asked. "I'm sorry." He said. "So is this what it's all about, mixed communication again, lack of communication I should say?" I asked. He shrugged, "I don't know, I still feel like something is missing between us." He said.

It was like a punch in the stomach, "What?" I asked. "I feel like the spark isn't there anymore." He said. "Why? I'm so confused Dean." I said. "I guess because I know you aren't happy I feel like maybe the spark is gone." He said. "That's the thing Dean, I am happy, I just sometimes wish I had more alone time with you." I said. He turned and looked at me. "Fine, I'll compromise with you, we take some time apart, and then, you can have me all to yourself." He said. "Whatever Dean. I'm done fighting for you, if that's what you want. Fine." I said and laid back down in bed as he walked out, slowly.

I walked downstairs the next morning to Sam sitting in the kitchen, "Oh, hey, I didn't think you would be here." I said. He smiled quickly, "I wasn't going to leave you alone." He said. I nodded, "Where did Dean go?" I asked. "I have no idea. He didn't tell me." Sam said. He gave me this pitiful look and I shook my head. I put my headphones on and went back upstairs. I grabbed the box of pictures out of the closet and began looking at them. "Why did I ever let you inside my heart..." part of the song fit perfectly with my feelings. I smiled with tears in my eyes as I began looking at the pictures from when we first got together. The first one was a black and white of Dean and I laughing. Those were the good times, I just didn't understand what happened between then and now. The next one was him kissing me on the cheek as I smiled into the camera. Picture after picture brought back memories that I just couldn't make go away.

It would take a long time for me to understand what had happened. It seemed like things were going so well, up until last night. I hated feeling so broken. To think the one person in the world that always saved me from the brokenness is the person that caused it this time. Just then my phone beeped with an email, I quickly read it, and decided to take the hunt. I wanted it so badly right now. Luckily it wasn't to far away, it was in Topeka. A rogue vampire. I quickly packed a bag and stepped into the hallway, I noticed Sam's door was closed. I quietly went downstairs, and noticed the coast was clear. I made it out to my car and hopped in. As I was backing out I noticed Sam coming into the garage. I couldn't look at him as I pulled away and left.

Chapter 13

2 Weeks Later

I had taken time away from work. I told them I was having to take care of my sick aunt. They bought it and were very understanding. The day I left for Topeka had been the last time in two weeks I had been home. I was on my way there now. I had taken time for myself, and find myself. I had got the vamp and a few others. I pulled into the driveway and got out. I grabbed my bag and my gun and went inside. "I don't know Dean, she left two weeks ago. You think maybe it has something to do with what you did?" I heard Sam ask. "Damnit Sam, I don't know but we've got to find her." My heart sank as I heard Dean's voice. I walked into the living room, bag and gun in hand. "I'm alive, it's fine. I don't need anyone to find me. I found myself." I said. "Jesus Teagan, where have you been?" Sam asked. I laughed, "Hunting, you know the thing I was apparently born to do but pushed it away along with everyone else. Apparently my career was more important." I said looking at Dean bitterly. "Teagan, don't do that." Dean said. "Oh come on, do what? I can't pull a Dean Winchester asshole move?" I asked raising my eyebrows. "Oh, so I'm an asshole?" He asked. "Yeah, pretty much." I said. "Apparently you didn't think that when you left. I saw the pictures on the bed." He said. I had completely forgotten how sad I was until now. I laughed, "What, I can't reminisce about all the good times we had? Yeah, I was fucking sad, I'm entitled to that at least." I threw my bag into the coat closet and shut the door.

"Teagan, you never answered my question, where have you been?" Sam asked as I walked back in holding a beer. I plopped down on the couch and put my feet up on the coffee table. "You know it's surprising how far you can go in two weeks. I went to Topeka first. Got a few vampires, that was fun." I said. "What?" They both asked at the same time. I laughed, "Yeah, who would have known right? Some little nurse ganked three vampires. Anyways, then I went to Wichita, there were some malevolent spirits there. Then I went to Manhattan. That was more pleasure than business." I said smiling. "Bullshit, that last one you're saying just to get to me." Dean said. "No, actually I'm not. I said pleasure, doesn't mean I fucked anybody. I'm not you." I said and took a sip of my beer. "Well you sound bitter." Dean said. "Nope, not bitter, just done with your bullshit." I said. Dean nodded, "Yeah, well you know what Sammy. I'm leaving." Dean said. "Oh, come on Dean, what happened? I thought you were tough? Can't take a little shit, since when did you turn into a pussy?" I asked angrily. "I don't know what the hell you did while you were gone for two weeks, but this isn't Teagan." Dean said. I stood, "Yeah it is, it's just the Teagan you forgot about. The Teagan I hid so I could make everyone happy. This is the Teagan I've always been, just never showed it so everyone could be happy while I fucking suffered. Well you know what I found myself. Thank you." I said and headed upstairs.

Crazy Train was playing when I came back downstairs in skin tight black jeans, black leather calf high boots, and a dark red low cut t-shirt. I noticed Dean was still there, "Well boys, don't wait up." I said and headed for the garage. Before I reached the door Dean was on my heels, "You're not going anywhere." He said. I turned around, "Says who? I don't have a boyfriend anymore. I can do what I want." I said and smiled. He pushed me against the wall and kissed me. I pushed him off of me, "Not this time Dean." I said looking straight into his eyes. "I get it, you want to hurt me like I hurt you. I thought it would be best if we took our time to figure out what we wanted." He said. "Uh huh, yeah I get that, and I found out what I wanted. I want a man whose not afraid to actually tell me what's going on. Not break up with me when shit hits the fan. I want someone whose going to put me first. I'm sorry Dean, you wanted me to find what I wanted, and I just don't think it's you." I said and headed outside. "I'm not leaving." He said. "Fine." I replied as I shut the door.

I came back later, not quite drunk, but not really sober either. I walked in, I meant to be quiet but it just didn't work out that way. It didn't really matter anyways because at the kitchen table sat Dean and Sam. "Aww, look at you two. Sitting there." I said giggling. Dean shook his head. I threw my keys on the counter and grabbed a beer. I sat down in a chair at the table, "So what are you doing?" I asked smiling. "Take your drunk ass to bed." Dean said. "No. Since when do you tell me what to do?" I asked. "Since you came back." He said. I laughed, "That's cute, but no. I do what I want. We're not together anymore remember." I said. Dean slammed his hands down on the table, "Dammit Teagan, I get it alright. I messed up. I'm sorry, what do you want me to say?" He asked. I shrugged, smiling, "I don't know. That was pretty good though." I said. "Teagan, don't." Sam said. I stood, and as I did Sam stepped between Dean and I. "Move your ass Sam. Or I swear to god I will go through you." I said. "Teagan, don't." Sam said again. "Fine." I said throwing my hands up in surrender. He watched me for a minute and then sat down. I grabbed my beer, and walked past Dean. As I walked past I whispered, "Maybe I did do things in Manhattan." Sam groaned and I walked upstairs.

"What the hell does that mean?" Dean almost yelled as he walked into the bedroom where I was changing. I shrugged, "Why not say it since you already think it?" I asked. He stopped and just looked at me. "So this is what it's going to be like, saying hurtful shit just to get to me?" He asked. I shrugged, "Maybe, why not. Dean, you were always the one I ran to when I need someone. When my brokenness became to much to bare on my own, and now I'm broken because of you. I hate you right now." I said, tears forcing their way out. "Teagan, I just wanted to give both of us time to figure out if this was right. I didn't want to break up with you. I didn't. You won't believe me and that's fine, but you don't think it's been hard for me? Going to a motel room, somewhere I grew up and not coming home to you. There were so many times I wanted to call you but didn't. I wanted to stick to my word and give you time to find out if you wanted your career and a hunter, or if you just wanted your career. I wanted to give you time to grow. Apparently you did growing in a totally different way. Have you even been to work?" He asked. I shook my head, "No, I lied. I told them I was taking care of a sick relative. They gave me a month off." I said pulling my shirt on.

I had noticed him staring, I walked up to him and pressed my body against his as I kissed him. He returned my kiss as he put his hand on the small of my back pulling me closer. He pulled away, "Why do you have to prove a point?" He asked. I shrugged, "Because I like to let the person who hurt me know how much it hurt. I like to see people suffer." I said. He shook his head, "Teagan, do you believe me though. I felt like I was suffocating you, and pushing you away at the same time. Either I was here, hovering, or I was gone and distant. I want you to be with me, I want to marry you, but I want you to marry me because you want to, not because you feel like that's what you should do." He said. I nodded, "Dean, I would have never said yes if I felt like I had to. I just want you to understand that there are things I want. I know that hunting is your life, but if we get married, I'm part of your life. I want you to like block out time to be with me. Not thinking about hunting, not talking about it. Just focus on the here and now." I said. He nodded, "Teagan, I love you and all I wanted was for you to know that if you felt like you wanted something different you could have it." I nodded, "I swear to god though, I want to punch you though." I said. He laughed, and pointed to his jaw. I shook my head, "No, I got most of my anger out." I said as his hand moved from the small of my back lower. I smiled. He raised an eyebrow and I nodded.

As we lay there holding each other I looked at Dean, "You know I never did anything with anyone else right?" I asked. He nodded, "I know you a little bit better than that, plus it was me being hopeful." He said. "Have you been with anybody?" I asked, worried. He kissed me gently and passionately, "You think if I had, this would have just happened?" I shrugged, "I don't know Dean." I said quietly. "No, I wasn't with anyone. Besides I couldn't stop thinking about you anyways. There were so many times that I wanted to come here and just push you against the wall and, man." He said trailing off. I laughed, "Oh yeah?" I said. He nodded. I ran my hand down his chest, to his stomach, and then lower. He closed his eyes and moaned. "That's new." He whispered. I laughed, "I know what I want." I said and winked at him as he pulled me on top of him.

"Other than the shit talking you did earlier, I like you this way. It reminds me of when I first fell in love with you." Dean said kissing me. I laughed, "Is that a good thing?" I asked. He nodded as he began kissing my chest. Just then I heard my phone ding with an email. Dean looked at me, "What was that?" He asked. "Email. I'll check it later, it's probably news. It's how I figure out where I want to go." I said. "So are you ever going back to work?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah, as soon as my vacation is over. For now though I want to hunt. I remember why I loved doing it but why I hate it at the same time. It's a love hate relationship." I said smiling. "Hmm, can I go with you?" He asked. I laughed, "No." I said. Dean laid down beside me, "Why not?" He asked. "Because when we hunt together, I want to save you and you want to save me. I need to save myself." I said. "Fair enough, what if I go with you and let you fight on your own?" He asked. "No." I said again. He groaned, "I can see why you want me to spend time with you now, because I don't want you to go." "Oh, how the tables have turned." I said and kissed him.

I rolled out of bed and took a quick shower. As I was brushing my teeth I checked my email. There wasn't anything suspicious in any of the news articles so I got dressed and walked into the bedroom. Dean was getting dressed, "Are you leaving?" He asked. "You want me to?" I asked in reply. "No." He said. "Good, because no. There wasn't anything that stood out to me." I said and put my phone on the side table. I noticed the pictures were on the floor from last night. I stooped down and began picking them up. "We had some good times didn't we?" Dean asked picking some pictures out of the box. I nodded, "You know, we could be like this again." He said. "That's what I'm planning. I've got to just hang back you know. We've got to give each other the space we had back then, but things won't be exactly like that anyways because then, we didn't live together. We do now." I said. "True." He said as he began picking up pictures off the floor. "So I have to ask, do you still want to get married?" Dean asked, stopping and looking at me. I looked at the pictures in my hand, "Of course. I've never wanted anything more in my life." I said as I looked at him, smiling. "Good." He replied and put the pictures in the box and took the ones I was holding and put them in with the others. "Come on, I have something planned for us today." He said. I looked at him confused, "Okay, should I change?" I asked looking down at my jeans, boots and t-shirt. "No, it's perfect." He said kissing me.

I met Dean downstairs, he was talking to Sam so I slipped into the kitchen. I was starving. As I grabbed a water from the fridge Dean and Sam walked in, "Water?" Dean asked. I laughed, "I can't drink all the time." I said. "True, here." Dean said handing my camera to me. "What am I doing with this?" I asked. "Well after you fell asleep last night I charged it for you, we're going to the forest and you're going to take pictures." He said. I smiled, "Really?" I asked excitedly. He laughed, "Yeah, I thought you might like that." He said as he gently kissed me. "Well I'm ready." I said smiling and grabbing another water.

We pulled into the parking lot for the trails. I grabbed my camera right before I got out. As we were walking up to the trails, Dean grabbed my hand. I looked down at our hands and then up at him, "What?" He asked. I smiled, "Nothing." I replied. This was new, Dean never really held my hand. After a while I let go of his hand and pulled my camera up to begin taking pictures. I captured two little girls blowing bubbles and dancing. I smiled as I watched them for a few minutes. Their parents smiled at me as I smiled back. It was getting darker from the shade cast by the trees. I turned and took a picture of Dean, he was watching me. When I lowered the camera, he smiled, "What?" I asked. "Just thinking about how happy you used to and how happy you are right now." He said. I smiled, "Dean I'm always happy, it's just the simple things that make me the happiest." I said. He nodded, "I know, I just wish I could see you like this all the time. You can be so care free sometimes and I miss that. When things were simple between us. Before we began fighting so much." He said looking down at his shoes. "Hey, we're going to fight, it's normal. Yeah sure we're a lot a like but totally different at the same time." I said. He looked at me and nodded. "Come on." He said as he grabbed my hand and led me away from the trail. "Where are we going?" I asked. "We're making our own path, like we always do." He said smiling, "Oh." I replied.

As we were walking I kept taking pictures. Finally we came to a small clearing and stopped. Dean pulled me to him and kissed me. I smiled, "So is this why you wanted to bring me out here?" I asked. He smiled and shook his head, "No, it's just you are so beautiful when you're genuinely happy." He said as he gently kissed me again. I blushed and returned his kiss. After the kiss was over I pulled the camera up and took a picture of us. So many memories came flooding back. I put the camera back around my neck and looked at Dean, "So October?" I said. "Your idea, if you want you can always change it." He said. I smiled, glad that he knew what I was talking about. "No, I don't want to change it." I said. He smiled and kissed me again, "So are you ready to be a Winchester?" He asked. I nodded, "Of course." I said as his hands grabbed my hips as he kissed me on the neck. I had put my engagement ring back on last night and it felt so much better knowing that whatever issues we had were for the most part, gone.

As we were driving back the house I turned to Dean and just looked at him. "I need to ask you something." I said quietly. He quickly looked at me, "What?" He asked, sounding worried. "Well, I just need to know, if I never have kids will you be okay with it? I mean, I want kids, badly, but given the past events I'm not so sure anymore." I said. "Teagan, I will love you no matter what. If that means no kids I'm fine with it. Nothing will ever change my mind about you or us." He said. I nodded, "I just needed to know." I said. "Teagan, I know it still hurts, and I'm sorry things happened the way they did. If I could take back either time I would and we would have beautiful kids right now, but I can't. Whatever you want, I will be by your side through it all." He said. I smiled weakly, "Thank you." I said.

When we got home I quickly grabbed and beer and headed upstairs. I slipped the sim card out of my camera and into my laptop. I began editing the pictures and began printing them on the printer I had bought a while back. As they began to print I went back downstairs and didn't see anyone. I wrinkled my brow and headed back upstairs. We had been gone all day, the sun was just beginning to set as I walked into the bedroom. I saw Dean looking at pictures of us. I smiled and joined him, "What are you doing?" I asked. "Remembering how carefree we were back then. I have always held the weight of the world on my shoulders, but when I'm with you, it all seems to disappear." He said. "Why?" I asked. I didn't understand, especially when we fought. "Because you are the only person in my life that takes that weight for me. It shouldn't be like that Teagan, you carry your own world on your shoulders and that's not fair for you." He said. "Dean, maybe I don't take the weight for you, maybe our love bares the weight of the load so we can be happy. Because when I'm with you nothing else matters to me." I said. "Maybe, I just want to be this way again." He said holding up a picture of us. "We'll get there, I think we're already making good progress." I said.

Dean laughed as he picked up another picture, it was of me sleeping in one of his shirts. "I remember taking this." He said. I laughed, "Oh my god, yeah I remember that day. It was one of those days that you guys had been in town and our dads left to go on a hunt. I skipped school and stayed with you all day. We weren't even dating then." I said laughing again. "I know, but you were so damn sexy laying there in my shirt that I had to remember it forever." He said. I pulled a picture out of the box, "We have some semi-embarrassing pictures." I said laughing. The picture was of me and Dean laying in bed together making stupid faces. He laughed, "I'll only ever have semi-embarrassing pictures with you." He said and kissed me. I smiled against his kiss, "Good." I said as I returned the kiss.

I walked out of the bedroom and went into check on the pictures. Sam was sitting at the desk in front of the laptop, "Hey, what are you doing?" I asked. "Admiring your pictures, hope you don't mind. I was going to look at some stuff but these were up and I can't stop looking." Sam said. "I don't mind." I said. "I'm glad finally figure out that he was being a dick." He said. I laughed, "Yeah, me to." I said and grabbed the pictures. Just then Dean walked in, "Oh there was a party and no one invited me? Typical." Dean said walking up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist. I smiled, "Well you're here now so why don't I go get beers and then it'll be a nice little party." I said and turned to walk out.

As I was walking downstairs my phone rang it was my Aunt Lori. "Hey." I said answering the phone. "Hey, so I'll be back in town in a couple of weeks. I wanted to know if you wanted to work on wedding stuff?" She asked. I smiled, "Sure, I have some great ideas." I said. "Sounds good, I'll talk to you then and you can tell me all about it." She said. "Okay. Love you." I said. "Love you too sweetie." She said and hung up. I grabbed three beers and headed back upstairs.

"Who were you talking to?" Dean asked. "My aunt, so I'm going to tell you before I tell her. I was thinking for the invitations put our favorite picture in it." I said. "Sounds good." He said as I handed him his beer. I handed Sam his beer and sat down in one of the armchairs and took out my phone. "You need your computer?" Sam asked. I shook my head, "No, thanks." I said and went back to my phone. "Okay, just so both of you know, the last two weeks of October are off limits." I said. Dean smiled at me, "Okay." He said. Sam looked from me to Dean and nodded, "Fine with me. You know what, I think the last two weeks of October and the first two weeks of November should be off limits." He said. Dean looked at him, "Why?" He asked. I smiled and bit my lip, "Am I missing something?" Dean asked. "Dude, seriously. You guys aren't going anywhere after the wedding?" Sam asked. "Oh." Dean said looking panicked. I laughed, "It's okay, I'm sure Lori will do something crazy." I said. "Where would we go?" Dean asked. I shrugged, "I have no idea." I said. "Okay, this is going to sound super stupid, considering I should have some idea, but I don't. If you've been together forever and have lived together for a while, do you need to go anywhere? Isn't the honeymoon supposed to be like a time to figure out if you can live with each other?" Sam laughed, "Okay, it's not stupid, but yeah. You're supposed to go away together and just spend time with each other." "Oh, huh." I said and shrugged. "See how casual she is about that. It's like, 'Oh, well what the hell are we going to do?'" Dean said and laughed. I stuck my tongue out, "I know what we would do, I just don't know why we have to go somewhere else." I said and smiled. "Oh my god, Teagan, really." Sam said. I threw my hands up and shrugged, "What. I'm just being honest." I said and pulled my knees up to my chest.

Sam had closed the computer and we were all just sitting there talking, "So I have to ask, how did it go with Zoe?" I asked looking at Sam. He smiled, "Really good." He said. I raised my eyebrow and licked my lips unenthusiastically, "Really good? Sam really? You better say more than that." I said. Dean smiled and took a sip of his beer, "She knows your lying, you know that right." Dean said looking at Sam smiling. Sam groaned, "Fine, yeah she's pretty cool. I just don't know, I spent a couple of nights with her, that doesn't mean I love her or anything. I don't even know her that well yet." Sam said. I nodded, "Well I can arrange something." I said. "No Teagan, please." Sam said. "I'm not going to, I'm not that big of a bitch. Besides, if you want to get to know her, that's on you, not me." I said. "Thanks." Sam said and took a sip of his beer. "So hey, are you guys having like bridesmaids and stuff?" Sam asked. I laughed and shrugged, "I don't know. I mean, really who would I have as bridesmaids? Zoe? Charlotte?" I asked. "Uh, yeah." Sam said. I laughed again, "Can you imagine Zoe's drunken toast? I don't know." I said. "I think we should." Dean said. I looked at him, "Really?" I asked. He nodded, "Yeah, I mean obviously I would only have Sam." He said. "Well," I began, smiling, "why not having Sam and Zoe?" I said smiling bigger. Dean nodded smiling and looked at Sam.

I finished my beer and decided to go to bed. I was tired and excited. In less than four months I would be marrying my best friend. I smiled as I began to change into my pajamas. Our bedroom was dimly lit by a lamp. I pulled my tank top on and climbed into bed. I lay there twirling my engagement ring on my finger. I didn't care what Deans past was, I just cared about his future. If that meant never giving up hunting I was fine with that. I just knew what I wanted now. I wanted to be his wife, and a nurse. Sure I sometimes missed hunting and I would still do it when I felt like it. It wasn't going to rule my life anymore though. As I lay there thinking I heard the bedroom door open and Dean walked in. "What are you smiling about?" He asked, undressing and sliding into bed next to me. "About how in just four months I'll be a wife. And how no matter what is in our past I just want to look to the future. If that means you hunt forever, fine, I just know that I'm headed in the right direction with you." I said. He smiled and kissed me, "Are you sure about the hunting part?" He asked. I nodded, "I've never been more sure of anything Dean. Ever. I know it's what you love doing, being a nurse is what I love to do. As long as you don't ask me to sacrifice that, I won't ask you to sacrifice what you love." I said.

The next morning I woke up to overcast skies and rain beating down against the windows. I went downstairs and made myself a cup of hot green tea and went out to the front porch. I sat down in one of the wooden chairs and watched the rain. This was beautiful to me, more beautiful than sunny skies and birds. I loved the gloomy weather, it relaxed me and made me happier. It was weird, I felt more depressed when it was sunny and hot than I did when it was gloomy and cold. This year would be especially meaningful, and years after. Just then I heard the front door open and Sam came outside, "Woah, hey I didn't know you were out here." He said. I laughed, "Yeah, where are you going?" I asked. "Running." He answered. I nodded, "Mind if I join you?" I asked. "Sure, it would be nice to have the company, I didn't know you ran though." He said. I laughed, "Not a lot, but sometimes when I disappear that's where I go." I said. "Wow, I learn new things about you all the time." He said. I nodded, "I'm not an open book like most people." I said. "None of us are." He said. "True, give me a second and I'll go change." I said. He sat down, "I'll wait." He said smiling.

I had just laced up my sneakers when Dean rolled over and looked at me, "Where are you going?" He asked, half awake. "Running, with Sam. We'll be back." I said and jumped up. "Mmm." He said and was back asleep. I smiled and headed back downstairs. As I got outside I looked at Sam, "You ready?" I asked. He nodded and stood. We took off jogging.

We were walking back up to the house, the rain hadn't stopped so we were soaked. I didn't mind. "How weird is that our lives turned out this way?" Sam asked. "Eh, not really weird. I mean, we all kind of knew we would end up hunters, but never in a million years would I have thought you would drop out of college and begin hunting again." I said. Sam nodded, "Yeah, I would have never thought in a million years you would be a nurse and marry my brother." He said smiling and gently nudging me. "Why?" I asked laughing. "Because, I knew you two had feelings for each other, but I never saw it going to far." He said. "Yeah, I guess." I said. As we walked into the kitchen I smelt breakfast and my stomach growled. "Something smells good." I said and grabbed a water. "What has my brother done to you? Running?" Dean asked looking concerned. I laughed, "Sam didn't do anything to me. Dean I run more than you think." I said. "Really?" I nodded, "Really." I said and grabbed some breakfast.

The rain didn't let up all day and I didn't mind at all. I was laid out on the couch reading when Sam and Dean came in. "Well you look comfortable." Dean said. I nodded and turned the page. He cleared his throat and I looked up, "Yes?" I asked. "Uh, well, I was wondering if you wanted to do something other than read?" He asked. "Like what?" I asked. He shrugged, "I don't know." Dean said. I hurriedly sat my book down and jumped up. "Oh, my, god! I have the perfect idea!" I said, my eyes as round as saucers. "What?" Sam and Dean asked slowly. "Let's build a fort!" I exclaimed. Sam laughed, "Oh my god, we used to do that all the time." He said. Dean looked from Sam to me, "Really?" He asked, his brows furrowing. Sam smiled, "Yeah, when you, dad and Teagans dad would be gone, we would build forts, eat popcorn and read." Sam said. "You two sound like nerds, but fine." Dean said. I laughed and jumped up and down. I ran upstairs and grabbed blankets. I came down, arms full of blankets and pillows. I threw them on the floor in the living room smiling from ear to ear. Dean laughed, "You are really excited about this aren't you?" He asked. I nodded enthusiastically, "Yes! I haven't built a fort in a really long time!" I said and began pushing furniture together. Just then the doorbell rang. I groaned, "Dammit, always ruining my fun." I said fake pouting and walking to the door.

It was just the pizza guy. I paid him and took the pizza. As I went back into the living room Sam and Dean were trying to make the fort, Dean looking exasperated and Sam silently laughing. I put the pizza down on the coffee table and walked over, "Look." I said and helped Dean. After it was finished I was the first one to crawl inside with the pizza, Sam and had brought beers into the living room. I looked at Dean, "You've never made a blanket fort?" I asked. He shook his head, "No." He answered. "Well, you know, there's a first time for everything." I said smiling. I grabbed a slice of pizza, and just before I took a bite I began to laugh, "Sam remember that time we didn't build that fort so well and it collapsed on us?" I asked. He snickered, "Yeah I remember that, and there were so many blankets it took us at least five minutes to get out from underneath them." He said. I giggled, "Yeah, I had a mini panic attack remember!" Sam laughed a little harder, "Yeah I remember that, even after I fixed it you wouldn't come in for a while." He said. I "I know! I didn't want it to fall again!" I exclaimed, "You two had fun didn't you?" Dean asked. "Sorry." I replied. "No, no, I think it's funny. I never knew." He said. I shrugged and looked at Sam, "Yeah, we had to figure out a way to have fun. We didn't really have parents and nothing to do." I said. "True." Dean said.

"I'm sorry if anything upset you." I said. Dean laughed, "No, I'm not upset, I just didn't realize you two were so close." He said. I nodded, "If it weren't for Sam I probably would have gone insane." I said. "How old were you guys?" Dean asked. "I think we were like nine or ten when this whole fort thing happened. Then you guys stopped coming around for a while." I said. I hated when they left. They were always the closest things to brothers I had. Then when Dean and I started messing around I definitely hated when he left.

Just then Sam's phone rang and he crawled out of the fort and went upstairs. I looked at Dean, "You really aren't upset about me talking about the forts and stuff with Sam are you?" I asked. Dean pushed me down on my back and shook his head, "No. I think it's pretty cool actually. I'm a little jealous, but we can make forts now whenever you want." He said smiling. I smiled back, "Really?" I asked enthusiastically as he nodded, "Yes, really." "Oh my god! I have something!" I said as Dean looked at me curiously, "What?" He asked. "Hold on, I'll be right back." I said. I ran upstairs and almost ran into Sam, "Woah, sorry." I said. Sam laughed, "Where are you going and should I not go into the fort?" He asked. I laughed, "No, no it's fine, remember that night light thing I had? It was like stars and stuff? I still have it, I'm going to go find it." I said. "Oh, cool! Okay, Dean and I will be in the fort." He said and continued downstairs.

I finally found it in a box in the back of the closet. I grabbed it and plugged it in, it still worked. I quickly unplugged it and hurriedly went back downstairs. "Hey, I'm going to hand you something, grab it and sit it on the floor." I said as I plugged the cord in and switched it off. I shoved it through the fort and someone grabbed it. I wasn't sure who. I made my way around to the opening of the fort and crawled in. "What the hell is this?" Dean asked. I laughed, "It's a night light, lamp thing. It shows stars, I had it in my room forever and now, here it is in all it's glory." I said smiling and turning it on. It began to turn and the stars showed up on the top of the blanket. I smiled and laid back, "Since it's raining, it's the next best thing." I said. I noticed Dean and Sam laid back also as Sam said, "Man, I remember doing this all the time." Sam said. Dean turned and looked at Sam, "I missed a lot didn't I?" He asked. Sam looked at him and then looked back up at the top of the blanket. I scooted closer to Dean and laid my head on his chest. "It's okay, I'll plug it up in our room." I said. "That's not it Teagan, this is cool and all but I feel kind of left out. You and Sam had so much fun and what was I doing? Hunting." He said quietly. I sighed, "I know, but we can do things now that you didn't get to back then. I mean you didn't miss out on much honestly." I said. He shrugged and I closed my eyes. I felt the pain he felt.

I finally crawled out of the fort and began putting the blankets away. Dean and Sam had gotten out a while ago. I folded the blankets and took them upstairs. I went back downstairs and put the pillows away and picked up my lamp. I took it upstairs and plugged it in and sat it on the table. I smiled and left the room. It was time to eat, so I went downstairs and began making dinner. I had just put the meatloaf in the oven when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around expecting Dean but it Sam, "Hey." I said. "Hey. I have to ask, do you think Dean is beginning to wonder if something more was there for us?" I shrugged, "I don't know." I said. I remembered that we had kissed, but never anything more. "Was there?" I asked. "No, you were always my best friend." Sam said. Just then Dean walked in and grabbed a beer. I turned back towards the ingredients on the counter.

I grabbed the cheese and began grating it as Sam walked out, "So what were you two talking about?" Dean asked. "Nothing, we're both worried that you're beginning to think that there was more between us than just friendship." I said. "A little bit. Was there?" Dean asked. I shook my head, "No. Sam was my only friend, ever." I said sitting the cheese down and bumping the grater with my hand to get all the excess cheese from the inside. "It's just weird to hear all the memories you two have together and our memories are nothing like that." Dean said. I nodded, "I know, but we can change that." I said looking at him as I poured the cheese into the pot on the stove. "How?" Dean asked. "Loosen up for one, and just be spontaneous. You don't have to plan things to have fun. Yesterday was awesome! Today has been awesome. Look, have you ever been to the zoo?" I asked. He shook his head, "Fine, we're going tomorrow." I said and smiled. Dean laughed, "Really? The zoo?" He asked. "Yes, the zoo. Loosen up." I said winking.

We ate dinner, Sam and Dean talked the entire time and I just kind of sat there. I couldn't get out of my head the fact that Dean never really had a childhood. I mean none of us did really, but Sam and I had more of a life than Dean ever could have imagined. I got up and put my plate in the sink and grabbed a beer. I headed upstairs and into the office. I sat down at the computer and began looking at crafting stores in the area. I had to get the ball rolling on this wedding if it was going to happen. I quickly messaged Lori, "Hey can you maybe come into town earlier? I have a lot to do." "Sure, I can be there in a few days. Zoe wants to come with me, is that okay?" She asked. "Yeah, that's fine. See you in a few days. Thanks." I replied and went back to the computer. Just as I began finding the things I needed the door opened and Dean walked in, "Hey are you okay? You didn't say anything at dinner." He said. I smiled and nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine. I just can't stop thinking about how your childhood sucked and it makes me feel bad that I bring things up." He laughed and sat down next to me, "Don't. Besides, we're going to the zoo tomorrow." He said gently nudging me. I laughed, "True. Okay so, Lori is coming into town in a few days. I've got to start getting stuff together for wedding so I'll probably be out a lot. If you want to come with me you're more than welcome." I said. "Uh, we'll see. Shopping isn't really my thing." He said. I nodded, "I know." I said.

I finally walked out of the study, smiling like an idiot. I walked into the living room and found Sam and Dean watching a movie. "Uh oh, why such a big smile?" Dean asked. "Well, I found all kinds of nifty stuff. I probably shouldn't have been left alone that long with the internet at the tips of my fingers." I said. "Jesus, how much did you buy?" Dean asked. I laughed, "Nothing, yet." I said. "Well hey, I wanted to ask you earlier, but do you want to get married in a church?" Dean asked. "Uh, well, no not really." I said. Sam and Dean both looked at me. I sighed, "Okay, I'm deathly afraid of churches. It sounds stupid, but when I was like five we lived across the street from a church for a while and one morning my dad sent me to church and I began screaming and crying and I ran home. I haven't been inside a church since." I said. "What?" Dean asked. "Look before you think I'm some demon or something, I'm not. You're afraid of flying, Sam's afraid of clowns and I'm afraid of churches. I'm just the fucking crazy one." I said laughing. Dean laughed, "Okay, well where do you want to get married then?" He asked. I shrugged, "I don't know." I said. "Well let me know if you change your mind." I nodded, "I will." I replied.

I let them get back to their movie as I went upstairs and changed and slid into bed. I was exhausted. I loved the rain but I always wanted to sleep when it rained. I put my headphones on and closed my eyes and mouthed the words. I was wide awake now, I wanted to find more stuff for the wedding but I knew I didn't need to. I did however need to figure out where we would get married. I giggled to myself as I thought about wearing boots with my dress. It was a good idea considering it would be cooler, but I knew better. My aunt would kill me but I'm sure Dean would love it. I quickly jumped out of bed and sneaked to the office and opened the computer. I began looking for places and found Circle S Ranch. I fell in love, but wasn't sure how Dean would feel going back to his hometown. I quickly began picking out items for the catering and knew from there on I had my heart set on this place. It was beautiful, and I knew it would be even more beautiful in October. The colors of fall everywhere. I smiled just thinking about it.

I had downloaded the booklet for the ranch onto my computer and as I was reading through it and I almost chocked when I saw the price. I got up and quietly went downstairs and grabbed a beer, right before I could get out of the kitchen Dean walked in. "You aren't asleep?" He asked. I shook my head, "No, I was laying there trying my hardest to go to sleep and then I was wide awake. So I got up and I was using the computer." I said. "You're putting a lot into this aren't you?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah a little. I found a place in Lawrence, but the price almost killed me so never mind." I said laughing. Dean laughed, "How bad was it?" He asked. "$11,000." "Holy shit." He replied. "Yeah, you're telling me. I'm looking for other places." I said. He nodded, "Mind if I look with you? The movie is over." He said. "Sure." I said smiling and grabbing a beer for him as we turned and headed upstairs.

I found Alvamar Country Club in Lawrence. It was beautiful and not outrageous. I looked at Dean, "How do you feel about getting married there?" I asked. He looked at me for a long time and then said, "If you love it, I'm fine with it. I think it's pretty cool." He said. I looked at him in shock for a second, "Really?" I asked. He nodded, "Really." Well that was easy I thought. I bookmarked the page and moved on. I found a two tier cake, each layer wrapped at the bottom with brown satin ribbon. It was beautiful so I had a brilliant idea, "Dean! Okay, I know you don't like cake, but this! We could do this and have an assortment of cupcakes and pies!" I exclaimed. He laughed and nodded, "Okay, I think you need sleep." Dean said. I nodded, "Yeah just a little." I said as we both stood and walked to our bedroom.

Before I knew it a couple of days had passed and I was so ready for Lori to be there. Just as I was finishing my sandwich the doorbell rang. I got up and almost ran to the door, I flung the door open and there stood Lori and Zoe. I threw my arms around Lori and hugged her, "Oh my god, finally! I'll let you guys rest and then can we please, please go get the stuff I need?" I asked. Just then Sam and Dean walked in, I could see how Sam looked at Zoe and how she looked at him. There was something unspoken between them and as soon as I realized this I smiled. Lori laughed, "We can go now if you want." She said. "No, no, you guys come in and rest and we can go tomorrow or something." I said. "Teagan, it's fine. Come on." Lori said. "Mind if I stay behind?" Zoe asked. I laughed, "Whatever you want to do. Dean, want to come with us?" I asked, giving him that look that spoke volumes. He smiled at Zoe and Sam, "Sure, can we take baby?" He asked. I laughed and Zoe looked at him confused. "It's his car Zoe. It's his pride and joy." I said smiling, "Oh." She replied as she began to carry her bags inside. "Here, let me get those." Sam said and grabbed her bags. He carried them upstairs and sat them in his room as I looked at Dean. He quickly grabbed Lori's bags and took them to the guest room and came back downstairs, "Ready?" I asked. He nodded as we walked out to his car.

We walked around several stores and I instantly regretted doing this. I groaned, "Why can't stores serve alcohol? It would make this experience ten times better." I said. Dean laughed, "It's not really that bad. I mean, I'm way out of zone here, but whatever." He said. I laughed, "Yeah well I guess." I said. Just then Lori walked up to me, "Okay, so what colors exactly are you looking for?" She asked. I shrugged, "I don't know. Black?" I asked. Dean and Lori both looked at me, "I didn't say all black. I mean white and black. Or even a really dark brown." I said. "Oh, okay, well in that case come here." She said and led me to some material. "Okay, so ideas I've had, white table cloth with black chair sashes, like alternate. One table white table black sashes, black table white sashes." I said looking at Lori, "Or brown, whatever." I said. Just then a sales associate walked up, "Can I help you with anything?" She asked. "Yeah, actually, she's getting married in four months and we need table clothes and stuff like that." Lori said. "Okay, this way." She said and led us to another part of the store. "What colors hon?" The lady asked, "White and like a chocolate brown." I said looking at her. "Oh that sounds pretty. Okay, well we actually do have those colors." She said.

She helped us pick out everything we needed. As we walked up to the register, I pulled out my credit card before Lori could. "Teagan, let me do this." She said. I shook my head, "No." I said and swiped my card. I signed the receipt and handed it back to the cashier. "Okay, so what else?" Lori asked. "Candles? Lori, I don't know." I said. "You do know, you just don't want to feel like your going over board, but let me tell you something. You get married once, well you can get married more than that, but make it special. Make it what you'll want to remember forever." She said. I looked at Dean and sighed. "Fine." I said. We put the stuff in the trunk and got into the car. "So there's this crafting mall, want to go?" Lori asked. "Sure." I said unenthusiastically. "What's wrong?" She asked. "I just hate this, honestly. I feel like I should just make it simple." I said. "That's because you were raised to enjoy the simple things. Trust me Teagan, when the day get's here you're going to be so happy that you did what you wanted." Lori said. I nodded as Dean put his hand on my thigh, "It's okay Teag." He said. I smiled and nodded, "Okay." I said.

We finally got home with everything we needed. Other than the flowers, but we would get those obviously closer to the time of the wedding. Sam and Zoe were sitting on the couch watching a movie. They were curled up together like they had been together forever. I smiled as we walked in, Zoe quickly sat up which made me laugh, "So, Dean and I need to talk to you two." I said. Dean smiled behind me, looking at Sam and Zoe they looked at us worried. Lori went upstairs as Dean and I sat down, "Okay, so obviously Sam kind of knows already, but Zoe would you be my bridesmaid?" I asked. She smiled, "Oh my god! Of course!" She exclaimed and hug me. I laughed, "Thanks." I said. "Wait, what do the dresses look like?" She asked. "Come on, I'll show you." I said, Dean and Sam both looked at me. "I have a dress you haven't seen because I've wore it once. A long, long time ago." I said and headed upstairs.

It was a really good thing we were the same build. With her black hair down the dress looked beautiful on her. It was deep purple color, stopped right above the knees. It was satin and chiffon with a bow on the side that made it look tied. "So why did you buy this?" She asked. I laughed, "It was for a wedding I went to." I said. "Come on let's go show the guys." I said and lead her downstairs. Sam's jaw dropped and Dean looked at me, "Where did you get that?" He asked. "I went to a wedding a long time ago and wore this." I said. He nodded, "Oh." He replied. If Zoe and I had the same hair color we could pass for twins. We both had green eyes, dark wavy hair, short and tiny frames. There were two differences between us. I was darker and my hair wasn't black. "So do you like it?" I asked Zoe. She nodded, "Yeah, mind if I keep it?" She asked. I laughed, "Go for it, it's just hanging in my closet." I said. She smiled and headed upstairs to change back into her clothes. "I know you two have suits so I'm not worried about it." I said smiling and heading upstairs. "Wait, Teagan." Dean said following me. "What?" I asked. "You sure you want me to wear a suit that I wear on the job?" He asked. I nodded and kissed him, "It wouldn't be our wedding if you didn't." I said and smiled.

Chapter 14

October

Luckily we had gotten everything we needed, it's a good thing to we had two weeks left until the wedding and I was getting really, really, nervous. Dean and Sam had gone on a trip so that left Zoe, Lori and I to finish up what was left to finish. The only thing I couldn't finish without Dean was cake flavors and the menu for the reception. Bobby had agreed to walk me down the aisle. The flowers had been ordered and to be delivered the day of except for the bouquet I would carry and the small bouquet Zoe would carry. I woke up to find that it was raining. I groaned and quickly checked the upcoming forecast, cold. Great, I thought, hopefully it wouldn't be to cold.

I went downstairs and found Dean, Sam, Lori, and Zoe sitting at the table. "Well damn, no one could wake me up?" I asked. Dean smiled, "Good morning." He said standing and kissing me. "Morning, when did you get back?" I asked going and pouring myself a cup of coffee. "About an hour ago." He said. I nodded, "Oh, well I've got to talk to you. Not bad, promise." I said smiling at him and taking a sip of my coffee. "Okay, want to talk now?" He asked. "Yeah, sure." I said and headed upstairs.

Once we were in our room I sat down on the bed and covered up, "So, we need to get the cake ordered, we can either do it today or tomorrow. And I need to talk to you about the food at the reception. That's all we have left. Well and Zoe and I need to go find shoes to wear. I was going to wear boots but I figured if Lori saw that she would be pissed." I said. He laughed, "Wear what you want." He said. I shrugged, "I don't know, I kind of want to have my princess day." I said blushing. He smiled, "I love it when you blush." He kissed me. I returned the kiss, "Well, I need a shower and I need to get dressed. I can't start the day looking like this." I said pointing to myself. He nodded, "I'll be downstairs, lets go order the cake today." He said. I nodded, "Okay, I'll be down in a few minutes." I said and got up and headed to the bathroom.

We ordered the cake and got the menu situated, so by the time I got home it was already after lunch. Dean and Sam disappeared for the rest of the day so I stole Zoe and we went shopping. I hadn't yet got Dean's wedding band so I needed to do that also. Zoe and I stopped at a shoe store, as we were browsing I found so many pairs of shoes I loved. "Why don't you dress more sexy?" Zoe asked as I was handling a pair of silver glitter high heels. I shrugged, "I don't know, I don't really ever have anywhere to go." I said. "You don't have to." She said. I laughed, "You're beginning to sound like Charlotte." I said. She groaned, "Yeah, well little secret between us, I wear dresses and high heels just to feel good about myself. Not often, but enough." She said. "Really?" She nodded, "Oh yeah, you should too. I remember going out with you in college and you were smokin." She said. I laughed, "Well thanks, okay, I think I'm ready. I have to stop and get Dean's wedding band." I said. She nodded as I went and paid for our shoes.

We had just walked through the door when I heard Dean pull in, "Damn." I said and ran upstairs with our bags. I safely tucked his ring into the shoe box in the back of the closet. When I got back downstairs, Lori was putting food on the table. I was starving as we all began making our plates. We sat down and right before we began to eat Zoe looked at me smiling, "What?" I asked. "So, I'm thinking bachelorette party." She said. "No, I want to be sober for my wedding, thanks though." I said smiling. She laughed, "Oh no, you will be. I know you to well, but come on, it'll be fun. Actually," she said looking at Sam, "we were kind of thinking about having a bachelor, bachelorette party for you both. Have it together." She said and they both smiled. I looked at Dean and bit my lip, he looked back at me, mischief in his eyes, "Sounds good to me." He said and winked at me. My jaw dropped, "Fine." I said and smiled.

It was getting down to the wire now, we had decided to go out a few days before the wedding. Tonight was the night, Zoe had gone downstairs first, her hair was loosely curled and put up with curls framing her face, she had a black lace dress that stopped just above the knees, the sleeves had crystals all over them, she had put on bright blue suede high heels. I could hear Sam and Dean complementing her. I walked down the stairs, I had picked a black dress that ended just above the knee, one sleeved, the sleeve was belled and made of chiffon. I had picked out hot pink suede peep toe high heels, and loosely curled my hair but left it down. Zoe and I had matching diamond bracelets on that she had bought for the both of us. As I got to the bottom of the stairs Dean and Sam both went quiet as they looked at me. "Damn." Dean said, as I smiled. "You look amazing." Dean said as Sam nodded. I blushed, "Okay, well are we ready?" I asked as Zoe nodded. Zoe and Sam took my car, Dean and I took his car.

On the way to dinner Dean looked at me, "You look beautiful Teagan." He said. I smiled, "Thanks." I said. Dean and Sam had gone with their normal attire, and neither of us cared. Zoe and I liked the way they dressed. "I feel like I should have wore something different." Dean said. I laughed, "No, I love the way you dress. Besides you don't have to dress up to look good." I said and stuck my tongue out at him. He laughed, "Neither do you." He said. I shrugged, "I know, but Zoe made a good point. I should tap into my girly side every once in a while. So I took her advice." I said looking at my hands. "Well, I love the way you dress, weather it's jeans and t-shirts, or dresses and high heels. You will always be beautiful to me, no matter what." Dean said. I smiled, "Thanks." I said as we pulled up to the restaurant.

Dinner had been amazing and now we were heading to a club that Zoe and I had picked. It wasn't huge, but it was nice to go out somewhere different. As we were sitting at a table we were all talking when something came up about how we were dressed and Zoe laughed, "Well I dress like this occasionally, and when Teagan was in college and we would go to parties she would dress like she is now. Dresses and high heels, but it slowly stopped." Zoe said looking at Dean. Dean looked at me, "Is that true?" He asked. "What part?" I asked. "All of it." He replied. "Yeah, I mean I dressed like this when we were together, but then after we broke up I stopped going to parties and stopped dressing like this, but anyways." I said and almost glared at Zoe. "What? I was just saying how you used to dress." She said. I rolled my eyes as the waitress brought our drinks over. She was being super sweet to Dean and as she kept her hand on his glass for a few minutes more than she should have, I cleared my throat, "Thanks." I said and looked at her. She rolled her eyes and walked away.

Zoe and I had just sat down from dancing when the waitress came back and looked at Dean and said, "You need a refill, or anything?" "No, I'm good." He said and smiled politely and as she began walking away I stopped her, "Uh, could I get a liquid marijuana?" I asked. "Whatever." She said. I chuckled, "Well then, the wait staff is super fucking nice." I said looking at Zoe. Zoe giggled, "Aren't they? Regular peaches." She said. I laughed as the waitress almost stomped off. "Okay you two, we don't need any fighting tonight." Dean said looking from Zoe to me. "I'm not, I'm just stating the obvious." I said. Sam looked at me and smiled, "Sam, what's so funny?" Dean asked. Sam shook his head, "Nothing, just Teagan." He said. "What?" I asked widening my eyes. "You don't mess around, when you say you're just stating the obvious that means, you're not fighting but you will if you have to." He said. I laughed, "Yes, I won't fight unless someone throws the first punch." I said. Sam nodded, "Like that time in school when that girl started crap with you in the lunch line, for what again? Glaring at her friends?" He asked. I laughed again, "Yeah something like. I didn't fight her, but I told her 'fuck you' and she stopped and pretty much threw that in my face like it hurt." Sam nodded, laughing, "Yeah, that was pretty funny." He said. I could tell that Zoe and Dean were questioning each other without saying anything. Sam and I noticed and looked away from each other, "Teagan, can I talk to you for a second?" Dean asked. "Uh, sure." I said and stood up and followed him outside.

"I get that you two were friends, but tell me the truth. Was there something else there that I'm missing?" Dean asked a little angrily. "No, Dean. I already told you that. Okay, yeah we kissed once but there was nothing to it. It was more of a 'Hey, you ever do this before?' Nothing else, I swear." I said looking at him. I was upset, I had never seen Dean act like this, especially with his own brother. "Well it's just an odd feeling. Zoe even noticed it." He said. I sighed, "I'm done talking about this." I said, "Well I'm not." Dean said. Just then Sam and Zoe walked out to where we were standing. "Dean, can I talk to you?" Sam asked. "Not right now Sam." Dean said almost glaring at him. "Fine, I'm going to go ahead and say it then. Nothing ever happened between Teagan and I. A kiss when we were like ten, nothing else. You can believe me or you can believe what you want. That's what happened, it's just going to seem different because we were so close. And I've been thinking about it and maybe I shouldn't be your best man." Sam said. My jaw dropped as I looked at him and then Dean, I chewed on the inside of my lip and then spoke up, "You should be in the wedding. This is bullshit, we're close, Dean, whatever. If you and Zoe want to think something else fine." I said and went back into the bar.

I walked up to the bar and looked at the bartender who looked me up and down and leaned onto the bar, "What can I get you?" He asked. "A jager bomb and two scooby snacks." I said. He smiled, "Coming right up." He went to work and came back not even five minutes later with my drinks. I quickly took the two shots and then downed the jager bomb, I finished just in time because Dean, Sam and Zoe came walking up. "Hey, I wasn't trying to ruin the night or start a fight. It's just weird seeing you two look at each other like you were in love." Dean said. I turned to him, "Yeah, I do love Sam, but not like that. Before you came along he was the only one I had to confide in that was there. That's it." I said as the waitress walked up and nudged Dean, "Hey, I'm off, would you want to dance?" She asked. "No, I don't dance." Dean said. "Oh, well buy me a drink?" She asked. "Bitch, do you not see his fiance sitting right there?" Zoe asked. "I wasn't talking to you." The waitress said as I laughed. "Teagan, don't." Dean said. I put my hand up and looked at the girl, "Let me tell you something, I'm not afraid of knocking your teeth down your throat. So if you don't walk away now, that's what's going to happen." I said. She rolled her eyes and groaned, "Your cute and everything, but psycho suits you better." She said and walked away. Dean stopped her, "I wouldn't be such a bitch, she meant what she said." he said. The waitress looked at him shocked and then looked at me, "Whatever." She said as she walked away.

The night had finally lightened up, Zoe and I were pretty tipsy and we were all having a blast. The club closed and we all headed home. Sam and Dean drank beer most of the time but had stopped way before we had since they were driving. When we got home the party wasn't even close to being over. Lori had told us that she would stay in a hotel room that night since she knew there would be a party when we got home. Zoe cranked the stereo up and I went into the kitchen and began grabbing alcohol from the fridge. I poured peach schnapps, vodka, orange juice and cherry flavoring into two glasses and grabbed two beers and went into the living room. "You two are going to be so hung over tomorrow." Sam said. Zoe and I looked at each other and laughed, "No we won't." Zoe said. "Sammy, do you not remember that Teagan doesn't get hangovers, and these two being related tells me that they'll be okay tomorrow." Dean said. I nodded and sat down on his lap, he kissed my shoulder and took a sip of his beer.

Zoe and Sam had gone to bed and I was in the bedroom about to change into a tank top and pajama pants when Dean walked in. I had just taken my heels off and put them in the closet when he walked up behind me and put his hands on my hips. "Did you have fun tonight?" I asked resting my body against his and putting my hands on his. "Yeah, did you?" He asked. I nodded and turned to him, "Can you believe in two days I'm going to officially be a Winchester?" I asked. He smiled, "I know, are you excited?" I nodded, "Yeah, but nervous." I said. "Why?" He asked kissing my neck and then looking at me. "Because, I know it's mainly family, but I don't like being the center of attention." I said. He laughed, "It'll be okay." He said. I sighed, "I know, I'm just ready to be your wife." I said as I kissed him.

It was the morning of the wedding, all the guys had stayed in a hotel and all the girls stayed here at our house. We had drank a little more than I had planned the night before, I felt fine but I didn't want to drink that much the night before my wedding. Lori had already finished my hair, she had loosely curled it and made a braid that went around the sides. I finished my makeup and was ready to go. Zoe had finished getting ready before me so we were all set. I was so nervous as I grabbed my shoes, dress and Dean's wedding band. We all piled into two vehicles. Ellen, Jo, Charlotte and Adriana all piled into a car together as Lori, Zoe and I piled into Zoe's car. As we pulled in at the golf course in Lawerence I spotted Dean's car. My heart began beating faster, today was the day. I wasn't scared, I wasn't going to change my mind, I was just nervous. This was a huge step for both of us and it had my stomach in knots. We got inside with twenty minutes to get dressed. As soon as I had my dress and shoes on there was a knock at the door. Lori slowly opened the door and in walked Bobby. I walked over to him and gave him a huge hug, "Hey kiddo, how are you holding up?" He asked. I nodded, "Good, I feel like I'm going to puke, but I'm good." I said smiling. "That's good, you're doing better than Dean. He's a nervous wreck, I told him I was heading over here to see you so he sent me this." Bobby said and handed me a folded up piece of paper. There was still ten minutes to kill so I sat down in the chair and opened it and began reading: "_Teagan, I know this day is this most important day to both us, and I'm sure you look just as beautiful as the first day I realized I was in love with you. You know I'm not very good with expressing how I feel, but I'm going to give it a shot. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Dad, Sam and I had just come into town because my dad needed to talk to your dad. You were sitting on the front porch with your notebook. You were wearing faded blue jeans tucked into boots and a red t-shirt. Your hair was down and hanging in front of your face. When we walked up on the porch you looked up and straight at me and it was like you were looking into my soul. I wanted to get you away from everyone else and just talk to you, but I didn't know how because I was nervous, just like I am right now. I remember the nights we spent together sneaking away from our family, and I remember the times your dad would look at me and it was like he knew. I never cared though because I knew this day would come eventually. I know we've had our hard times, and I know that I've broken your heart more times than should be right, but I'm glad you've stuck by me no matter what has been thrown at us. I can't wait to see you walking down the aisle towards me. I should have done this along time ago, but I promise to never break your heart or take you for granted. I promise to do anything in my power to keep you safe and give you the life you've always imagined. We both know I may not always be home, but I'm willing to throw it all away right now if it means making you happy. I love you more than I have ever loved anything or anyone, ever. I can't wait to see you." _I had tears in my eyes as I folded the note up. "Everything okay?" Lori asked. I nodded, "Yeah." I answered. "Good, because it's time to go get married." She said smiling. I smiled and quickly but gently wiped the tears away from my eyes.

Zoe had already made her way down the aisle with Sam, Dean was waiting there for us all. The doors opened and I was shocked, there were people there that I worked with, who I hadn't invited but I'm sure Dean went out of his way to do so that this day would be the best day of my life. As the music began to play I smiled, seeing all the familiar faces of family and friends. Bobby led me down the aisle, and as we got closer I could feel the tears threatening to fall. It was everything I had imagined and more, there was a rustic wooden arch decorated with flowers that matched my bouquet, orange tiger lilies and hot pink daisies. We had planned to have the wedding outside but it was to cold so we opted to have it inside. I looked at everyone, and when my eyes finally focused on Dean I could see the tears in his eyes, and the flood gates opened. He looked so handsome in his black suit. Very simple but very Dean.

As Bobby handed me over to Dean, Bobby hugged him and then hugged me and went to sit down. Dean looked deep into my eyes and whispered, "You look absolutely beautiful." I smiled, "You look very handsome." I said. I thought for a split second I could see Dean blush as he smiled at me, his green eyes staring into mine. Just then the ceremony began. "Let us begin. We are gathered here today to take part in that most time-honored celebration of the human family, uniting a woman and a man in marriage. Dean and Teagan have come to witness before us, telling of their love for each other. We remember that theirs is a love whose source is the affection of those who loved them into being. We remind them that they are performing an act of complete faith, each in the other; that the heart of their marriage will be the relationship they create. In a world where faith often falls short of expectation, it is a tribute to these two who now join hands and hearts in perfect faith. Dean and Teagan have chosen a poem to underline their love for each other. Sonnet from the Portuguese by Elizabeth Barrett Browning: How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight for the ends of being and ideal grace. I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need, by sun and candlelight. I love thee freely, as men strive for right; I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise. I love thee with the passion put to use in my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose with my lost saints, - I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears of all my life – and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death." As the preacher was talking I couldn't keep my eyes off of Dean. I was crying and gently wiping the tears away so as not to completely ruin what little makeup I had on. Just then I snapped back into reality as I heard the preacher say, "Dean, will you receive Teagan as your wife? Will you pledge to her your love, faith and tenderness, cherishing her with a husband's loyalty and devotion?" Without missing a beat or any hesitation, Dean looked at me and said, "I will." The preacher smiled at him and turned to me, "Teagan, will you receive Dean as your husband? Will you pledge to him your love, faith and tenderness, cherishing him with a wife's loyalty and devotion?" I nodded and said, "I will." The preacher smiled at me and looked down at his book, "Dean and Teagan, receive each other from your fathers and mothers, who give you into each other's keeping, by saying now, each to the other, words which will tell of your love. Dean, please repeat after me: "I, Dean, take you, Teagan, to be no other than yourself, in all the ways life may find us, tending you in sickness and rejoicing with you in health, as long as we both shall live to love." Dean repeated him perfectly, never breaking his gaze on me. As he finished the preacher then turned to me again, "Teagan, please repeat after me: I, Teagan, take you, Dean, to be no other than yourself, in all the ways life may find us, tending you in sickness and rejoicing with you in health, as long as we both shall live to love." I finished repeating him as I looked at Dean, knowing that this was the day I would never take back.

"Will you now give and receive a ring?" He asked, Dean and I looked at each other and then at the preacher and answered, "We will." in unison. He nodded, "May I have the rings please?" Just then Sam stepped forward and handed the preacher the ring. "Thank you." The preacher whispered and turned back towards us, "This circlet of precious metal is justly regarded as a fitting emblem of the purity and perpetuity of the marriage state. The ancients were reminded by the circle of eternity, as it is so fashioned as to have neither beginning nor end; while gold is so incorruptible that it cannot be tarnished by use or time. So may the union, at this time solemnized, be incorruptible in its purity and more lasting than time itself. Dean, please place this ring on Teagan's left hand and repeat after me: Wear this ring forever, Teagan, as a symbol of love and peace and of all that is unending." Dean finished repeating the preacher and slowly slipped a beautiful diamond ring on my finger, it was simple like my engagement ring, but so very beautiful. I smiled as I watched him and then met his gaze once more. Just then Zoe stepped forward with the ring that I had gotten Dean and the preacher thanked her as she stepped back. "Teagan, please place this ring on Dean's left hand and repeat after me: Wear this ring forever, Dean, as a symbol of love and peace and of all that is unending." I slowly pushed the ring onto Dean's finger as the tears began falling again.

"In the years which shall bring Dean and Teagan into greater age and wisdom, we pray that their love shall be ever young; that they shall be able always to recover, from moments of despair, the passionate ways of youth. In this hope, may they keep the vows made on this day, in freedom, teaching each other who they are, what they yet shall be, enabling them to know that in the fullness of being, they are more than themselves and more than each other; that they are all of us, and that together we share joyously the fruits of life. Inasmuch as Dean and Teagan have declared their love and devotion to each other

before family and friends, by the authority vested in me by the State of Kansas, I pronounce them to be a married couple. I now greet them with you as husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride!" With that Dean gently grabbed me, pulling my body to his, placing one hand on the back of my head and kissed me, passionately for the entire world to see. I returned his kiss and all I could focus on was him, not the clapping around us as our friends and family cheered.

For mine and Dean's first dance as husband and wife I had let him choose the song. He picked Faithfully by Journey. As it began playing he pulled me tight and began singing softly to me. I was smiling from ear to ear, my hands were on his shoulders and his hands were on my hips. The room was empty to me, the only person there was Dean. This day was beyond perfect. I kissed him as his hands gently tightened on my hips, as we pulled away from the kiss he whispered in my ear, "I hope this day is everything you ever dreamed of." I nodded, "It's better than I ever dreamed of." I said and kissed him again.

I had made a slide show from all the pictures from the time we had been messing around to just a few months ago. I had used the song "All I Wanted" by Paramore. Before I had it play I stood up and got everyone's attention, "I have to say a few things before this next song plays. I'm not good at saying how I feel so here goes nothing: Dean, from the moment we first got together up until today, I knew you were the only one I ever wanted to be with. Through all of our ups and downs and bullshit circumstances, you were the only one to ever have my back. You'll never understand how grateful I am to have you in my life. When my dad died, you were right there with me. When all the bad things happen, you are always there to pick up the pieces of what's left of me and put me back together, and make me whole. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be standing here today with an amazing career and amazing friends. You pulled me out of some of my darkest times, you have been the true beacon of light when things were eternally bleak for me. I have loved you from day one and nothing will ever change that. We don't always see eye to eye, but I know our bond is stronger than if we were to be with anyone else. I just want you to know that I love you and I will never stop." I handed the microphone to Lori as I sat down. Just as I got into my chair Dean looked at me, tears in his eyes, and whispered, "I love you too, and I take it you got the letter?" He asked. I nodded and smiled, tears in my eyes, "Of course. I didn't have time to write one, but I hope this just shows a little bit of how I feel." I said as the music began to play and the pictures were projected onto the wall.

There was plenty of laughter and plenty of cooing. I knew it was hard for Dean but he seemed to enjoy it. These photos were obviously not the more private ones, but they were the ones that no one had ever seen before. The last one to show was of us just a couple of days ago that I had Zoe take when Dean wasn't watching. It was before we had left for dinner the night of our joint party. Dean and I were holding onto each other lovingly and just staring and smiling at each other like we had just had a conversation. There was a caption underneath that said, "You are my forever and I will be your always. Mr. Dean and Mrs. Teagan Winchester. 10-30." As the lights came on Dean looked at me and kissed me. "That was beautiful, how did you get the last picture though?" He asked. "Zoe." I said simply as Zoe and Sam smiled at each other and then at us.

The food was amazing, the music was amazing, everything was amazing. Each table was decorated with a white satin table cloth with a dark brown linen table cloth over that. Each chair had a white linen slip cover on it with a dark brown satin ribbon tied around the back. On each table there was a vase of orange tiger lilies and hot pink daisies. Around the vases were little tea light candles. I was completely in love with this day, everything had worked out according to plan and I was so very happy. On the walls there were wreaths decorated with orange leaves, tiger lilies and daisies. Sam looked at me and then at Dean, "Hey, mind if I dance with Teagan for this next song?" Sam asked Dean. "Sure." Dean said and looked at me. I smiled at him, kissed him on the cheek and stood as Sam led me out onto the dance floor as Photograph by Nickelback began to play. "Hey, I want you to have this." Sam said as he handed me a picture. It was of me, him and Dean. I was sitting between them. I was smiling for the camera as they made silly faces. I laughed, "Where did you get this?" I asked. "Your dad took it. He gave it to me not long after." "Thanks Sam, but why are you giving it to me? You should keep it." I said. He laughed, "I have a couple of pictures of just me and you, but Teagan, I think it's time for me to move out and start my own life." He said. I looked up into his eyes, I was shocked and a little hurt. "You know you can stay with us as long as you want." I said, tears filling my eyes. As a few ran down my cheek he gently wiped them away, "Thanks, but Teagan I can't always be there. You and Dean are starting your lives together for real. I'll never be to far away though." He said smiling me and hugging me. "Promise you'll never be more than just a phone call away. Dean needs you and so do I." I said. He nodded, "I promise." As he finished promising me the song ended and we walked back.

There was an awesome mix of rock and classic rock music playing. Zoe and I were out on the dance floor as Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance came on. As we were dancing I looked at her and asked, "So how are things going between you and Sam?" She smiled, "Great, actually. Why?" "Just wondering, I just want to make sure you both are happy." I said. Zoe laughed, "We're both very happy." She said. I nodded, "Good." I said as we went back to dancing. I couldn't stop thinking about what Sam had said to me and how heartbroken I felt.

Dean and I had just finished taking wedding pictures as we got ready to go cut the wedding cake. It was beautiful I didn't want to cut it. It was white almond butter cream frosting with dark brown fondant ribbons around each layer. It was a two layer cake decorated with cascading fall colored, edible leaves. The inside was chocolate with amaretto cream. Instead of serving everyone cake we had cake and on a cupcake stand under the cake there were cupcakes. Some where chocolate cake with almond frosting and some where almond caked with chocolate frosting. I had them made that way so they would match the recurring theme of the wedding. On top of the cake there was a huge W. Luckily as Dean and I fed each other the first piece of cake he didn't shove it in my face like I thought he might.

As we were eating our cake a guy walked up to the table and Dean instantly recognized him. "Sunny! Hey man how are you?" He asked and hugging the man. "I'm good, how are you?" He asked. Dean smiled and looked down at me, "Great." I stood and stuck my hand out, "Hi, I'm Teagan." I said introducing myself. He smiled, "I'm Sunny." He said and shook my hand. I smiled and nodded, "Hey there's food, help yourself, I'll show you around." Dean said and quickly kissed me on the cheek as he walked off with Sunny. I walked over to Sam, "Hey, do you know who that guy is?" I asked him. Sam cleared his throat, "Zoe can you give us a minute?" Sam said. Zoe looked at him and nodded, as she walked away Sam led me away from the crowd, "Dean never told you?" He asked. I raised an eyebrow, "Tell me what, Sam? What's going on?" I asked. "Dean doesn't talk about it much, but I found out when we went on that hunt with the little boy whose mother was attached to him. Her ghost." Sam said looking at me. "Uh huh, and that has something to do with Dean? Jesus don't tell me he has another son." I said. Sam laughed, "Uh, no. When Dean was sixteen dad left us to go on some hunting trip. You know how Dean likes to play poker, well he lost all of our money for food and he was caught stealing. Sunny ran a boys home and Dean was sent there for a couple of months. Dad left him there." I looked over at Dean and sighed, "Oh. No he never told me. At least I don't have to worry so much now." I said and smiled. "What were you thinking?" Sam asked. "Honestly? I thought it was someone needing Dean's help, do you know at least who invited him?" I asked. Sam nodded, "Yeah, I did. Sorry, I should have said something, but I thought it would be a nice surprise for Dean." Sam said. I nodded, "It's fine, like I said, at least now I don't have to worry." I said and walked away.

I slowly walked up to where Dean and Sunny were standing, talking. "Hey, hope I'm not interrupting." I said smiling at Dean and Sunny. Dean put his arm around my waist, "Never." He said kissing me on the forehead. I smiled and put my hand on his waist. "So, I have to ask. How do you two know each other?" I asked. Sunny looked at Dean and Dean looked at me. "All those things in my past that we don't talk about, that's how." Dean said. I laughed, "Okay." I said. Sunny raised his eyebrow, "Dean, man, there's nothing to be ashamed, especially with your wife." He said. Dean sighed, "I got caught stealing and I was sent to live with Sunny at his home for boys. It was two months Teag." Dean said. I nodded, "You already knew didn't you? Who told you?" Dean asked. I rolled my eyes and looked at him, "Seriously, calm down. It's not like I'm going to judge you now. Come on." I said. Sunny laughed, "So I take it you know what he does?" he asked me. I laughed, "I do the same thing. That's how we met, his dad and my dad were partners in crime." I said. Sunny nodded, "Nice, you ever been in trouble with the law?" He asked. I laughed, "Uh, yeah." "Well I would have never known." Sunny said. "Thank you, but there's more to me than meets the eye." "Well, what did you get in trouble for?" He asked. "Fighting, assault obviously, assaulting a police officer. I'm a gem." I said smiling and winking at him. "Well Dean, she sounds like a keeper." He said. Dean smiled, kissed me on the cheek and nodded, "Obviously." Dean said.

Before we were even to our hotel room our hands were all over each other. Dean quickly unlocked the hotel door and gently pushed me inside, his mouth never leaving mine. I wasn't sure if it was because we were finally married or if it was the alcohol. Possibly both. I had loosened his tie and pulled his shirt out of his slacks. I wanted him so bad right now, especially since he was my husband. I smiled just thinking about it, "What?" Dean asked breathlessly, "You're my husband." I said giggling. He smiled and nodded as his mouth found mine. He slowly unzipped the back of my dress, I pulled away from him and slowly, teasingly let it fall to the ground around me. He groaned as he picked me up and sat me on the bed. I hooked my fingers into the loops on his pants and pulled him to me. He groaned again as he reached down and quickly shoved his pants off. I pulled his shirt open and shoved it off as he pushed me onto my back.

"Dean." I moaned as he began moving faster. He couldn't keep his mouth or his hands off me, and I loved it. Just as he moved inside me one last time he let go. I arched my back and let go with him. He slowly laid down next to me and pulled me close to him, "I love you." He whispered, I smiled, "I love you too." I replied as I gently ran my fingers down his chest. He closed his eyes and sighed. "Finally, you are a Winchester." He said and looked at me, his green eyes twinkling. I nodded, "Yes, finally." I said and kissed him. His hand gripped my hip tight as I smiled against his mouth. "It's like this is our first time." He said. I laughed, "Well technically it is." I said kissing him again. He nodded and pulled the sheet over us as he pulled me on top of him.

Chapter 15

December

There was only about a week left until the mark of Dean and I being married two months. Zoe and Sam were living with us because when Sam tried telling Dean that he was moving out, Dean wasn't having it. I knew it wouldn't happen, it was nice having a female in the house. I had gotten Zoe a job at the hospital where I worked as a receptionist. For the last few days Dean and Sam had been gone so we decided to decorate the house for Christmas.

I was grabbing beers as Dean and Sam walked in, "Hey look, you're just in time! We're decorating the Christmas tree." I said as Dean walked over and kissed me. He grabbed the beer from my hand and took a sip. I grabbed two more out of the fridge as I handed Sam a beer. Zoe and I hadn't gotten dressed all day, we were in baggy pajama bottoms and tight tank tops. "So what have you done all day?" Dean asked. I laughed, "Decorated, after Zoe and I decided to get off our asses. Before that we watched movies and ate popcorn." I said, my eyes going wide. Dean laughed, "I love you." He said. "I love you too." I said as I walked back into the living room. I plopped down on the couch and handed Zoe her beer, I gasped, "Oh my god! We should get a real tree!" I exclaimed. Zoe laughed, "You are fucking weird. What the hell did you eat this morning?" She asked. "Nothing but fucking popcorn, remember, you drug me out of bed and made me sit down and watch movies with you. I'm fucking weird because I haven't had normal food." I said looking at her. I noticed Sam and Dean look at each other, "You know, maybe we shouldn't leave them alone together anymore." Sam said. "Shut up. Besides, if we weren't left alone, we wouldn't have the chance to get into trouble." I said and batted my eyelashes. "What happened?" Dean asked quickly. I laughed, "Nothing, the house isn't burnt down and there were no arrests, I'm just saying." I said and laughed again.

"Have you even looked outside?" Dean asked. I shook my head, "No, why?" I asked. "You probably won't be going to get a tree today, it's snowing." He said. I gasped, "Really?" I asked. I loved fall and winter, rain and snow. I jumped up and went to the front door and looked outside, "Well, it's not that bad we could go, but, I'm not tying a tree to the top of my car. So never mind." I said and shut the door. I shivered as I walked back to the couch.

There was enough snow on the ground to have fun outside. "Zoe, snowman?" I asked. She groaned and looked at me, "Fuck you then. I'll build my own damn snowman." I said and went upstairs. When I came back down I hadn't changed, I was only gone for like, two seconds. "Where did you go?" Dean asked. I plopped down on the couch, "Well I went to get dressed so I could go build a snowman, but halfway up the stairs I realized, 'No, I don't want to go outside.' So I didn't change, I just kind of exercised." I said. Dean, Sam and Zoe laughed, "You need food." Dean said. I sighed, "Yeah, I guess." I said and got up and went into the kitchen.

I grabbed some stuff out of the fridge and made a quick sandwich, I was sitting on the counter eating it when Zoe, Sam, and Dean all walked in. "Did you forget we have a table?" Zoe asked. "No, I was sitting here because I can." I said and hopped off the counter. "Is that better mother?" I asked. She smiled and nodded as I rolled my eyes, "So I am going to go to the store, Dean, you want to go with me?" I asked looking at Dean. "Yeah, what are you going for?" He asked. "Stuff for hot chocolate, spiked hot chocolate." I said and winked at him. He smiled, "I'm ready when you are." He said. I nodded and took the last bite of my sandwich and went upstairs to get dressed.

I came back down wearing light colored blue jeans tucked into calf high dark brown boots with buckles, a black short sleeved sweater and my black leather jacket that had a sweater with a hood sewn into it. I zipped my jacket as I walked into the kitchen, I grabbed my dark gray slouchy beanie and put it on. I grabbed my keys and looked at Dean, "You ready?" I asked as I headed for the door. I could feel his eyes on me, and I was right because as soon as we were outside he stopped me and smiled, "You look beautiful and I have missed you so, so much." He said and kissed me. I returned his kiss, "I've missed you to, please tell me you'll be here for Christmas." I said. "I'm going to do everything I can to be here." He said. "Thank you! I don't want to spend Christmas with just Zoe." I said laughing.

We first went to World Market to get the coco mix and then I headed to Kurzweils to pick up some deli meats and cheeses. At World Market I bought stuff for Christmas dinner, I didn't want to wait until the last second, then after we left Kurzweils we went to Lukas Liquor store. I of course spent way more than I had originally planned, but to have a well stocked bar and fridge was always a good thing. As I was driving home I turned to Dean, "Poker?" I asked. "What?" "Poker tonight." I said smiling. "You'll lose but sure." He said and laughed. I nodded, "Yeah, I probably will, but together we could probably beat Sam and Zoe." I said and winked at him. "Yeah probably, so did you invite anyone for Christmas?" Dean asked. I shook my head, "No, why? Should have I?" I asked. "No, just wondering. We've been surrounded by people it seems like since we got married, I just wanted this holiday to be me, you, Sam and Zoe. That's all." He said. I smiled, "Well you're in luck. Besides, I've already done my Christmas shopping." I said and looked at him. "Oh yeah? What did you get me?" He asked. I laughed, "Oh, no, you'll find out when you open your presents." I said as we pulled into the garage.

Sam and Zoe came out to help us unload everything. "Jesus Teagan, did you get enough stuff? I thought you were going for hot chocolate and alcohol." Zoe said. "Well I kind of decided to get food. You know, so no one starves." I said. She laughed, "Yeah, true." After we got everything inside I began putting it away when Cas appeared in the kitchen. He had been acting strange for a while now, but Dean and Sam apparently hadn't noticed. I looked between the three of them. "I'll give you some time." I said as I put the last of the cold things away and went into the living room where Zoe was.

Dean and Sam finally walked into the living room, Dean looked beyond angry. "What's wrong?" I asked. "We've got to go." Dean said. I sighed, "How long?" I asked. "A few days tops." He said. I nodded, "Okay." I said. Dean went upstairs and grabbed his bag. I caught him just before he walked out, "So, you might be home for Christmas?" I asked. "I'll be home, I promise." He said. He kissed me and walked out. I was so mad, it was always something with Cas. I was glad Dean had an angel on his side, but I was beginning to wonder if Cas was more of a pain in the ass or just trying to help. I sighed and began making hot chocolate.

Zoe and I finished our hot chocolate and she looked at me, "Hey, let's get out of the house. Let's go get dinner." She said. I shrugged, "Okay, you drive though." I said, tossing her my keys. I quickly washed our mugs out, grabbed my jacket and we headed out. Halfway there Zoe looked at me, "So Christmas is still important to you?" She asked. I nodded, "Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" I asked. "Come on Teag, after all the bad shit, you haven't lost your love for Christmas? You blow me away, it was always a shitty holiday for you but you loved it." She said. I shrugged, "Yeah, the shitty part hasn't gone away apparently, but nothing will ever take my love for the holidays away. All the monsters ruin hunters on Halloween, but I love it. Thanksgiving and Christmas fucking sucked, sure, but I'm not gonna be like, 'oh well I was so goddamned depressed that I'm going to hate these holidays.' That's never going to happen." I said and continued to stare out the car window. "I commend you. You bring light when everything is swallowed in the darkness and you can't see that. Your love for things makes others love them just as much." Zoe said. I smiled, "Thanks. I'm so glad you stayed." I said. She laughed, "Well I wasn't going to get close to Sam and leave. Besides he's the only hunter I've ever dated, and at least we have a mutual understanding of each other." She said. I nodded, "That's always nice." I said as we pulled up at Bluestem. As we were seated I ordered a red wine.

Dinner had been amazing and we were gone for over two hours. Just talking and enjoying the food. The snow was coming down heavier now so we decided to leave. As we pulled into the garage I looked at Zoe, "You think they'll be home in time for Christmas?" I asked. She shrugged, "If Dean promised you he would be, then they will be. I don't see him breaking that promise." She said as we stepped out of the car and walked inside. I grabbed the candy canes that we had left on the island before leaving and opened them. I took one out of the box, peeled the plastic off and popped the straight side into my mouth as I walked into the living room.

I dropped the candy canes as I noticed there was a real Christmas tree, fully decorated in the living room. Dean and Sam were sitting on the couch, "What the hell. I, I thought you guys were leaving for a few days!" I exclaimed. Dean laughed, stood and walked over to me. "I'm not stupid enough to leave right before Christmas. I told you that so I could surprise you, and Zoe took you out to dinner so that I could. But we saved stuff for you to do." He said smiling. I smiled back at him, "The tree topper and candy canes." I said my eyes lighting up. He nodded, "Yeah but I think you just broke a box." He said. I shrugged, "I have more. Those were for eating." I said. Dean smiled as Sam laughed, Dean walked over and wrapped his arms around me, "Want to finish the tree?" He asked as I nodded.

I went over to the box and picked up the star. I handled it, turning it over and over before I climbed up on the chair and placed it gently on top of the tree. Sam and Zoe were sitting on the couch, Sam's arm around her shoulders, her head on his shoulder. Dean helped me down off the chair and handed me the boxes of candy canes. I opened them and began putting them on the tree, strategically placing them so that they were all around the ornaments but not cluttered together and not to spread out. I wanted to jump up and down, but I didn't. I contained my excitement as I stepped back and smiled at Dean, "It's beautiful." He said. I laughed, "Yes it is, thank you guys." I said. Dean kissed me and whispered, "Anything for my wife." I smiled again, and when I turned around Zoe and Sam were kissing.

Dean and I had gone into the kitchen, I wanted more hot chocolate. I was pouring the hot chocolate into the mugs when I grabbed the bailey's out of the fridge. I poured just enough in each mug and topped it off with whipped cream. I grabbed a spoon, scooped some of the hot chocolate powder out of the tub and sprinkled it on top of the whipped cream. Dean was standing there watching me, "Why is this holiday so important to you?" He asked finally. "Because Christmas fucking sucked growing up. So I like to make other's happy and make myself happy." I said. Dean smiled, "I love the way you can take a shitty situation and turn it around to make it happy. You're amazing." He said kissing me and grabbing two mugs.

As we got into the living room Dean handed a mug to Sam as I handed a mug to Zoe. Sam looked at me, "Well this is new." He said looking at the hot chocolate. I smiled, "I know, we've all been so busy before that I didn't really get to do this before." I said. He nodded, "So this is going to be a new tradition isn't it?" Sam asked. I nodded, "Yes. I want holidays with family. None of us got that, so now's the chance." I said as I noticed Zoe looking at me and smiling. "God Teagan, I'm so glad you're finally happy." She said as I leaned back against Dean, his arm around me, his other hand holding his mug, most of his hot chocolate already gone. "Me too." I said. "This is really good." Dean said. I laughed, "Thanks." I replied.

We were all sitting at the kitchen table now, playing poker. I had made more hot chocolate and Dean had beat us all several times. "Who would have ever thought our lives would have turned out this way?" Zoe asked. I looked at Dean and we smiled at each other and then looked at her, "I mean when we were little." She said rolling her eyes. "Geez, Zoe you jealous?" I asked smiling. "God, no." She said. I faked shock and laughed, "No seriously though, I wouldn't have." I said. Dean and Sam nodded, "Yeah, me either." they said at the same time. "So any plans on kids?" Zoe asked. I looked at Dean as we questioned each other with our eyes, I turned back to look at Zoe and shrugged, "I don't know, we just roll with the punches." I said and looked down at my cards. "What's the matter?" Zoe asked. "Uh, well, I've had two miscarriages." I said. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, no one told me." Zoe said. I looked up and smiled, "It's okay Zo, I'll never be over it but it's gotten easier." I said, although my heart was saying otherwise.

The day had turned out great, now it was time to get ready for my work week. I wished I would have more time with Dean, but I knew I would have Christmas afternoon with him. Since I was a nurse we didn't get days off for holidays and I was perfectly fine with that. Besides I had missed enough work to last a while. I had changed into black pajama pants and a light blue tank top. I had my uniform ready and hanging on the closet door for the next morning when Dean finally walked in. "Hey I have to ask, you really thought I was leaving to go hunt?" He asked. I smiled shyly and nodded, "Yeah, I mean, Cas was here so when you said you had to leave I kind of figured." I said. He laughed, "Nope, actually I had planned this day." He said. "Son of a bitch, is that why Cas has been acting weird?" I asked. "Uh, well that, no. I mean we are dealing with some stuff, but not this week." Dean said. I rolled my eyes and smiled, "Well thank you." I said and kissed him.

Six A.M came to soon. I groaned and rolled over slamming the snooze button on the alarm clock but bolted up when I noticed Dean wasn't in bed. I quickly got dressed in pink scrub bottoms and a black and pink scrub top. I brushed my teeth and hair quickly and went downstairs. There in the kitchen sat Dean, my mug and bag ready for me. "Hey, thanks." I said smiling. He smiled back, "I wanted to help and let you sleep a little longer." He said. I laughed, "Well that didn't all work out to well did it? I noticed you weren't in bed so I got up." I said. "Yeah, sorry." He said. I sat down next to him, "Hey, no, thank you. Honestly if I would have laid in bed much longer I wouldn't have gotten up at all." I said. "How do you do it?" Dean asked. "Do what?" "Get up every morning and do the same thing?" He asked. "Well it's kind of like you, I mean I don't always have the same patients. I see new ones almost everyday. My job isn't much different than yours, I just don't kill monster. For those kids though I do." I said. He nodded, "I see your point. It's not hard though? Knowing that we never got to have our kids and you go and see these kids everyday." He said. I shrugged, "Some days it's hard, yeah sure. Then I remember that maybe there were other plans for us." I said. Dean looked at me shocked, "You really believe that?" He asked. I nodded, "I don't believe in much, but I know that whatever higher power there is chooses what happens in our lives and molds us into the individuals we become." I said. "Wow. I never looked at it that way." Dean said. I smiled and kissed him, "Well now you have something to think about while I'm gone. I've got to get going." I said as I stood and grabbed my stuff.

The next couple of days flew by. Before I knew it, it was the morning of Christmas. I came downstairs carrying at least ten Christmas bags. "What is all that?" Dean asked as Sam and Zoe looked at me. I smiled, "Presents for my patients. The long term patients anyways. They deserve to have a good Christmas even though they are trapped in that stupid hospital room." I said. "Well can I help?" Dean asked, "Yeah us too." Zoe said looking at Sam as he nodded. I smiled bigger, "Uh, sure I wouldn't see why not." I said. "There's a couple of boxes upstairs if you guys can grab them." I said. Dean nodded and slapped Sam on the shoulder and they both headed upstairs to grab the boxes. Zoe grabbed a couple of bags from me and loaded them into my car.

Dean, Sam and Zoe had followed me to the hospital in Dean's car. We had carried everything inside and decorated rooms and put presents on the tables in their rooms. Some of the children were in therapy, other's were getting different treatments. Just before Dean, Sam and Zoe left, Dean quickly kissed me on the cheek, "Merry Christmas, see you this afternoon." He said and they left. I smiled and went to the nurses station and took a seat. I began checking charts and making my rounds.

The families and children were extremely grateful for the little bit of cheer that I had filled their rooms with. The children looked, even if it was for today, a little brighter a little happier. Just as I was about to leave a mother and father of a little girl named Emily stopped me. "We wanted to thank you for what you did for the children today. Emily is extremely happy, thank you." Emily's mom said. I smiled and nodded, "No problem. I love Christmas and I just want to see my patients smiling. I know it's hard, but it's the least I could do." I said. Emily's dad nodded, "This is a little personal, but do you have kids?" He asked. I smiled, "No, not yet." I said. "Well, when you do, their going to know the love of an amazing human being. I heard your husband and two other people helped?" He asked. I nodded, "Yes, my husband his brother and my cousin." I said. He smiled, "Well you all are amazing individuals. Here, we want you to have this but please don't open it until you're home." He said. I smiled, "Thank you, but I can't take it." I said. "Please, we insist." He said. Just then my supervisor walked by, "Is there a problem?" Melody asked. I shook my head, "No." I said. "Yes, she won't take this." Emily's mom said, looking at Melody. Melody looked at me and then at them, "I'm sorry that's the policy. Is there a reason for the gift?" She asked. "Yes, she decorated our daughters room and gave her a present for Christmas. This is our sign of gratitude for cheering up the children in this hospital." Emily's mom said. Melody looked at them for a few minutes and then smiled at me, "You told me your plans, I had no idea you were actually going to do it. You know what, I didn't see anything." She said winking and walking away. I sighed and smiled at them and took the gift, "Thank you. Merry Christmas." I said. They hugged me and went back to Emily's room.

The entire way home I couldn't stop thinking about the children, my patients, sitting in their hospital rooms. Being trapped inside, not able to enjoy this amazing holiday. I was upset but I knew one day soon they would all go home and never have to come back again. At least that was my hope for them, and it was really hard knowing an angel who could save them all but not being able to ask. I pulled into the driveway, grabbed the present from the backseat and walked inside.

I had placed the presents I had gotten everyone under the Christmas tree last night, but when I walked into the living room there were more. I smiled and walked upstairs. I had just changed when Dean walked in. "Hey, what's that?" He asked, pointing the present on the bed. I smiled, "Remember the little girl, Emily, that we gave presents to this morning?" I asked. "Blond hair? Blue eyes? Has been in there from an infection?" Dean asked. I nodded, "Yeah?" He asked. "Her parents gave me that, but made me promise not to open it until I got here." I said. "Well what are you waiting for?" Dean asked. I smiled and shrugged, "I don't know." I said as I sat down on the edge of the bed and wrapped my legs underneath me. I grabbed the present and slowly opened it, carefully. Inside was a beautiful red sweater, a hand drawn picture and a note. I slowly opened the letter and read it: "_Teagan, you are a God send. I know so far, this entire stay, you have been the nurse that Emily loves. I know the present isn't much, but with such short notice it's all we could get. We wanted to let you know that today is Emily's last day in this hospital. The infection is gone and she's going home. I made sure that no one told you so that it could be a surprise. Here is our address, we would like to have you, your husband and whoever else that helped over for dinner as soon as possible. You have almost become part of our family and we can genuinely say that we love you, Emily loves you. You may be young but if you treat everyone so well your future will be bright. Thank you again, from the bottom of our hearts. - Maddison and Clint." _There were tears in my eyes as I finished the letter. They had listed their address and phone number so that I could contact them.

I finally looked up and Dean quickly noticed the tears in my eyes, "What? What is it?" He asked quickly. I smiled, "Emily went home today Dean. They want to have us all over for dinner. They called me an amazing person." I said, sniffing. "Aw, then why are you crying?" Dean asked sitting down next to me and wrapping me in his arms. "Because, I didn't know anyone would do something like that. I love doing things for other people, not getting things done for me." I said. He smiled, "Well Teagan, you impact a lot of people, it's hard not want to do everything for you." He said kissing me on the cheek. I smiled, "Well, if I call them tomorrow will you three go with me?" I asked. He nodded, "Of course I will, you shouldn't have to ask me." He said. I smiled, "Well yeah I guess." I said as I stood.

Zoe and I were in the kitchen finishing up dinner when I turned to her, "So I was invited to dinner at Emily's house." I said. "Oh my god, the really cute little girl?" She asked. I smiled and nodded, "Are you going?" She asked, "As long as you and Sam join me and Dean. They invited us all." I said. Her jaw fell, "Of course I'll go!" she exclaimed. "By the way, how old is she?" Zoe asked. "Six." I replied. "She was such a cutey pie!" She said as she took the rolls out. I had sat all the food on the kitchen table and nodded, "I know right. Apparently she loved me." I said smiling. "Of course she would. You are perfect for your job." Zoe said. I smiled, "Thanks Zo." I said as I poked my into the living room, "Guys, it's done." I said as they almost jumped off the couch and came into the kitchen.

Dinner was fun, there was tons of food. I went a little over board and I knew it. After everything was put away other than dessert we all sat around at the table just talking. "So when exactly are we going to open presents?" Zoe asked. I laughed, "Whenever. I don't care." I said. "Bullshit, you've been dying to open presents since you got home." Zoe said. I laughed again, "Yeah true. Who wants dessert?" I asked standing. "What's for dessert?" Dean asked. I smiled, "Pumpkin pie and apple pie." I said. He smiled, "God I love you." He said and stood. Dean helped me get pie for everyone and we took our plates to the living room and began passing out presents.

I had my camera in my hand as I looked at Dean, "You guys get to open your presents first." I said smiling. "No! You go first!" Zoe said. I shook my head and raised my camera, "I'm taking pictures. I'll go last." I said. Dean smiled and shook his head, "Fine, Sammy you go first, then Zoe, then me and then Teagan." He said. I nodded, "Thanks." I said he nodded and winked at me. I laughed as I began taking pictures. Sam opened the presents from Zoe first, there were two. The first one he opened was a nice watch and the second was a brand new laptop. His eyes lit up as he looked at her, "Thanks." He said opening it. "Your welcome, the other one was old and this one is all set up for you." She said. He kissed her and moved on to the presents from Dean. Dean had gotten him a couple of books and a gift card. Sam laughed and looked at Dean, "Thanks Dean." He said. Dean smiled and shrugged, "I didn't know what else to get you." Dean said. Next he opened the presents from me, I had gotten him a book and a laptop bag. It was dark brown leather and looked worn but it was brand new. "Thanks Teag." He said. I nodded, "Your welcome."

Next Zoe began opening presents, from Sam she got a necklace and a really cute jacket. From Dean she got a gift card to a clothing store and a bottle of rum. We all laughed at the bottle of rum. From me she got a black boho bag that she had been eyeing for months and a gift card to Victoria's Secret. She thanked us all, especially Sam. Sam helped her put the necklace on and then Dean began opening presents.

From Sam, Dean got a new shirt and two new knives. From Zoe he got a bottle of scotch and a journal. He opened mine last, as he did he looked up at me before taking it out of the package. He finally pulled out a Colt 1911 9mm pistol and the next package was a really nice watch. "How did you know?" Dean asked. I smiled, "I pay attention." I said winking. He nodded, "Good because so do I." He said as he kissed me. "Thank you." He said to us but kept my gaze for a few minutes.

Sam bought me a book and a new camera lens. I smiled, "Thanks." I said as I moved on to the presents from Zoe. She got me a gift basket of spa supplies and a gift card to the liquor store. I laughed, "Thanks." I said. Sam and Zoe laughed, "Your welcome, I figured you could use a lot of alcohol." Zoe said and winked at me. I nodded, "Well thank you guys." I said and then moved to Deans gifts. I slowly opened them, in the first one was the jacket I had been looking at for the last couple of months. It was from a korean site, it was super cute. It looked like a hoodie but it was trimmed on the inside with fur and it was super long. I smiled really big, "You pay attention, I get it now." I said smiling again as Dean nodded. I opened the other one and inside was a really pretty leather cuff bracelet. I got turned and looked at Dean, a huge smile on my face. "I love them both so much! Thank you." I said kissing him. He smiled against my kiss, "You're welcome." He said.

Sam was sitting next to Zoe messing with his computer. Zoe was putting stuff from her old purse into her new one when I noticed she stuck pepper spray and a small hand gun inside the purse. "Well it's good to know you always go places prepared." I said as Sam and Dean looked up at me. Zoe laughed, "You never know." She said as she put a small metal container of salt and a small vile of holy water in her purse. I laughed, "So you're going to dig through your purse to get to that stuff? I've seen the inside of your purse, it's not easy to find anything." I said. "Shut up, just because I carry a purse." She said smiling and sticking her tongue out at me. I smiled, "Fine." I said as I sat there putting my new lens on my camera. I had already put my bracelet on and as soon as I got my camera lens on I put my jacket on and wrapped it around me.

It was late and I had work the next day, so as we finished cleaning up the trash I headed upstairs and took a quick shower. I got out, blow dried my hair, got dressed and put my uniform for the next day on the closet door. Dean walked in just as I had laid down in bed. I stretched as Dean slid into bed next to me, "I had a great Christmas, thank you." He said. I smiled and kissed him, nodding, "You're welcome. I had a great Christmas too, thank you." I said. "Hey I'm going to go take a shower, I'll be back to bed in a few." He said and kissed me again.

I woke up feeling like crap. I was burning up, but I was freezing. I groaned and rolled over. I looked at the clock, it was five in the morning. My entire body ached, and I felt so weak. I quickly grabbed my phone and sent Melody a message, "Hey just woke up and I have a high fever. Obviously I won't be there today." I said. Just a few minutes later I got a reply, "Okay, get some rest and just let me know when you'll be back." She said. I was so glad that I had a boss who understood. I slowly got up and threw on a robe and went downstairs. Sitting in the kitchen was Zoe, "What the hell are you doing up?" I asked. "Just woke up, you look like ass." She said. I chuckled, "Thanks, I feel like ass." I said. "Oh god, are you pregnant?" She asked. I laughed, "not like that idiot. Fever, aches, weak. I just need water, acetaminophen and sleep." I said as I grabbed an ice cold water out of the fridge and medicine from the cabinet by the fridge. I sat down at the table and took the pills, "Why would you think I was pregnant?" I asked. She smiled, "I guess I just kind of hope." She said. I shook my head, "Whatever." "Shit your grumpy when you're sick." She said. I rolled my eyes which felt like I was dying, "I'm sorry, I'm going back to bed." I said. "Feel better." Zoe said. I nodded, "Yeah, thanks." I said and headed back to bed.

I woke up to a very loud, very annoying beeping sound. When I finally opened my eyes and realized what it was I hit the snooze button and rolled over, covering my head with the blanket. The light was killing my eyes and I didn't feel any cooler, but I was still freezing. Dean rolled over and went to gently shake me awake when he said, "Jesus Christ Teagan, your burning up." He said. I nodded and groaned. "Are you okay?" He asked. I shook my head gently, "No, I'm sick." I said. "You let the hospital know yet?" He asked. "Yeah, at five. I took medicine an hour ago, but I don't feel any better." I said. He lightly kissed my forehead, "Let me make you breakfast and maybe it will help." He said, gently getting out of bed and throwing some clothes on. Before he was even out the bedroom door I was already dozing off again.

I woke up to the smell of oatmeal and smiled. I sat up as Dean walked in, he sat the oatmeal down on the bedside table and kissed my forehead, "You don't feel as hot." He said. I nodded slowly, "I hate being sick." I said. He laughed, "Yeah Zoe said you were grumpy this morning." "Yeah well, she thought I was pregnant at first." I said and rolled my eyes. He looked at the oatmeal, "Here, you need to eat something." He said. I scrunched my eyebrows together, "What's wrong?" I asked. "Nothing." Dean replied. "Something, you never change the subject like that." I said. He shrugged, "I don't know, I guess I just wish you were." he said. I smiled and kissed him on the cheek, "It will happen, and it'll be amazing." I said. He nodded, "I know. I just wish I could take the past back." "Dean, even if you could it may not have changed anything." I said. "Yeah well dammit I would have tried." He said. "You can't beat yourself up about it. We'll have kids." I said. He nodded, "Okay, but for now you need to eat." He said and handed me the oatmeal. "If you need anything I'll be downstairs." He said and walked out. I looked over at the table and there was a glass of orange juice and I smiled.

It broke my heart knowing that he wanted to be a dad so bad but things didn't work out like we wanted them to. I knew it would happen, I just wasn't sure when. I finished the oatmeal and drank the orange juice and was feeling a little better but I knew it was better to sleep and get rest then get up out of bed. If I wanted to break the fever I had I needed rest. I laid back down and before I knew it I was back asleep.

I didn't wake up again until I felt someone nudging me gently and whispering my name. I groaned and opened my eyes slowly, Dean was sitting on the edge of the bed with soup and water. "Hey, you hungry?" He asked. As I smelled the soup my stomach grumbled, "What time is it?" I asked. "One in the afternoon." He said. I sat up quickly, "Oh my god, I've been asleep all day." I said. He smiled, "It's alright, here you want this?" He asked I nodded as I took the bowl from him. The bowl from breakfast was gone. "Dean you don't have to do this for me." I said. "Yeah I do, in sickness and in health, remember." He said giving me a huge smile. I giggled, "Right, but you don't have to like cater to me." I said. "But I want to." He said. I nodded, "Fine." I said and began eating my soup.

It took three days to get over what ever I had. Luckily it was over a weekend so I only missed a day of work. My fever had broken Sunday morning after spending Friday and Saturday pretty much in bed. I had drank so much water I thought I was going to turn into a fish. I was finally out of the bedroom, I was free. Sam and Zoe had made dinner, as we were eating I was lost deep in thought. "Teagan?" Zoe asked. My head snapped up and I looked at her, "What?" I asked. "You with us?" She asked. "Uh, yeah, sorry." I said. She raised an eyebrow at me, "You feeling okay?" "Yeah." I answered and began eating again. I could see her looking at Dean and he shrugged. "Look, I'm fine. I was just caught in thought, that's it. I feel fine." I said. She nodded, "Okay, well as I was saying, we should go out to dinner tomorrow, meet you after work." She said. I nodded, "Sounds good, just let me know where." I said as I got up and rinsed my plate and stuck it in the dishwasher.

I grabbed the jacket Dean had gotten me for Christmas and went outside. I was bundled up because I didn't want to get a fever again, but I needed fresh air. I was out in the yard when I heard the back door close. I looked up and saw Dean walking down the stairs from the patio. "Hey you okay?" He asked. I smiled and nodded. "Okay." He said. I laughed, "No, I've just been thinking. I don't want to talk about it right now though." I said. "Okay, whenever you're ready." He said wrapping his arms around me. The moonlight sparkled on the fresh snow on the ground. The only thing that had disturbed it was our footprints. I pulled my phone from my pocket and looked at the time. I groaned, "I feel like I've slept three days away." I said. Dean smiled against my neck, "You kind of have." He said. I laughed, "I'm so tired though." I said. "Well come on, lets go relax." He said. I nodded as I followed him inside.

I had decided to just go to bed so that I could get enough rest for the next day at work. I was sitting up in bed reading when Dean came in, "So what was on your mind earlier?" He asked. I put the book down and saw the worry in his eyes. I smiled, "Well I've been thinking and I want to be married for at least six months and then try to get pregnant." I said looking at him. He sat down on the bed and began unlacing his boots, "Really?" He asked. "You don't sound to happy about that." I said as he began taking his shirt off. He threw it in the hamper, "Well, I mean, I am. What changed your mind though?" He asked as he slid his pants off and threw those into the hamper. He sat his boots next to the wall and slid into bed beside me. I laid my head on his chest once he was situated and looked at him, "You did." "If you changed your mind because you think it would make me happy then you shouldn't have." He said putting his arm around me, "What?" I asked. He laughed, "Okay, that came out all wrong. What I meant though is do it to make you happy. I'll be happy when you are. So if you want to try again just to make me happy then that's not fair for you." He said. "I'm not doing it all for you, I'm doing it for both of us." I said. "So why six months?" He asked. "Because, I want to have the experience of being married. I don't know, I guess to give us time to figure out our schedules. I can take time off of course, but I want to make sure you can be there. Not leaving ever other day." I said looking away from him, I felt selfish and that wasn't fair for me. I shouldn't feel selfish for expressing my feelings but I did.

"Okay, six months." He said and kissed me. I smiled, "Thank you." I replied. He laughed, "Teagan, I understand, believe me. I get it. If I were in your position I would want me there to. It's not fair for you for me not to be there." He said I smiled and kissed him, his hands gripped me tightly, "I love you." He whispered against my mouth. I nodded, "I love you too." I answered as my hand slid down his chest slowly and rested on his stomach. His hand ran slowly, gently up my spine. I shivered and kissed him again, as I did he pulled me on top of him and looked at me. I nodded in answer to his unspoken question.

Chapter 16

September

Nine months had come and gone since our talk in December. Three months we had been trying. I was losing hope quickly and it didn't help that Dean had come and gone more times than I could count. Apparently something big was going on but he wouldn't tell me. I knew why he wouldn't tell me and part of me didn't want to know. How could I want to know when so much was on the line right now. I wasn't ready to face the unexpected yet, I just wanted to face a positive pregnancy test, but that wasn't happening anytime soon I could almost feel it.

I got home and walked inside, the house was empty. I didn't like coming home to an empty house. I quickly called Dean and got nothing but his voicemail, I groaned. I called Sam, maybe there was something else going on. Still nothing, so I called Zoe and got the same thing, silence. I quickly sat my bag down and went upstairs and changed into my normal jeans, boots, t-shirt and grabbed my jacket. I shoved my knife into my pocket and my gun into the waist band of my jeans. I quickly dialed Bobby's number and he answered, "Thank God someone answered their phone." I said into the phone. "What's going on kiddo?" Bobby asked. "I came home to no one here, I can't reach anyone on their cell's and there is no note. Have you heard from anyone?" I asked. "Not today, but let me give you a call back. I'll see if I can find anything." He said, "Thanks Bobby." I said and hung up. I tried Dean again, still nothing.

I grabbed my bag with my laptop and headed out to my car. I hopped in and took off, speeding down the street. I drove around for hours, looking everywhere I could think of. Finally my phone rang and as I looked at it my heart sank, it was Bobby. "I found nothing." Bobby said. I sighed, "Okay. Thanks Bobby, if you hear from them, please, let me know." I said and hung up. I drove back to the house and slowly got out. There in the driveway was Zoe's car and Dean's impala. I quickly went inside and they were all sitting at the table like nothing was wrong. I took my knife and gun out and slammed them down on the counter. "What the hell?" Dean asked. "Yeah fuck you all. I tried calling you all because I came home to a fucking empty house. So I went looking for you. I never know, so I figured I would arm myself." I said. I was furious, "By the way where _were_ you?" I asked, glaring at all three of them. "Woah, we just went out for drinks." Zoe said, "Oh, okay and you couldn't answer your fucking phones!" I yelled at her. Zoe stood and walked up to me, "You need to calm the fuck down." She said, "You need to fucking let me know. You've all been acting pretty damn shady lately so you know, I just prepare myself for the worst." I said grabbing my gun and knife and walking out. Before I could, Zoe grabbed my arm, "Quit being such a bitch." She said. I nodded and rolled my eyes, glaring at her, "Don't fucking tell me what to do." I said. Just then Dean and Sam stepped over, "What the hell is going on?" Dean asked looking at me. I yanked my arm from Zoe's grasp, "A simple fucking answer would have been nice. I don't like thinking the worst, but hey, maybe it's good for me. And you know what Zoe, I'm not being a bitch, but maybe I should just stop caring right? Be the fucking heartless bitch I used to be, that's who you really miss right?" I said almost spitting the words out of my mouth, "The old Teagan wouldn't be throwing a goddamned temper tantrum right now." She said. I scoffed, "The old Teagan had nothing to care about. I can make it like that again." I said. "It's not a fucking switch Teagan." Zoe said, "You have no idea do you? It's really easy for me not to care, for me to fall into my bad habits, but I wanted to be more compassionate. Maybe I shouldn't be though." I said and turned to walk upstairs. Dean, Sam, and Zoe were all staring at each other as I silently made my way upstairs.

Miss Nothing by The Pretty Reckless was blaring on my headphones as I walked downstairs and grabbed a beer. I quietly shut the fridge door and began walking out, a scowl on my face. My phone began ringing, I didn't look at it as I ignored the call. I was pissed, it was always like this with Zoe. Just because I had been a hard ass when I was younger didn't mean I should have to be now. I was beginning to think she was right though, I didn't get hurt when I was cold. I looked down at the beer in my hand and changed my mind. I put it back in the fridge and grabbed the vodka. I poured some into a glass with a splash of cranberry juice. I took a sip and thought to myself that maybe I was overreacting, there was so much on my plate right now. Work was weird right now, there was no other way to explain it. Dean and Sam were acting weird, now Zoe was on the weird bandwagon. I had been trying to get pregnant for the last three months and I was stressing about that. I shook my head, it didn't excuse the way either of us acted, but we didn't say sorry.

Zoe and I never apologized to each other, I knew it wasn't healthy but that's just how our relationship worked. Ever since we were kids. Just then I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, I pulled it out and looked at it. It was Morgan from work, she wanted to know if I wanted to go out for a drink and dinner with her. I looked at the clock, it was seven in the afternoon. I shrugged and told her that, yeah I would like that. I was already ready so I asked her where I should meet her. When she said The Cashew, I figured I would need to change, "Should I change?" I asked her. "What are you wearing?" She asked. "Jeans, t-shirt and boots." I said. I sat my mp3 player into the speaker dock on the kitchen counter as Monster began playing, "It should be fine, I'm dressing casual." She replied.

I ran my fingers through my hair and finished my cranberry and vodka. I grabbed my keys and my jacket, "Going somewhere?" Zoe asked smirking at me. "To prison if you fucking speak to me again tonight." I said. "Damn, Teagan, calm down." Dean said. I rolled my eyes, "Look we're sorry we didn't answer our phones, it's not like we were ignoring you." Sam said. "Whatever, I'm going out. I'll be back later." I said and headed for the door. Dean stopped me outside, "Look be mad at them, fine, but I didn't have my phone. I didn't grab it before we left. I'm sorry." Dean said. "I'm not mad at you or Sam, I'm mad at Zoe for butting in. I mean a simple explanation would have been fine, but before you or Sam could tell me what happened she just fucking jumped right on in there and began running her mouth. I'm so fucking close to knocking her teeth down her sassy fucking throat that I'm leaving before I do." I said. Dean laughed, "Even when you're homicidal you're sexy." He said and kissed my neck. I smiled, "You know me. Keeping everyone entertained." I said as I got in my car and backed out of the driveway.

Morgan and I had a great time when I finally saw the time. It was getting close to eleven at night. I had work the next day and needed to get home so I could sleep. I sat my glass down and looked at Morgan, "Hey thanks for inviting me out tonight, we need to do this more." I said. She smiled and nodded, "Hell yeah, bring our husbands next time." She said and laughed. I nodded, "That would be great! Hey, do you're off tomorrow right?" I asked. Morgan took a sip of her drink and shook her head, "New rotation, same as you." She said. "Oh, nice. Well I better go so I can get up on time in the morning." I said. She laughed, "Yeah I didn't know we had been here for four hours already." She said. I nodded, "I know, time flies when you're having fun." I said as I went to sat money on the table, "I've got it." She said. "Are you sure?" I asked. Morgan nodded, "Definitely, you can pay next time." She said and winked. I laughed, "Of course." I said as we hugged and I left.

As I got home the kitchen light was on and I groaned, I walked inside and everybody was sitting at the table playing poker. I sat down, "Want to play?" Sam asked. I smiled, "Of course. One hand but I'll play." I said. Zoe kept looking at me as Sam dealt the cards, "Want to say something?" I asked looking her dead in the eyes. "Nope." She said. I nodded, "Okay. Stop looking at me like you do." I said. "Fine, what the hell is your problem today?" She asked. I noticed Sam and Dean look at each other, "My problem is I have a lot of shit on my plate right now and your fucking attitude before Dean could tell me what happened today pissed me off. With them hunting all the time I never know what might have happened. I was fucking scared okay, but then you running your mouth made me want to shoot you at point blank range and not feel bad about it." I said. Dean and Sam's eyes grew wide as they looked at me. Zoe laughed, "Fine, I'm sorry. I get it, I do. I just thought you were overreacting but after Sam and Dean gave me a little back story I realized you weren't, so I'm going to actually apologize." She said. I nodded, "Thanks, I'm sorry too. But Zoe, you pissed me off." I said. She smiled and threw a pretzel at me, "You'll get over it." She said as I rolled my eyes.

One hand turned into more than three. By the time I finally said I was going to bed it was one in the morning. I had to be up in four hours to get ready for work. I had just changed into my pajamas and slid into bed when Dean walked in. I watched him get undressed and when he finally noticed he asked, "What?" somewhat bashfully. I smiled, "Nothing, I'm just admiring you." I said. He laughed, "Okay." he replied as he slid into bed next to me. "You know though, I haven't been able to admire you in a while." He said. I laughed, "I can make that happen." I said winking. He kissed me, "Oh yeah?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah." I replied as he pushed me onto my back, "Next time." He said as he pulled the comforter over us.

I woke up with my alarm going off. I slammed the button to turn it off, rolled out of bed and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and get ready. I had just gotten my smock top on when Zoe burst into my room, "Teagan, my mom just got into a car accident!" She almost yelled through tears. "What? Oh my god, what hospital is she at?" I asked. "University of Kansas, please come with me." She said. I nodded, "Okay, go, I'm right behind you." By this time Dean was dressed and Sam was right behind Zoe. "You drive like a bat out of hell, come on." I said to Dean.

As Dean drove us to the hospital I called work and told them I wouldn't be coming in today. We got to the hospital and before Dean had even completely stopped Zoe and I were out of the car and running inside. "Ladies can I help you?" The nurse behind the desk in the trauma center asked. "Lori McMillan." I said. She hadn't used her married name in years, she had gone by her maiden name for as long as I could remember. "Right this way." The nurse said rushing us down a hallway. As we stepped into her room, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. The woman who raised me like one of her own for so long was lying in a hospital bed. There were people everywhere working on her. "We're losing her!" The doctor exclaimed. "Mom?" Zoe asked weakly as she went to go to the bed. I was frozen, I couldn't quiet figure out how I was feeling. I was in shock, I was sad, but I was angry. Angry at the fact that the only parent Zoe had left could possibly never come back. Angry at the fact that everyone I ever loved left. It was a selfish thought but it's how I felt.

They had moved us into the waiting area while they tried to get Lori to respond. It seemed like we had been sitting there forever when the doctor walked in. I knew from his expression that it wasn't good. Zoe and I stood and walked over to him, "I'm sorry. We tried to save her." He said quietly. Zoe dropped to the ground on her knees, I went with her, my arms wrapped around her shoulders. There was no sound from her, but the tears were falling. I closed my eyes and willed myself to be strong. Sam and Dean were there by our sides as the doctor left. Zoe was nestled into Sam, still crying as I stood and walked out. As I got outside I felt the urge to vomit, but I didn't. I turned to face Dean who had followed me outside, tears filling my eyes. He quickly wrapped his arms around me, "Cry." he said. I shook my head, "No, I need to be strong for Zoe." "She has Sam, you need to grieve." Dean said running his hand gently down my back, holding me tight. "Both of her parents are gone Dean. My mother like figure is gone. What are we supposed to do now?" I asked. He pulled away and looked into my eyes, "You grieve for what you lost, but you have faith in the fact that no matter what, they will always be a live in your heart." He said. I nodded, I knew he was right, but it was so damn hard. I never had a mother and Lori had been the closest I ever had. Now she was gone, just like my dad, at least they were together now.

Weeks passed, Zoe had buried Lori on the twentieth of September. It had been a beautiful ceremony, as beautiful as it could be for a funeral. A black sleek, shiny coffin being lowered into the ground was never beautiful, it was grim and heartbreaking. Zoe had been quiet for days leading up to the funeral, who could blame her though? Her only parent being lowered into the ground because of someone else's recklessness was a grim reminder of how cruel the world really is. I had taken time away from work to concentrate on being there for Zoe, but she seemed to distance herself from me and cling tightly to Sam. It hurt but I tried to understand.

Today I was in the kitchen making breakfast when Zoe walked in and stopped me. "I need to ask you something." She said quietly as Sam and Dean looked up at her. "What?" I asked. "Why haven't you cried?" Zoe asked looking at me, confusion and anger lacing her voice and her stare. "I have cried, just not around you." "Why? Do you feel sorry for me because I don't want your pity." She said. "That's why I haven't cried around you is because I know you don't want pity, but I have tried to hang on to the last shard of strength I have inside of me to be strong for you." I said. She looked at me shocked, "Oh. I'm sorry, I guess I didn't really give that a thought." She said. I nodded, "Zoe, I'm not out to hurt you more, I'm here to help you. That's why I haven't gone to work. I understand Sam is here for you but I am too. You have always been like the sister I never had, I wouldn't just turn my back and walk out that door every morning. I couldn't do that knowing you're hurting." I said. She threw her arms around me and squeezed me, crying. I wrapped my arms around her and laid my head on her shoulder as the flood gates finally got broken down.

Zoe and I were sitting at the table after breakfast when she looked at me, "How did you get through it?" "What?" I asked. "When your dad died, how did you get through it?" She asked again looking at me. "Zoe, I honestly don't know if I ever got through it. I threw myself into school and then went to college. I threw myself into my life to drown out the sorrow of losing the only person I ever had. So I don't know, I just took care of myself." I said. She nodded, "This is all new for me. Dad was gone by the time I was a toddler so I don't remember losing him, this is hard." She said. I nodded, "It is, but you know your mom wouldn't want you to be sad. She would want you to be celebrating her life." I said as my voice broke. It was hard for me to talk about Lori being gone. I cleared my throat, "Sorry." I said as Zoe smiled at me, "What are you sorry for? For crying? Teagan, you deserve to cry. I understand, she wasn't only my mom but yours too. She loved you as though you were her daughter. And if you're trying not to cry because you feel selfish about it, don't, I want you to cry. I want you to mourn like I am, I don't want you to hold it back." She said. I smiled and nodded, "Thanks." I replied as Sam and Dean walked in.

The day went fairly smoothly, Zoe wasn't back to being Zoe yet, but she was working on it. I knew she would be okay so I decided to go back to work on Monday. Melody had sent flowers to the house and called numerous times to see if we needed anything. I declined politely but was grateful that she understood. People from work had brought by plenty of food so I had frozen most of it and had concluded I wouldn't need to cook for a while. It was barely seven o'clock in the afternoon when I called Melody. "Teagan! How are you?" She asked sounding concerned, "I'm fine, as fine as I can be. Listen can I come back to work Monday?" I asked. "Anytime you're ready to come back you can. How is your cousin?" "She's doing okay. She's not over it obviously but she's doing better." I said. "That's good, if anytime either of you need to talk to someone I'm here. I know how hard it is to loose a parent, just food for thought." She said. I smiled, "Thank you Melody. Thank you for everything, really I couldn't ask for a greater boss." I said. She laughed, "I try. Listen, I'll see you Monday. Come by my office as soon as you get here, I have something for you and Zoe." She said. I smiled, "Thank you again. See you Monday." I replied as we hung up.

I was sitting on the patio looking at pictures when I heard the door slide open, I looked up and Dean walked out carrying beers. I smiled as he handed mine to me and sat down in the chair next to me. "I miss her." I said quietly sitting the pictures down. "I know you do, but I'm pretty sure she knows that." Dean said. I nodded, "I know, it's just weird that she's not here. You and I haven't been married a year and she won't be here to celebrate with us. When I finally get pregnant who am I supposed to call with the awesome news?" I shrugged and looked down, "Teagan, I know it hurts, but you have to believe that everything you do she see's. I never believed it myself but I do now." He said. I smiled and nodded, "I know, I shouldn't be complaining, things could be worse." I said. "That's not what I meant." He said taking my hand and looking at me. "I know that's not what you said, that's what I'm saying. I need to smile when I think of her, she wouldn't want me to be sad." He nodded, stood and pulled me up with him. "You are so strong, and so beautiful, and so very, very wise." He kissed me and pulled me to him. I smiled against his shoulder, basking in the compliments that Dean, the man who hides his true self behind his attitude, gives me any chance he can. He builds people up while the world tears him down, it wasn't fair for him. I looked up at him, "You realize something, you're telling me that I should be happy because Lori sees everything I do, well you know what? You're mom is so very proud of the man you've become. How could she not? Dean while the world knocks you down, you're busy building everyone up. While I try to build you up I feel like I fail miserably, but I want you to know that despite what life throws at you you've become an amazing man. I am so glad you are my husband." As I finished speaking he looked down at me, tears in his eyes, "What's wrong?" I asked. He smiled, "No one has ever said something like that to me. Thank you." He said leaning down and kissing me.

I woke up, heart pounding, body shaking, I looked over to see Dean still sleeping soundly. I took a few deep breaths, slid out of bed and went downstairs. I grabbed my notebook and began writing down my dream. It was more than a dream, it was a nightmare. It bothered me to have a nightmare like that. "_Sam was lying on the ground of the mountain, TNT wires everywhere. He was alive, I think, he looked as though he was just sleeping. I walked by slowly, watching for any sign of life. There were people after them, at least that's what it seemed like. Once again I wasn't sure, I hid behind a tree and watched. Cas was there, but I wasn't sure what was happening. I made it down the mountain somehow, the TNT had been lit. Dean was at the bottom as a boulder fell on him and killed him. There was blood running out of his mouth, but it wasn't _my_ Dean, it was a young child Dean. Sam was little as well. Cas couldn't save either of them, their parents, Mary and John were there. I ran inside, tears streaming down my face. If Cas couldn't save Dean, I would kill myself to be with him." _I looked up as I noticed Sam standing in the doorway to the kitchen. I looked down at the paper, it was like a twisted version of Romeo and Juliet. "What are you doing up at four in the morning?" Sam asked rubbing his eyes. "Nightmares." I said. He nodded, "What did you have one too?" I asked. "No, but I've been there before remember?" He asked. I nodded, I did remember, Dean was so worried about Sam when all of that was going on. I looked down and finished writing, _"I grabbed the colt, put it under my chin and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened, as I looked down into the barrel I noticed it wasn't a real gun at all, it was a toy. This was like a sick laugh in the face. I threw the gun as Mary and John were trying to talk to me. I couldn't recall what they were saying but I remember they were both distraught, almost like I was their child and Sam and Dean weren't." _

I closed my notebook and sat the pen next to it. I made myself a cup of tea and stepped out onto the patio. It was raining, the colors of fall beginning to peak through all the green. I sat down and sat my cup down next to me as I pulled my knees up to my chest. As I did, Sam stepped outside, "Mind if I join you?" He asked. I smiled, "not at all." I replied. "Mind if I ask you what your nightmare was about?" I sighed, "I don't mind, it's just hard. It had to do with you, Dean, Cas and your parents. It was weird, I was in it. I don't know, you and Dean were kids and Dean died." I closed my eyes and shook my head, "Oh, do you think maybe it's because he has died?" I shrugged, "I don't know, that was a while back though you know. I shouldn't be dreaming about it now." I replied, "Maybe you're aunt dying triggered something inside that you've kind of ignored since Dean's been back." "Maybe, I don't know." I said.

"Can I ask you something else? It's been bugging me for a long time, why did you decide not to go to Stanford with me?" Sam asked looking at me. I shrugged, "I don't know, I guess I wanted to be here." "But why Teagan? No one was here." Sam kept looking at me. "Because at the time, I needed to be away from everyone. When Dean would come around it was just me and him you know. Besides, Stanford scared me. If I failed it would mean a lot more." "You wouldn't have failed though, I just don't understand. For so long we planned on going to the same college so we would know someone and then you bailed." He said. "Look I'm sorry, is there another reason why you wanted me to go to Stanford?" I asked as I grabbed my mug. He shrugged, "I don't know, I guess I just needed someone I could trust." He said. "Well I am sorry, but do you honestly think things would have been okay for us if I would have went with you?" "I think things would have been better for us." He said just as the back door opened and Dean walked out. "Hey, everything okay?" Dean asked. I nodded, "Yeah, I just had a nightmare and you were asleep so I came downstairs, made some tea and I guess I woke Sam up." I said. Dean nodded, "Want to talk about it?" He asked. I shook my head, "Not really, It was bad, I'll tell you later when it's a little easier and not so real." I said looking into my cup, "Okay, when are you coming back to bed?" "I'll be there in a minute." I said as Dean nodded and headed back inside.

"When you say things would have been better for us what did you mean?" I asked Sam as soon as I knew the coast was clear. "Nothing, forget it." Sam said and stood. "Whatever Sam, you're getting just about as bad as Dean. You say something but won't say what you really mean." I said as I stood and walked inside. I sat my cup in the sink and grabbed my notebook. I headed upstairs, threw my notebook into the drawer next to my bed and slid into bed next to Dean. As soon as I curled up to him, his arms wrapped around me and I drifted off to sleep.

As I rolled out of bed I knew today would be hard, after mine and Sam's conversation this morning how could it not? There was a hidden meaning in what he said and I need to get to the bottom of it, but with Zoe and Dean around I wasn't sure how to do that. I quickly got dressed, tight gray blue jeans, shoved into black calf high boots with little silver chains around the ankles, a bright red low cut thin sweater. I put on a slouchy beanie and walked downstairs where Zoe and Sam were sitting in the living room but Dean was no where to be seen. "Hey, where's Dean?" I asked. Sam just kind of looked at me and then said, "Out in the garage." He said. There was almost a hidden hostile tone to his voice, that if I didn't know him as well as I did I would have missed it.

I went out to the garage and Dean was under his car changing the oil, "Good morning." I said. He slowly slid out from under his car and looked at me, "Good morning, you know it's only eight right?" He asked as he slid back under his car. I wasn't sure if I was imagining things or not but it seemed like both he and Sam were upset about something, and it had to do with me. I went inside, grabbed my jacket and as I was about to put it on Zoe walked in, "Hey where are you going?" She asked. "For a walk." I replied shortly as I grabbed my shoulder bag and notebook.

There was a wooded area behind our house, so I took off to the back of the house. No one other than Zoe knew I was leaving and I'm sure no one really cared. There was a sinking part inside of me that knew Sam and Dean had talked about our conversation this morning, and that feeling was telling me that Dean took it completely the wrong way, or Sam told him more than he had told me. Either way neither of them were talking to me the way they normally did so I knew I needed to take myself out of it for a little while. It was foggy and rainy still outside and if the drama wasn't happening today would be a perfect day for me. Instead I was having to take a walk and feel sad. I hated feeling sad, it was hard to get myself out of the sadness.

I finally found a dry spot, where the leaves of the tree canopied me from the rain. I sat down on a log and took my notebook out. I stared at the blank page in front of me. I wanted to write so bad, but nothing would come out. Finally the pen began moving as though someone else was controlling it, but I knew that it was just me. "_How many times do I go through this. This fight between brothers, one who says we were only ever best friends and one who I call my husband? One is hiding something from me and the other is just as oblivious as I am. If there were feelings I wish they would just be spoken out loud and not kept hidden from me. I never had feelings for anyone other than Dean, so if he's mad at me for hidden feelings he shouldn't be. His brother and I were just friends, and that's all we'll ever be. I can't change that, but somehow I feel like I should have a long time ago. It wouldn't have changed anything though, I love Dean. Completely, wholly, with everything in me. Sure I loved Sam at one point, but not in the same way. He was my best friend, like a brother to me. Maybe even if I would have felt anything for him before I fell for Dean I would have never crossed that line from friends to partners. I wouldn't want to ruin our friend ship, but apparently I'm ruining it now. Maybe if I were to just explain to Sam that I never loved him like that, he would understand, but after all these years and me being with his brother you would think he would have figured that out. But if it's the same thing for men as women, feelings never just go away." _

I sat my pen down and looked up at the sky as it began to rain harder. The leaves above me trembling with the weight of the drops hitting them. Drops began to fall on the paper and I quickly closed my notebook and shoved it into my bag. It was darker now, the dark purple clouds rolling over head. Thunder clashed in the sky and made me jump as I smiled. Lightening lit up the sky as I grabbed my bag and hurried back to the house.

I made it back just in time, I ran into the garage just as the sky broke and the rain came pouring down. "Where were you?" Dean asked. "Look, you know what, if you're upset with me fine, be upset. I have no idea what the hell I did, but if it makes you feel better, fine. Go ahead. But to answer your question, I was in the woods." I said looking him dead in the eyes, arms crossed, feet firmly planted on the ground. "I just don't understand you tell me that you don't have feelings for Sam but I just can't seem to believe that. He's my brother, you're my wife and I need to know the truth." He said calmly, but with anger in his voice. "The truth is, I have never had feelings for him. He was my best friend, the only person I had to run to when I needed someone. That was before you and I even decided to be together, when me and you were fooling around I talked to Sam about shit that was going on because to me you were just a casual fling. I had feelings for you but I wasn't sure if you felt the same way. This is the last time I'm going to say it, there were never any feelings from me to Sam. Ever!" Dean sighed, "Well why did you agree on going to Stanford with him? He told me everything this morning while you were asleep." Dean said leaning against his car taking a sip of his beer. "Because, he was my best friend! God dammit, I'm done explaining myself, believe what you want. I'm telling you the truth. Did I go to Stanford? No, I came here because you and I were together. I get it, he's your brother you're going to believe him over me, so fine." I said as I stormed inside.

Zoe was in the kitchen and she looked at me, "You okay?" She asked. I shook my head and ran upstairs, tears in my eyes. I didn't understand why this was happening now, it's like they were kicking me while I was already down. I was raging, I was so mad and hurt. I had made myself clear to Sam a long time ago, maybe I should have made myself a little more clear. I thought that me being with Dean he would have understood that there was nothing between us, but apparently, like so many other times before, I was wrong. Right now the one person I needed, was dead. Gone, buried six feet underground and she was never coming back. Zoe wouldn't understand because Sam was her boyfriend so I couldn't really talk to her about all this stupid, pointless drama that was going on. I literally, had no one right now. It was all to familiar, all those times in high school or college I needed someone and no one was there. I wanted to throw something, or punch something, but I wasn't a destructive person. I couldn't bring myself to do any of those things because I knew when everything had calmed down I would regret it.

I was lying on the bed, just about to put my headphones on, tears streaming down my face as I heard a gentle knock at the door. I slowly got up and went to open the door, when I did Zoe was standing there. She walked in and when she did she shut and locked the door behind her. "What's going on?" She asked. "Nothing." I replied quickly. She looked at me knowing that I was lying to I walked downstairs and as I did I heard Zoe talking to Sam and Dean, together, in the living room. I sighed quietly to myself and quickly went out to my car.

I had gotten away, thankfully, when my phone rang. It was Bobby, "Hey kiddo, Dean called me, what's going on?" He asked. I groaned, "Drama, Bobby. If I would have known all of this was going to happen I never would have signed up." I said. "They can be drama queens. Look I know it's a drive, but why don't you come up here to my place. I think you need to just get away for a little while." He said. I smiled, Bobby always seemed to know what I needed. "Okay, I'll be there in a few hours." I said. "I'll have beers." He said as we hung up. I turned the stereo up and began driving towards Bobby's, I'd be there by dinner time.

I finally pulled into Bobby's when my phone began to ring, I looked at the screen and noticed that it was Zoe. "Hey." I said, "Hey, where are you?" Dean's voice came over the phone. My heart sank, "Yeah, I knew you would answer for Zoe, I really can't blame you. Look, come home. Please." He said. I looked up at Bobby's house and back at my steering wheel, "I kind of can't just come home." I said. "Dammit, did you get arrested?" Dean asked. I laughed, "God no, I'm just not in town right now. I'll be home Sunday afternoon, I'll talk to you then." I said. He sighed, "Fine. Look, I'm sorry, I love you." Dean said. "I love you too." I replied and hung up.

I walked inside as Bobby came walking out of the kitchen. "Something smells good." I said as I hugged him. He returned the hug, "Chili, you hungry?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah I haven't ate anything all day." I said. "Yeah, I heard. Dean called me to get my input on the situation, and I told him he was out of his damn mind to think you had feelings for Sam. I honestly don't know about those two sometimes." He said as I followed him into the kitchen. I smiled, "Yeah I know. I don't know what I have to do to make Dean understand. You would think me marrying him would have kind of spoken volumes, but apparently it didn't." I said. Bobby shook his head, "I swear sometimes I think they need the sense knocked into them." I laughed, "Yeah, I don't know if it would help." I said as Bobby's phone rang. He sighed, sounding annoyed and answered. "Dean, uh, yeah, it's fine. I'm here." He said into the phone looking at me. I groaned quietly, the conversation lasted a few minutes and Bobby hung up. "Apparently him and Sam are on their way here." Bobby said. "Bobby, I don't really want to do this here." I said closing my eyes and looking at the floor. "I know kiddo, but at least I'm here to stick up for you." He said. I smiled, "Thanks Bobby." I said as we began to eat.

It seemed like no time when Dean and Sam were pulling in. Bobby was in the living room doing some research and I had volunteered to help. As I heard the front door open my heart sank. "Teagan, why didn't you tell me you were coming here?" Dean asked. I shrugged, "Because I was coming here to get away from this stupid situation, but apparently where ever I go, situations follow." I said looking back at the book. "Can we talk?" Dean asked. "Sure." I said shutting the book and sitting it down on the couch. I sat there looking at him, "Are we going to talk?" I asked. "Alone?" Dean asked in reply. "Let me tell you two something." Bobby said, standing, "You three are like kids to me, but I will not sit back and watch you two gang up on her like this. Sam whatever happened in the past between you two, is in the past and should be left there. Dean, if you can't believe her, you're _wife_, then you have no right to be married." Bobby said and poured himself another glass of scotch. "I knew that was coming." Dean said as Sam looked at him. "Dean, can I talk to you for a second?" Sam asked looking at Dean. They walked away and I heard them whispering as I looked at Bobby.

Dean walked in without Sam, "Sam wants to talk to you first." Dean said looking at me and then at Bobby. I nodded, "You know, this really feels like I'm in fucking school all over again. 'Teagan, the principle will see you now.'" I said and walked past Dean, he brushed my hand with his and when I looked up he was looking at me and mouthed, "I'm sorry." I nodded and walked outside to where Sam was. "What?" I asked a little angrier than I meant. "I think it's time for me to tell you, Teagan, I loved you. I always hopped it would be me and not Dean. As bad as that sounds, we were close for so long and then all of a sudden we grew apart and I thought it was because of Dean. I realized when you didn't go to Stanford that you didn't feel the same about me, but I couldn't shake the feeling. I never told you because I knew I wouldn't have a chance." Sam said, looking at me. "Why didn't you just tell me Sam? It's not like I would have laughed in your face. Before Dean and I ever started messing around I might have given you a chance, who knows. I was scared back then of crossing that line and ruining our friendship if something happened. Then when Dean finally got up enough nerve to talk to me I knew it was him. I'm sorry, I wish I would have known then what I know now you know. I don't want to lose my best friend and I don't want you guys to fight either. You are the only person that I've ever had to talk to, and now that things are so damn tense I don't know what to do anymore. There are things that I've told you that I hadn't told Dean, but now I realize after all the distance between me and you that Dean is the only one I have." I said sitting down on the steps. "Teagan, you'll always have me, I just wish sometimes that it was me and not Dean." Sam said. I threw my arms around Sam and hugged him, "Sam, we may not have ended up together, but be glad for that. I'm a handful and even though we were the same in many ways, we wouldn't have lasted. I'm still kind of surprised Dean and I have." I said. Sam laughed, his hands resting gently on my back, "Me too. So are we good?" He asked. I nodded, "Can we please just go back to being friends?" I asked. He nodded, "I think that's a good plan." He said as he kissed me on the cheek. I looked at him, "Sorry, I had to." He said as he let me go and walked inside.

Dean walked out laughing, "What?" I asked. "So Sam kissed you on the cheek huh?" "Oh my god, yes." I said laughing. Dean sat down next to me and pulled me to him, "Look, I shouldn't have been a douche today. I'm sorry, it's just I feel like sometimes there are some mixed signals and like you guys are hiding something from me." He said looking at me. I shook my head, "No, Dean. I don't hide shit, if there would have been feelings I would have told you. There aren't though, at least not from me. I know he's your brother, but I've always had a thing for the leather jacket wearing, black '67 impala driving, bad boy." I said smiling. Dean laughed and kissed me, "Good, because I've always kind of had a thing for the dark haired, green eyed, bad ass, beauty queen." He said. I burst out laughing, "I agree with all of it except the beauty queen part." I said as he began shaking his head, "No, it's the truth Teagan, do you really not see how beautiful you are?" He asked. I shook my head, "No, not really." I replied. "Well you are and I think part of you knows that." Dean said as he kissed me again and I shrugged.

Chapter 17

November

Things had finally gone back to normal. I was back at work so was Zoe, Dean and Sam had been gone off and on. There was a week until Thanksgiving and I was super excited. Zoe and I were at the supermarket, we had just gotten off work and needed to pick up a few last minute items. We grabbed what we needed and right before we headed for the check out she grabbed a bottle of red wine. I looked at her, "What the hell is that?" I asked. She laughed, "Come on, you've never tried wine?" She asked. "Oh, I've tried it. Didn't like it though." I said. She rolled her eyes and grabbed a bottle of white wine to and put them in the basket. Of course as we were checking out we both got carded. I handed them my drivers license and the guy looked at it and smiled, "I think we went to college together." He said. I smiled, "Oh really? I went to college with a lot of people." I said. He laughed, "Yeah I know, we had biology together, I had such a crush on you." He said as I laughed, "I'm sorry, what's your name?" I asked. "Nicholas." He replied. "I remember you! We worked together a couple of times, how have you been?" I asked. "Good, obviously college didn't pay off so well for me." He said. I laughed, "Yeah, did you graduate?" "Yeah, I have my nursing degree, but just can't seem to find a job." He said. "Well here, come here, we're looking for some nurses." I said as I handed him a hospital card. He smiled, "Hey thanks, have a great Thanksgiving." He said. I nodded, "You too." I replied as Zoe and I walked out.

When we walked inside Zoe was teasing me, "Shut up Zoe, just because I'm nice." I said. "You? Nice?" Sam asked feeling my forehead, I laughed, "Shut up Sam. Yes, I can be nice." I said sticking my tongue out as Dean wrapped his arms around my waist, "I don't believe you." He said as he kissed my neck. I gasped, "I don't like any of you. I can be nice! I just choose not to." I said. "Yeah, unless it's a guy you worked with in college." Zoe said winking at me. Dean looked at me, "What? You were flirting?" He asked acting angry. "No! Some Nicholas guy remembered me, I remembered him." I said rolling my eyes. Dean smiled, "I believe you." He said whispering in my ear. "Good." I said and began putting the stuff away. "So, by the way, Bobby is coming for Thanksgiving." I said looking at Dean. He nodded as I finished putting everything away. I sat down at the table with my notebook and began flipping through the pages. "So what do you write in that?" Zoe asked. I looked up and shrugged, "Just, stuff." I said. "Come on, share with us, please." Zoe said handing me a beer. I looked at Dean and then at Sam and shrugged again, "I don't know." I said quietly. Dean rubbed my back gently, "You don't have to." He said. I shook my head and handed him the notebook, "You guys can read it but I can't read it to you." I said.

The first page I noticed that Dean read was the one with lyrics: "_Always in a rush, never stay on the phone long enough, why am I so self-important? Said I'd see you soon but that was, oh, maybe a year ago. Didn't know time was of the essence. So many questions, but I'm talking to myself, I know that you can't hear me any more, not anymore. So much to tell you, and most of all goodbye, but I know that you can't hear me any more. It's so loud inside my head, with words that I should have said. And as I drown in my regrets I can't take back the words I never said, I never said. I can't take back the words I never said. Always talking shit, took your advice and did the opposite. Just being young and stupid. I haven't been all that you could've hoped for, but if you'd held on a little longer, you'd have had more reasons to be proud. So many questions, but I'm talking to myself. I know that you can't hear me anymore, not anymore. So much to tell you and most of all goodbye, but I know that you can't hear me any more. It's so loud inside my head, with words that I should have said, and as I drown in my regrets, I can't take back the words. The longer I stand here, the louder the silence. I know that you're gone but sometimes I swear that I hear your voice when the wind blows, so I talk to the shadows, hoping you might be listening 'cos I want you to know. It's so loud inside my head, with words that I should have said. And as I drown in my regrets I can't take back the words I never said, I never said. I can't take back the words I never said, never said. I can't take back the words I never said. _It was dated 2006, exactly a year after my dad had died. Right before I started my freshman year of college.

He flipped through the notebook from beginning and stopped on a page dated from 2005, right after Dean and I began messing around: _"I take these pills to make me thin, I dye my hair, and cut my skin. I try everything, to make them see me, but all they see, is someone that's not me. Even when I'm walking on a wire, even when I set myself on fire, why do I always feel invisible, invisible? Everyday I try to look my best, even though inside I'm such a mess, why do I always feel invisible, invisible? Here inside, my quiet hell, you cannot hear, my cries for help. I try everything, to make them see me, but every one, sees what I can't be. Even when I'm walking on a wire, even when I set myself on fire, why do I always feel invisible, invisible? Everyday I try to look my best, even though inside I'm such a mess, why do I always feel invisible, invisible? Sometimes when I'm alone, I pretend that I'm a queen. It's almost believable. Even when I'm walking on a wire, even when I set myself on fire, why do I always feel invisible, invisible? Everyday I try to look my best, even though inside I'm such a mess, why do I always feel invisible, invisible?"_

He stopped reading, closed the notebook and looked at me. I closed my eyes and looked away, and put my hand up, "Before you say anything, I know the second one you read. Yes, you had a part in all of that, but all the bad shit? No, that would have been my dad. It was everyone at that moment." I said. He sighed, "Okay, I get why with me and your dad, but did you really cut? Take pills?" he asked. I laughed and nodded, "Yeah, I smoked weed, popped pills. When I was with you I was sober, but when you were gone, so was I mentally. It was the only way to cope, there were several times I contemplated suicide Dean. Not because of you but because I didn't want to be with my dad anymore." I was lost in the moment, I had forgotten that Sam and Zoe were sitting right there until Sam chuckled, "I remember you had hot pink in your hair." He said as Dean smiled, "I remember that too, I also remember when you changed the pink to red." He said. I laughed, "Yeah, my dad hated it, but I didn't care." I said. Dean handed the notebook back, "Those are good though, how many notebooks do you have?" He asked. "Just this one. As you can see I don't write in it all the time but I take it with me so that no one can look at it, but now that I've let my guard down, I guess I don't have to take it everywhere anymore." I said smiling at Dean. He smiled back, "Well it would be good to take it with you in case inspiration strikes. It's weird that I learn new things about you all the time, you would think I would know everything about you by now." He said. I laughed, "There's things that no one knows about me and may never know." I said as he looked at me, suspicion lacing his eyes.

Dean was propped against our headboard reading my notebook, he had asked and I told him it was fine. He looked at me and handed me the notebook, "God Teagan, some of these are so damn dark and depressing." He said as I slid into bed next to him and looked at the page. I closed my eyes, it hurt reading some of these. This one read: _"I will not leave a letter nothing at all, I'm sure you won't notice that I'm even gone. I won't break this silence we've shared for so long, I will be strong. I will not leave a letter nothing at all, I'm sure you won't notice that I'm even gone. Why did I stay here stay for so long, when we're so far gone. I feel so stupid taking this fall, I should have seen it, known all along. I won't break this silence we've shared for so long. I will be strong. What could you possibly want from me. Can't you see I'm already gone? Everything we thought we'd be, I still don't feel sorry for this loss. I will not waste a moment thinking these thoughts. Forgetting comes easy, I never cared at all. Hurt became hate now I'm feeling the strain, there's just too much pain. Falling to pieces get swept away, left all our pictures some to fade. I won't break this silence we've shared for so long, I will be strong. What could you possibly want from me? Can't you see I'm already gone? Everything we thought we'd be, I still don't feel sorry for this loss. You don't have to say anything at all. I won't stop you from walking away. I'll do nothing at all. Sitting here I waste a day, while the memories fade away, you know I expected so much more from you."_

"There are three different dates on that, why?" Dean asked. "Well, the earlier date was the night you broke up with me, the second was after I found out I was pregnant and the third was after I had the miscarriage." I said looking at Dean feeling ashamed. "Oh, god. I am so sorry." He said. I shrugged, "I'm not letting you read these to make you feel bad, I'm letting you read these so you have a deeper understanding of the person I still am. I haven't lost the pieces of myself. I'm still the same person, I just have made amends with some parts of my past." I said. "Are most of these about me?" He asked. I laughed, "No." I said. It was the truth, most of them were about my dad, some about different shit, but then there were the ones about Dean. I shut the notebook and put it in the drawer next to my side of the bed, "No more tonight. Please." I said looking at him as he nodded, "That's fine with me because now I'm going to feel guilty for a while." He said. "Please don't, that was years ago Dean. It's in the past, we're together now. That's all that matters." I said. He nodded, "If you say so." He replied pulling me to him and kissing me. I smiled against his kiss, "Thank you." I said.

Dean and I were laying there, sheet pulled tightly around my chest, it loosely draped over his waist. "So I know the holidays are coming, are you just as excited as you were last year?" Dean asked smiling and kissing me. I nodded, "Yes! Oh my god, Zoe bought wine." I said scrunching my nose, making a nasty face. Dean laughed, "We'll just drink beer." He said. I nodded, "Yes. So, are you leaving anytime this week?" I asked. "No." Dean said kissing me. "Thank you." I replied. He nodded as his hand found my hip and he pulled me to him once again.

It was the night before Thanksgiving, I was in the kitchen making pies as I heard the doorbell. I waited to see if anyone was going to answer it, apparently someone did as I heard voices. I looked down at the pie crusts lined up in front of me on the counter. I grabbed the hand towel and wiped my hands off and went into the living room. There stood Bobby, Ellen and Jo. I looked at Dean as he smiled at me, "Really? You could have told me." I said smiling as I hugged all three of them. "Need help?" Ellen asked, "No, but I could use the company, these three left me alone and I've been talking to myself." I said winking at her. She laughed as she followed me into the kitchen, Jo and Bobby stayed behind. I handed Ellen a beer as she sat down at the table. "So Dean didn't tell you he invited us?" She asked. "No." I replied as I began pouring the pumpkin into the pie shells. "He told me he wanted it to be a surprise for you. We've known for a while." She said. I laughed, "That sounds like Dean, when he surprises me, he surprises me." I said smiling. She nodded, as Dean, Bobby, Zoe, Jo and Sam walked in.

Dean walked up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my neck. I closed my eyes and smiled, when I looked up I saw Jo looking us as though she was angry or sick. Maybe both, Ellen smiled, "So a year after and you two seem to still be in the honeymoon stage." She said. I laughed as Dean said, "I don't think the honeymoon stage will ever go away." "Good." Ellen said. I grabbed the blender and began putting ingredients in, "What are you making now?" Bobby asked. "Cheesecake." I said smiling. "How many people are you going to feed?" He asked. I laughed, "An army." I said as I went to the fridge and grabbed a beer, the mixer still going. I stopped the mixer and lifted the beaters out of the mixture and poured it into a homemade graham cracker crust. "Okay Betty Crocker, take a break." Jo said as Dean looked at her. Ellen looked at her, "Joanna can I speak to you outside?" She asked and stood up walking towards the back door. Jo rolled her eyes and followed Ellen.

I looked at Dean and he rolled his eyes, "I'll be right back." He said and headed outside as I looked at Sam and Bobby. They both shrugged, but I knew they knew something. I put the cheesecake in the fridge and put the mixer bowl and beaters in the sink, rinsing them off first. I sat down at the table as I heard Ellen's voice rise and I stood. Sam put his hand on my shoulder trying to stop me, but I walked over to the door and stepped outside. "What's going on?" I asked. "This doesn't concern you, go back inside." Jo said. I scoffed, "I don't know who the hell you think you're talking to, but this is my house, I'll do what the fuck I want. So what's going on?" I asked. Ellen looked at Jo and then Dean, my heart sank and so did my face. "You know what, never mind. I understand now, but let me tell you something, you can be pissed, fine, but you will not talk to me like I'm beneath you." I said, inches away from Jo's face. I turned and walked inside slamming the back sliding door closed. "I take it you know?" Sam asked. "I take it both of you knew, but what? Didn't want me to get my feelings hurt? Guess what, I'm not hurt, whatever happened is in the past, but I swear to god, if she talks to me like I'm a fucking child again, I will break her face." I said grabbing my beer and heading into the living room.

I sat quietly, by myself for at least twenty minutes before Zoe came in, "Hey we're playing poker, you want to join?" She asked. "Sure." I said. Before I could make it out of the living room she stopped me, "Just be cool okay?" She asked. I laughed, "I'm fine. But you know I keep my promises." I said winking at her and went into the kitchen. I sat down next to Dean at the table as Jo watched me through her eyelashes. "Want another beer?" Dean asked. "Sure." I said kissing him on the cheek. He got up and brought both of us a beer, he sat back down as Sam began dealing the cards.

Everyone was laughing and talking except for Jo and I. I had nothing to say, especially not to her. Finally it was down to her and me, we were the only ones left in the game, everyone else conversing around us. I threw my cards down, "What, you done? You mad you couldn't win?" She asked, smirking at me. "Oh, sweetie. You're cute when you're pouting. I won, just not poker." I said. "You know, I was always the better choice, at least I didn't run away to try to have a normal life." Jo said. By this time everyone was just watching us. "Jo, that's enough." Dean said. "No, no, let her speak. The child apparently doesn't outwardly cry, but I'll be damned she'll whine won't she?" I asked. Jo stood, throwing her chair back, "I can kick your ass and you know it." She said. I laughed, standing, "Do it." I whispered through gritted teeth. Just then Dean and Ellen stood, "I'm right here, hit me." I taunted her. "Jo." Ellen said, "No, this is enough. I told you I didn't want to come with you, but you treat me like a damn kid." Jo said looking at Ellen, "She would treat you like an adult if you acted like one. And just so you know I didn't fucking run away, I chose something that I wanted to do." I said. "From what I heard, you ran away." She said smiling. I was around the table before anyone could stop me as I pushed Jo against the wall, my hand on her throat, "Bitch, I will break your face." I said almost growling at her.

Just as I said that I felt Dean's hands on my waist pulling me away from her, and as he did she punched me in the face. "Dammit Jo!" Ellen exclaimed, I pulled away from Dean as I went back at Jo, "You were always just another notch in his belt and that's all you'll ever be. Get over yourself." I said as I grabbed my beer from the table and went outside. Zoe was right behind me. "Why didn't you just hit her?" She asked, almost yelling at me from the steps. I grabbed the basketball that was lying by the basketball goal and laughed, "Because words hurt worse than hitting someone." I said. Zoe laughed, slapping the ball from my hands, "True, you missed the look on her face. I think she's leaving." Zoe said, I smirked, "Good, I didn't want her here anyways, not after her stupid shit talking. If she's going to run with the big girls she needs to get better." I said. Zoe laughed again, "That's my Teagan." She said as I grabbed the ball from her hands and made a shot.

Dean came outside just as I made another shot, he grabbed the ball and made a shot. I smiled, "Wow, good job." I said winking at him. "Hey we need to talk." He said looking at Zoe. Zoe nodded and headed inside, he held onto the ball and came up to me, "You're pissed, I know you are. It was before you and I got back together and we never even did anything. She kissed me, and I was never interested." He said. I laughed, "Honestly I don't even care, I'm pissed about the fact that she came here, and started all this bullshit. I was just wondering what was going on, I was genuinely concerned but then shit hit the fan. That right there, is why I am not nice." I said. He laughed, "So, wait, you aren't pissed?" He asked. I shook my head, "Not at you. She's mad that you weren't interested? Now I need to know, why weren't you interested?" I asked. "It was right after we had broken up, I wasn't looking for anything like that, and I didn't want to hurt her." He said. I nodded, "Makes sense. Look, she doesn't have to leave, but she needs to understand that I'm not going to just let her treat me like shit." I said. "No, Teagan, Ellen told her to go cool down. Ellen went with her, I'm sure they'll be back tomorrow." He said. I nodded, "That's fine, but I will kill her if she hits me again." I said. He nodded, "I know, you do realize you're going to have a nice bruise tomorrow though right?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah, whatever." I replied as he threw the ball into the grass and we walked back inside.

Luckily the pies didn't burn they were perfectly done when we went back in. I took them out of the oven and sat them on the counter. I looked at the clock and groaned, "What's wrong?" Dean asked. "I have to be up at dawn if we want ham that is amazing." I said smiling. "I'll get up with you." He said. I laughed, "You don't have to do that." I said. He stood and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and staring into my eyes, "I know I don't have to do that, I want to do that." He said. "You two get a room." Bobby said, I laughed and looked at him, "Sorry." I replied. He smiled and stood to come sit at the island bar, "Don't be sorry, I just like giving you two kids crap." He said winking at me. I smiled, "Leave it to you Bobby." I said as I poured him a small glass of scotch. "Woah, that's the good stuff. You sure you want to be giving it to me?" Bobby asked. I smiled again, "Yeah, that's what I bought it for." I said as I turned and grabbed the vegetables out of the fridge and sat them on the counter.

I began chopping the vegetables after I washed them and put them into a huge bowl with the chicken broth. I covered the bowl and sat it in the fridge, I stretched and went into the living room, "Where are the guys?" I asked looking at Zoe who was watching a movie, "Downstairs, playing poker." She said. I rolled my eyes, "Of course they are." I said and sat down on the other couch. "I think I'm going to paint when it gets warmer, what do you think? Light gray in here, leave the trim white and since the beams are stained almost black I think it would look good. She nodded, "That would be pretty." She said. I laughed, "Thanks. I want to do so much to this place." I said as she looked at me, "Well I'll help." She said. I nodded, "Sounds good." I replied as I got up and put a few logs in the fire place and laid back down on the couch.

Before I knew it my alarm was going off on my phone. I groaned, slid the snooze button and pulled the blanket up around my chin. I had just began dozing off again when my alarm went off. I sighed, turned it off and got up. I was still in my clothes from the day before and it took me a few seconds to realize that I was still in the living room. I walked into the kitchen, turned on some country rock and pulled out the roasting pan. Just as I was pouring honey into a bowl Dean, Sam and Bobby emerged from the basement. "Good morning." I said, smiling. They didn't look like they had slept at all as I cocked an eyebrow, "or should I just say morning?" I asked. They laughed, "Good morning." Sam and Dean said as I poured the brown sugar into the honey. As I grabbed a beer, Zoe came running into the kitchen, "Teagan, it's our song!" She said smiling as big as she could. I laughed, "Yes, Zoe it's our song." I said. Dean and Sam looked at us confused. "When Zoe and I would go hunting together, this song reminded us of ourselves. Especially when I would drive." I said smiling and looking down at the bowl. "You ran from cops?" Sam asked. Zoe and I looked at each other and laughed, our eyes twinkling, "What you guys never have?" I asked. "Uh, no, we accept our punishment." Sam said. Zoe and I burst out laughing, I almost couldn't hold the whisk. "That's why I came here and didn't stay in New Orleans." I said, biting my lip. "Damn, so do you have any warrants I should know about?" Dean asked looking at me. I shook my head, "No, I served my time one summer. They didn't have any evidence of what we had done, so we were fined and had to spend a week in jail." I said. Dean and Sam's jaws dropped, "Bobby did you know?" Dean asked looking at him. He shrugged and looked at them as if to say, "What could I do?"

I added a little dijon mustard to the honey and brown sugar and poured it slowly over the top. I opened four bottles of beer and poured it around the bottom of the ham. Dean, Sam and Bobby were all watching me when I looked up because I could feel them staring. "Yes?" I asked. "Nothing, just admiring your cooking skills." Sam said. I laughed, "Gee thanks." I said as I covered the ham and put it next to the oven. "So who's ready for breakfast?" I asked. "I'm always ready to eat." Dean said. I nodded, "I know that." I said as I turned to the fridge and began pulling out eggs, bacon, and butter. "Want help?" Zoe asked. I nodded, "I would love help." I said, as I put the skillet on the fire and began laying the bacon in the skillet.

After breakfast Dean, Sam and Bobby disappeared back into the basement. Zoe and I were cleaning up the kitchen and preparing the rest of the food. I wasn't going to start cooking it until just a little while later so I floured the counter and began kneading out the dough from sweet rolls. It had been Lori's recipe that she had given to all of us for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Her mom had given it to her when she got married, and they were amazing. Just as I had the dough on the counter, _Bruised and Scarred_ came on the speakers. Zoe and I picked up plastic spoons, using them as microphones and began singing along with the song: _"It all goes back to the first kiss. It was the one I thought I'd never miss. Maybe we were one of the lucky ones. Maybe I'm just not quite strong enough. This was supposed to be the easy part, but breaking down is what I found hard. Now I'm wearing this smile that I don't believe in. Inside I feel like screaming. She gave me every reason to believe I'd found the one, but my doubts somehow they sold me out. I'm bruised and scarred. Save me from this broken heart. All my love will slowly fade and fall apart. Someone please sing this lovesick melody. Call my name if you're afraid, I'm just a kiss away. I'm finding out in the hardest way, the consequence of every mistake I've ever made. Baby what's it like to be alone? (Baby, what's it like to be alone) I don't want to know, I don't want to know. She gave me every reason to believe I'd found the one, but my doubts somehow they sold me out. I'm bruised and scarred, save me from this broken heart. All my love will slowly fade and fall apart. Someone please sing this lovesick melody. Call my name if you're afraid, I'm just a kiss away." _Of course we had changed the words she, to he. Just as the next part came on Sam and Dean walked into the kitchen to see what was going on and we continued with our performance: _"So baby be honest, is this what you wanted? We lost what we started, and found out much more than we want to know. (More than we want to know) about how we're letting go, (About how we're letting go).So baby be honest, is this what you wanted? We lost what we started, and found out much more than we want to know. I'm bruised and scarred, save me from this broken heart. All my love will slowly fade and fall apart. Someone please sing this lovesick melody, call my name if you're afraid, I'm just a kiss away."_

Dean and Sam were laughing by the time we stopped, "You two are crazy, is this what Thanksgiving was like for you growing up?" Dean asked. I laughed, "Yeah when we were in town. Lori would get pissed because instead of helping her we would be dancing around like idiots." I said as Zoe laughed, "Member the time she hit us with that plastic spoon because we made a bigger mess than help?" Zoe asked. I giggled, "Yeah, we were banned from the kitchen the rest of the day. Remember that one Thanksgiving you and I got drunk all night and didn't sleep and the next day when we were supposed to be helping we began throwing flour in the air saying it was snowing?" Zoe started laughing again and nodded. "Jesus, how drunk were you two?" Sam asked. Zoe and I looked at each other, "A whole bottle of vodka and a bottle of rum. We were taking shots one right after another." I said, "That was right after her dad died though." Zoe said. I shrugged and widened my eyes, "I was a fucking drunk." I said smiling. "You mean you aren't a drunk anymore?" Zoe asked smiling. I giggled, "No, more like a seasoned alcoholic now." Dean and Sam shook their heads in unison and just looked at us. "Anymore good stories?" Dean asked. "There's always good stories when it involves Zoe, me and alcohol." I said.

Zoe nodded and began pouring sugar, orange juice, cinnamon, kosher salt and water into a pot and stirred it. "How do you two have enough energy to cook everything from scratch?" Dean asked. I smiled, "Because, that's what Lori taught us. It's not a home cooked meal unless it's all made by you. Besides, everything is so much more tasty when made at home without all store bought ingredients." I said. Dean looked at Sam, "How lucky do you think we are right now?" Dean asked, Sam smiled, "Pretty lucky. We've never had Thanksgiving's like this before." He said. Dean nodded, "I wouldn't trade it for the world though." He said as Sam shook his head in reply.

By the time I got the rolls formed and on the baking sheet it was one in the afternoon. The cranberry sauce that Zoe made had been done for a while and chilling in the fridge. I had shredded the cheese for the macaroni and cheese the night before, so I quickly drained the noodles, and made the milk gravy. As that was done, I added all the cheese and melted it until it was smooth. I added the noodles into the cheese and stirred until well coated. I grabbed a glass baking dish and poured the macaroni and cheese into it. I sprinkled the rest of the cheese over it and then added my japanese bread crumbs and popped it into the oven as I pulled the rolls out.

Just then Ellen and Jo walked in, I didn't look at Jo as I greeted Ellen. "It smells so good in here." Ellen said. I smiled, "Thanks." I replied as Dean chimed in, "They've been cooking all day and I don't even think their close to being done." He said. Ellen laughed, "That's how it goes when you make Thanksgiving dinner." She said. I nodded, "Want a beer?" I asked her. "Sure, thanks." She replied. I sighed and looked at Jo, "Do you want a beer?" I asked. "Yeah, look I shouldn't have hit you yesterday." She said. I nodded, "Hitting me, whatever, I'm over it, but don't talk down to me." I said handing her a beer as I noticed Dean watching me. "Don't worry Dean, I'm not going to kill her." I said and smiled. She laughed, "Thanks. You guys need help?" She asked. "Sure." I said and handed her a potato masher and smiled.

I had been basting the ham every ten minutes for the last hour with bourbon sauce that I had made when the timer finally beeped. I carefully took the ham out and sat it on the stove. Everything else was done so it was time to eat. Everyone had disappeared into the basement so I went downstairs and into the basement where they were sitting and the conversation stopped as I walked in. I looked around, "Why did everyone stop talking?" I asked. "We just stopped, what's up?" Sam asked looking at me and smiling slightly. I nodded, "Uh huh, anyways dinner is done." I said and headed upstairs. I had the table set with the white square plates I had bought and burnt orange linen napkins. I lit the candles and grabbed the wine out of the fridge and sat it on the table as everyone came walking upstairs. I was sitting all the food on the table as everyone grabbed a dish and helped.

Everyone was talking and laughing as I sat there quietly. I kept thinking about how badly I wanted to know what they were talking about before I went downstairs and why they had stopped when I walked in. Dean looked at me and gently nudged me, "Hey you okay?" He whispered. I smiled and nodded, "Yeah." I said and looked back at my plate. "Teagan, talk to me." He said whispering again, pleading with me with his eyes. "Later." I said and began eating again. I wasn't sure why I was feeling like this, but I knew from past experiences that anytime I walked into a room where everyone was talking and it stopped, it was about me. And never in a good way, so I just needed to know what they were talking about.

Everyone had helped clean dinner up and I was making drinks for everyone while they were sitting in the basement. We had decided on having a movie night since it was snowing. Dean walked in and leaned against the counter in front of me, "So why did you look so down at dinner?" He asked. I looked him straight in the eyes, "What were you guys talking about when I walked in?" I asked. "You, your dad. Ellen knew him." He said. "I'm sure she did, why though?" I asked. He shrugged, it just kind of came up, but we didn't want you to hear and get upset." "Well thanks, but I got upset anyways." I said. "I see that now, I'm sorry. Plus, Zoe let me in on a little secret I never knew, you had a dog?" He asked. I smiled remembering Spark, he was my best friend, but my dad made me give him up since we were always having to leave. I nodded finally, "Yeah, Spark." I said. "Well, do you want another dog?" He asked. I shook my head quickly as I poured the drinks, "No." "Why?" He asked curiously, "Because, I'm always at work and you guys are always gone." I said sadly, Dean hooked his finger under my chin and raised my head, "Don't make excuses, if you want a dog we can get one." He said kissing me. I smiled slightly, "Thanks, but no. Come on, lets go watch the movie." I said grabbing mugs and heading for the basement.

All throughout the movie I couldn't help but think there was something more to the conversation that Dean hadn't told me. Before I knew it Dean was nudging me gently, I lifted my head slowly and noticed I was curled up next to him with a blanket pulled over me. I must have fallen asleep, "Hey, come on let me get you to bed." He said gently kissing my forehead. No one else was in there anymore as I noticed them all walking upstairs, I sighed and closed my eyes for just a split second. I didn't want to move, I just wanted to stay here, curled up next to Dean for the rest of the night. I slowly stretch as he put his hand on my stomach, pulling me up after my stretch. I smiled, "I know I don't say this often, but I love you." I said. He smiled, "I love you to. You're so cute when you're sleepy." He said kissing me. When he did it hit me like a freight train, I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned into his kiss. His hand rested on the small of my back as his other hand brushed my hair away from my face. When we finally pulled away from the kiss Dean searched my eyes as he spoke, "You are my God send. You saved me, I am so grateful for you. That's what Thanksgiving is about right? What you're thankful for, well you are what I'm thankful for. That will never change. I'm glad I finally got a second alone with you, I've been wanting to tell you that all day but I know how embarrassed you can get so I wanted to wait until we were alone." He put his hands on my hips as he rested his forehead against mine, closing his eyes. "Dean, you saved me from the lost girl I was for so long. I'm thankful for you, because without you, I wouldn't be standing here today." I said looking up at him as his eyes slowly opened, "You would have." He said.

I shook my head, "You have no idea how bad I was. I almost didn't graduate college because my drunken nights became more frequent after we broke up. When I saw you in that bar, I was so damn scared, but so thankful." I said. He smiled, "I couldn't let you walk away again." he said and kissed me as Ellen came downstairs, "You two going to stay down here all night?" She asked. I laughed and pulled away from him, "No. We were just talking. We'll be up there in a second." I said. She nodded and went back upstairs, "Dean, I'm sorry I haven't gotten pregnant yet." I said sadly. "Hey, it'll happen, but maybe right now isn't the right time, you know? How long have you been worrying about it?" He asked. I shrugged, "Since we decided to really start trying." I said smiling. "It'll happen, it did twice before, it will again." He said as he grabbed my hand and led me upstairs.

I woke up the next morning feel hung over. I walked downstairs in a pair of Dean's flannel pajama pants and a black sweater, my hair in a messy bun. "You look rough." Ellen said as I walked into the kitchen. I smiled, "Good morning." I said softly. "Hey, you okay?" Dean asked. I nodded and leaned against the counter holding my head, "You know what, if this is what normal people feel after getting drunk, I would stop drinking." I said as Dean laughed. "Sweetie are you sure you're fine?" Ellen asked. I nodded, "Yeah, I feel hung over. Dammit Zoe, it's your stupid wine isn't it!" I exclaimed. She laughed, "Probably. I was wondering how much you were going to drink." "You could have warned me! I'm not drinking wine ever again!" I said and grabbed a cup of coffee as Dean stood next to me gently rubbing my back. "Why don't you go back to bed, I don't think anyone's leaving until later." He said softly. "I'll be fine." I said as I grabbed the Motrin from the cabinet and took two.

I was feeling better after breakfast. I had taken a shower and gotten dressed, I was ready to go shopping. As Ellen, Jo, Zoe and I were getting ready to leave Dean pulled me into the living room, "Sam and Zoe are moving out." He said looking at me. As soon as the words left his lips, I felt crushed. "Why?" I asked. Dean shrugged, "I have no idea, I guess they feel like it's time." He said. I sighed, "Well, I mean, it is but I wish they would stay." I said. He nodded, "I know, at least when Dean and I are gone Zoe would be here and you two wouldn't be alone." he said. I nodded, "We'll be fine. They've got to do what they've got to do." I said. Dean nodded, "I just wanted you to know, Sam doesn't think Zoe is going to tell you anytime soon, so to soften the blow I figured I would tell you." He said. I smiled and kissed him, "Thank you. Need anything while I'm gone?" I asked. "We're almost out of beer." He said. I nodded, "Okay, I'll bring some home." I said as he kissed me again.

We returned after several hours, everyone carrying several bags except for me. I sat the beer down on the counter and took the two bags I had upstairs. Dean followed me upstairs and shut the door behind us, "You okay?" He asked. I smiled and nodded, "Yeah, I have something for you though. I couldn't just not get it." I said handing him a bag. He pulled a t-shirt out of the bag and held it up. He began smiling, "Hell yeah! Thanks." He exclaimed. I had bought him a batman shirt, I knew he would love it. As he took his t-shirt off I walked over and put my hands on his chest, "Hold on." I said, looking up at him, searching his eyes. "I love you. More than you know, and more than you realize. If I lose you, I'm not sure what I will do." I said. "What are you talking about Teagan? I'm not going anywhere." He said. "Zoe told me where you and Sam are going in a few days. Why did you tell me?" I asked. He sighed and closed his eyes, "Because I knew what you would say. " He answered. "Dick Roman? I know everything Dean. I just, I mean I understand but I don't." I said. He kissed me, "I'm sorry Teagan, I have to." Dean said putting his hands on my hips, I nodded, "I know, I just wish you didn't have to." I said.

It was Monday when I went back to work, Dean and Sam left, Bobby went with them. Sam and Zoe found a house over the weekend and I was helping her pack when I could. It was unusually busy in the children's ward. I was working really long hours and being completely exhausted by the time I got home. That's where I was headed now, home. I hadn't heard from Dean in a few days and I was beginning to worry. I knew though, that if anything happened, I would know. I walked inside, threw my keys on the counter and sat down at the table, laying my head down for a few seconds. It was almost midnight, we were short staffed and I had to be back at six in the morning. I began dozing off when I heard Dean's voice, "Hey go to bed. You look exhausted." I quickly opened my eyes and sat up, there standing in front of me was Dean. I leaped up out of my chair and threw my arms around him, my body melting against his as I realized it wasn't a dream. "Oh my god, you're okay." I sighed. He smiled, "I told you I would be. Come on, it's late, you have work tomorrow." He said as he led me upstairs to our room.

I felt like I was asleep before I even got into bed. I was exhausted, from work, from stress, from Dean not being there with me. However, I knew his job was just as important as mine and I couldn't be mad, just worried. I rolled out of bed as my alarm went off, I quickly got dressed, noticed the bed was empty and headed downstairs. I grabbed my messenger bag with my laptop, grabbed a mug of coffee and headed for the door. Just then I realized that Dean, Sam and Zoe were sitting at the table. "Okay, so I'm not dreaming." I said looking at them. Dean smiled and stood up, he came over and wrapped his arms around me and kissed me, "Good morning." I smiled, "Morning, I'm not sure if it's good yet or not. I've got to go, I love you." I said as I left.

Thank goodness it was Friday, it was another long day. When I got home Dean was sitting alone at the kitchen table. "Hey, where is Sam and Zoe?" I asked. "Their new house. I made dinner, I left yours in the oven so it wouldn't get cold. How was work?" He asked as he stood and grabbed my food for me. I smiled, "Tiring. Thanks for making me something." I said. I had just managed to get a snack for lunch so I was starving. "So they want us to come over tomorrow to see their new place, and apparently Zoe has something to tell you." Dean said as I took a bite of my food. I nodded, swallowed and said, "Sounds good. I think I know what she has to tell me." I said looking at Dean, "What?" "She's pregnant. I don't know, I just have that feeling." I said. "Are you going to be okay?" He asked as I smiled, "Of course." I said as I put my empty plate in the sink and grabbed a beer. "I mean, yeah you know how I feel, but I'll be happy for them." I said as I sat back down at the table. "I just don't know if Sam's going to leave again if she is. That means I'll have to finish this by myself." Dean said, "Here's an idea, you could stay to." I said. I instantly felt bad but I couldn't take it back. "I can't Teagan, you know what we're up against." He said. I nodded, "I know, sorry." I said as I looked at my beer.

We got up and went over to Sam and Zoe's house around noon. Their house was amazing, I was so in love with it. It was kind of bare but I promised to go shopping with Zoe Sunday. "So, I'm sure you've figured it out, and I would have told you sooner but I was afraid to. I'm pregnant, six weeks." She said smiling. I smiled and hugged her, "Zoe you could have told me, it's not like I would be upset or anything! Congratulations!" I said, I was super excited for her and Sam. They deserved to be happy, Dean and I deserved it too, but our time would come.

Dean and Sam had disappeared to talk leaving Zoe and myself by ourselves. "So how did you know?" Zoe asked. I laughed, "You were more tired than usual, you woke up a few times sick without drinking the night before. You haven't drank in a while. I'm not stupid." I said smiling. She nodded, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I just know how hard it is for you. I didn't want to see the hurt, but I knew I had to tell you." "Zoe, I'll get my chance one day, trust me. I'm actually kind of glad it hasn't happened yet, because yeah I want kids with Dean, but with him being gone all the time I'm not sure." I said. She nodded, "I know, Sam wants to finish this with Dean and stop. I told him he could, I want it finished." She said. I nodded, "I want it finished too, but I just wish that it was already over." I said as Dean and Sam came walking back in.

Chapter 18

December

1 year later

_Dean and Sam had left again, shortly after Zoe told me that she was pregnant. I wasn't super thrilled about it, but I had to support Dean like he supported me. They had figured out a way to kill Dick Roman, a leviathan. When they got rid of him, things wouldn't be perfect but there would be more down time. Dean kept me updated as much as possible, but it didn't help me knowing that he wasn't there with me. I worried so much, and unfortunately work had slowed down just a little so it gave me time to think. I got home when I noticed Dean's car in the driveway. I sighed with relief as I walked inside. I didn't see him, until I walked into the living room and Sam was sitting there. "Hey, where's Dean?" I asked. Sam looked up at me, and I knew. I knew, that Dean wasn't there, and wasn't going to be there._

_ I sat there shocked, "So when he killed Dick, all three of them disappeared? Dick, Dean and Cas?" I asked. I hadn't cried yet and wasn't sure I was going to. It didn't seem real, I was alone, again. My nerves were shot, "I'm sorry Teagan. I didn't know it would end like this." He said. I nodded, "You couldn't have stopped it, just like I couldn't stop it." Just then the tears hit, "Sam, I just need some time." I said, wiping my tears away. He looked heartbroken, "I'm sorry, do you want to come stay with Zoe and I?" He asked as I shook my head, "No, Thanks." I said. "I don't want to leave. You don't need to be alone right now." Sam said. I felt like I was going to puke, "I'm fine, really." I said. "I know you better than that Teagan, you aren't fine. I wish this was as simple as it was when Dean and I first started hunting. It was just monsters, now we have everything. I wish he would have realized that living a normal life was better than following in dad's foot steps." Sam said as I nodded, "I know, I wasn't enough to make him stop though." I said as that realization hit me like a ton of bricks. _

I woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for air. That dream had felt so real, like all the others I had. I rolled out of bed and realized that it was Saturday. I didn't have work, that means like all other weekends since Dean had gone missing, this day would be extremely hard. Some days I didn't sleep, and when I did it was long enough to have those stupid, very real, nightmares. I went downstairs and poured Baileys into my coffee. When I worked, I stayed sober during the day, until I got home at night. On weekends, I wasn't sober at all, it helped to deal with the pain. I looked down at my wedding ring as I sipped on my coffee and felt the sting of tears. I slowly slipped it off and took it upstairs. I sat it gently in my jewelry box and shut the lid. I happened to look at the calendar as I returned to the kitchen, two weeks. It was two weeks past the year Dean had been gone. I knew he wasn't coming back, I grabbed the rum from the fridge as the doorbell rang. I looked to the living room and went back to pouring my drink. The doorbell rang again, I knew exactly who it was, but I really, really didn't want to see Sam or Zoe today. I especially didn't want to see them with Maddison, their five month old daughter. I just wanted to crawl into a rock and never come out. I grabbed the rum and went into the basement and locked the door. They had a key to the house, but not one to the basement. I knew I was safe down here away from them. Other than my car in the garage they wouldn't even know I was here.

I was beginning to feel a buzz, so I went upstairs into the kitchen and grabbed another bottle of rum. As I headed into the living room I noticed two people sitting on the couch out of the corner of my eye, "Zoe, Sam, go home." I said as I began going up to my room. "I'm not Zoe." I heard and whipped around to face the voice. I looked down at the bottle in my hand and took a long drink, "This isn't happening. It's just another dream." I said turning around and continuing my walk upstairs. "I told you she's not doing good." Sam said, as I shut the door and locked it. Whatever, whoever that was downstairs, was not real and if they were, I would handle them in due time. Right now I just wanted to be alone with my alcohol.

_What am I doing? I can handle this. Another demon is nothing new, I'll just go down there and take care of them._ I thought to myself as I went downstairs, Sam and Dean still sitting there. "You two aren't real." I said as I noticed my words were slurred. I shook my head and laughed, "Hold on, what?" I asked. "Son of a bitch." Dean said looking at me. "Hold on, so," I began, I couldn't really concentrate right now, or talk the right way. "Where's your wedding ring?" Sam asked. I looked down curiously at my finger and just stared, "Oh yeah, I put it, I put it in my jewelry box." I said smiling, proud of myself for getting through that. "Have you not really watched her?" Dean asked looking at Sam. "No, he tried, so did Zoe. Most of the time when they came over I locked myself in the basement and hid. Just because, you know, family is bullshit." I said glaring at Dean. "I told you she was angry." Sam said looking at Dean. "You didn't tell me this shit though! That I would find her drunk out of her mind and just done." Dean said, tears in his eyes. "Come on, can you blame me? This is the second time. The second time I've lost you and you've come back. I think, I don't even know. I'm done being hurt, I've got to sit by this past year and watch Zoe and Sam have the life I wanted. The life I fought for, for so long. So excuse me if I'm done." I said as the tears began to fall.

"You take care of everyone else but where do I fall? I don't want to be selfish but I'm done. I'm done being last, I'm done losing you. I deserve so much more than heartbreak." I said as I took another long drink. "You do deserve better. I know that, it's just I don't know how." Dean said as I scoffed. "Bullshit that is such a lame ass excuse. You can change your own life but instead you choose to follow in your dad's footsteps. I chose better." Sam stood and pulled me into the kitchen as Deans expression changed to a mixture of hurt and anger. "What bottles is this?" Sam asked pulling it out of my hands. "Two." I said as he looked at the clock. "It's not even noon. You're done." He said pouring it down the drain. "We both know you would feel differently if you weren't drunk." "That's the thing though, I wouldn't. I've watched him go to hell and come back and leave numerous times. Now he goes to who knows where and is back again. How many more times?" I asked as Sam pulled me into a hug, "I'm sorry but this time he didn't choose this. Just talk to him." Sam said. I sighed, "Fine." I replied.

I found Dean in the bedroom packing a bag. "What are you doing?" I asked. "I can't keep doing this to you. I'm leaving." He said as I sat down on the bed and began unpacking his things. "Please, just wait. Dean I love you and I have fought for this since I first found out you had feelings for me. I'm not walking away but can you blame me for being hurt?" "I don't understand why you didn't move on. I was gone a year. Unless, wait, did you have sex with anyone else? Wait, don't answer that. I don't want to know." Dean said as he began putting his clothes back in his bag. I began taking them out again, "No. It never crossed my mind because deep down I held on to the hope you would come back." I said quietly. My words were still fairly slurred but I was pretty sure he knew what I was saying. As he turned around and noticed his clothes out he sighed, "Why do you fight so hard for me?" He asked. I shrugged, "because I'm not a quitter. Through all of this I'm not going to just give up and let you leave. I just want to know where you went and how long you've been back." I said looking at him as I noticed he was just staring at me, want in his eyes. "Roughly two weeks," He began as his phone began ringing. "Girlfriend?" I asked. He looked at me, "Don't do that Teagan. Please." He said as he ignored his phone. "Two weeks huh? Why didn't you answer your phone?" I asked. "It wasn't important." He replied, slowly walking towards me. "No. You are not going to come back after a year, get me into bed and leave again. I may be your wife but there's something here that I can't trust." I said as he sighed. "I just want to hold you." He said. "No. I think it would be better if you stayed with Sam until I'm positive I can trust you." I said. It hurt me just as much as it hurt him when I said that but something didn't feel right. "Okay." he said quickly packing his clothes and heading downstairs where Sam was sitting.

It had been another sleepless night as I tossed and turned. I wished so badly that I hadn't turned Dean away. After all, after a year I missed him in more ways than one but something was different about him. I knew he was hurt by my words but he didn't argue with me, he just left. Daylight came quickly and I rolled out of bed. I had just gotten out of the shower as I heard footsteps in the hall. My heart began to beat quicker hoping it was Dean and silently praying it wasn't bad. The door flew open, "Teagan?" It was Dean, "In here." I said from the bathroom where I stood, a bath towel wrapped around me. I had put my wedding ring back on yesterday after he had left. I heard his bag fall on the floor as he walked into the bathroom as if he were on a mission. I could feel the fire of want spread through my body like the first time I had been with him. He put his hands on each side of my face and kissed me. When he pulled away he searched my eyes for acceptance or denial. He needed an answer. I pushed his jacket off and wrapped my arms around his neck, pushing my body against his. He groaned and roughly grabbed my hips. I moaned, as I kissed him I whispered, "I will never stop fighting for you." He picked me up and pushed me against the bathroom wall. I gasped, want shot through me like a wild fire. I pushed his hips away from me as I loosened his belt. I unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, it was hurried and I didn't mind at all. He shoved himself roughly inside of me as I moaned. He closed his eyes and began moving against me.

It had been quick, it had been rough, and it had been exactly what both of us needed. We had just finished again, in bed this time as he looked at me. "If you want me to go I will." He said quietly. "I don't want you to go that's the thing. I don't want this to be a fight anymore, I just want you here with me. I want answers, I want to know." I said, emphasizing know, and looked at him. He nodded, "I know you want to know, and I know you want answers, but this past year has been hell for me. Teagan, if I would have known it would have ended that way I would have done things differently." "Would you? Or would you have still gone in guns blazing not thinking twice?" I asked. "I didn't think you wanted this to be a fight anymore. Yeah, I would have changed things. I spent the last year fighting monsters in purgatory and looking for Cas." I closed my eyes, my dad had told me the stories of purgatory, and I had read about them in the bible when my Aunt made me read passages. "I'm sorry." I said. I felt sick all of a sudden, the man who laid here, hurting in front of me but not showing it, had just been in a place almost worse than hell. "Do you know something that I don't?" Dean asked. "I know exactly what you went through, my dad told me stories. The bible talks about it, and the only way I know that is Lori made me read passages when I would get in to trouble." I said. "Look at me." Dean said running his hand down my side. I moaned and smiled, "I can't look at you right now with you touching me like that. I know you know, but it's been a year. I've missed you in more ways than one." I said, and as I realized what I had just said I blushed.

Dean's hand slid lower, "I love it when you blush." He whispered against my neck. Apparently he felt the same as I did, but I caught myself laughing. He pulled away, "What?" He asked. "I'm sorry, I just thought that, you know if I couldn't get pregnant before, this might just be it." I said. He smiled and rested his forehead against mine, "Always with the inappropriate thoughts. I have to ask, did you start taking your birth control after I was gone?" The smile disappeared as I shrugged, "Teagan, please just tell me." He said. I nodded, "Yeah, I mean, I didn't start taking it with being someone else in mind." I said. He nodded, "I wouldn't blame you." He said kissing me. "When's the last time you took it?" He asked. "Yesterday morning. I kind of missed it this morning." I said as he chuckled. "Want to get back to baby making?" He asked, smiling. I blushed and as I did he kissed me, running his hand down my thigh and back up.

As Dean began pushing inside of me, I felt as though I was holding my breath. It felt amazing, he felt amazing, but I felt as though if I took a breath all of this would disappear and I would wake up to find out it was all just a dream. He pushed himself further inside of me as I moaned, "Dean." As I did his phone began to ring, he groaned, reached over, turned it off and went back to focusing on us. Just as I was about to let go, his phone began to ring again. "Son of a bitch." He whispered through gritted teeth. I groaned and pushed him off of me. I rolled out of bed, "Answer your damn phone." I said as I quickly got dressed and headed for the door. "Teagan, wait!" Dean called after me as his phone kept ringing. I slammed the door shut and went downstairs. Talk about a mood killer, I wanted and needed to know who kept calling him. I poured a little bit of rum into a glass and drank it like a shot. I looked outside, snow covered the ground. _What had he been doing for those two weeks after he got out? Did he think I had moved on so he found someone?_ Just as I was thinking about these things the doorbell rang. I quickly took another shot of rum and went to the door.

Dean had beat me to it, I looked at him then at the door as he opened it. The door opened and there stood a man. A huge man, "Teagan, this is whose been calling. This is Benny. Benny, this is my wife Teagan, you know, the wife I haven't seen in a year." He said looking at him. "I'm sorry ma'am I just need your husbands help." He said, with an accent I didn't think I would ever hear again. "You're from Louisiana." I said looking at him. "How'd you know that?" Benny asked. "I lived there for a long time. Come in." I said looking from him to Dean as Dean looked at me in surprise. As Benny stepped inside he took his hat off, "I'm sorry to barge in like this, I just really need help." Benny said, looking at Dean. "With what?" I asked, unamused. "Can we sit down and talk?" Dean asked. I sighed, "Sure, why not." I said and headed towards the kitchen as I heard Benny tell Dean, "You're a lucky, lucky man."

I poured myself a drink and handed Benny and Dean a beer. "Let's get a few things clear here. I won't kill you, only because you helped Dean, but you aren't asking for Dean's help anymore, you're asking for mine. I'm putting my fucking job on the line for you, and I'm not sure how I feel about that." I said as Benny nodded, "I understand." He said. I smirked, "Do you? You're a vampire. I'll see what I can do, but it won't be until tomorrow night. I don't keep a stash with me, sorry." I said. I was angry, but relieved. The hunter in me was telling me to just kill him where he sat, but the moral side and the wife side was saying, no, he helped Dean. Benny looked at Dean worried, and I could see it. "Let me see what I can do." I said sighing and heading for the basement.

I came back upstairs and sat back down at the table. "I found a little bit, you are going to have to make it last until tomorrow night and then I'm not sure how much more I can get you." Benny nodded, "Yes ma'am." "Let me tell you this though, I will only help you this one time, I'm sorry. I'm not going to lose my job because a vampire helped my husband. I've worked to damn hard for this and I refuse to lose it now." I said staring him dead in the eyes. He nodded as I turned my attention to Dean, "I swear to God, next time when I ask whose calling you better tell me." I said. I could see the smirk on Benny's face, "So I'm the girlfriend then huh?" Benny asked. "Don't get to cocky." I said looking at him. "You know, you are almost the scariest female I've ever met." Benny said. "I'll take that as a compliment." I replied as I stood up to pour me another drink.

Benny had left, after I had gone and got the blood for him. The mood from earlier was ruined for me now. I had poured me another drink and went to the living room, as I sat down on the couch Dean walked in. "So is this what you did while I was gone? Drink until you fell asleep?" He asked. I looked at the drink and shrugged, "Honestly yes and no. More to numb the pain, because when I slept I woke up having nightmares. So I only ever slept maybe thirty minutes a night." I said. "Jesus, and you went to work every day?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah, I was a high functioning alcoholic." I said smiling. "It's not funny. Did Sam check on you? What about Zoe?" He asked sounding concerned. "They tried, most of the time I hid in the basement with the door locked and a bottle of alcohol for a few hours. Once I realized that they were gone I would come out. Sometimes I would forget and just stay down there." I said. "Did you at least take care of yourself? You ate right?" He asked. I laughed, "Yeah, when I remembered. Most of the time when I was sober, I couldn't drink because it would make me sick because of how upset I was. When I was drunk I would forget." I said. Dean took the glass from my hand and sat it aside, "Do me a favor, I'm back now. You can drink, fine, but start taking care of yourself." He said. "I'll try." I replied. "I haven't seen you eat anything today, are you hungry?" He asked. "No, not really." I said. "Dammit, I will make you something. You're acting like none of this is a big deal." He said sounding hurt. I sighed, "Dean it is a big deal, I know that, but depression is a motherfucker. I can't just snap my fingers and be fine. I'm sorry." I said as I stood and went into the kitchen. "Are you hungry?" I asked. "What kind of question is that?" He asked. I laughed, "Fine, sit, I'll make us something." I said.

We finished eating and Dean decided that I needed rest so we went to bed. I laid there for what seemed like forever until I finally drifted off to sleep. _I was standing in the living room looking at the pictures of mine and Dean's wedding day. There was a knock at the door and I opened it. Zoe and Sam were standing there, Zoe seven months pregnant holding a bag and Sam holding flowers. I let them in without saying a word. "We thought you needed something to eat, plus I wanted to let you know we're having a little girl." Zoe said smiling up at Sam. I felt sick, but tried my hardest to smile. "Thanks, congrats." I answered weakly. Sam pulled me into a hug, but I pushed away from him and looked down at the floor. "Teag. I'm trying to find something to bring him back but I have no idea where he went." Sam said. I nodded, tears in my eyes. The phone began to ring and I rushed to answer it, not bothering to look at the screen. "Hey, you answered." I heard Bobby's worried voice on the other end and my heart sank once again. "Yeah." I said quietly. "Still nothing?" He asked. "No." My voice had just become a whisper, only at work did I manage to make myself audible. I had to, for the sake of my job and for the sake of the patients. So many times I had been asked if I was okay, and I always smiled and answered yes. People thought Dean had been lost overseas. No one knew the truth, Melody had told me several times that if I needed to take some personal time I could. I always declined, because if I was left by myself in this house I would have died. Only then maybe I would have found Dean. _

_ I was sitting in my room looking at pictures for the millionth time. Some nights I would scream at the ceiling asking whoever might have been listening to bring Dean back to me. So many nights passed that after a while I had even given up on that. Part of me always held on to that shard of hope that, just like the first time he would come back. Seven months, eight months passed and still nothing. I had come accustomed to going to work, coming home, hiding in my basement and drinking myself into my own oblivion. The wounds weren't healing and some days I didn't want them to. I was afraid of forgetting Dean and I knew when that happened I would forget myself. He was the only person that kept me whole and he was gone. I stopped answering my phone, I had stopped sleeping and I had stopped eating. I would drag myself out the door every weekday morning and go to work. I had sunk into a whole new level of depression and the thoughts I had were scaring even me. I had gone to the hospital when Zoe had Maddison, I would visit every once in a while, but by now even that had stopped. _

I sat straight up in bed gasping, Dean bolted up with me, "Are you okay? What's wrong?" he asked. I shook my head and slid out of bed, "Nothing." I said quietly, tears in my eyes as I went into the bathroom and shut the door. As I got the door shut I slid down onto the floor, sobs racking my body. My knees were pulled up to my chest, my hands covering my face, still sobbing when Dean came in and fell down on the floor next to me, wrapping his arms around me. As he gently pushed my hands away from my face I began crying into his chest. "I was so scared I would forget you." I said, gasping for air as I spoke. "Hey, hey, I'm here now. Shh." He said. I pushed him away, hard, "I hated you for leaving me. I hated seeing Sam and Zoe happy. I hated you!" I yelled at him, between sobs. He looked at me, scared. "Some days I could barely function. I missed you so bad!" I said swinging at him, he grabbed my hand gently and pulling me to him. "I'm sorry." He said, I could hear the tears in his voice. "I'm never leaving again." He whispered to me as he stroked my back. "You say that, give it a few months and I'll watch you walk out the door and worry if you'll ever come back." I said. "I'm not leaving Teagan." He said.

After my meltdown was pretty much over, I went downstairs and into the basement. I locked the door behind me and found a bottle of whiskey I had left under the table by the couch. I opened it and took a drink, the warmth spread through my chest and enveloped me like a blanket. I don't know how long I had been in the basement when I finally heard knocking at the door. The whiskey bottle was empty so I sat it on the coffee table and slowly got up. I climbed the stairs slowly and opened the door. I noticed that the sun was coming up, "What time is it?" I asked glaring from the brightness. "5:30." Dean answered. "Shit!" I exclaimed and climbed the stairs to our room. I grabbed clothes out of the closet and began getting dressed. "You smell like whiskey." He said, sounding mad. I rolled my eyes, walked into the bathroom, hurriedly brushed my teeth. My phone began ringing and I answered it, "Hello?" I asked. "Teagan, it's Melody, the roads are horrible, it's coming down hard outside. No one is aloud to drive, they've put out a warning, wasn't sure if you heard it or not. No need to come in today." She said. I sighed, "Okay. Thanks." I replied. "Honey why don't you take some time off?" She asked. "I can't. I'll be there tomorrow providing it's better." I said. I could hear a sigh and a long pause on her end, "Okay. See you tomorrow." She said and hung up. I looked at my phone for a few minutes and went back into the bedroom. I could feel Dean's eyes on me, unsure of what to do next. "I'm sorry. A year's worth of bad habits won't die overnight." I said quietly. "I know that, believe me. Did you sleep at all last night?" Dean asked. "Thirty minutes. I keep having these flashback memory , nightmares, if you want to call them that. I don't know what to do." I said hanging my head, wanting to cry. "I was telling you the truth, I'm not leaving." He said. "Dean you've said that before! You'll leave again." I said standing and facing him. "You always leave! Just like everybody else! Like my dad, Lori, my mom, everyone leaves me in the end!" I shouted as the tears began again.

Dean stood and looked at me, "I'm not them. I don't leave on purpose, and if I wanted to leave just to leave, I would have never married you!" Dean exclaimed. "Why did you marry me? Why did you ever come back?" I asked shouting at him through the tears. "Because I love you!" "Do you? Or do you love hunting monsters? When I was pregnant you left and I was here alone! Things could have been different." I said and then covered my mouth with my hand in shock. "I am so sorry." I said as I saw his anger fade to hurt. "You do blame me." He said quietly and sat down on the bed, defeated. "No! I mean, kind of. I don't know, Dean! You could have been here and the same thing may have happened, who knows? I should have never said that." I said. "Are we ever going to be the same?" Dean asked, looking at me, eyes blood shot with tears. "In time." I said quietly. "What do you want?" He asked. "I want to take this entire year back and make you stay, but nothing would have changed in the end. I knew what needed to be done, I just never expected to come home to see your car in the garage, but find Sam and not you." I said. "I'm sorry. I'm not sure things would have changed either if we took this year back. I do know something though, the entire time I was gone, I fought my way through that hellish place and when I found out I could get out, all I thought about was coming here. Then when I did find my way out, Cas didn't come with me and I ended up at Sam's. I didn't expect to hear that my wife had lost it and was barely able to function. Teagan, Sam didn't just come over during the day, he came here at night and sat here in the living room to make sure you were okay. Those two weeks before I came here, I was here at night, with him. It sounds crazy, and it sounds like I was stalking you, but after seeing you that way I didn't know how to come to you." Dean said. I looked at him, "I'm sorry. At first, things were okay. I would have a drink every night, but when the dreams became an every night thing I began drinking more. It just got worse and worse. Why didn't you just come in here and crawl into bed with me and hold me?" I asked. "Because I didn't want to scare you." He said. I nodded, "True, thank you." I said chuckling.

After Dean and I got done talking, I changed my clothes and led him downstairs. "From this moment forward," I said smiling, trying not to laugh, "I'm sorry, this seems fucking stupid, but anyways. From this moment forward, I will not lock myself in the basement and drink myself into oblivion. I will drink still just not as much as I have been." I said looking him in the eyes. "I'm sorry, what was that? I was to busy looking at your body." He said smiling. I gently slapped him on the arm as he pulled me to him. "I'm sorry that I missed Christmas. Can we celebrate this year?" He asked. "Really?" I asked. "Yeah, I noticed that you haven't done anything. From what I hear you stopped decorating after Thanksgiving last year." He said looking down at me, almost scolding me. "You were gone. I had nothing to celebrate. My life stopped. My heart stopped beating." I said. "When you talk like that, it breaks my heart." He said. "I'm sorry. It's what happened, Dean, I'm not kidding when I say that you are really, all I have." "Then believe me when I say I'm not leaving." He replied. "Fine. Hey, I have something's for you. I bought you presents last year, and I bought you a present for your birthday. Now that you're here I want to give them to you." I said. "First, I want, and need you." He said kissing me. It was amazing, no matter how bad our fights were, or how hurt we both were, we always wanted each other. "First, you're presents." I said. He groaned, "Come on Teag., a year." He said giving me his best puppy dog look. I laughed, "I think you'll like your presents." I said as I led him back upstairs.

I handed him a couple of wrapped boxes as I looked at him, "I'll be right back, your other birthday present is put away in the guest room." I said, smiling. "Okay." He replied as he began unwrapping his presents. The first was a knew leather jacket, the second was a record player with records of his favorite classic rock bands. I came walking into our bedroom with a robe on. He looked at me curiously holding up a black satin tie, "I've watched enough porn to know what this is, but really?" He asked hesitantly. I smiled and nodded, "You've talked about it, and so I'm curious." I said blushing. He groaned, "What?" I asked. He stood and walked over to me, "You blushed." He said kissing me. My heart began racing, I was nervous and wasn't sure why. I guess because the outfit I had on underneath the robe. He gently pulled on the robe and as it fell down off of my arms, he moaned, "Damn, happy late birthday to me." He said as he took a step back to admire me. I smiled and looked at the floor as my hair fell into my face. I had bought a lingerie, the top was black sheer fabric, around the breasts it was light pink satin with black lace over it. It split under my breasts and tied in the back. The underwear matched, there were little black tassels as if it tied. "I am a very lucky man." He said as I walked up to him and pushed him towards the bed.

Dean fell onto his back on the bed, as I straddled him. "As badly as I want you right now, I just want to admire your smokin' body." He said. I laughed as I slid off. "I didn't want you to move." He said sounding sad. He propped himself up on his elbows as I ran my hands gently up his thighs to his belt. "What the hell happened while I was gone?" He asked breathlessly. "Well, I explored what I wanted, by myself." I said winking at him. He sucked in his breath and then groaned. "Best birthday ever." he whispered and I smiled as I got his belt and jeans undone. I could see his hard bulge pushing against his boxer briefs as I pulled his jeans down and he kicked them off. "Dammit, I just want to throw you o this bed and take you." He said. I smiled, "Good." I replied as straddled him again. "Lets see how good your willpower is right now." I said winking at him as I ran my hands up my sides and to my breasts. I began massaging myself as I noticed Dean watching in awe. I could feel him pushing against me, as I moaned, leaning my head back and closing my eyes. "Your going to tease me aren't you?" Dean asked. I nodded as I felt his hands grab my hips. I moaned again, the electricity spreading throughout my body. His hands began to slide up my body as he reached the tie on my top. He yanked it and it came untied and fell away from my breasts. His breath caught in his throat as I let it slide down my arms and I threw it on the floor. "Shit." he whispered. "What's the matter?" I asked. "My willpower is shit right now, but I'm trying." He said. I laughed as I put my hands on his chest and leaned down to kiss him. He gently dug his fingertips into my back as I kissed him passionately. Before I knew it he was pushing me onto my back. "Teagan, as badly as I want to just make love to you, I can't right now." He said as he grabbed the tie. I smiled, "Do what you want." I said very, very quietly. He looked at the tie and then at me, he threw the tie back on the floor and yanked my underwear off. He gripped my thighs tightly but gently, and looked at me. "I don't want to hurt you." He said. I smiled, "What if I want you to?" I asked. "Son of a bitch." He hissed through his teeth. This was killing him, he was fighting an internal battle with himself and I loved it. I wanted the deep set bad boy to win, I missed that in him.

He pulled his underwear off and shoved my hands above my head, holding them in place with one of his hands around both of my wrists. He leaned down and kissed me passionately as he pushed himself inside of me. As he did my back arched, pushing my breasts against his chest. He moaned against my mouth as he pulled himself out. I gasped as he entered me, a little rougher this time. His free hand made it's way from the back of my knee to my breast. He leaned down and took it in his mouth, massaging it with his hand and his tongue. I moaned, "Dean. Ah, yes." That's when he lost control.

We were laying there as I smiled, "That was beyond amazing." I said breathlessly. "I didn't hurt you did I?" Dean asked, running his hand down my thigh, the electricity shot through me all over again as I shook my head. "Are you sure?" He asked as he began kissing my collar bone, I nodded. I could feel him smiling against my collar bone. I could feel my eyes slowly closing, I fought it. "Sleep." he whispered as he began kissing lower. I shook my head, "Are you going to say anything?" He asked. I smiled, "If I do, I'm afraid of the consequences." I said. He was kissing lower as he looked up at me. "Say it." He said kissing my belly button. "Tonight reminded me of those first couple of times together." I said. He moaned against my stomach, which meant he remembered. "Those were good times. You blew my damn mind." He said as he began kissing his way back up. "Why?" I asked. I was curious now. "First let me ask you something, I was your first wasn't I?" I blushed, I knew it. I knew he had known all along, I nodded, "Yeah." I said. "That's why. I knew, I just never said anything because I wasn't sure if you would ever want to be around me again. You blew me away because you knew exactly what you wanted, and you seemed, experienced." He said as he took a breast in his mouth and began moving his tongue slowly around. I gasped and arched my back, "Did you miss me that much?" I asked, my voice catching. He pulled his mouth away but continued massaging me with his hand, "You are my wife. I do have wants and needs, we don't have to do anything. I just don't want to take my hands, or my mouth, off of you." He said. I smiled and ran my fingers through his hair, "I didn't say that, I just wanted to hear you say it." I said.

Just as we finished again, Dean's phone began to ring. I looked at the clock and smiled, twice already and it was barely one in the afternoon. He flipped his phone open, quickly turned it off and threw it on the floor. "You should take time off." He whispered in my ear just before he kissed my neck. "I will if that's what you want." I mumbled. "Really?" He asked, sounding surprised. I opened my eyes and nodded, "Dean, you've been gone a year. There is no way in hell I even want to leave this bed for at least a couple of days." I said, he laughed and pulled me closer to him. "Good, because I don't want you to leave. I want to keep you warm, and I just want you to myself." He said kissing me. I returned the kiss as my phone began to ring. I groaned and looked at the screen, "It's Sam." I said handing him the phone.

Dean handed me the phone after he hung up, I turned it off and put it on the table. "He was calling to make sure we were okay. I kind of left before they were up, I knew they would know where I was." He said rubbing my stomach. "Let me tell you something that is slightly embarrassing for me right now but whatever, I am so damn turned on right now, and you touching me isn't helping at all." I said as Dean laughed, "Oh yeah? Why is that embarrassing?" he asked. I shrugged, "I don't know, because as long as we've been together we've never really, truly let each other in." I said. "Mmm, well, why don't we start?" He asked. I shrugged, "We can try." I said. "Teagan, we aren't teenagers anymore, we're grown, and married. We should have let each other in a long time ago." he said. I nodded, I knew he was right, but both of us had a hard time with it. Me especially, I never knew if tomorrow would be the last time I saw him.

I sat up, my body was fighting sleep. I knew that, I wanted to sleep, but I didn't want to, I didn't want to miss a minute with Dean. "Don't go." He murmured. "I need water, or something." I said. He pulled me back down to him, and shook his head, "I'll get it for you, I don't want you to get dressed." He said kissing me. I smiled against his kiss, "Why not? You're going to get dressed." I said. "Not all the way." He said smiling. I giggled as he opened his eyes, his eyes almost glowing. They were so green right now, "I love to hear you laugh." He said as he looked into my eyes. I smiled as I kissed him on the cheek, "Your eyes are so green right now." I said. "So are yours, but I can see the orange in yours." He said as he slowly slid out of bed.

The next thing I knew I was waking up to the smell of food. My stomach growled as I slid out of bed and got dressed. I put one of Dean's shirts on and headed downstairs, I walked up beside him in the kitchen and put my hand on the small of his back. "Hey beautiful." he said. I looked at him a little confused, "You've never, ever, said it like that before." I said. He smiled and kissed me, "Trying something new." He said and winked at me. I smiled, "So watch ya making?" I asked. "Stew, is that okay?" He asked. I smiled and nodded as I looked at the clock. I had turned my phone back on before I came downstairs. I hopped up on the counter and I could see Dean eyeing me, as I began dialing a number on my phone he put his hands on each knee and pulled my legs apart as he stepped between them. "You know, I told you earlier about those wants and needs of mine. You aren't helping by sitting here, like that." He said running his eyes up and down my body slowly. I smiled, "You know how I told you that I was turned on earlier, it hasn't gone away." I said winking at him. He quietly moaned as he kissed me, taking my phone out of my hand. I pulled away from his kiss and laughed, "Give me my phone back please, I need to let Melody know that I won't be in for a while." I said. "Don't go back until next month." He said handing my phone back to me as he began kissing my neck slowly.

I almost didn't get through the phone conversation with Melody. Dean would only stop kissing and teasing me long enough to stir the stew. She sounded happy that I had decided to take time off. I finally hung up with her and when I did, Dean took my phone once more, turned it off and sat it on the opposite counter. "You are mine for the next four weeks. I want you to rest though." He said looking at me sternly. I rolled my eyes, "Whatever." I said as I kissed him, passionately. He had been teasing me long enough, I needed more. "You don't want to eat?" He asked and as he did I flashed him a devilish smile. He moaned, "You did a lot of thinking while I was gone didn't you?" He asked. I nodded, "Of course I did." I said. Just then the doorbell rang, I groaned and leaned my head against his shoulder. He chuckled, "Go up stairs, I'm dressed, I'll answer the door." He said. "Don't answer the door." I said, playfully pouting as I hopped off the counter and began walking upstairs. Dean came up behind me and pulled me back against him as I gasped, "I won't." He whispered against my neck. "Do that again, and I won't let you." I said as he sighed against my neck. As I pulled away he slapped my butt as I began walking upstairs.

I was standing outside our bedroom when I heard Sam's voice. I closed my eyes and winced, I didn't want him here right now. Apparently neither did Dean, "Hey, I'm glad you're here and everything, but right now really, really isn't a good time." He said. I could hear the smile in Sam's voice, "Oh, okay, we'll go grab some dinner and come back. Zoe is dying to see if Teagan is doing better." "Yeah, she's doing great, we're doing great, but today in general isn't good." He said. I smiled and bit my lip, "Ah, okay." Sam said. I could tell Sam was laughing at Dean, "Come on, a year Sam, we need our time." Just then I could feel the tingle begin to spread. Sam laughed, "I get it, call me when it's a good time. Just make it soon, Zoe misses Teagan." He said. A few seconds later I heard the front door close and I made my way to the top step. "I love him, but sometimes he can be a pain in the ass." Dean said and I giggled, as I motioned him upstairs with my finger. He took the stairs two at a time, and when he got to me he put one hand on my hip, the other on my neck and kissed me, pushing me towards our bedroom. Once we made it through the doorway he kicked the door shut and pushed me to the bed.

I pushed him onto his back and began kissing his chest. We were already completely undressed, so when I began to kiss lower I could hear him groan. I had made my way down to right below his belly button when he grabbed my hands, "Teagan, baby, hold on." He said, almost whispering. I looked up at him, a twinkle in my eye, he had never called me baby before. Ever. "What?" I asked, "Are you sure about this?" He asked. I smiled, "If you don't want me to, I won't." I said. "That's not what I asked." He said, I could hear the desire in his voice. He was teetering on the edge of yes and no, I could tell. "Yes, I'm positive." I said. He let go of my hands as I continued my journey.

He had pulled me up to him, pushing himself up and inside of me. No words were spoken, but from his moans I could tell he loved what I had done. I began moving my hips, pulling him inside of me. He moaned and pushed me onto my back, "What are you doing to me?" He asked. "Good things I hope." I whispered. He began kissing me, "Oh they are way better than just good." He whispered. I couldn't hold back anymore, as I let go he let out a low, deep, sexy moan as he collided with me. I gasped as I felt the warmth spread through out me. He kissed me one last time as he slowly pulled himself away from and laid down. "What is so different about this time?" He asked. "What do you mean?" I asked in reply. "Something is just different this time." He said. I shrugged, "I have no idea, maybe because we didn't expect any of this to happen? I asked. "Maybe." "Hey, by the way, what made you call me baby?" I asked. He looked at me, "Oh, uh, I don't know, it just kind of came out. Heat of the moment I guess, sorry." He replied. I laughed, and shook my head, "No, don't be sorry, it's just we've never done that. It took me by surprise, but in a great way." I said kissing him.

We had eaten and were sitting in the basement drinking a beer, my legs resting over his, holding hands. "Do we, I don't know, seem more in love?" Dean finally asked. I laughed, "Kind of, I don't know, we seem more comfortable around each other." I said. He nodded, "I think that's it, we stay so guarded, I think it's finally breaking away." He said looking at me, bringing my hand up to his mouth and kissing it. I smiled, "I feel like I did when we first got together, as a couple." I said. He nodded, "I agree, I think we needed this. The alone time together, I think we were so wrapped up in ourselves and our families that we didn't realize that we were pushing each other away." He said. I nodded, "Yeah, I mean, I was always working, you were always gone. Zoe and Sam lived here, what time we got to ourselves was maybe a few minutes at a time, we never really got to explore each other." I said. "Yeah, I like it better this way, we just needed time away from our single worlds." He said, as he began rubbing my leg. I smiled and nodded, "Hey, I love you." I said. He smiled, "I love you too." He replied as we both took a sip from our beers.

I woke up the next morning, my entire body felt sore and bruised. It took me a few minutes to realize that I was in bed, I looked around groggily and realized that it was daylight outside, Dean's side of the bed was empty. I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack. I quickly threw on his t-shirt from the day before and a pair of underwear. I opened the door and almost collided with him, "Oh holy shit!" I exclaimed, my hand on my chest. I thought he was going to drop the plate he had from laughing so hard. I gently slapped him on the arm, "It's so not funny." I said smiling. He nodded, "I'm sorry, the look on your face though. Priceless, but are you okay?" He asked, sounding honestly concerned. I nodded, "Yeah, I just don't remember going to bed last night and when I saw your side of the bed empty I panicked." I said. "Sorry, I just thought after yesterday, I would do something nice and make you breakfast in bed. And you got to bed because I carried you, you fell asleep on the couch downstairs and you looked so peaceful and beautiful that I didn't want to wake you up." He said. I smiled and kissed him, "Thank you." I said. He nodded, "Teagan, I didn't think it would ever be possible to love you more than I already did, but in the last couple of days I've found out it is entirely possible." He said. I blushed and looked at the floor, letting my hair fall in my face. "Hey, don't look away from me when you blush, I love it." He said putting his free hand on my hip. I bit my lip and looked up at him and nodded. "Want to eat breakfast?" he asked. I nodded, "Yeah, let me take a shower first." I said. "Okay, I'll be here." He said as he slid into bed and sat the plate on the table next to my side. "I'll be out in two seconds." I said.

I got out of the shower, got dressed in one of my black thin t-shirts, a pair of flannel pants and threw my hair into a messy bun since it was wet. I walked into the bedroom and Dean looked sad seeing that I was dressed. I jumped into bed and playfully pounced on him. His hands automatically went to my hips and pulled me into his lap as he wrapped his arms around me. "You seem happy." He said. "I am. Yesterday was amazing. Just you and me, I got you to myself finally." I said smiling. He chuckled, "That's all you've wanted isn't it?" He asked. "Well, yeah." I said quietly. "Well I plan on making it up to you, but I have to ask. How do you feel today?" I laughed because I knew exactly what he was asking, "Sore." I said as he smiled against my neck, "Well eat, please. I'm still worried about you." He said. "Don't be, I'm fine." I said as I reached over and grabbed the plate. I smiled, there were pancakes and strawberries and orange juice. "You're a romantic, who would have guessed." I said, putting a strawberry up to his lips as he took a bite. "Only because of you." He said.

Dean and I had agreed on going to see Sam and Zoe today so after breakfast I got up and threw on a pair of tight jeans, shoved into boots. I left my t-shirt but put a white tank top on underneath. I walked downstairs and as I was grabbing my jacket I heard Dean say, "Are you sure you want to go anywhere?" I laughed, "We have a month, yes I'm sure. I need to apologize for the crazy person I turned into." I said. He pulled me into a hug, "I'm sure they understand." He said. I shrugged, "I don't know, but I think it's the right thing to do, first though I want to stop and get some stuff for Maddi." I said, Dean nodded, "Sounds good." He said as we headed for the door.

I ended up buying Maddison a couple of really cute outfits. A red and black Christmas dress, and white dress. I also bought her a baby pea coat. I could see the sparkle in Dean's eyes as I paid for the stuff. I could also see the worry in his eyes, but I ignored it. We finally pulled up at their house and we got out. "They know we're coming right?" I asked Dean, sounding nervous. He smiled, "Yes, they know we're coming. Why are you so nervous?" He asked looking more worried. "Oh god, take this, I think I'm going to puke." I said. I almost ran back to the car, Dean right behind me. "Hey, what's going on?" He asked. "I can't do this. I was a fucking wreck, I can't just go in there like none of this ever happened." I said. "Teagan, babe, they aren't going to judge you. You know that, they understand, they just worry, like I do. We can go in when you're ready." he said rubbing my back. I never puked, but I wanted to. I finally decided to go in, only because I was cold. Dean rang the doorbell and Sam answered the door. "Teagan, hey." Sam said pulling me into a hug. I hugged him back, "Uh, hey we brought some stuff for Maddison." I said. He smiled, "Come on, she's napping right now, but she'll be up later." he said as Dean and I followed him inside.

He led us into the kitchen where Zoe was making lunch. "Zoe, look whose here." Sam said. As he did Zoe turned around and almost dropped the bowl she had. She quickly sat it down and came over to me and wrapped me in a huge hug. I smiled and hugged her back, "I'm so, so sorry." I whispered. She pulled away from me, "Teagan, don't apologize. I get it, Sam get's it. I've just really, really missed you." She said, tears filling her eyes. I hugged her again, feeling as though I wanted to cry. "Hey we brought stuff for Maddi. When she wakes up can I hold her? I'm sober, promise." I said holding up my left hand. Zoe laughed, "I'm sure Dean got the drunk out of you." She said as Sam turned away from us, trying not to laugh. My face turned pink as I turned to Dean, who was quietly laughing. I pulled on his jacket and hid my face in his chest as he wrapped his arm around my waist. "It's been a year, I know, I would be the same way." Zoe said giggling. "Oh my god." I murmured into Dean's chest as his grip tightened but I could feel him laughing. I swear he never got embarrassed about anything.

"So Melody called you yesterday and told you not to come to work right?" Zoe asked as Sam looked at her. "Uh, yeah." I said slowly. "Your welcome. I kept up with the lie, but I told her that Dean was home, Teagan, the roads weren't closed yesterday." Zoe said. "Seriously Zoe? I mean, thank you, but really? I could have gone to work?" I asked. "Look, I'm not stupid, you and Dean need some time together. Just you and him, I figured if I could get you a day, you would realize that. Melody told me that you finally asked for time off. You aren't going back until January." I sighed, "Yeah, I mean, you are right. We realized something last night. We were so absorbed in our own worlds that we couldn't see how far away we were pushing each other. So thank you." I said looking at Zoe. Just then I heard Maddison on the baby monitor and my eyes lit up. "She's awake. Can I feed her if she needs to eat?" I asked. Zoe and Sam laughed, they nodded, "Come on, come help me." Zoe said. I jumped up, "Okay." I said sounding like a giddy little kid. We headed upstairs, but I could feel Dean's eyes on me as Sam and him began to talk.

When we made our way back downstairs, I was carrying Maddison, Dean and Sam were no where to be found. I put her in the high chair as Zoe made her a bottle. She handed me a jar of baby food and I opened it up. I dipped the baby spoon into the baby food and slowly inched it towards Maddison's face as she began smiling at me. She was kicking her feet and cooing as Sam and Dean walked in. I almost didn't notice until Dean ran his hand down my shoulder. I smiled up at him and then focused my attention back on feeding Maddi.

She had finished half of the food when Zoe handed me her bottle. I looked up at her nervously, "Uh, what?" I asked her. "Unless Dean wants to feed her." Zoe said smiling, "Uh, no thanks." He said nervously. I was cleaning Maddi up, after I finished I took her out of her high chair carefully and grabbed the bottle. "I got this, I hope." I said as Zoe laughed, "She's not going to break." I cradled Maddison in my arm and put the bottle in her mouth. Towards the end of the bottle she began smiling at me and pushing the bottle out of her mouth. I sat it on the table and looked down at her, "What?" I asked as I kissed her on the forehead. The kitchen was quiet as I looked up, Dean was looking at me differently, Sam and Zoe were watching me smiling. "What?" I asked. "You look so different holding her and talking to her. You look, happy." Zoe said. I smiled, "Well she is my niece so." I paused and looked back down at her, "Yeah, and I'll babysit you anytime your mommy and daddy want to go out for some alone time." I said looking back up at them. They laughed, "Sounds good." Sam said.

We had all moved to the living room, Maddison was on the floor playing with toys. I couldn't stop watching her. I couldn't believe I had been so selfish that I missed all of this. I took a sip of my beer as Zoe looked at me, "What's wrong?" She asked. I quickly looked up, "Oh, nothing. Why?" I asked. "I know that face when you start thinking about something. So spill it." She said. I sighed, "I was just thinking about how selfish I've been and how I've missed so much of this because I was so wrapped up in how I was feeling." I said looking her dead in the eyes. "Teagan, you've got to, at some point, stop blaming yourself. We knew why you didn't come around, I understand, everyone understands. What hurt the most though? Was when I would call you and get nothing. When I would see you at work and it looked as though the fire that you've burned for a really really long time, was gone. I was scared that one day, Sam would go check on you and come back to tell me that you weren't here anymore. I've seen you depressed, but not like that. It hurt knowing that you needed someone so bad and I couldn't help." She said. Dean was looking at me, "What?" He asked. I bit my lip and momentarily cocked my eyebrow, I knew, I knew that I was in deep now. I just stared at my beer for a second and replied quietly, "yeah. It was bad." I said. I looked up at Zoe, "I'm sorry, there were days that I wished I would die. Then there were days that I would wake up and the pain was so bad that I thought I deserved it. Those were the days that I didn't want to die, I just wanted to suffer alone." I said. Zoe nodded, "I know, that's why I never went with Sam to check on you. I knew if you wanted to talk, you would call." She said.

I finally realized that Zoe and I weren't the only ones in the room as Dean stood up and walked out. I sighed, looking down at my beer, tears had filled my eyes long ago. "Hey, he's not mad, he's upset that he wasn't here to be with you. I'll go talk to him." Sam said as I nodded. Zoe came and sat down on the couch next to me and put her arms around me, hugging me.

Dean and I had finally left, and on the drive back he looked at me, "If you want to talk about anything, I'm listening." He said. I looked down at my hands and then at him, "Not really. I mean, maybe at some point, but just not right now." I said. He nodded and put his hand on my leg, "You looked amazing with Maddison today." he said smiling. I laughed, "Thanks." I replied. "That'll be us someday, hopefully soon." He said. I smiled, "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm having fun practicing for now." I said. He laughed, "Yeah, me too." He replied as we pulled into the garage.

Chapter 19

January

The last month had been amazing. I had to go back to work on Monday and I was really dreading it. Today was Dean's birthday, I was in the kitchen listening to _Colder Weather_ on my phone. Dean walked into the kitchen, my eyes were filled with tears. This song made me think of my dad and of Dean. I knew it would be a matter of time before he would want to leave again. He kept telling me that he wasn't going to leave, but I knew better. It was Dean, hunting is his life. Just then the doorbell rang, he took one last look at me and went to the front door. I heard Sam's voice, I sighed and wiped my eyes. I put the cake in the oven and began assembling the mini burgers. Zoe walked in carrying Maddison, I had bought a high chair so that way when they came over there would be somewhere to sit for Maddi. "What's the matter?" Zoe asked. I smiled, "Nothing." "Bullshit, you've been crying." She said, just then Sam and Dean walked in and I shook my head, going back to the burgers. Zoe looked at Sam, "Hey take Maddi, Teagan and I need to talk." She said, handing Maddi to Sam. "Hey there are a few toys up in your old room." I said. He nodded as he and Dean headed upstairs.

"So what's really going on?" Zoe asked. I looked at her then to the kitchen door, "I'm afraid that Dean's going to take off again." I said quietly. "If he does, he'll be back." She said. I looked at her in shock, "Seriously? I thought that a year ago remember." I said as I finished the last burger. "True, but as far as I know there's nothing super dangerous going on, just your regular every day monsters." She said. I shrugged, "I don't know. I've lost him twice, and I feel like if I don't get pregnant soon, he's going to go back to leaving and I don't know if I can deal with that." I said grabbing a beer for Zoe and myself out of the fridge. "Have you talked to him about this?" She asked. "Yeah, he keeps promising me he isn't leaving, but it's Dean we both know better." I said. "Give him the benefit of the doubt, not everyone is going to leave you. Especially not him, if he can help it. You've got to understand that neither him nor Sam thought that he was going to get taken away, you can't blame him for that." She said. I nodded, "Yeah I guess your right. I guess I just keep thinking about how I have to go back to work Monday, and as bad as I miss it, I don't want to go back. I just want to stay here." I said looking at the table. "It'll be okay." Zoe said taking a drink of her beer. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry." I said. She smiled, "Don't be sorry."

As we were sitting around the table, I smiled. "So Zoe, you brought your outfit for tonight, right?" I asked, as Sam and Dean looked at each other and then at us. Zoe smiled, "Yes, yes I did. I even packed something for Sam." She looking at him and winking. "What the hell is going on?" Dean asked. I smiled, "Well, because I love you so much. I have a surprise for your birthday tonight. Zoe and I have been planning this for at least a week now." I said smiling. Dean searched my eyes and then smiled, "Seriously?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah." I said. "So where are we going?" He asked. "Well it's a surprise, but it's a super nice place." I said winking at him.

It was finally time to get ready for Dean's surprise dinner. The babysitter came to mine and Dean's house to watch Maddi. Zoe and I were getting ready in the guest room, while Dean and Sam got ready in Sam's old room. They were ready before we were, so they knocked on the door. "We'll be down in a few minutes." I said as Zoe zipped my dress up. I had a bandage dress on, it stopped mid thigh. The bottom was dark blue, the top was black with hot pink over it. My hair was curled softly and pinned to the side with crystal jeweled bobby pins. I sat down on the bed and put on my black high heeled shoes, that went to my ankle, covered in jewels. I zipped them up and stood up. "We, look amazing." I said smiling at Zoe as she nodded. Her dress was a blue, white and black bandage dress that she paired with dark red suede shoes just like mine. I put on my black leather cropped jacket and she put on her pink jacket. We walked downstairs and as we entered the living Dean and Sam stood, and just stared. "How do you two surprise us still?" Sam asked looking at Zoe. "Because we know how to surprise you." She said laughing. Dean walked up to me, looking into my eyes, "You look beautiful tonight." He said. I smiled, "Thank you."

As Zoe and Sam were telling Maddi bye, Dean whispered in my ear, "Please tell me that dress comes off easily." I couldn't help but to laugh out loud. Sam and Zoe turned to us and I shook my head. I looked at Dean, my eyes sparkling, and whispered in return, "Yes." He smiled as we stood and walked out to the car. I gave Dean directions to where we were going without letting him know. "Do we have time to lose Sam and Zoe?" he asked, eyeing me. I smiled, "No. We don't. We have all night, I promise." I said as we got closer to the restaurant. "This isn't the only surprise I have for you tonight." I said winking at him as he pulled up in front of the place. He looked up, "No way, we're going here? You remember?" He asked. I smiled, "Yeah, how could I forget? You talked about this place forever." I said and stopped looking at him. "Come on Teagan, please, not tonight." He said looking at me. "Okay, okay, I'm working on it." I said as we got out of his car.

Dinner had been fantastic, and Dean looked really happy. He had his arm around me as we were all talking and laughing. The waitress walked up to ask if we would like any dessert and I nodded. "Yeah, I want him to try something new." I said smiling and looking at Dean. I ordered the chocolate souffle cake to share with him and Zoe had ordered the crème brulee to share with Sam. As we were waiting for the waitress to come back I grabbed the bag that Zoe had handed me outside before coming in. I handed Dean the bag and I smiled excitedly at him. "Do you want me to open this now?" He asked. I rolled my eyes, "Well, yeah." I said. He slowly slid a collectors edition original Batman car out. His jaw dropped, "Holy shit, it's signed by Batman!" He exclaimed. I laughed, "So do you like it?" I asked. "I love it." He replied and kissed me. "So, how much did you spend on that exactly? I think I have an idea." Sam said. "Shut up Sam." Zoe said. Dean looked at me and then at Zoe, "Zoe, how much did she spend?" Dean asked. Zoe shrugged, "I have no idea. Besides, even if I did I wouldn't tell you." She said just as the waitress walked up with our dessert. "Can I have the bill please?" I asked smiling at her. "Sure, I'll be right back." She said. "You're not paying." Dean said. "Yes, I am. This is your birthday, shut up and enjoy it." I said as the waitress came back. I shoved my credit card inside the black leather casing and handed it back.

We met back up at our house, it had started snowing again. "How are you two not cold?" Sam asked. Zoe and I looked at each other and laughed, "Beauty is pain." She said as we walked inside. Sam and Zoe went into the living room and was talking to the babysitter as Dean and I hung back in the kitchen. "So, was this an okay birthday?" I asked. "The greatest birthday ever. Thank you." He said as he put his hand on my hip and kissed me. I smiled, "You're welcome. I thought it would be nice to get you out of the house and do something." I said. He smiled, "I love the Batman car you got, I'm going to put it in the living room." He said. I nodded, "Sounds good to me." I said as I poured me a drink. Dean raised an eyebrow at me, "What, it's just one, come on." I said. He smiled, "I know, I just wanted to give you a hard time." He said as he placed his other hand on my hip. "We should all do this more often, not just on special occasions." Zoe said walking into the kitchen. I nodded, "Definitely. It's fun to play dress up." I said smiling.

Zoe and Sam left not long after, Maddi was asleep so I kissed her gently on the forehead. I had decided to go to bed, but before Dean could come in, I put on a red satin with black lace nightgown and slid into bed. I pulled the comforter up around my neck and snuggled in. As Dean slid into bed next to me he put his hand on my hip, "I know you're not asleep. I know what you're wearing, but let me tell you something. We almost didn't make it to dinner tonight." He said kissing me. I laughed, "Oh yeah?" I asked as he nodded, "You looked amazing tonight. I'm so lucky, but you know, you don't have to dress up for me to want you." He said as I opened my eyes. "I know, but I like to dress up. I like to see it in your eyes when I wear something different." I said. "My eyes change?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah, they sparkle, sounds stupid but there's a spark there that is more prominent when I wear something sexy." I said. He pulled me closer, "You could wear rags or the most beautiful dress and the spark may change but it will never go away." He said rubbing my side. I smiled, "I'm glad." I replied as I pushed his hand to my thigh. He pushed me onto my back and positioned himself between my legs.

I woke up the next morning not feeling to great, I groaned and rolled out of bed. I went and took a shower, I got dressed in a pair of gray skinny jeans, tucked into my black calf high boots and a black oversized t-shirt. I headed downstairs and sat down at the table, and as soon as the smell of coffee hit me I had to lay my head down on the table. "You okay?" Dean asked. I groaned, "I'll take that as a no." He said walking over. "Want some tea?" he asked when I didn't look up at him, "Sure." I said weakly. A few minutes later he sat a cup of hot tea on the table and sat down next to me, gently rubbing my back. In his silence I knew what he wanted to ask me, "Go ahead and ask." I said quietly, not taking my head off the cool wooden table. I could hear the smile in his voice as he asked, "You think it's morning sickness?" I shrugged, "I don't know." I said. "Should we find out?" He asked. I groaned as the bitter smell of coffee hit me again. This time I couldn't ignore it, I rushed upstairs and made it to the bathroom just in time.

After I had brushed my teeth I went back downstairs, I still wasn't feeling good, but I was feeling better. "Want to go with me?" Dean asked. "Where?" I asked in return. He gave me that look, that look that said I should know where he was going, and then our conversation from ten minutes ago hit me. "Oh, yeah, sure." I replied and grabbed my jacket. It was snowing outside still as we got into his car. I leaned my head against the cold glass as I breathed slowly, trying to keep the sickness at bay.

As we were on our way to the store, I looked at Dean, "What if I am?" I asked. "Then you'll be having a baby in, what, nine months?" He asked. I laughed, "Yeah, something like that." I said. We pulled up in front of a convenient store we got out. I looked at him over the car, "You can stay here if you want." I said. "No, I'm going in with you." he said smiling at me, I think at this point he was more excited than me. _I would be excited if I didn't feel like crap_. I thought to myself as we went inside and headed for the pregnancy tests. As we were looking at the pregnancy tests the overwhelming thought of: _"What the hell are you doing, you were just sick. You've had your period, this is so stupid._" hit me. I looked up at Dean, "Can we just go?" I asked. "But, what about, why?" He asked. "Because, I haven't missed my period, it might have just been something that I ate last night. Tell you what, I'll make you a deal, if by next month I'm," I stopped and cleared my throat, "not on time, then we'll come back." I said. He thought for a minute, "You're right, come on." He said as we headed back to the car.

I was upstairs laying down, trying to fight the nausea when I heard the doorbell ring. I groaned and pulled the blankets over my head and closed my eyes. Just then I heard the bedroom door open and I laid as still as possible, eyes closed. "Teagan?" I heard Zoe ask, and I ignored her. She sighed and left, a few minutes later Dean walked in, "Teagan? How are you feeling?" He asked. I ignored him to, but unlike Zoe he didn't leave, he walked over and put his hand on my forehead, "Jesus Christ, you're burning up." He whispered as he got off the bed. "Dean, I'm awake, I just don't want to come downstairs." I said quietly. "I know you don't feel good but what's going on?" He asked sitting back down on the bed. "If I am pregnant, it scares me." I said, swallowing hard. "Why does it scare you? I thought this was something you wanted." Dean said rubbing my arm. "It is, but it still scares me. I mean, I don't know, it's stupid I guess." I said rolling my eyes. "It's not stupid, neither of us has gotten the chance to be kids and now that we can just do whatever, we both enjoy it, but I know you and I obviously know myself and I think it's something we both want really bad. Being scared isn't stupid though." Dean said. I nodded, "You're right. I still don't want to see anyone though, I still feel like crap." I said. "Okay, I'll tell Sam and Zoe that you're sleeping." He said and kissed my forehead, he got up and walked out, closing the door behind him.

I woke up and looked at the clock, it was barely noon. I rolled out of bed and threw my jeans back on and freshened myself up before going downstairs. I was feeling much better after the nap I had taken. As I walked into the kitchen I saw that Sam and Zoe were still there. I smiled, "Hey guys. Sorry, I wasn't feel to great. I'm feeling better now." I said as I sat down. "You hungry?" Dean asked. "Uh, no. Not yet." I said as I noticed their pizza my stomach growled. "So did you wake up sick?" Zoe asked. "Yeah, but it's not what you think. I think it was just something I ate last night." I said and shrugged. Zoe got a smart ass smirk on her face, "Teagan, I don't think so, but believe what you want." She said. "I will, until I have a reason to think otherwise." I said as I grabbed a piece of pizza. At least the smell didn't make me nauseous, I took a bite, that didn't make me nauseous either. I did a small victory dance in my hand and continued eating.

I ate one more piece of pizza and grabbed a beer. "What are you doing?" Zoe asked, looking at the beer in my hand. Dean and Sam had disappeared into the basement to do whatever they did down there. "I'm going to have a beer." I said. "You really think you should?" She asked. I rolled my eyes, "Whatever. Fine, I'll put it back." I said and sat it back down in the fridge as Dean walked upstairs. He grabbed two beers and noticed, apparently, that it was oddly quiet in the kitchen. "Why is it so quiet, when you two are together it's never like this." Dean said. I shrugged, "No reason, just sitting here." I said. "No, Teagan tried to get a beer, I don't think she should." Zoe said. Dean looked from me to Zoe and back again, he looked like a deer in headlights. "I mean, yeah I get it, but it's kind of up to Teagan don't you think Zoe? After all, if she is pregnant look at all the beers and alcohol she's already drank. I don't think one beer, at this point, is going to hurt." "Whatever." So answered. I sighed, "Zoe, I know you want this for me, but I don't think it's happening right now. We'll see though, look I'll make you both a deal. I won't drink any alcohol until I find out, a month from now." I ended the sentence quietly, the weight of what I had just said hit me hard. _No alcohol for a month, that's a long time._ I thought to myself. "Okay, you're on." Zoe said smiling. Dean shook his head and retreated back downstairs with the beer.

After Sam and Zoe left, Dean looked at me. "Are you sure about this?" He asked. At that moment it all came crashing back to me, "No, not really. I'll give it a shot though. What can it hurt? I mean obviously nothing." I said laughing and making a nasty face. Dean laughed, "Well, want me to try with you?" He asked, my eyes widened in shock as I put a hand to his forehead, "Hmm, you do feel a little warm." I said. He laughed again and grabbed me, "Mm, well, you are a nurse." He said, a devilish smile playing over his face. I laughed, "No, not going to happen. No, I don't want you to stop with me. You're Dean Winchester you're known for your drinking." I said as I winked at him. "You've got a point." He said as he kissed me.

I woke up feeling great, it was Saturday, the snow was falling and I wanted to do something. I wasn't sure what, just something. I quickly got dressed and went downstairs. Dean had beaten me down to the kitchen, "Dammit, why do you wake up so early?" I asked. He looked at me curiously, "Uh, I don't know." He said. "So I want to do something today. I don't know what, just something. I need to get out of this house." I said hopping up on the counter beside him. "So I take it you're feeling fine?" He asked, smiling at me. I nodded, "Yes, and you know what. I think we should go shopping, not for clothes, for stuff for the house. It's still so bare in here!" I said hopping down and heading for the door. Before I could make it to far, Dean grabbed my hand, "Woah, calm down. You are on like super sonic overdrive. What's going on?" He asked. "Nothing! I just haven't been able to enjoy the snow, or anything. We stay inside, and I need to be outside. Right now." I said.

I headed for the door and outside. I made it out and around the corner before Dean came outside. I packed a snowball, and as soon as he stepped out of the garage I threw it at him and started laughing. The look on his face of shock made me laugh harder, making me trip as I ran to pack another snowball. I caught myself as Dean threw a snowball at me, hitting me in the back. I quickly threw another one at him as he ran towards me, I hit him in the shoulder. He fell down dramatically as though I had shot him and I began laughing, I ran over to him, and as I acted as though I was trying to revive him he shoved a snow ball down my shirt. I gasped, "Jesus Christ that's cold." I said standing up and shaking it out of my shirt. I could hear him laughing and before I knew it he was off the ground and making another snowball. I made a snowball, ran over to him, and shoved it down the back of his shirt. He gasped, "Shit!" and arched his back. I couldn't stop laughing, as I was doubled over laughing he came running over to me and tackled me gently into the snow. "You think it's funny?" He asked, half whispering, inches from my face. I nodded, "Very." I replied. "I love seeing you happy." He said as he kissed me. "It's the snow." I said sticking my tongue out at him. "Yeah, sure it is." He said winking at me, his devilishly handsome smile plastered on his face. I giggled, "I love you." I said as I leaned up and kissed him.

We had decided to make a snow man and I was so excited. I ran inside and grabbed a scarf, some grapes, and a beer for the nose. I laughed to myself as I headed back outside. We had already finished the snow man body but I was sent on the mission for the face and buttons. I had shoved the beer inside my jacket before I got outside. "Did you get a nose?" Dean asked as I handed him the grapes. I pulled the beer from my jacket, and he started laughing, "Really?" He asked. I nodded, it was hard to breath from laughing, "Yeah, we didn't have carrots or anything, so I said screw it." I said. He shook his head laughing, "Want to do the honors and give him his nose?" He asked as he pushed the last grape into his chest for the button. I shoved the beer into the snow mans face and giggled, "Perfect!" I said smiling up at Dean. He nodded and pulled me to him, "Just like you." He said. "I'm not perfect." I whispered. "To me you are." He said kissing me. I couldn't take it anymore, I wrapped my arms around his neck and returned the kiss only with more passion. He groaned against my lips and picked me up. We made it to the garage before he pushed me up against the back of his car. He ran his hand gently up under my shirt and jacket, caressing my stomach as his other hand began unzipping my jacket. I reached down, hooked my finger into his jeans and pulled him closer. I could feel him through his jeans as I moaned, my head rolling back, as it did he began kissing down the front of my neck and picked me up again.

We had made it upstairs and into our bed. I was kissing his chest as he lay on his back, the sheet pulled around us. We were both breathless, "Still want to go somewhere?" Dean asked smiling. I nodded, "Of course." I said winking. He pulled me closer, "Okay, where do you want to go?" He asked. "Well several places." I said winking at him as I pulled away and slid out of bed. I was pulling on my shirt when Dean walked up behind me, "I love you." He whispered as he gently ran his hand over my naked stomach and walked out. I smiled, flipped my hair out of my shirt and grabbed my jacket.

We spent three hours away from the house, and it was amazing. We got kicked out of a store in the mall for messing with everything. I didn't care, I was having fun. I drug Dean into a clothing store with me as I bought some new clothes and bought him a few things too. We grabbed a quick bite to eat and headed to Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I bought some new blankets for the bed, and some new pillows. I actually bought quit a bit of stuff so when we got home we had tons of stuff to carry in.

As we got everything inside I grabbed the newest bedding set that I had bought and quickly went upstairs. I made the bed and as I was smoothing the comforter out Dean came in and pushed me onto the bed. "I hate shopping, but I had fun today. You made it fun." he said kissing me. I laughed, "Well thanks, I think my favorite part was getting kicked out." I said. He laughed, "We're such trouble makers." He said sarcastically. "Oh I know! In all honesty though, I kind of miss when we were so rebellious. I mean, you haven't lost your edge, but I have." I said. He laughed, "Teagan, if you would let yourself off the leash you've placed on yourself, you'd get into way more trouble. I think you're trying to hard to fit into what everyone labels normal." He said, I knew it was the truth. I needed so bad to be myself, but I knew I needed my job. I had become accustomed to having money, and living comfortably. It wasn't handed to me, I worked my ass off and I wasn't really ready to give it up. "I know, but you know, I've worked my ass off to have all of this. I can't just throw it away." I said. "That's not what I'm saying, I'm saying you need to stop giving a shit what people think. That's not you, you don't care. You never have and now, everyone's opinion matters to you." he said. I nodded, "I know, it's just, I feel like for once I kind of fit in. At the same time though, I know I don't." I said. "Teagan, you have paved your own way in life, don't fold now." He said. I smiled, "And you say I'm smarter than you, that sounds pretty smart to me." I said, leaning up to kiss him.

Thank God Dean understood, he was the only one that understood me. We were so much alike but so different at the same time. We stood on common ground though, we saw eye to eye with a lot of things. Of course we didn't agree on everything, but who does? Every time he said something to me like what he had said, it made me realize why I had fallen in love with him in the first place. He never, ever, judged me for who I was or who I wanted to be. He never laughed at my silly dreams, but he always encouraged anything I wanted to do. That's why when he wanted to hunt, I let him. Why keep him from doing something he loved when he never did that to me. He knew the hunting life wasn't what I wanted, but he never told me I was wrong with my decision.

_"Teagan?" Dean whispered, slowly climbing through my bedroom window. "Yeah?" I asked from my bathroom. I had locked the door to my bedroom already, but I knew my dad wouldn't come in. He was passed out drunk downstairs, and he wouldn't wake up until the morning. I just didn't take chances though. I turned the bathroom light off, my room dimly lit by a small beside lamp. I walked closer to Dean and as I did he grabbed me and pulled me to him. I smiled, I was getting to used to this. I knew eventually, he would leave. How could someone like Dean stay with someone like me forever? "I've missed you." He said kissing me. "I've missed you too." I said hesitantly, I never knew if he really meant it or if he was just saying it to make me feel better. "Does your dad know you're gone?" I asked him. "No, if he does find out I'm gone he won't care. There's no job so he's at home with Sammy." He said, his hands rubbing my hips. I knew what he wanted, and he would get it, but I also knew what I wanted, but sadly, that was never going to happen. _

_ Just like that it was over and we were getting dressed. Every time he left I wanted to cry, but didn't because I knew he didn't belong to me. As badly as I wanted him too, as badly as I wanted to be able to say, "Yes, he is my boyfriend." I couldn't and never would have that privilege. He was a ladies man, and no one would stop him from being so. I was always at a crossroads with myself and with this situation. One one hand, yes, I wanted him for my own, but on the other hand I liked it this way. No heartbreak, no worrying if he was faithful. I had just put my shirt back on and sat down on my bed when Dean hesitated at the window. He turned to me to say something and stopped, my heart was beating in my chest, "_was this it?" _I asked myself. "Hey, I know your birthday was yesterday, but I got this for you." He said as he handed me a small box and left before I could open it. I watched the window, wishing he would have stayed, but something tonight made this whole experience different. Something was different about Dean and I couldn't exactly put my finger on it. I slowly opened the small box wrapped in newspaper and pulled out a beautiful dragon pendant on a black leather rope. I smiled and slipped it on around my neck. I laid down, holding the dragon between my fingers, rubbing it until I fell asleep._

I woke up smiling, the dream was so vivid it seemed like it was real. I looked over at Dean sleeping peacefully and slowly slid out of bed. I went over to the dresser and found the necklace with the dragon that he had given me so many years ago. Almost eleven years ago he gave me this, I stopped wearing it after we broke up in college and had just sort of forgotten about it until just now. June fourteenth would be twelve years. It's amazing what you're mind can make you remember that you had forgotten for so long. I slowly slipped the necklace on and hid it under my shirt. I walked downstairs and began making breakfast, knowing that Dean would be down in a few minutes.

I had just finished breakfast when Dean walked downstairs, showered and ready for the day. "Woah, why are you up so early?" He asked, grabbing a cup of coffee. I shrugged, "Had a dream and woke up." I said. I placed our plates on the table as he sat our cups down, "You're still having bad dreams of this past year?" He asked. I laughed, "God no, thankfully. It was a dream of me and you." I said smiling as I looked down at my cup of coffee. "Oh yeah? Was it good?" He asked winking at me. I laughed again, "Not like that Dean." Just then I pulled the necklace out and I could see it in his face he remembered the necklace. "So I had a dream or a memory, whatever you want to call it, of when you gave me this necklace." I said, looking at the pendant, holding it between my fingers. "I was a nervous damn wreck that night." He said looking straight at me. "Really? I knew something was off about you that night." I said looking back at him. He sat back, "Really? I was that bad?" he asked. I laughed, "No, I just knew you." I said. "See I guess I blocked a lot of the past out, I remember giving that to you for your birthday, but I don't remember what I said." He said looking embarrassed. "You said, 'I know your birthday was yesterday, but here.' and you left before I could open it. It made my birthday for sure." I said. He laughed, "God that's bad." he said. I laughed, "Kind of, but who cares? It's the past for a reason, here we are, eleven years after you gave me this." "Wow, yeah. It's been a long time." he said. "Do you regret it?" I asked before I could stop it from spilling out. "Never." he replied.

After breakfast had been cleaned up we were sitting at the table talking, "So I have to ask, why were you so nervous?" I asked. "Because, I had never given anyone a gift before. You were the first girl ever. You were such a little bad ass that it scared me if you laughed, so I just left before you could." he said. I burst out laughing, "Dean! I was so not a bad ass! Besides, even if I would have hated it I would have never laughed. I'm not a bitch." I said. He shrugged, "Oh come on! I was not the greatest person, so I have no idea why you're acting embarrassed about it now either." I said. "You were the greatest thing that happened to me." He said as I blushed, "You saved me." I said looking at him. "I'm Batman, remember." He said winking as I laughed. "True." I replied.

"Is there anything else you remember?" He asked. "Not off the top of my head. Oh! Remember the time you sneaked into my bedroom and you know. Anyways my door was locked and your dad was looking for you so he came to our house, and my dad came upstairs and was banging on the door to let him in. We had to quickly get dressed and you hid in my closet as I opened the door. I told him that you weren't there and I hadn't seen you all night." I said smiling. "Yeah, I remember that. We were both so scared, I think I was more scared than you though. I would have been dead, but you're a damn good liar." He said. I acted shocked, "What? I'm not liar, I'm a truth stretcher." I said winking. He burst out laughing, "Call it what you want." He said.

Today had been a good day, I just wasn't ready for the work week. Having all this time alone with Dean had been nice. I looked at my phone, it was only six in the afternoon, "Hey, you want to see if Sam and Zoe want to go out for dinner?" I asked. "Sounds good to me." He said as he picked up his phone and began calling Sam. They talked for a few minutes and then turned to me and asked, "Family friendly?" I gave him a look that said, are you serious, "Yeah, of course." I said and then whispered, "Because I'm not drinking." I got up and went upstairs. I changed into a pair of dark colored blue jeans, a long white long sleeved shirt, put my leather jacket on and grabbed my beanie. I came back downstairs and looked at Dean, "Ready?" I asked. He nodded, "Yeah, their going to meet us there." He said putting his hand on my hip and kissing me.

Dean, Sam, Zoe, Maddi and I were all sitting at a table at the barbecue place Dean and Sam had picked. The waitress took our drink order and everyone ordered beer but me. I ordered sweet tea. I could feel the tension of Sam and Zoe wanting to ask the obvious question, and I was dreading it. "I'll be right back." I said as I got up and walked away. I entered the women's bathroom and went to the first stall, locked the door and sat down on the toilet. I didn't want to do this, I didn't want to have this conversation, I hoped they wouldn't ask but I knew it was inevitable. I pulled my feet up on the toilet, pulling my knees to my chest and just sat there. I heard the bathroom door open and I silently hoped it wasn't Zoe, but I was wrong. Of course I was wrong, when there was an answer to be found, she would be the one to find it. "Teagan?" I heard her ask. I sighed, slowly stood up and opened the door. "What?" I asked. "Hey, are you okay?" She asked sounding concerned. I nodded, "Yeah I'm fine. I just kind of don't want to have this conversation." I said, it was the truth. I didn't want to talk about the fact that I might be pregnant, I might not be. "You don't have to, Dean told us what's going on. We weren't going to ask anyways. I mean, maybe eventually, but not tonight." She said smiling and pulling me into a hug. I sighed against her shoulder and wrapped my arms around her, "Thanks." I replied. "Hey, you sound, different." She said slowly, looking at me. I shrugged, "I don't know. I guess I'm just scared. I mean, obviously I want it to happen, I just don't know if all the waiting is making it worse or not." I said. "I get it, it's got to be nerve wracking. Can I ask you one question?" She asked. I laughed, "Sure." I replied. "Why does Dean think you're pregnant? I mean, besides the obvious." She said smiling. I laughed again, "Remember when I was sick? Yeah, well he thought it was morning sickness." I said. "Have you been sick anymore?" She asked. I shook my head, "No that was the only day. I mean, I would know if I was pregnant, I think. I've been through it twice before." I said looking at the ground. She smiled, "You'll know. Maybe you are, maybe you aren't, either way, when it happens you'll be amazing. I see you with Maddi and you are awesome with her." She said. "Yeah, but I can give her back." I said. She laughed, "Oh my god, Teagan. Come on." She said.

We walked out of the bathroom and back to our table, as we sat down, I could feel Dean and Sam's eyes on me. "I'm fine, promise." I said as Zoe leaned over and whispered something to Sam. He looked at her and then back at his menu. I followed suit and looked at my menu as I heard Dean whispering in my ear, "Are you really okay?" He asked. I smiled at him and nodded as the waitress came over with our drinks.

We ordered our food, it was amazing. Halfway through our meal, Maddi began to cry so Zoe quickly fixed her a bottle. "Can I feed her?" I asked. She nodded, "Of course." She replied handing me the bottle. I sat it down and gently grabbed Maddi out of the high chair. "Hey punkin, here." I said quietly, soothingly as she looked up at me with her eyes full of wonder. I smiled at her and she smiled back at me. I grabbed the bottle and gently put it into her mouth. I could feel Dean watching me as I fed Maddi.

I had burped her halfway through, and finished feeding her. I burped her one last time and just sat there looking at her. She was beautiful, and at that moment I realized how badly I wanted this. I finally handed Maddi to Zoe as she stood and took her to the bathroom to change her. The waitress came by, we got to go boxes and Sam and Dean paid the bills. Zoe and Maddi returned as I cleared the table to make the bus boys job a little easier. I had told Dean and Sam to go ahead and we would meet them outside. I had packed everything into the diaper bag and helped Zoe get Maddi's coat on. I took Maddi and slung the diaper bag over my shoulder as Zoe put her jacket on. I wrapped a blanket around Maddi and we headed outside. The cars were warm when we got to them, I kissed Maddi gently on the forehead and handed her to Sam. He strapped her into her car seat, we all hugged goodbye and parted ways.

I was quiet on the drive home, I couldn't stop thinking about how much I wanted to be pregnant. As Dean parked in the garage and the door began going down, he turned to me. "What's wrong?" He asked. I smiled, "Nothing, I swear." I said. He leaned his head to the side and cocked his eyebrow, "bull, I know better." He said. I sighed, "Well, holding Maddi and helping with her, made me realize how much I want to have a baby." I said looking at my hands. He leaned over and tilted my head up and kissed me. "Whatever you want, I will support and you know that." He said. I smiled and nodded, "This, this is why I fell in love with you. You have never once judged me. I love you." I said as I returned his kiss.

It wasn't terribly late, but I knew I had to get up early and go to work the next morning so as we got inside I headed upstairs to take a shower. The shower I had planned turned into a hot bath. As I leaned back against the deep tub, I closed my eyes and let my body relax. I sat there for what seemed like forever before Dean walked in, "Mind if I keep you company?" He asked. "I never mind." I said smiling, my eyes closed. He turned off the lights, lit candles and sat next to the tub. I could feel myself dozing in and out, I could barely keep my eyes open. I never realized how much relaxation I needed, but this showed me. Before I realized what was happening Dean got in and sat down behind me, I relaxed my body against his as he began rubbing my shoulders.

Dean and I got out of the tub, he wrapped a towel around his waist, I wrapped a towel around my chest. I walked into the bedroom after brushing my teeth and got dressed in comfy pajamas. "I need to talk to you about something." I said, sliding into bed next to Dean. "Hmm." He replied. I smiled, "Okay, well, since I'm going to be at work -" he cut me off, "I'm not going anywhere." he said. I sighed, "So what are you going to do? Stay here all day, thinking about what you could be doing?" I asked. "Maybe, or maybe I'll get a job. Teagan, I don't want to take the chance again. I don't want to risk not being here for you again." He said propping himself up and looking at me. I nodded, "I get that, but Dean, it's what you love." I said. "Teagan, you are what I love. The hunting was a way of life that I thought I had to follow through with, but you've made me realize that I don't have to." I closed my eyes for a split second, "Do you want me to leave?" He asked, sounding hurt. "God no! I just don't want you to lose interest." I said quietly. "Lose interest? How, you think if I stopped hunting I would be so depressed that I would lose interest. Teagan, I've known you since you were sixteen and I have not lost interest once." He said. I nodded, "I guess you're right." I replied.

5 am came quickly, my alarm began going off and I groaned. I slammed the button, turning it off and covered my head with the comforter. I could hear Dean laughing, "You remind me of a little kid." he said. I sighed and rolled out of bed, "You know, you would think I would get used to this, but I can't." I said feeling nauseous, I wasn't sure if it was nerves or what. I ignored it and began getting dressed, as I sat down and bent over to tie my shoes, I could feel myself about to be sick. I jumped up and sprinted to the bathroom, I slammed the door and locked it.

I finally emerged from the bathroom, Dean was sitting on the bed watching the door. "Teagan, I really, honestly think it's time to find out." He said. I groaned, and nodded, "After work." I said. "Nope, I called your boss. I told her you would be there tomorrow, but not today. Go back to bed, I'll be back." he said. I sighed, and got back into my pajamas. I knew his serious tone, and I knew when not to push his buttons. Now was one of those times that I did what he said, because if I didn't he would physically put me in the bed. I climbed into bed and wave of nausea hit me again. I breathed slowly, "You know what, I'm not leaving you by yourself." He said. "Just go, I'll be fine." I said quietly, my eyes closed.

I was sitting at the kitchen table drinking ginger tea when he came back. My nerves were shot, and it got worse once Dean walked in. "Are you ready?" Dean asked, which in so many words for him was, "Do you have to pee?" I laughed, I had to or I was going to throw up again. "Yeah, I guess I'm 'ready'." I said. He handed me the bag and I looked inside, "Okay, I'm not sure I'm ready for four though." I said looking up at him, the bag open in my hands. "Okay, just take two and see what they say." He said. I laughed, "Whatever, come on." I said going upstairs.

I left the tests in the bathroom and walked out, "Can I just not do this anymore?" I asked sliding into bed. "Teagan, I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone about it." He said pulling me to him and saying, "Can I at least look at them?" I nodded, "Sure, go ahead their on the counter." I said pulling the blankets around me. He hopped out of bed and went into the bathroom, before I knew it he was standing in the doorway of the bathroom holding up the pregnancy tests. "Seriously? And you say you aren't a good liar." He said trying but failing to hide the excitement from his voice. I laughed, "Yeah, seriously." I said smiling. "Doctor tomorrow?" He asked. I laughed again, "Work tomorrow." I said. "Teagan, come on, please just take it easy." He said, I knew what he was getting at. "Dean, I'm not just going to sit around twiddling my thumbs for the next nine months. I can't, I'll talk to Melody tomorrow and see if I can still work. She knows my history, just let me go in and talk to her, explain the situation. I'm sure she'll understand." I said. "So can I tell Sam?" He asked. "Not yet, let me get the doctor out of the way first." I said. He nodded, "Okay, look just please, call and set up an appointment." he said. "I will, tomorrow." I said. "Now. Please, for me." He said. He was right though, I needed to make it soon as I could, besides he had never really been around for this part. He was always gone, so I should probably take the chance while I could.

I had called the doctor and scheduled an appointment for the next day. While I had a second to myself I quickly called Melody and asked if I could come see her. She agreed and so I walked into the bedroom where Dean had stayed while I was on the phone. "Okay, so I have an appointment tomorrow at nine, and I've got to go run some errands. Would you like to join me?" I asked looking at him. "Are you feeling up to it?" He asked. I smiled and slid onto the bed where he was laying and leaned over him. "I'm fine." I said. "I know you are, but that's not what I was asking. I asked how you felt." He said. I laughed and leaned my head against his chest. As I began to slide of the bed he grabbed my wrist firmly, but gently. "We have to go right now?" He asked as I nodded. "Yes, let me get dressed." I said as I grabbed jeans, a sweater and my boots and quickly threw them on.

I pulled up in front of the hospital and Dean looked at me, "I'm going in to talk to Melody. Would you like to join me?" I asked. "Uh, no unless you want me to." He said. I laughed, "I think it would be better if I went in by myself. I'll be back, how about I call you when I'm done?" I asked. He nodded, "Yeah, I'll go drive around or something." he replied as he got out and we traded seats. Before he got into the car he put his hand on my hip and kissed me quickly.

I was sitting in Melody's office more nervous than necessary when she looked at me, "So what did you want to talk to me about?" She asked looking at me. "Okay, here's the thing. I'm pregnant, that's why I didn't come in today. Dean thought it would be best for me to stay home since I was sick this morning." Before I could finish she almost screamed in excitement, "Oh my god! Congratulations! So we need to fix your schedule." She said pulling my schedule out. I laughed, "Thanks, but Dean want's me to quit. I don't want to, I just think he would feel better if I could have something less stressful." I said. I felt guilty, but I knew it was for the best. "Oh honey, sure! You've had two miscarriages, I don't want you in the midst of all the diseases and sicknesses. I think we have an opening for a receptionist. I'll talk to them, and see what I can work out for you. If I can I'll make sure you don't get a pay cut, I'll let them know that it'll be temporary." She said. "Thanks so much Melody." I said, tears filling my eyes. I was going to miss the kids I always saw but I knew I needed to be in a less stressful environment. "How about you take this week off, and I'll give you an answer by Monday." She said as I nodded, "Thank you so, so much!" I exclaimed as she stood and gave me a hug. "Just take care of yourself and your baby. Everything will work out this time." She said hugging me again.

As I was walking outside to wait for Dean, I caught myself thinking how thankful I was for an understanding boss. She wasn't even like a boss anymore, more like family. Lucky for me she had my back, and not many people can say that about their bosses. I sat down on the curb and began checking my email. There was nothing of importance so I deleted all the messages and shut my phone just as Dean pulled up. "Want to drive?" he asked. I laughed, "Uh, yeah of course. It's my car." I said smiling and then sticking my tongue out at him. He laughed and slid over as I walked around to the drivers side.

Chapter 20

February

"Well, Mrs. Winchester, you are eight weeks and one day. Your due date is September thirteenth." The doctor said as he handed me a small piece of paper, and a prescription. "I'll have you back in a month." He said as he looked from me to Dean. We both nodded and he walked out. "Can we tell anyone yet?" Dean asked. I laughed, "Yes, Dean, we can. Can we just have a quiet dinner at home though, I don't want to go out and Zoe get all excited." I said. He nodded, "Sounds good to me." He replied as we walked out of the doctors office.

Today had been the second day with morning sickness, it was normally gone by noon but it left me feeling drained. Dean and I wasn't sure if going back to work would be good or not. I was fighting with myself, on one hand I knew I needed to go back so I wouldn't go insane, but at the same time if I couldn't stop puking I wouldn't be any use to anyone. I rolled my eyes and gave up fighting with myself in my head and as I did I had a horrible thought, I gasped and looked at Dean, "Are you okay?" He asked, sounding panicked. "Sorry, yeah, no. I'm going to have to sell my car." I said, I could feel the tears. "No you don't." He said. "It's a two door! How the hell am I going to get a baby back there?" I asked. "Good point, but you don't have to sell it." He said. I shook my head, "I think it's time." I said quietly. "No it's time, you just say that. I'll figure it out." he said as I sat quietly.

We got home and I stayed behind in the garage, just looking at my car. I called Zoe, "Hey, what's going on? Dean is on the phone with Sam." She said answering the phone. I laughed, "We want you guys over for dinner, I'm outside. I didn't know he was already on the phone with Sam." I said. She laughed, "Whew, okay, yeah we'll be over at what? Four?" She asked. "Sounds good." I said and we hung up. Neither of us were big on talking on the phone. Dean walked out into the garage, "You're not selling your car." He said. "You can't stop me." I said. "Dammit Teagan." He said gently grabbing me and kissing me. I smiled against his kiss.

One thing had led to another and we were laying in bed the sheet pulled around us. I could feel my eyelids getting heavy as Dean gently rubbing my stomach. He always had this habit, but it was always more noticeable when I was pregnant. I loved it, but it always sent electricity through my body. "How about keeping your car and buying another?" He asked. I had thought about it, just so I could keep the last piece of my dad. I nodded, "I've thought about it. Want to go look tomorrow?" I asked. "Sure, the sooner the better." He said. I nodded slowly, "Yeah." I murmured.

When I woke up it was already 3:30 in the afternoon. I quickly rolled out of bed, threw my clothes on, freshened myself up and went downstairs. "So, I was thinking, chicken, salad, rolls and of course, pie." I said. "Sounds good, want me to help?" He asked. I shook my head, "No. I want to do this." I said. He laughed, "Okay then, why don't I keep you company?" He asked. I smiled and nodded, "That sounds like a plan." I said as we walked into the kitchen. I threw the chicken into a pan, added seasoning and put it into the oven. I quickly made the salad and pulled homemade rolls out of the freezer and sat them on the counter to begin thawing.

We were in the living room, I was snuggled up against Dean on the couch when the doorbell rang. I got up and went to the front door, I opened it as Sam, and Zoe walked in. Sam was carrying Maddi, as we got into the living room Zoe took Maddi and Sam set the play pen up. Zoe sat Maddi down in the play pen and they sat down on the other couch. I went back to where I had been with Dean and he wrapped his arms around me. "So you just wanted us over for dinner?" Zoe asked. I nodded, "Yeah, we haven't had you guys over for a while and I felt like making a huge dinner." I said. "Oh, we've been thinking somethings wrong." Sam said. Dean chuckled as I shook my head, "No." I said.

Dinner was done and I had just put the pie in the oven when I walked into the living room, "Hey whose ready to eat?" I asked. They all stood as I walked over and grabbed Maddi and took her to the kitchen. The table was set and the food was there on the table too. Dean pulled Maddi's high chair up next to where Zoe would be sitting and I put her in. I strapped her in and headed to the fridge. "Who wants beer?" I asked. "Do you have to ask?" Zoe asked. I laughed, "True." I replied as I grabbed three bears and grabbed a water for myself. I passed out the beers and sat down, I was beginning to feel exhausted. As if I had ran a marathon and was just fatigued. I knew I had to get through this, afterward I could take a shower and go to bed. That sounded like heaven to me at this point in time and I had already had a nap. I let everyone serve themselves first and then I served myself.

Dinner had gone smoothly, conversation, laughter. After the plates had been cleared we were all sitting there making small talk when Sam said, "You know what, I know both of you and you guys want to say something." He said, sitting his beer down and looking from Dean to me and back again. Dean looked at me and I smiled, "Well, I'm pregnant." before I could finish Zoe was out of her seat and hugging me. "Oh my god! Congratulations!" she exclaimed. I laughed, "Thanks, we found out yesterday, but I had a doctors appointment today." I said. "How far along are you?" Sam asked. "Eight weeks and a day." Dean replied. "This so awesome! So when are you due?" Zoe asked. "September 13." I answered.

Of course they were supportive, I knew they would be. After they left I went upstairs and laid down on our bed, before I knew it, I was asleep. I woke up to Dean gently nudging me, "Hey are you going to change?" He asked. I smiled, looking at him through my eyelashes, "I guess." I said slowly rolling out of bed. I slowly changed into pajamas and as I put my shirt on, Dean gently touched my hip and slid his hand across my lower back and walked to the bed. I shivered, hopefully he didn't notice and if he did, hopefully he didn't take it wrong.

I climbed into bed and leaned over him, I kissed him as he placed his hands on my hips. I moved so that I was on top of him as I slowly slid my hands up his stomach to his chest. "You sure about this?" He asked. I giggled softly and nodded, "Yes, I am." I said as I leaned down and kissed him again. I could hear him groan softly and I smiled again.

I had fallen asleep pretty quickly afterward, I was still so tired. I knew why, I just wish I didn't have to be this tired. _Dean was sitting in the impala in the school parking lot. As I was watching for my dad Sam walked up to me and nudged me gently. "Hey, how was your day?" he asked. I looked up at him, "You have to ask? How was yours?" I asked in reply. He chuckled, "Yeah, fair enough. Waiting for your dad?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah, I'm sure he'll be here soon, I think Dean's waiting for you though." I said as I noticed Dean looking impatient. "Yeah, looks like it. See you tomorrow?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah, see you tomorrow." I answered as I went and sat under the tree that was close to the parking lot. Just as I sat my bag down some guy ran by and grabbed it, his friends laughing. I sighed, _"Just another day." _I thought to myself as the began tossing my bag back and forth between each other, just out of my reach. The guy who took my bag, I knew. He was in my biology class, and I hated him. His name was James, he always picked on me. He walked up to me, holding my bag up above his head, "Aw, are you going to cry?" He asked. As he did I punched him square in the stomach, when he doubled over he dropped my bag. "No, but you will." I said as I grabbed his head and rammed my knee into his face. _That felt amazing_, I thought as I noticed Sam and Dean running over. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed the principle running over, motioning to another teacher. I let his head go and pushed him onto his back. "Okay, okay!" he was yelling. I kicked him square in the ribs just as Dean grabbed me. "Woah, woah, Teagan, stop!" Dean exclaimed, holding me back. I looked at him in silence._

_ "Young lady what's your name?" The principle asked. I just looked at him, "Don't make me ask you again." He said as I grabbed my bag. I put it over my shoulder and began walking away. "Young lady! I'm not through with you!" He shouted as I raised my hand and flipped him off. I was so done with this day, with this town, with these people. I noticed Dean and Sam catching up to me, Dean chuckling quietly. Sam pushed him, "It's not funny Dean. Teagan are you okay?" Sam asked. I nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine." I replied quietly as we all got into the impala._

_ "Goddamit Teagan! You are supposed to stay out of trouble!" My dad was yelling at me when John walked in. "What's going on?" John asked. Dean had stopped at a pay phone to tell his dad what had happened, apparently he understood. My dad glared at me, "So do you want to have to move again?" He asked. I smiled, "Sure, not like it would matter anyways. You're so fucking wrapped up in yourself you can't see what's really going on." I said standing. "Just because you beat the shit out of that kid today doesn't mean you can take me on." He said. "Maybe not, but I would go down swinging you son of a bitch!" I yelled at him. He slapped me hard, I could feel the sting of tears, but I refused to cry. "Your room. Now!" He yelled. "Why don't you just leave me like mom did? You're life would be so much better!" I yelled as I took the stairs two at a time. I slammed my bedroom door and blasted my music._

I woke up, tears in my eyes. I looked over at the clock, three am. I laid back and closed my eyes, forcing myself back to sleep. I tossed and turned, trying to go back to sleep but it wasn't working. I never wanted to remember those times, that kid deserved it. My dad had deserved it, everyone had deserved it, but mostly my dad.

_I was sitting on the roof, my window open so that I could hear my music, when Dean and Sam came out to join me. Dean gently nudged me, "Hey, you'll be out of here soon enough." He said quietly, looking at me. "Not soon enough." I said as I looked out across the field by our house. "Sammy, can I get a minute with Teagan?" Dean asked. Sam looked at him for a minute and got up and went back inside. "Look, one day, five maybe ten years for now, you're going to look back at this day and think about how stupid it all was. You're going to be married with kids and you're going to be a bad ass. You just can't let your dad get to you. I think it's pretty awesome that you stood up for yourself. I don't know what's going on with your dad, but just ignore how pissed he is." He said quickly looking at me. I scoffed, "I'll never be married and I'll never have kids." I said. "Sure you will." He replied. I finally looked at him, "No Dean, I won't. I don't want that life. I want to go where ever the road takes me. I don't want to settle." I said, watching his eyes. _

I woke up to the sound of rain on the roof. Dean wasn't in bed so I rolled over and looked at the clock. Nine in the morning, I shouldn't have slept that long. I quickly took a shower, got dressed and headed downstairs. Dean was sitting at the table as I walked into the kitchen. "Sorry I slept so long." I said sitting down to join him. He smiled, "Don't apologize." he said, looking at me and then his smile faded. "Are you okay?" He asked. I shrugged, "I don't know, I didn't sleep to good." "Why not?" He asked. I smiled to myself, "Remember when I beat the crap out of that kid and you took me home? My dad was balistic?" I asked looking at him, he smiled, "Yeah, I remember that. I remember talking to you on the roof where you always went to get away." He said. I laughed, "Yeah, you told me that one day I would be married with kids -" before I could finish he said, "And you told me that you never wanted to settle." He said, searching my eyes like I had with him that night on the roof. "Did you know then that I would be married to you?" I asked. "I hoped, until you told me you didn't want to settle. That kind of crush me, but what changed your mind?" He asked. "I grew up and after all the bad times with my dad, I knew I didn't want to end up like him. So I paved my own path." "Are you glad you did?" Dean asked. I smiled, "Sometimes, other times I miss hunting, but there's no going back now." I said pointing to my stomach and smiling again.

I guess I had lost myself in my thoughts, because when my phone rang I jumped. I looked at the screen and noticed that it was Melody. I quickly answered it, "Hello?" I asked. "Teagan, this is Melody. I know it's not Monday, but I had a chance to talk to overheads and they agreed to give you a job as a receptionist with your current pay. Since you have nothing bad against you, they were more than willing to agree to it. With one exception, you come back to nursing after you have the baby." She said, I could tell she was smiling when she said baby. I smiled, but not completely happy, "Thanks! I really appreciate it, when do I start?" I asked. "Monday, 8 A.M." She said and I nodded, "Okay, great. I'll be there." I said and we hung up. I looked at Dean, "Well great news, I still have a job, but just as a receptionist with my current pay. I just have to go back to being a nurse after I have the baby." I said. "That's awesome! Are you sure you want to work though? You don't have to." He said. "I'm sure." I replied, still not completely sure with that decision.

I felt myself moving through a haze the rest of the day, a haze of bad memories and nausea. I never got sick, I just felt like puking all day. I ate a breakfast of toast and fruit, for lunch I ate soup, and for dinner soup. Before I knew it I was getting ready for bed again. As I laid down in bed I groaned and closed my eyes. "What? What's the matter? What's wrong?" Dean asked, sounding scared. "All day, I've be nauseous and now, now I'm hungry." I said. He let out the breath he'd been holding and just looked at me. "You scared me." He said. "Sorry." I replied looking at him. "It's okay, what do you want and I'll bring it up to you?" He asked. I laughed, "Coffee ice cream and a brownie." I said. He looked at me, almost in awe, "We don't have either of those things." he said. I nodded, "I know, that's why I'm going to go get them, dressed like this." I said as I slid out of bed and motioning my hand up and down my body. I had a pair of gray sweats, and a black t-shirt on. I grabbed my jacket and headed downstairs as Dean came out of the room, "Hold on, I'm going with you. I'm not letting you out of my sight." He said. I giggled to myself, "Fine, fine." I said.

We walked into the all night supermarket, I headed straight for the ice cream. I grabbed a container of coffee flavored ice cream, I found the brownies, and while we were at the check out, I grabbed a package of twizzlers. I ripped open the package and took two out as I walked up to where the cashier was. He looked at the items and then at me, "How are you?" He asked. "Pregnant and craving." I said smiling as I heard Dean coughing so as not to laugh out loud. The cashier nodded and rang up my items, I quickly swiped my card. He handed me my bag and my receipt, I smiled, thanked him and walked out.

When we got home I sat down at the table, grabbed a brownie and scooped some ice cream into a bowl. It definitely hit the spot, but I knew I couldn't keep eating stuff like this or I would become a balloon. I finished, rinsed my bowl out, threw the trash away and headed upstairs. Dean was lying in bed listening to my music, I giggled and crawled into bed. I picked up one side of the earphones, "Why are you listening to my music?" I asked. "Just wanted to see what you have. Honestly, some of them aren't bad, but some are just horrible." I laughed, "Thanks." I replied and winked at him as I laid down. He pulled the headphones off and handed me my phone. "You realize that I'm not going to let anything happen this time right?" He asked. I knew it was coming, I sighed, "Dean neither of the other times were your fault. Maybe the first time wasn't our fault, the second time it was just my psychotic fucking family. Nothing is going to happen this time." I said looking into his eyes, "I don't care. I blame myself for leaving you both times. If I would have known the first time I would have stayed with you and we would have a daughter right now, the second time if I would have stayed here with you instead of being selfish we would have a son right now." He said. "Three kids? I don't know if I could handle that." I said. He looked at me curiously, "So how many kids do you want exactly? Have we ever talked about this?" He asked. I laughed, "How many do you want?" I asked. "You answer first, I asked you." He said. "Two. I never had a sibling, but Zoe and I were close enough. I just know how hard it is to grow up alone." I said. He smiled, "I know what it's like to have a sibling, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I want two, a boy and a girl." He said kissing me gently, but passionately.

Of course I would wake up feeling nauseous, it soon passed though. I took a shower and got dressed. When I got downstairs I heard Sam talking to Dean so I hung back, "So are you ready?" Sam asked Dean as I cocked my eyebrow. "Yeah, I'm nervous and scared, but yeah I'm ready." He said. I smiled, my anxiety fading quickly. "What do you want?" Sam asked Dean, I could only imagine the look on Deans face as he reflected on this question, "Honestly I don't care, I just want these months to pass by quickly. I want everything to go perfectly." He said, quietly, his voice laced with regret and unsaid guilt. I walked in and over to the fridge, we had started keeping ginger ale in the fridge so that on days I woke up nauseous I would have something to help with it. I grabbed a bottle and went over to the table, "Where's Zoe and Maddi?" I asked. "They'll be here in a little while, Maddi wasn't awake yet when I left this morning." Sam said. I nodded, "Okay." I said. "So how are you feeling?" Sam asked. I shrugged, "You want the truth or that perfect answer?" I asked smiling. "The truth." He said, pausing at the end and looking at me. "I feel like ass." I said, still smiling. He laughed, "It'll be over soon, just think, you have roughly, what? Two weeks left before you're three months? The worst part will be over." He said. I laughed, "It sounds so weird coming from you." I said as I took a sip of my ginger ale.

We were all sitting around talking when Zoe turned to me, "Remember that time when your dad couldn't find you for weeks, you had taken a bus to Little Rock and got arrested while you were there?" She asked laughing, "Shut the hell up, yes I remember that." I said smiling. "What did you get arrested for?" Dean asked. "Fighting." I replied. Zoe burst out laughing, "More like pre-meditated murder. You went a little psycho on her." Zoe said. I looked at her and glared, "I did not." I replied. "Do you not remember?" She asked. "Oh, I remember, I just choose not to talk about it." By this time, Dean and Sam were both staring at me, interested in the story I could tell. "Well there was this party I had gone to one night, I knew I shouldn't have but I did anyways. I mean come on really? There was a party I wasn't going to miss it. Anyways, it was two weeks into the summer and I showed up at this house. Super nice and as the night went on, there was this group of guys hitting on me. I wasn't having it, at all. I didn't like any of them and this girl came up and started yelling at me. Calling me a skank and a whore and all kinds of shit. A few of the guys started laughing , but a couple of them tried to get her to leave me alone. She told me my mom should have had an abortion, and when she did, well you can imagine the rest." I said. "So we both have a criminal record in Little Rock." Dean said winking at me. I laughed, "Yeah, apparently. That's also the night I hit that cop." I said. Dean shook his head, "You were a hell raiser weren't you?" He asked. "Eh, just a little. I normally just kept it in New Orleans." I said laughing. "Yeah, didn't you stay in jail the rest of the time you were in Little Rock, until they found out you had run away and they actually released you to your dad?" Zoe asked. I looked at the table, "Yeah." I said quietly. That had been worse than jail.

The day passed by rather quickly. Zoe and I had taken Maddi with us as we went into the city to shop. Luckily I didn't need a crib, I still had the one Dean had bought when I was pregnant with Johnathan. I picked out a few things that were gender neutral for the baby, and I bought Maddi a cute outfit and some toys to leave at my house. We put our bags in to Zoe's car, grabbed some iced teas and went back to my house.

We walked into the house and I put the bags down on the counter. Dean and Sam were no where to be seen so Zoe checked the living room and I went into the basement. They were sitting there watching T.V and I had to laugh, "Seriously, this is what you two do while we're gone?" I asked, sounding shocked. "Oh, hey, I didn't hear you guys come in." Dean said, turning the T.V off. "You don't have to turn it off, we were looking for you though." I said kind of looking around. "I'm going back upstairs." I said and walked up the stairs. I could tell they were right behind me, "What's the matter?" Dean asked. "Well I haven't really been down there, since, you know." I said looking at him as I got into the kitchen. His eyes widened, "Oh." He said. I nodded, "Anyways, you've got to see what I bought." I said smiling and heading to where I had left the bags.

Sam and Zoe had left a few hours earlier, Dean and I ate dinner, now we were laying on the couch in the living room watching a movie. His hands where firmly laying on my stomach, we didn't talk, we just watched the movie. I loved nights like this, it made realize though that I would be going back to work in no time and then before I would know it the baby would be here. I knew however, that just because the baby would be here, it wouldn't stop nights like this. It would be hard, and tiresome, but I was so ready. I could feel my eyelids getting heavy, without moving I closed my eyes. The lights were off so it made it so easy for me to go to sleep.

_Dean sat there, staring at me as we both got dressed. He was tying his boots, I was putting my shirt back on. My dad was out of town, and tomorrow, so would Dean. I didn't want him to leave, but I knew I couldn't make him stay. "What?" I asked. Dean shook his head, "Nothing." He replied quickly. "Okay." I said nodding and going over to my desk. "Are you going to the homecoming dance?" He asked. I laughed, "God no, who would I go with?" I asked. "I'm sure someone will ask you." He said. I shook my head, "Thanks, but no they won't. Besides, even if I wanted to go with Sam just as friends, I can't, you guys won't be here. So I'm going to sit here." I said. "That doesn't sound like fun." He said still watching me as I turned around in my chair to face him. "I'm not trying to be a bitch, but what does it matter to you?" I asked. "Damn, I was just wondering. It still amazes me that you don't have a boyfriend." He said. I shrugged and looked at the carpet before looking back at him. "I'm fucking weird, remember. People think I worship Satan." I said as I turned back to face my desk. "I'm sure if they knew you, they wouldn't think that." He said. "Who cares?" I asked. He cleared his throat, "Yeah, well I should go." He said. I nodded, "Yeah, see you around." I replied. _

_ Before I knew it he pulled my chair out and pulled me up to stand in front of him. He looked into my eyes, searching for something, what I wasn't sure. He leaned down and kissed me, gently, but passionately. Just as I leaned into him, he backed away, and I was left standing there awkwardly. "What was that?" I asked. "Nothing, I'll see you when I get back." He said and walked out. I lightly put my fingers to my lips and smiled, but as soon as I smiled I stopped. I was just getting my hopes up for nothing, like always._

I woke up smiling, my fingers against my lips. I rolled over and straddled Dean, still smiling. "What?" He asked, looking at me curiously. "That night in my room, right before you left for Wyoming, you wanted to tell me you had feelings for me didn't you? That's why you kissed me like that." I said, my eyes sparkling with a smile that lightly spread to my lips. He smiled and pulled me to him. "You're just now figuring it out?" he asked. I laughed, "Shut up, I never said I was the sharpest tool in the shed. I thought that's what was going on, but I didn't think to much about it because I didn't want to be wrong." I said. "Wasn't the kiss something like this?" He asked as he kissed me just like he had that night. I smiled and returned the kiss, leaning into him, this time his hand moved to the small of my back as he pulled me even closer, finishing the kiss from that night so, so very long ago.

One thing had led to another and I was now laying on my back on the couch, Dean positioned between my legs. We were both still dressed and honestly, this was a new one for us. I was enjoying this when his hands slipped up under my shirt, it was like electricity as his fingers slowly made their way over the naked flesh under my shirt. I gasped before I realized it, arching my back, pushing myself against him. I could feel him smile against my neck, "Want to move this upstairs?" he whispered into my ear. Without skipping a beat I nodded as he gently picked me up off the couch and carried me upstairs.

We lay there next to each other, Dean's hand on my stomach, my head on his chest. Our heartbeats both rapid, my eyelids felt super heavy but I ignored it. "Why didn't you just tell me that night?" I asked. "Because I knew, if I did, it would lead to this. I knew I was leaving and I was scared." He said. I looked up at him, "Scared of what?" I asked. "Of breaking your heart. I wasn't the best person then, and I damn sure wouldn't have been the best boyfriend. I also knew you deserved so much better, but when I went back to the hotel that night all I could think about was you." He said looking into my eyes. I smiled, "Really?" I asked, sounding like the giddy girl I had been that night. He laughed, "Yeah, really. You deserved so much more, and I wish I could have given you the world then. I didn't know how though, I was always gone and I knew neither of our dad's would be okay with us." He said, sounding as though he were reliving those memories as well. "Well, all I thought about was you. Not just that night, every time you left. That night though I wished that you would have just told me. I knew it, but I let it go quickly because I didn't want to get my hopes up." I said. He smiled, "Well, I almost came back. I sat on your front porch for at least ten minutes before I left." He said. I giggled, "Really?" He laughed again, "Pathetic right?" He asked. I shook my head, "No. I could have told you how I felt, but I didn't. What does it matter now though? We're here." I said kissing him.

Chapter 21

April

I woke up excited, it was Friday, and I had a doctors appointment. Today was the day I was five months pregnant. I was excited, but oh so nervous. My stomach was still small this time, but you could tell I was pregnant. I rolled out of bed, took a quick shower and got dressed. It was warmer, but still not warm enough for shorts so I threw on a pair of jeans, a tight black tank top, and grabbed my pink pull over sweater. Dean had already made breakfast so I sat down at the table and ate. We still had a little while before my doctor appointment, but we wanted to get there early and just kind of make a day of it. He had told me he had a surprise for me, so that made me nervous because I hated surprises.

"So, if we can find out what we're having, do you want to know?" Dean asked me finally. I smiled, "I want to know. I don't want it to be a surprise this time." I said. "I take it you're excited?" He asked. I nodded, "Super excited, so I'm going to tell you. I want a girl." I said frankly. He smiled, "I just want a healthy baby." He said. I laughed, "Me too, but I want a girl." I said. He smiled, "Names?" He asked looking at me. "McKenzie Noelle." I said. "Well that was fast, I was kind of expecting you to say you didn't know." He said. I laughed, "I've thought about it long and hard." I said. He nodded, "I like it." He said. "What if it's a boy though?" I asked. "I have no idea." He said. "Jacob Samuel." I said. "How are you doing this?" he asked smiling. I laughed and shrugged, "I have no idea, just kind of popped into my head." I said. He shook his head and just looked at me. "What?" I asked. "You are amazing." He said. "Thanks, but I'm not that amazing." I said smiling, remembering the night before. "Well I would have to argue. You were pretty damn amazing last night." He said, walking over and kissing me on the forehead and took my empty plate. "You know I could have done that." I said. "I know, but I want to do it." he said and rinsed the plate off and stuck it in the dishwasher.

"So would you like to know what you're having?" The nurse asked. I nodded, "yes!" I exclaimed. She smiled, and rubbed the probe around on my stomach until she stopped, "Well let's see if I can get a good look." She said and began moving the probe again. I was dying inside with anticipation, when she finally stopped again, "You ready?" She asked. I nodded, just looking at the screen. "You're having a girl!" She said. I pumped my fist, "yes!" I exclaimed again as she laughed, "I take that's what you wanted?" She asked. I sighed, "yes." I replied quietly as I squeezed Dean's hand.

The appointment was over, it was mid-afternoon and I was starving. "Can we please go eat before we go shopping?" I asked. Dean laughed, "Yeah." He replied as he pulled out of the parking lot of the doctors office. "So are you happy?" He asked. "Of course, are you?" I asked. He looked at me momentarily, and just from those few moments I could tell he was beyond happy. "I'm far past happy. So McKenzie Noelle?" He asked smiling, almost whispering it to himself. The doctor had told me everything was perfect with the baby and with me. McKenzie was weighing in at a little over a pound, the doctor had told me that was a little on the big side, but that it was perfectly fine. I had gained a perfect amount of weight, so I was feeling pretty proud of that. Even though I ate like I was starving all the time, but I didn't over eat. I watched my portions, but I wasn't sure if that was helping because I was literally always hungry.

Dean pulled into a LongHorn Steakhouse and as we got out of the car, I looked at him, "Why so fancy?" I asked. He smiled, "You'll see, go on inside, I'll be there in a few minutes." He said as I eyed him suspiciously, _this must be part of my surprise_, I thought to myself as I walked inside. Luckily he had told me just before I walked in that he had already made reservations, so as I stood there waiting for a greeter I kept thinking about what he could have possibly planned. "Hi, welcome to LongHorn Steakhouse, how many?" The girl asked. "Uh, actually I had a reservation, last name Winchester." I said, smiling at her. "Oh okay, yes ma'am, this way please." She said leading me to the back of the restaurant to a large table. I sat down, no questions asked, and pulled out my phone. As I began dialing Zoe, someone sat something down on the table that was pushed against mine. I looked up and almost dropped my phone, "What the hell?" I asked shocked, but smiling. There stood Ellen, Bobby, Jo, Sam, Zoe and Maddi. Dean walked in carrying a white gift bag, smiling and sat down next to me as everyone else sat down. I looked at him, "Seriously? You could have at least told me." I said smiling. He shook his head, "Nope, I have been planning this for the last two weeks, there's no way in hell I was going to tell you." he said as he leaned over and kissed me.

We had all ordered our food and were sitting there talking as we waited. "Okay, the suspense is killing me, do you know what you're having?" Zoe asked finally. I laughed and nodded as I looked at Dean. He nodded as if to tell me to go ahead and tell them, I turned to Zoe, but looking at everyone I said, "We're having a girl." I said smiling as Zoe wrapped me in the biggest hug ever. "Names?" Ellen asked. "McKenzie Noelle." I replied quickly. "That's beautiful, who picked it out?" She asked. Dean pointed at me, "But I agreed." he said. Ellen laughed, "Of course you did, you know better by now." She said winking at him. I laughed, "I don't know about that. He still argues with me." I said smiling at him, lovingly. I was so in love with him and I knew nothing would ever change that.

We had finished our lunches and were just enjoying each others company when Dean got my attention. He handed me the bag he had brought in and smiled at me. I looked at him curiously as he leaned over and whispered, "Just open it." I opened the bag slowly, watching his expression. The table fell silent and I could feel everyone's eyes on me, I reached into the bag and pulled out a small statue of a couple, the man rubbing the pregnant womans belly. I smiled and sat it gently down on the table, I reached into the bag and pulled out a picture frame that had a poem that read: _"Baby & Me: A miracle grows inside of me. I try to imagine the child you will be. I think of the laughter and joy you will bring. I think of the lullabies I will sing. I dream of the hugs and sweet kisses we'll share. Mommy loves you so much and will always care." _I smiled, tears in my eyes as I finished reading it. "Thank you." I said as I gently kissed him.

After I had gently sat the presents back in the bag Zoe turned to me. There had been a conversation going on between her, Ellen and Jo that I had been blissfully unaware of. "So, we want to throw you a baby shower. You threw me one so it's only fair. When would be a good time?" She asked. I looked wide eyed at all three of them and shrugged, "Uh, I don't know." I said, beginning to feel panicked. "How about the twenty-fourth of next month?" She asked. "Sure." I said smiling. She laughed, "You look so scared." and hugged me. "A little, I mean, that was a little bit unexpected." I said looking at her. She shrugged, "Well you know me, unexpected." she said winking at me. I laughed, "Very true." I replied.

Dean and I had been shopping for a little over an hour when we walked into a cute little boutique baby store. I was browsing through the baby girl clothes when I found something absolutely true for McKenzie. I held up a little long sleeved shirt that read: _"Lock up your sons, my daddy has guns."_ I burst out laughing and turned towards Dean. He laughed, "Very, very true." He said. I picked out a few other things, a mobile and went to pay. Luckily the lady at the register was nice, so nothing had ruined this day. We got into the impala and I grabbed my water from the floor board and took a sip. "She's never going to have plain clothes is she?" Dean asked looking at me. I smiled sheepishly, "Maybe." I said, looking at him out of the corner of my eye. He cocked his head and looked at me, "Okay, okay, no probably not." I said laughing.

When we got home Dean took the bags upstairs into McKenzie's room as I walked outside to check the mail. When I stepped onto our porch I noticed a huge box sitting there, the address was from Charlotte. I smiled, grabbed what few pieces of mail we had and stepped inside. "Hey." I said just as Dean made it to the bottom of the stairs, "Can you come get this package for me please." I asked sweetly. He smiled, walking over to me. He stopped in front of me and just looked at me, he leaned down slowly and kissed me, putting his hand on my stomach. When he finally pulled away from me, he walked outside, grabbed the package and brought it into the living room.

He handed me his knife and I sliced the tape open and pulled the paper out. Inside there was a complete bedding set for McKenzie's crib. I smiled, it was perfect. It was white and dark gray, of course she didn't know yet that I was having a little girl, but I loved it anyways. It was the first set we had, so I picked up some of it and took it upstairs. I sat it down and began looking around the room, when Dean walked in he asked, "What are you doing?" "Well, I'm thinking we need to paint. Maybe lavender, or a light pink." I said smiling. Dean put the rest of the bedding on the floor, walked up behind me and placed his hands gently on my stomach. He kissed my neck, "Sounds like a good idea. I'll have Sam help me." He said. I turned around and faced him, "I want to help." I said. He looked at me, contemplating for a few minutes and then said, "Fine, when do we want to get started?" He asked. I smiled, "Tomorrow." I said. He smiled at me in return, "Okay. We'll go get paint in the morning." He said. I nodded still looking around.

We had gone into town and bought paint, brushes, rollers, pans, drop cloths and tape. I had an old pair of ripped jeans and a baggy t-shirt on, my hair thrown into a messy bun. We carried everything into McKenzie's room and sat it down, of course I got to carry the very light bags, Dean carried the paint and anything heavy. We had just laid the drop cloth down, and were taping off around the molding when the doorbell rang. I sighed and went downstairs, when I opened the door there stood Bobby, Sam, Ellen and Maddi. "What are you guys doing?" I asked. Zoe smiled, "We're here to help, it'll go faster." She said winking at me and walking inside. My jaw dropped as I followed her, Sam and Bobby upstairs, I looked back at Ellen who was playing with Maddi. "Why didn't you tell me you called in reinforcements?" I asked Dean as we all walked into the room. He smiled, "because I knew you would say no." He replied. "Dammit, I'm not fucking incapable of helping." I said, my feelings were hurt. Dean stepped off the ladder and walked over to me, "I didn't say that. I figured it would go faster if we had help." He said. I looked at him and walked out, _I wanted it to just be me and him, I wanted to say that we did this together, not us and everyone else. _I thought to myself as I headed for the garage, I could hear Dean behind me trying to stop me. I slammed the door in his face and that stopped him, he didn't follow me outside.

I was sitting in the driveway using a rock that I had found to doodle, when Sam came out and sat down beside me. "Don't be mad at Dean. He just wanted us to help so that it wouldn't be to much on you." "Don't take up for him." I said looking Sam squarely in the eyes. "I'm not, he's scared, he wants this to happen." Sam said looking back into my eyes. I shook my head, "he's got to lighten up. Everything is fine, I mean no offense but I just wanted this to be our project. I was excited, besides when does he find time to call everyone?" I asked. Sam laughed, "Teagan, this is your project, we're just here to help. He called me this morning and then I let everyone else know." He said. I sighed, "You two always do that!" I exclaimed. He laughed, "Sorry." He replied. "No, I'm sorry. I'm sure you went through this with Zoe didn't you?" I asked, hoping that he would say yes. "This exact same thing? No. The emotions, yes. Dean will understand, just don't be so hard on him. He's just watching out for you, like he always has." Sam said, standing and helping me to my feet. As we walked back to the house he draped his arm around my shoulder and it felt familiar.

Dean, and Bobby were propped against the wall drinking a beer, Zoe was sitting on the floor drinking her beer when Sam and I walked in. "Look, I'm sorry. I just kind of wanted this to be Dean and I. I understand why you guys are here, and I want you to stay. My emotions just kind of got in the way. So I'm sorry, but Dean can I talk to you for a second?" I asked, as he pushed himself off the wall and walked over to me. I led him into our room and shut the door. "Don't say you're sorry, I know why you were upset. I should have talked to you about it first." He said. "No, you shouldn't have. I'm sorry that I threw a fit back there. I just really wasn't expecting everyone to be here. I'm fine with it though, I really am. I know you're just trying to make sure everything goes according to plan." I said looking up at him as I moved closer to him. I could see the fear in his eyes begin to fade, "yeah, you deserve this Teagan and I don't want it to be taken again." He said. I nodded, "I know, I'm sorry." I said as I kissed him. His hand rested on my hip as he returned the kiss.

We took a break for lunch, and as we walked downstairs I could feel McKenzie kick, letting me know she was hungry as well. I giggled and when I did I noticed everyone turn to look at me, "Sorry, funny thoughts." I said smiling and heading towards the kitchen. I washed my hands, dried them and began making hamburger patties. Dean had decided we should grill since it was pretty and warm outside. I didn't argue because it sounded like a great idea to me. Sam, Dean and Bobby disappeared outside to start the grill as Zoe began chopping vegetables for the burgers. I took the patties out to Dean who kissed me just before I turned to go back inside.

The burgers had turned out really good, also because I was hungry. After we finished lunch, Zoe helped me clean up the kitchen. As she fed Maddi I went back upstairs to where the guys were finishing the painting. While Dean and I had been out this morning I stopped and picked up several canvas's and paints. I laid the biggest one out on the table and began drawing on it with a pencil. After I carefully finished drawing what I wanted on it, I began painting the letters black. Once I had finished with the letters I began carefully painting the canvas around them lime green. I had outlined the letters first before painting the rest of the canvas. I had just really began painting when the guys walked into the kitchen. "Wow, that's good." Sam said. "I didn't know you could paint." Bobby said. "I didn't know you were so good at that." Dean said, looking down at the canvas and then looking at me. I smiled, "I haven't done this since school, but I never forgot." I replied. "Weren't you in some kind of after school art program?" Sam asked. I laughed, "Yeah, apparently it didn't help as much as I thought it would on college applications." I said. Sam laughed, "That sucks. I remember you won so many awards for art, and weren't you in something else? You dealt with kids." He said. I smiled, "Yeah Future Educators of America. We would go to schools and do activities with kids, and read books to them. That helped more than National Honor Art Society." I said as I noticed Dean and Bobby looking at me, a mix of shock and awe on their faces. I laughed, "What? Yeah I know, I was a nerd." I said. "A beautiful nerd though." Dean said and kissed me gently on the cheek.

While everyone else was in the living room I returned to the kitchen and sat out another canvas. I began sketching a smiling monkey onto the canvas, just as I was finishing the body Zoe walked in, "Can I please, please see?" She asked. I laughed as I looked up from the canvas, "Sure." I said pushing the canvas towards her. "Oh, it's just the body, I want to see it when you finish the drawing and before you paint it." She said pushing the canvas back towards me. I smiled, "Well you could stay in here and watch if you want." I said. She smiled and nodded as she took a seat next to me as I continued the drawing.

I leaned back and looked at the drawing, it was cute but it seemed as if though it was missing something. I added combat boots and sideways bow on top of the monkey's head. Now she looked complete, I began mixing colors and began painting the body of the monkey. I finished the body, making it look like real fur and began working on the bow. I painted the bow purple and the boots black. Then I began painting the rest of the canvas a light blue. As I finished painting Zoe quietly got up and went into the living room only to come back a few minutes later with Dean following her. "This, this is what your wife is capable of. These are just some of the many things she will show your daughter." Zoe said pointing at the table. I looked at her as though she was crazy, "You sound like you've lost your fucking mind." I said. "It's amazing what you can do, you should be more proud." She said as Dean got closer. "I am proud Zoe, but being proud and being boastful are two totally different things." I said, standing. Dean looked from me to Zoe and back at me. "I'm just saying you don't let people know everything you can do." She said. "I don't let people know because they either make a huge deal about it or just completely shoot my fucking hope and blast it to nothing. I would much rather be quiet about my accomplishments then brag about everything I can do." I said. Before Zoe could speak again, Dean looked at her and said just two words, "She's humble." He said before looking at the canvas and smiling, "That's amazing." he said and walked out.

With that, with him acknowledging what I had done but not making it a big ordeal I felt an enormous amount of pride that I hadn't felt in a really long time. Dean always built me up, but never to break me down like everyone else. Zoe just looked at me and stared, "What?" I asked. "I just don't understand, if I could do half the things you could do, I would let people know." She said. "That's the difference between you and me. Your mom built you up and made you believe in yourself, I never had that. Never once, you always throw it in my face that your mom treated me so much better than you, but she didn't. She only tried to fix the parts of me that were broken, you didn't have a dad but at least just growing up with your mom you didn't have to deal with all the fucking bullshit like I did. You guys didn't move around all the time, you were stable. Zoe I love you, but sometimes you can be the most self centered person I know." I said before making a break for the stairs.

I had my music blaring as I sat down in the desk in the study and began finishing the other canvas. Dean walked in and shut the door, "You okay?" He asked. I looked up from the canvas and nodded silently. "Okay, well if you want to talk I'll listen." he said. I stared at him for a few minutes, "I know you will, I just wish other people would. Zoe automatically assumes that just because I can do these things I'm some great person. The thing she doesn't understand is, I didn't one day just pick up a pencil and begin drawing and the picture came out perfect. I picked up the pencil and the paper and it fucking sucked. I just had enough time to work on it and make it better. I had a lot of hobbies to perfect because I didn't have friends, I didn't run home everyday after school and have a perfect afternoon. Some days I barely made it home because the pit in my stomach made me question every step I took in that direction. Some days I would come home to an empty house, some days I came home to my dad already drunk. Then there were a handful of days that I came home and things were okay. My photography, my writing, my drawing, anything I can do came from hiding in my room and just holing up." I said. He sat down beside me, "I know." He replied quietly. "She thinks that her mom treated me differently, but her mom saved me from the monster that I couldn't kill. The one monster in this entire, fucked up world that I was truly afraid of. Nothing else ever scared me the way he did. Humans are the worse monsters I will ever find." I said. He looked at me in shock, "So what I hunt, it doesn't scare you?" He asked. "No, humans scare me. I killed the monsters because I was raised to do it, I still would given the chance, you can't go to prison for that. Killing the real monster requires jail time if you get caught." I said and stopped.

"Lori tried to build me up, but it was to late. By the time she came along and told me everything that was right with me, all the wrongs outweighed what she had to say." I said. For once, talking about all this didn't bring tears, it didn't bring sadness, I felt numb. My emotions weren't there. "Can I ask you something?" Dean asked. "Yeah." I replied. "What made you hide all these great things, these amazing things about yourself? Was it just your dad?" He asked. "It was my dad, the kids at school. I was never good enough, for anyone. I would make some stupid mistake like any kid, but to my dad it was the end of the world. I would stumbled and fall and kids would laugh, someone else could fall and they would help them up. I fucking hate people." I said. He chuckled, "I don't mean to laugh, but it's amazing that you hate people so much but you're a nurse." He said. "I don't hate kids. The kids that come in are more grateful than any adult could ever be. That's why when McKenzie gets here, I will teach her humility, bravery, compassion and caring. I will not raise her to be boastful, hateful or ungrateful. I refuse to raise a vile human being." I said looking at him. He smiled, "This is one of the many things I love about you. You are more wise than your age, and you really are an amazing human being. Your dad may have been an asshole, and he may not have raised you, but you turned out to be an admirable person." He said looking at me. I blushed, "Thanks." I said quietly.

"No Teagan, I mean it. I know you taught yourself, and throughout all the hatred and pain, you came out on top." He said. I smiled, "You know, in a way, I think we were meant for each other." I said changing the topic a little, steering it away from me anyways. "Why is that?" He asked. "Because, you could have ended up way worse, but you didn't. You know how to treat me, you know how to love me unconditionally and I know how you were with other girls." I said smiling. "How'd you know?" He asked. "Well other than the times you've told me, I heard gossip at school about you." I replied. He hung his head in shame, "Don't think about it now Dean. It's in the past, and what they said I just laughed at. You want to know why? Because I knew you, and I knew you deserved better than those skanks." I said. He laughed, "Damn." He said. I shrugged, "I told you, I hate people." I replied as I picked up the pencil and continued drawing.

A week had passed, the room had dried, so we had decided to start getting the room put together. I came home from work, and couldn't find Dean anywhere until I went into McKenzie's room. There he was sitting on the floor putting the crib together, the changing table was already put together and there was a dresser that matched the crib. "When did you get this?" I asked running my hand across the top of the dresser. "Today, I should have waited for you. Sorry." He said. "No, no it's okay, I love it actually." I said, just then I happened to look at the corner and there sat a brand new rocker. I looked down at him, "Seriously?" I asked. I could see him smiling as he finished the crib. I went over and sat down, "This is awesome!" I said excitedly. He laughed, "I hoped you would like it. I was pretty damn nervous actually." He said. "You did great." I said, standing and walking over to him. "I didn't have help either, I did it all on my own." He said leaning down and kissing me. I giggled, "I didn't ask." I said.

We ate dinner, watched T.V for a while before I fell asleep on the couch with Dean. I had a little bit more energy than before, but still not enough to keep me awake at night. I woke up having to go to the bathroom, I slowly got up and Dean sat up with me, "Are you okay?" He asked sounding panicked. I laughed, "yes, I'm fine, I just have to go to the bathroom." I said and headed out of the living room. As I got upstairs I realized just how tired I was, I went to the bathroom, changed and went to bed.

I was asleep before my head hit the pillow, but I woke up as Dean curled up to me, laying his hand on my stomach. "Sorry I didn't tell you I was going to bed." I mumbled. He kissed me on the cheek, "I figured you had gone to bed." He whispered just as McKenzie kicked his hand. "Does she kick all night?" He asked. I shrugged, "I don't know." I said laughing softly. He smiled, "How do you go to sleep with her kicking?" He asked again. Again I shrugged, "I don't know, it doesn't hurt." I replied as he put his head next to my stomach and began talking. I began to drift off to sleep again, as I listened to Dean talk to our daughter.

I woke up starving, my stomach was growling so I quickly changed shirts and went downstairs. Dean wasn't in the kitchen so I made my own breakfast, and just as I sat down he came downstairs. "Hey, where were you? Are you hungry?" I asked. "I was in McKenzie's room, no I already ate. I was actually coming down here to make you something, sorry." he said sitting down at the table. I laughed, "Don't be sorry, I got this." I said winking at him. "How are you feeling?" he asked. "Good actually, I have to ask though, what were you doing in McKenzie's room?" I asked. He smiled sheepishly at me, "Well, would you like to look?" He asked. I nodded and stood, I followed him upstairs to her room and he opened the door. I gasped, he had put the bedding in the crib and hung the pictures I had painted over her crib. The curtains that matched the crib bedding were hanging over the window. I turned to Dean and threw my arms around his neck, he laughed and pulled me to him. "It looks so good!" I exclaimed. He smiled, "Thanks, I wanted it to be a surprise. So I came in here before you woke up and finished up." He said. "Did you sleep?" I asked. "No. I laid in bed all night and kept thinking about how soon these months are going to fly by so I got up and started working on the room." He said. "Well why don't you get some sleep?" I asked. "Because I'm not tired." He replied.

Chapter 22

August

I had a month left to go before McKenzie would be here. Zoe had thrown me a baby shower, Dean and I had gotten a lot of gifts, mostly bottles, diapers, the necessities. Everyday I would go into her room and just sit in the rocking chair after work and just wait. I was extremely excited at this point and I could tell Dean was too, maybe a little scared though. Today was one of those days, I walked into the kitchen and spotted Dean, Sam, Zoe and Maddi sitting there. I was dressed in black slacks, a white low cut t-shirt, and pink sneakers. "I'm going to go change." I said as I did I could see Zoe almost laughing to herself. "What?" I asked. "Nothing, I'm sorry. You just look miserable." She said. I laughed, "Yeah a little, McKenzie's been sitting on my bladder for the last hour and I feel like I'm going to pop." I said and headed upstairs.

I put on a pair of pajama pants, leaving my shirt on and kicking my shoes off. I went to the bathroom, washed my hands and went back downstairs. "By the way, where the hell were you today?" I asked as I sat down beside Zoe. "Home, they've changed my days off. It sucks." She said. "Ah." I replied as McKenzie kicked, hard. I winced in pain, "What, what's wrong?" Dean asked looking at me, panic all over his face. I laughed, "She kicked. It's safe to say she's not happy." I said as I stood and went to the fridge. I grabbed a water and made myself a sandwich.

I had sat back down and I looked at everyone, "You know it almost feels like the first few months all over again, only just not sick all the time." I said. Just then I heard Maddi say, "Bite." I laughed and looked at Zoe, "Can she have some?" I asked. Zoe giggled and nodded. I tore my sandwich in half and tore Maddi's side up into bite size pieces. As I put the pieces on her high chair she nodded as if saying thank you. "It's so crazy how fast time flies with kids." I said looking at Maddi curiously, watching her eat the sandwich pieces with her fingers and I began rubbing my stomach. "I am so fucking scared." I said turning around to face Dean, Sam and Zoe. Zoe snorted, "You'll be fine, promise." She said. I nodded, "Yeah, it doesn't help. Thanks though." I said smiling at her. She rolled her eyes and smiled back.

Since Sam and Zoe were there I didn't sit in McKenzie's room today. I knew I would have plenty of time though. Tomorrow was Friday and I had the day off for a doctors appointment. Dean and Sam drank beers and disappeared into the basement. "So how is Kenzi's room looking?" Zoe asked. I gasped, "Oh my god! You haven't seen it!" I exclaimed. I quickly took Maddi out of the high chair and led them upstairs. I opened the door and Zoe gasped, "It's beautiful Teagan! How much did you help with?" She asked and I laughed, "I made the paintings. Dean did everything else." I said smiling. Just then Maddi toddled over to the rocking chair and climbed in, smiling. I giggled and went over to her, I picked her up and sat down holding her on my lap. Just then Dean and Sam walked in, I could see the look on Deans face and I smiled, rocking with Maddi. She yawned and stretched, snuggling into me.

Maddi had fallen asleep so Zoe and Sam decided it was time to go home. Zoe carefully picked Maddi up out of the play pen in the living room and took her out to the car. I had already said bye to them so that they could get home. Dean walked back in as they were backing out of the driveway and sat down next to me at the table. "Are you ready for your appointment tomorrow?" He asked. I smiled and nodded, "Yeah, are you?" I asked in reply. He nodded, "I'm just ready for this last month to hurry up and pass. I want to meet her already." he said. I smiled, "Oh yeah, I need to go add some finishing touches to her room." I said. "Mind if I come up with you?" Dean asked. "Not at all." I said as we headed upstairs.

I finished putting the diapers away and stood there. Everything was in place, but something felt like it was missing. I snapped my fingers and left the room only to come back a few minutes later with my constellation lamp. I plugged it in on top of her dresser and took a step back. I jumped as Dean slid his arms around me from behind and then smiled, "It's perfect." I said, almost whispering. "Yes, yes it is." He said as he kissed me gently on the neck.

We both woke up, took showers, ate breakfast and got ready to leave. By the time we got to the doctors office, I had to go to the bathroom again. We walked inside, I signed my name and went to sit down and wait. It wasn't a very long wait, thank goodness, before we were called back. They took my weight, my blood pressure and then left us there to wait again. McKenzie was kicking, and hard, Dean got up and put his hand on my stomach as I looked up at him, "Did you see her?" I asked. He looked at me, amused, "Yeah." He said.

The doctor came in, measured me, pushed on my stomach and then looked at me. "Everything is looking good, Mrs. Winchester. Any questions for me?" He asked. "Actually, yeah. Just because I'm curious, if I were to go into labor right now, would everything be okay?" I asked, nerves playing basketball in my stomach. "Yes, everything will be fine. If you were to start having contractions and you came in we wouldn't stop labor." He said. I nodded, "Okay." I said smiling. "How much is she weighing?" I asked. He smiled, "A healthy six pounds. She's doing great." He said. I nodded, "Thanks." I replied. He patted me on the leg, "Everything is going great. No worries." he said as though he read the nervousness on my face. I smiled, "Thanks again." I replied as he nodded and walked out. I quickly got dressed as we went back to the waiting room to wait to go to the ultrasound room.

During the ultrasound we saw Kenz hiding her face as if she were playing peek-a-boo, it was amazing. The ultrasound technician handed the pictures to Dean as I wiped the goop off of my belly and pulled my pants up. I stopped and sat up my next appointment and we left. As we got into the car Dean looked at me, "So why did you ask about going into labor? Are you feeling okay?" He asked. I smiled, "I feel fine, I just wanted to know. You never know, I could go into labor tomorrow." I said. He looked at me, his eyes wide, "What?" He asked. I laughed, "Yeah, I only have four weeks left. She could come at anytime." I said looking at him.

Dean and I had gone to lunch, I bought some more things for McKenzie and we headed home. I grabbed the baby book that I had gotten from Zoe at the baby shower off the coffee table in the living room and put the ultrasound pictures inside. I was laying on the couch when Dean came in, "Hey, I have a question." He said as my heart sank. I sat up and looked at him, "No, no, I'm not leaving." He said smiling and sitting down beside me, apparently fear had been evident in my face. I sighed, "Okay, what is your question?" I asked. "Well would you feel up to taking a trip?" He asked. "Where and why?" I asked. "St. Louis, and just because." He said. "Weekend trip?" I asked. "Of course." He said. I looked at him for a second, "You're not telling me something." I said. He sighed, "It was supposed to be a surprise, for you and Zoe, but I couldn't just spring this on you. Zoe doesn't know so don't tell her. Sam knew that Charlotte was in town so he got in touch with her and she's keeping Maddi." He said. I laughed, "I knew it! I want alone time though." I said kissing him. "Believe me, we'll have alone time." he said pulling me on top of him.

I had just finished packing an overnight bag for myself when Dean came in. I put in a couple of outfits, a blanket and the baby book. "What are you doing?" he asked. "I just want to be prepared, just in case." I said. He laughed, "Are you sure you want to go?" He asked. I nodded, "Yes!" I exclaimed. "Okay, okay, if it makes you feel better I'll even put the car seat in the car." He said. I sighed and sat down, "I'm sorry." I said. "For what?" he asked, sounding confused as he sat down next to me on the bed. "I'm just so nervous, and scared, and worried. I want to go on this trip, I just don't want to walk so much and end up having her while we're in Missouri." I said, smiling at the floor. "You won't. Come on, trust me." he said looking at me. I nodded, "Okay, but I'm still taking that stuff." I said smiling. He laughed, "Fine." he replied as he grabbed my bag and took it downstairs.

I had fallen asleep in the car so when we got into Missouri and to the hotel Dean gently woke me up. "Sorry." I mumbled. He sighed, "Hey, look at me. Stop saying sorry." He said as he got out and grabbed our bags. I slowly got out of the car and walked inside with Dean. He checked us in and we took the elevator up to the twentieth floor. We walked into our room and I almost couldn't believe it, I turned to Dean, "You, you picked this out?" I asked, astonished. It was a great surprise and I was absolutely in love. After so many years of living so close to Missouri I had never been to St. Louis to have fun. "You make it sound like I couldn't do this." Dean said, sounding hurt. "I didn't mean it like that. I swear, it's just, this is a huge surprise." I said looking out the window at the St. Louis Arch. Dean walked up behind me, putting his hands softly on my stomach, "I thought you would like it." He whispered as he kissed my neck. I closed my eyes and relaxed my body, McKenzie began kicking and I could feel Dean smile.

I had decided to take a nap, I was exhausted, when I woke up to voices. I rubbed my eyes, stretched and rolled out of bed. I walked out of the bedroom into the little living room like space and saw that Sam and Zoe were there. "How amazing is this?" Zoe asked excitedly. I laughed, "This is amazing." I said sitting on Dean's lap, "You knew didn't you?" Sam asked. I laughed again, "Yeah, Dean thought it would be better to ask me before he just took me on a trip. Seeing as how I could literally go into labor at almost any point." I said. Sam shrugged and nodded, "True." he replied. "So we were thinking dinner tonight and sight seeing tomorrow." Dean said. I nodded, "Sounds good." I replied.

I had gotten dressed in a pair of jean capris and a tank top. I threw on my sneakers, put my hair into a messy bun and walked back into where everyone was waiting. "Sorry it took so long." I said as Dean gave me that look as if to ask why I was apologizing again. Zoe laughed, "Shut up, I've been there. You're doing better than I was." She said as everyone stood and we got ready to go.

We were sitting down eating when Zoe turned to me and asked, "So have you had any false labor signs yet?" She asked. "I've had contractions but nothing serious." I said when I noticed Dean look at me. "And you didn't think to tell me?" He asked. I laughed, "No because I knew you would freak out." I said. Zoe and Sam laughed, "I was that way when Zoe told me. I was going to take her to the hospital until she finally explained it to me." He said. "Yeah but you still wanted to take me." Zoe said smiling at him. I laughed, "Because, you know, they aren't brothers or anything." I said smiling at Dean and then Zoe. She laughed again, "Tell me about it." She replied.

The trip had been fun, but it was soon over and we were back home. I had missed work that Monday, just because Dean and I felt like it would be nice to extend the vacation a little since we were about to be parents. Two weeks had passed since our trip, and the days were dwindling down to the end of my pregnancy. I was feeling super tired, but I drug myself out of bed every morning and went to work. Today was different though. I woke up and something felt off, but I shrugged it off to just be nerves. I went into the bathroom and began getting ready for work. I looked at myself in the mirror and just couldn't shake the feeling of something being wrong. I quickly send a message to Melody explaining to her that I wouldn't be in today. I stayed in my pajamas and went downstairs to find Dean, who as usual had already gotten up before me.

I found him in the kitchen sitting at the table, drinking coffee and reading his dad's journal. I sat down next to him and when he noticed I wasn't dressed for work panic spread like wildfire across his face. "What's wrong?" He asked. I laughed, "I don't know. Something is, weird? I honestly think I might be going into labor." I said looking at him as the realization of what it really was hit me. "I'll take you in." He said quickly. "Hold on, why wait in the hospital all day when I can just wait it out here. If they get worse I'll let you know, for now let's just hang out." I said as I stood and went back upstairs. I checked the bag that we had packed for the hospital and everything was in there. Toiletries, clothes for Kamden, Dean and I, her baby book, and my camera. Dean had left the car seat in the car from our trip so I didn't have to worry about that, and there were two blankets neatly folded in the car seat. I walked out of the room and went back downstairs. He still looked panicked, "Dean, it's okay. I'm fine, she's fine, it's just contractions." I said and smiled. "Yeah, but shouldn't you go to the hospital?" He asked. I shook my head, "Not yet." I replied as I grabbed some breakfast and sat down to eat.

Finally right before lunch I decided to have Dean take me in, my contractions were only two minutes apart now. Dean pretty much flew to the hospital, on the way there though I had sent a message to everyone I could think of. Zoe, Ellen, Bobby, and Charlotte who had come into town three weeks ago to make sure she didn't miss it. I was in so much pain that I could barely type the message, but I finally got it sent. From what I knew Bobby had come into town yesterday, knowing that the count down had begun. Luckily I had preregistered at Providence Medical Center where I had had all of my doctors appointments, so I didn't have to do any of that now. Which it was a good thing because at this very moment in time I wasn't sure I was going to make it inside to have Kamden. Dean had called ahead to the hospital before he even made it out of the driveway so when we got there, there was a nurse waiting for us outside.

I was in worse pain by the time she got us back to labor and delivery. They hooked a heart monitor around my stomach after I had changed into a gown. I was laying in the bed with a blood pressure cuff on my arm, an oxygen sensor on my finger and McKenzie was kicking, hard at the monitor around my stomach. The nurse came in and laid my bed all the way back until I was flat on my back, which hurt worse, but I just dealt with it. She checked to see how far dilated I was, and I was already at a five. McKenzie wanted out, I knew that, so when she told me how far dilated I was I had to giggle a little. Dean looked at me as though I were crazy, "Sorry, I'm just thinking about how badly she wants out." I said.

The nurse had me sit back up in bed, and went to get the doctor. The contractions were bad, and I was in pain, but I was feeling fine. It seemed like we had been there forever when the nurse came back in. "Okay, since you're already dilated to a five I'm going to break your water. Which means it should speed labor along, if it doesn't we'll have to induce you." She said as Dean looked at her, "What does that mean?" He asked. The nurse smiled, "It just means we'll give her an I.V with medicine to make her dilate and began pushing instead of waiting around and risk getting an infection." Dean nodded and I smiled.

She had broken my water and had come to check on me every hour. It had been three hours since she had broken my water and I was dilated to an eight. I was in excruciating pain by now, but I didn't let anyone know. She checked the monitor and noticed my heart rate, "Are you in pain?" She asked. Just as she asked that a contraction hit and I winced. I nodded slowly and looked at her, "Would you like something for the pain?" She asked. I shook my head and took a deep breath, "No." I said. Dean looked at me in shock, "Okay well if you change your mind let me know." She said smiling and walking out.

"Why don't you want anything for the pain?" He asked. I laughed, "Because, it's pointless. I want to know what's going on with my body." I said. He sighed, "What am I going to do with you?" he asked, kissing me. "Keep me." I said smiling as another contraction hit and I almost doubled over in pain. "Teagan, get something, please. I don't like seeing you in pain." he said. I shook my head, "I'm fine." I replied as another contraction came.

Two more hours had passed and the last time the nurse came in to check me I had completely dilated and it's a good thing because for the last hour I had been in horrible pain and felt like I needed to push. The nurse went and got the doctor and they began setting up everything in the room. Before I knew it I was pushing, Dean was right there stroking my hair, whispering in my ear about how good I was doing. I groaned with the first push and when they told me to stop I laid my head back and slowly took deep breaths.

I had finally got Kamden out and they wrapped her and handed her to me. As soon as I saw her face the tears began to fall. I kissed her gently on the forehead as they reached for her. She had cried as soon as they had gotten her out, now they took her to weigh her and clean her up. Dean went with them since they had asked him if he wanted to help. Of course he did, that was his first daughter, he wasn't going to miss a minute. I was absolutely in love, Zoe had gotten to the hospital just in time to be in there to record everything. Sam had stayed outside with Charlotte, Zoe had found a babysitter for Maddi so that everyone could be there.

Everything, for the most part was over. I was laying there resting when I heard a knock at the door, "come in." I said. In walked Sam and Bobby. "Hey how ya feeling?" Bobby asked. I smiled, "tired, excited, happy, but good." I replied. He came over and hugged me, "She's beautiful. We saw her in the nursery, Dean looks scared but proud." Sam said as he also gave me a hug. I laughed, "Yeah, I can imagine what Dean looks like in there. I love him, but he's really got to take a chill pill." I said. Sam laughed, "It's Dean, you really think that's going to happen?" He asked. I shook my head, "No, not really." I replied just as Dean walked in, almost beaming. He came over and sat on the bed next to me, luckily I had already gotten a shower and changed into a pair of his flannel pajama pants and baggy t-shirt, my hair in a messy bun. Dean held out the camera to me, "I hope their okay." He said. I smiled as I began to look through the pictures, they were amazing. "These are great!" I exclaimed. Just then Charlotte, Zoe, and Ellen all walked in, just ahead of the nurse who was wheeling McKenzie into the room in her little plastic crib.

Everyone had left, promising to come visit again tomorrow. I loved having them here but was so glad when they left. I was extremely tired, and needed to rest before I had to feed McKenzie. Dean laid next to me in the bed, and as I snuggled up to him I began to fall asleep. His arms were wrapped around me and at that moment in time it was the warmest place, the kindest place I could imagine ever laying. We were finally parents, and with that realization my eyes flew open as I heard McKenzie start whimpering.

I watched her for a little while until she started crying. I slowly got up and picked her up gently and really looked at her. She was the most adorable, beautiful little human I could ever imagine and my heart filled with pride at the fact that the love between Dean and I had made this tiny miracle that I was holding. Our lives were finally whole, everything we had fought so hard for was right here in this little girl. I walked over to the rocking chair that was in the room, and sat down with her. I slowly raised my shirt and put her up to my breast, it took a few tries but she finally got it and began eating. I took the extra blanket that I had grabbed and draped it over her, covering myself.

I was sitting there rocking letting McKenzie eat when Dean slowly woke up, "Where's Kenz?" He asked sounding just a little scared. I smiled, "It's okay, she's eating." I said whispering. He got up and came and knelt down in front of me, "You are amazing." He whispered looking up at me. I laughed, "Thanks." I said. "No, really, you are. You gave birth to our daughter, never getting anything for the pain. You are strong and amazing." He said leaning up and kissing me. I smiled against his kiss, "You know, I think it's amazing that our love made this beautiful little human." I said. He nodded, "Seeing you with her makes me want to have more." he said. I laughed, "At least I don't feel so bad for thinking the same thing." I said as I slowly brought the blanket down and took her away from my breast since she had stopped sucking. I gently burped her and once she was done I changed her diaper.

She had woken up three times during the night, each time I was up and out of bed with her. I didn't mind at all, although each time Dean got up with me to make sure everything was fine. This time when she woke up it was time for me to eat, I was starving. I was feeding McKenzie when the nurse came in handing me a menu so that I could order my food. "Order me whatever." I said quietly looking at Dean as he nodded. Just as I said that the nurse that had brought the menu in looked at me and said, "So, great news you guys get to go home later today." She said. I smiled, I was so happy, I was ready to go home and have my alone time with Dean and McKenzie.

I dressed McKenzie in her going home outfit, it was pink long sleeved sleeper with a monkey on the front that said 'lil monkey', brown pants with pink polka dots, a little hat that matched and socks that looked like little black shoes. Sam and Zoe had bought it for McKenzie, I had her laying on the bed in front of me between my legs. She was back asleep and I was taking pictures, I didn't want to not capture this. Just then Sam, Dean and Zoe walked in, Zoe giggled and I looked up smiling, "Hi guys." I said. "Hi, so how perfect is she on a scale of one to ten?" Zoe asked. "You want me to be truthful?" I asked. "Uh yeah, or I wouldn't have asked you." She said. I laughed, "Like a 20." I said pausing, "I can't tell you how perfect she is." I said. Zoe and Sam laughed, "You two look so happy." She said. I nodded, "I'm extremely happy, but I'll feel better once I'm at home." I replied. She nodded, "I know exactly how you feel." She said just as the nurse came in.

I hadn't met this one yet, "Oh my goodness she's so precious!" She exclaimed. I smiled up at her, "Thanks, I think so too." I replied. She laughed, "She's big too, eight pounds nine ounces, at least she's healthy." She said. I nodded, "Yes ma'am." I replied. "So you guys ready to go home?" She asked. I nodded, "Beyond ready, actually." I said smiling.

Chapter 23

November

3 years later

It was a week before Thanksgiving, McKenzie was three already, the days had flown by into years and now Dean and I had a toddler and a nine month old son. Jacob Samuel was born in February, and Kenzi was proving to be an awesome big sister, she always sat with Jacob while he was crying until I could come back. I had agreed to let Dean go back to hunting, not far and not often because we needed him here. I only worked part time now, the money was still decent so it wasn't a big deal to cut some hours.

I had Kenzi sitting at the table in her booster chair coloring, Jacob was in his high chair eating a few pieces of banana when I heard the front door close. I heard fast footsteps coming my direction and smiled as Maddi rounded into the kitchen, "Aunty Tea!" She called, smiling and running to me. I bent down and picked her up into my arms, "Hey sunshine." I said kissing her on the cheek. She giggled and kissed me on my cheek as she began squirming to get down. I put her down as Zoe walked into the kitchen carrying Brendan who I quickly took for her as she sat the diaper bag down beside the table. Zoe and I had gotten pregnant around the same time, Jacob was two months older than Brendan but for babies they were already close.

"So have you heard from Sam?" I asked, she shook her head, "No, have you heard from Dean?" She asked in reply. I shook my head, "No, unfortunately. I hope everything is okay." I said as I went back to making us lunch, just then I heard Maddi ask Kenz, "Hey, want to go play?" I looked up to see Kenz smile and nod her head. It was nice that our kids were close in age, it made me happy knowing that our kids would be friends forever.

Before Maddi and Kenz got to far Sam and Dean walked through the back door. "Daddy!" Both girls shouted as Maddi ran to Sam and Kenz ran to Dean. They picked the girls up, Sam kissing Maddi on the forehead, Dean swinging Kenz around and then kissing her. It was amazing to see how much Sam and Dean resembled each other when they were around each other. "So? How did it go?" I asked finally as Dean walked up to me and kissing me. "Eww." Kenzi said which made us both laugh, "Fine." Dean replied. After our kiss Kenzi and Maddi wanted nothing to do with the kitchen so they ran off upstairs to Kenzi's room to play.

After lunch was over, Zoe and I laid the kids down for their naps. Kenzi and Maddi fell asleep together while Jacob was in his crib and Brendan was in the play pen in Jacob's room. Zoe and I came back downstairs and grabbed ourselves a beer as we sat down at the table with Dean and Sam. I rested my head on Dean's shoulder as he put his arm around me. Thank god our relationship didn't turn out like so many others, where we have kids and the love faded. We were still just as much in love as the day we said I do. Sam and Zoe had gotten married a couple years before Brendan came along, it was a beautiful ceremony. I had been the photographer at the reception, and a bridesmaid during the ceremony.

I had the baby monitor on the table from both Kenzi's room and Jacob's room, I wanted to know I could hear them if I couldn't from downstairs. "So, Zoe and I were thinking, we want to go out tonight. Just the two of us, have a little fun." I said looking at Dean who looked at Sam and back at me. "I don't care, what about you Sammy?" Dean asked. Sam laughed, "Sounds good to me. I think they deserve a break since we're always gone and they work their asses off." He said. I laughed and kissed Dean, "Thank you!" I replied. He smiled and kissed me again as he nodded, "Sam's right though, you two do deserve it."

Zoe borrowed some clothes from me, we were going out dancing, so we didn't want to get to dressed up. I put on a pair of dark blue jeans stuffed into boots and a white tank top. I grabbed my leather jacket, the girls were awake and we told them we would be home soon. I was nervous about leaving, not because I didn't trust Dean but because I hadn't been away from them other than work since they were born. The boys were in the living room with Dean and Sam, we walked into the living room, Zoe had decided on a pair of white ripped jeans, boots, and a red tank top with her leather jacket. "You okay?" Dean asked looking at me. I shrugged, "I guess, I don't want to go now." I said. Sam laughed, "You two need this. We've got this." He said. Dean stood putting Jacob down on the tummy mat and walked over to me, "Hey, Sam's right. You two go to work, come home, take care of our kids and do it all day everyday while we're gone. You two have fun." He said and kissed me. I nodded, "We'll have fun later." I whispered into his ear as I ran my hand across his stomach and winked at him as Zoe and I headed for the door.

While Zoe and I were dancing a guy came up behind me and put his hands on my hips. I wasn't having it so I slapped his hands away and went back to dancing, but before I knew it he was on me again. I tapped Zoe on the shoulder and nodded towards our table, she got what I was silently saying and led me off the dance floor. "That guy was such a fucking idiot." I said, sitting down. "What was he doing?" She asked. "Touching me, I slapped his hands away and he came back. He definitely didn't get the point." I said. Zoe shook her head, "What a creep." She said as a waitress walked up and sat some shots down on the table. "Hold up, we didn't order these." I said. "He did." She said pointing the guy. "I don't want them, you can take them back." I said as she leaned down and whispered into my ear, "He's fucking weird. If you have any problems let one of the bouncers know. They'll take care of him." She said. I nodded, "Thanks." I said as she walked away with the shots.

Zoe and I had a great time, the guy had disappeared shortly after I sent the shots back so I didn't have to worry about him anymore. We decided to go home so that when we got there it wouldn't be to late. Zoe headed to the bathroom before we left and as I was standing there waiting for her I felt a hand on my waist. "I'm offended that you sent my gift back." The guy said. I turned to him, "Be offended you fucking jackass. I'm married, and even if I weren't you are so far out of your league." I said. He laughed, "I don't think I am." He replied. "Well that just shows how fucking stupid you really are." I said as I went to walk away, I didn't get far because he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to a dark part of the bar. Luckily had grabbed my left wrist so I punched him in the throat with my right hand and then kneed him in the groin. He hunched over for what seemed like a second before standing back up, he slapped me hard just as two bouncers came running over. I grabbed my knife from the waist of my jeans and pressed it to his chest, that got his attention, "You ever fucking do this again, to anyone, I will hunt you down and carve your goddamned heart out." I snarled at him just as one bouncer grabbed me and the other grabbed him.

"What's going on here?" The one that had grabbed me asked when he got me outside. "That fucking douche bag was being a creep. I pushed him away, then he sent me and my cousin shots and I sent those back, then we were getting ready to leave and she went to the bathroom and that's when all of this happened. As you can tell he's way bigger than me and he pulled me over to that corner and I knew it was a matter of time before he did something so I made my move." I said. The bouncer laughed, "Okay, well other than being shaken up, are you okay?" He asked. I nodded, "Yeah, but I know you're going to get the police involved." I said. He nodded, "For him, not you." He said just as an officer walked up. The bouncer explained what had happened but left out the part of me having a knife and hitting him. I was thankful for that, but when they were taking the guy to the squad car he was yelling that I tried to kill him. The officer walked back over to the bouncer and asked, "Is that true? Did she pull a knife on him?" "No sir, that guy has caused a lot of problems with a lot of women at this bar. I didn't see her do anything like that though." The bouncer said. "Ma'am did that man hit you?" The officer asked, apparently noticing my busted lip. I nodded, "Yeah he did, and he better be glad the bouncers showed up when they did." I said. I could see the bouncer bite his lip trying not to laugh. "Would you like to press charges?" The officer asked. "No, but I just want to make sure he can never come back to this bar." I said. "I'm sure we can make that happen, thank you for your cooperation." The officer said and handed me card which I slid into my pocket.

We got home and walked inside, the house was eerily quiet. I panicked a little as I almost went running into the living room which made me almost collide with Sam. "Oh fucking shit." I gasped as he laughed. "Sorry, woah, hey what happened?" He asked. Just then Dean was right behind him, "You've got to be fucking kidding me, you heard that shit from wherever you were?" I asked looking at Dean who looked pissed. "What the hell happened?" Dean asked almost pushing Sam out of the way. "Nothing." I replied. "Bullshit Teagan, something happened and if you won't tell me I'm sure Zoe will." He said almost glaring at Zoe. "Fine, fuck! Some douche bag tried to make his move, I obviously pushed him away, then he tried to send shots to me and Zoe and I sent them back. When we were getting ready to leave Zoe went to the bathroom and I waited for her. The same guy came up and put his hand on my waist and then pulled me to a dark corner, but I took care of it." I said as I heard Zoe snickering behind me. Dean cocked his head and looked at Zoe who quickly shut up and he looked back at me, "What did you do?" He asked. "Well I punched him in the throat and fucking kneed him in the nuts. That didn't work and he slapped me and that sent me over the edge so I almost put my knife through his dumbass douche bag chest." I said. "Son of a bitch! Is he in jail right now?" Dean asked furiously. I put my hands on his chest and looked into his eyes, "Dean, you are _not_ going to do anything. I dealt with it." I said. "Yeah but he could have done so much worse." He said. "I know that, but he didn't. Needless to say I won't be going out without you again." I said. "Damn straight." he said. I raised my eyebrow, "Alright, you know I can take care of myself, calm down. Where is Kenzi and Jake?" I asked. "Asleep." he said almost coming back to reality. "Okay, well I'm going to go give them a kiss and I'll be back down in a minute." I said. "Okay, well hey, Sam and I were talking and is it okay if they stay here since Brendan and Maddi are asleep?" Dean asked. I rolled my eyes, "Do you seriously have to ask me?" I asked as I headed upstairs.

We had all gone to bed, as I was changing Dean walked up behind me and put his hands on my stomach, "Are you okay?" He asked, sounding concerned. I smiled and turned to face him, "Yes, I'm fine. One douche bag is not going to ruin my night." I said. He smiled, "I love you, but I would love to rip his face off." He said. I laughed, "Well don't, I don't need you going to prison for murder." I said as I ran my hands up his chest. "Mm." He said as he leaned down and kissed me. "I've missed you." I said as I rested my head on his chest. "I missed you too." He said as he wrapped his arms around me.

Just as I was about to doze off I heard tiny footsteps in our room and I smiled, slowly opening my eyes as I saw that Kenzi had come in. "Mommy, I had a bad dream. Can I sleep with you?" She asked. I nodded and lifted her up and put her in bed with Dean and myself. She snuggled up to Dean and was back to sleep quickly as he wrapped his arms around her. Soon I was asleep too.

I woke up hanging off the edge of the bed, Kenzi was sprawled out in the middle of the bed. I sighed as I gently got up and went and checked on Jacob. He was sleeping soundly in his crib so I stood there and just watched him sleep for a few minutes before I went downstairs and got a drink of water. I looked at the clock on the stove and realized it was still early, it was only four in the morning. I went back upstairs, gently picked Kenzi up and took her to her bed. I laid her down, tucked her in and kissed her on the forehead before turning on her constellation lamp, the same one that I had given to her before she was born. I watched her snuggle in under her covers and I went back to bed. As I laid down Dean pulled me to him and kissed my neck. "I was just about to take her back to her room." He whispered. I smiled, "It's fine, I thought you were asleep so I took her. She kicked me out of bed." I said and he laughed, "Yeah, I know. She almost kicked me out of bed too." he replied and I laughed. "Does she have very many bad dreams?" He asked. I shook my head, "Not really, it happens more when you aren't here." I said. He sighed and I continued, "But she's fine Dean." "I know, but I think maybe I should just give it up. I need to be here with you guys. Granted I'm not gone like I used to be it's not fair for them. I don't want them to grow up the same way I did. I mean unlike me though they have their mom." He said squeezing my hip. I kissed him, "They'll always have both of us, but it's what you want to do. If you feel like you want to stop hunting, then stop, but don't give it up just because you feel guilty." I said. "No, I think it's time." he said as he ran his hand down my thigh.

We were laying there, my head on his chest, his arm wrapped around me. "This is why I don't want you to stop." I said. He looked at me quickly, "What?" he asked. I laughed, "Think about it, when you leave for a few days to a week you can't keep your hands off of me." I said smiling. "You mean like this?" He asked as he rolled over, pinning my hands to the bed. He began slowly moving his hands down my arms to my sides. I shivered and bit my lip, "Just like that." I said trying not to moan as his hands grabbed my hips and his mouth found my breast. I gasped and arched my back as Dean moaned. He hooked his fingers into the waist of my underwear and slid them down. I couldn't really breath properly anymore, he was driving me wild. I could see him smiling as the sky outside began to start getting lighter.

We had just finished when we heard Jacob over the baby monitor crying. I sat up and began to get out of bed when Dean stopped me, "I'll get him." He said and kissed me, lingering for a minute, running his eyes over my body. He quickly got dressed and went into Jacob's room. I could hear him on the baby monitor say, "Hey buddy, come on let's get you changed and fed." He was speaking softly and I smiled. Dean was an amazing dad and I was so glad that we finally had kids. I knew it was the best thing that ever happened to us and I never once thought other wise. Our lives were finally falling in to place the way they should have a long time ago.

I got up, took a quick shower and headed downstairs. As I started breakfast, Kenzi came running downstairs and gave Dean a huge hug. He smiled and hugged her back, he kept his arm wrapped around her and kissed her forehead. "Love you Daddy." She said and went to sit down at the table. I was making waffles and bacon when the basement door opened and Sam walked up with Maddi sitting on his shoulders. She was giggling and holding on for dear life. I turned to Kenz, "So Kenz, did you have fun with Daddy last night while I was gone?" I asked her. She nodded smiling, "Yeah, Daddy gave me ice cream and tickled me!" She exclaimed. I looked at Dean, "Oh really?" I asked her still looking at him. He smiled really big and went back to cleaning Jacob up from his breakfast. "Oh yes Mommy." Kenzi said and I couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, well I guess I'll let it slide this time." I said as I sat her plate down in front of her and poured her a glass of milk. I sat Maddi's plate down on the table and Sam sat her down in the chair. "Where's Zoe?" I asked. "Feeding Brendan." Sam answered as he made himself a plate and I nodded.

After we had all eaten I took Kenzi upstairs and helped her get ready for the day. I put her in a pair of jeans, hot pink sneakers and a purple shirt. I put her hair up in a ponytail and helped her put her jacket on. Dean had gotten Jacob dressed in a long sleeved shirt, jeans, boots and his jacket. We took all the kids outside and let the girls play for a while. Luckily it hadn't snowed yet so there were plenty of leaves for them to play in and they loved it. I laid a blanket down on the ground as Dean and Sam got the boys out of the strollers and laid them down. I had brought my camera outside and began taking pictures. I captured so many beautiful memories over the years and these would be added to the collection. It was safe to say that the kids would never be short of love, they were so happy and normal, and I was so very, very proud of us.

Just as the girls came running up, I had everyone sit together and I set the timer on my camera and ran over and sat with them as the camera went off. I knew this picture would show just how much love there were between all of us. Dean had gone from high school crush to husband to father, and Sam had gone from stranger, to boyfriend to husband to dad. We had all changed so much over the years, but for the good. I picked the camera up and looked at it, in the background I could see Cas watching. Our guardian angel was definitely watching over us still, and for that I knew I would always be grateful. The girls got up and took off running as Sam and Dean chased after them. Their giggles echoing, making beautiful sounds in the trees. I looked at Zoe and smiled as if to say, "Our lives are complete."

I woke up with a start, my stupid alarm buzzing in my ear. I looked around curiously for Dean, his side of the bed was cold so I got up to go into McKenzie's room and was startled as I walked in. There was no bed, there was nothing showing that there had ever been a child in the room. It was my office I looked around and it all came crashing back to me, Dean and I weren't together. I had just graduated a few weeks ago, and everything had been a dream. It was dark outside so I quickly got dressed and headed to the bar, tonight I was not in the mood for any fun, I just wanted to be by myself. I walked in and sat down at the bar, I ordered my usual drink and tuned the world out.

I had been sitting there for a while, mulling over the dream I had had and how real it had seemed when someone sat down next to me. I ignored them until they said, "Mind if I buy you a drink?" I smiled, _"Might as well have fun while you're young Teagan." _I thought to myself. "Yeah, sure." I answered as I turned to him, both of ours widened, "Teagan?" He asked. "D-Dean?" I asked, stuttering through his name. This could _not_ be real...


End file.
